Re: Is it wrong of me

[Paulie]

This is my opinion, and my opinion only.

It's not wrong of you to have these feelings, although it may be indicative of a problem that you need to address.

 

It's natural to be sexually attracted to other guys, but to be unaroused by sex with your husband...I think you may benefit from counseling of some kind, and would, in fact, recommend it.

 

The benefits of counseling in a situation like this is not to "make" you sexually aroused by your husband, but maybe to help the two of you create circumstances where that would happen.

 

You acting on any impulses to cheat on your husband, however, in my mind, would be just about one of the worst thing you could do to somebody. THAT would be wrong of you.

 

Yeah...my suggestion would be to get your tail into couples' counseling.

 

Good luck.

[Jenna]

Women work on a different track than men do when it comes to sex. We need all other aspects of the marriage to be right before we can really get into the mood.

 

I think that stress (from all kinds of sources) causes women to withdraw when it comes to sex- and men tend to use sex as a "stress reliever." Not that there is anything wrong with either one- because we know that men and women are chemically and hormonally made up different. (very different)

 

To some regulars in this forum- this is going to sound like a broken record- but I truly believe in this advice-I KNOW it works----

 

Couples have to learn to meet each others emotional needs. That might seem easy at first thought- because we tend to think that the needs which are important to "us"- are the same needs that are important to "him" (and vice versa)

 

A woman's top emotional needs usually consist of, affection, conversation, honesty & openness, attention recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment- and usually in that order. (there are many other emotional needs in addition to the ones listed-these are just the

 

most important ones- on average)

 

A man's emotional needs are found to be very much the same- "except"- in complete opposite order! Interesting isn't it?

 

So if we are always giving our husbands what "we" feel is most important- we are missing the needs that would mean the most to him. And it certainly works the other way too.

 

The key is to find out what is important to each other- make a list of emotional needs- (affection, attention, conversation, recreational companionship, honesty & openness, admiration, sexual fulfillment, financial support, and domestic help) include any others that you might think of- and give a copy of the list to your husband- each of you number the 6 that are most important- 1 being the most important- (if you have trouble- think of it this way- if you could only have one need met- and you had to choose just one- which one would it be? If you could only have two met- and so on until you get to 6)

 

Exchange lists- and discuss ways to meet each others needs- then do those things. Don't expect that his needs will be the same as yours- remember, he is just as individual as you- and his needs are valid and deserve your serious attention.

 

It may sound stupid- but believe me- if you are serious about making a better marriage- THIS will work- my own marriage is proof.

 

You may find that once your other emotional needs are being met- you will feel more attracted to your husband. And with his most important emotional need being sexual fulfillment (I would suspect)- and you making sure to meet it- everyone will be happier.

 

Like Tony said- being attracted to other men is normal (I personally lust over Troy Aikman- hehehe)- but acting on these feelings is an entirely different matter. So- move towards your husband- not away from him- practice the "lead by example" method.

 

Good Luck- Jenna

 

PS: And if I were you- I would keep those fantasies to myself (for now)-at least as far as your hubby is concerned.

 

It's not wrong of you to have these feelings, although it may be indicative of a problem that you need to address. It's natural to be sexually attracted to other guys, but to be unaroused by sex with your husband...I think you may benefit from counseling of some kind, and would, in fact, recommend it.

 

The benefits of counseling in a situation like this is not to "make" you sexually aroused by your husband, but maybe to help the two of you create circumstances where that would happen. You acting on any impulses to cheat on your husband, however, in my mind, would be just about one of the worst thing you could do to somebody. THAT would be wrong of you. Yeah...my suggestion would be to get your tail into couples' counseling. Good luck.