I Think I Hate Women

[MusicMan1234]

I have a little problem that I need advice with and I don't know if people here can help me or not but I thought i'd share regardless.

 

I think i'm beggining to hate women. I know hate is a strong word, but I feel as if it's appropriate.

 

I'm 22 and have always been quite successful with girls. By successful I mean it is not hard for me to convince a girl to sleep with me. In the past four years I think i've slept with over thirty girls without conciously looking to. I find them easy to coax away from their boyfriends, fiance's and husbands and into my bed.

 

I think due to this i've lost alot of respect for the gender.

 

They're fickle, selfish, materialistic, cold, calculating and can only show genuine feelings towards another person while there is a factor present to benifit themselves. The weak become expendable. I don't trust them.

 

Which brings me to my problem, I want to fall in love with a girl that I trust, but girls disgust me so much right now that I don't respond to their calls, their advances and have pretty much shut myself away from the outside world for the past few months just so I can avoid seeing another girl.

 

I've developed a morbid fascination with stories of girlfriends and wives cheating on their husbands. I have no idea why, but I spend my days on the internet looking for the most heart-wrenching stories of betrayal I can (which is how I found this site). I've heard them all.

 

I see no hope for the future of female and male relationships. I truely believe we are entering the age of individualism, where marriage is an obsolete idea and sex is a connection that had as much emotional value as a handshake.

 

I don't like feeling this way, I want to be able to look at a couple as a happy couple and not as two people keeping alot of secrets from eachother, or wondering how many guys that chick is sleeping with, and lamenting the fact that he will never find out.

 

I think these attitudes and feelings have arisen from a completly different issue, but I cannot see what that is. I was hoping people on this board may be able to help with some advice.

 

In advance, i'm sorry if I offend any girls reading this, but I think if i'm going to ask for help I may as well be honest about my feelings. Thank you for understanding.

 

I have been cheated on in the past twice but i'm not sure how big a contributing factor that is to this issue. Both were not very dramatic and I just got rid of them, probably because I didn't care about them.

 

The reason i'm posting this on the infidelity forum is because i've lurked here for ages and I am familiar with many of your stories and have watched you rebuild your lives which has made me respect your opinions and advice. Wtf is wrong with me?

[whichwayisup]

I think part of the problem is, before you woo'd away these women from their boyfriends, you never had any respect for women to begin with. You had sex, said the right things, used a woman for your own needs. And then you took it to another level. You saw what some are capable of, but you asked for it too, by playing a game. You get what you get.

 

Not all women cheat. Just like not all men cheat. Not all women are players, just like not all men are players.

 

I'm a strong believer of what you put out there comes your way and the energy you gave off, attracted a certain type.

 

If you want a loving and long term relationship, possibly marriage too then you need to respect a woman for who she is, not just for sex.

[seren]

Hi Musicman, how young you are to be so cynical and your blanket statement about women seems, to me, to be rather mysoginist. The number of women you have slept with is not so much the issue, rather seems that the women you have slept with are those who are technically unavailable. So while you say you are ready/want a loving relationship, your choose your bedfellows from those who, in the main, are with someone else. Possibly you need to ask yourself why this is.

 

You describe women in general as fickle, cold, calculating but it seems that these can also be applied to your own personality, if you are how you appear to be, you use the word coax to get them to sleep with you, which sounds rather calculating, is it a challenge to you to sleep with soemone who is in a relationship? Not for a moment saying they are right to do this, just questioning your motives. However, I suspect that you are or have been hurt, at 22 you have a lot of sexual history, yet you don't speak about emotions, to find someone to love you, you have to first love yourself and also to give some emotion back.

 

I am sorry you describe all women the way you do, in fact, I am sorry you feel that to say you hate all women best describes how you feel. In order to have a healthy relationship, you first have to be the sort of person that another wants to be with, casual sex is just that, are you feeling used? If you are, then possibly you are fishing for a relationship in the wrong pond.

[MusicMan1234]

If you think i'm some big playboy then you're getting the wrong impression.

 

I'm not a big fan of sex, for me it's never been about sex. I like to play music, learn new things, go on adventures. Sex is an act I view as an animalistic release.

 

At first I never would sleep with a girl if she had a boyfriend, but I slept with a few that I found out were in a relationship afterwards. One incident I remember for example. I met a girl at a bar and we got on really great, she suggested we go to my place and we did. Slept together and what not but in the morning she was leaving quite early. At one point she said 'I have to get back to my fiancee before he suspects anything'. This made me feel very peculiar and I actually met him a couple of times after that. Ignorance is bliss.

 

After a while I just stopped caring, why is it my responsiblity if she choses to cheat? I don't think it's fair that I should feel guilty, i'm not the one betraying my significant other.

[norajane]

After a while I just stopped caring, why is it my responsiblity if she choses to cheat? I don't think it's fair that I should feel guilty, i'm not the one betraying my significant other.

 

But you ARE bringing this kind of crap into your life. Over and over. So why are you surprised that all you experienced is crap?

 

Regardless of whether you feel guilty or not, you have to see that you have made choices to be with these women instead of different kinds of women.

 

For example. You went home with a woman within hours of meeting her, and it turns out she has a fiance. Maybe if you don't go home with strangers to have sex, you wouldn't end up in bed with cheating women.

 

Different behavior gets different results.

[MusicMan1234]

Hi Musicman, how young you are to be so cynical and your blanket statement about women seems, to me, to be rather mysoginist. The number of women you have slept with is not so much the issue, rather seems that the women you have slept with are those who are technically unavailable. So while you say you are ready/want a loving relationship, your choose your bedfellows from those who, in the main, are with someone else. Possibly you need to ask yourself why this is.

 

You describe women in general as fickle, cold, calculating but it seems that these can also be applied to your own personality, if you are how you appear to be, you use the word coax to get them to sleep with you, which sounds rather calculating, is it a challenge to you to sleep with soemone who is in a relationship? Not for a moment saying they are right to do this, just questioning your motives. However, I suspect that you are or have been hurt, at 22 you have a lot of sexual history, yet you don't speak about emotions, to find someone to love you, you have to first love yourself and also to give some emotion back.

 

I am sorry you describe all women the way you do, in fact, I am sorry you feel that to say you hate all women best describes how you feel. In order to have a healthy relationship, you first have to be the sort of person that another wants to be with, casual sex is just that, are you feeling used? If you are, then possibly you are fishing for a relationship in the wrong pond.

 

I never initially chose to sleep with taken women, but after a while I just stopped caring after witnessing too many times the blatant disregard for their relationship they hold. I don't go for taken women, I just don't care. If I get on well with her and she's attractive, then fine. Whether she's available to me or not only really matters if i'm considering a relationship.

 

After a while, yes, it became a game and a challenge to me. This is after I lost respect for the sanctity of a relationship. I know this is not a healthy attitude, but I find it hard to view modern relationship as being close to sacred these days. I not an emotional person. I don't get sad, when my grandfather died I felt nothing. I feel alot of anger and guilt, I don't know why. I don't love myself, I despise myself. I don't know why.

 

I do feel like i'm being used, but isn't that all people ever do? Is use things and other people. There isn't an interaction in the world where one party isn't using the other party for something.

[sLiPpeTh]

I wish I had answers for you... What you're describing is pretty common today to the point where many people are opting out of long term commitments altogether.

 

If you're under the age of 27, some of the feelings..."lack of feelings" you describe may subside and expand to a broader more flowing range over time.

 

You may want to seek out a professional to talk with. Someone who can interact face to face and fully hear your concerns. Being written word provides only about 20 percent of content vs. face to face.

[Tayla]

As objectively as I can towards the OP I have to step back and think he is actually speaking of the realm of ladies in his current social grouping. I know far too many corporate leading ladies that carrry their values well and have no problem kicking a youngin to the side for not getting his "around the world scout badge" . Experience carries wisdom.

I do not THINK there is anything wrong with you per se so much as your actions are probably ill conceived and acted upon. But you as a person are probably a mixture of wonderful traits ,talents, mystery, and various positive attributes, they are just shaded right now due to your manifestation of distain to ladies of your choosing. You see what you want to see and not what really is. If you carry dislike for a person , a thing, it magnifies. Take away the magnification, and simply review things without prejudice. Perhaps this is your experimentation stage to "confirm" that all women are evil, manipulative and such, I counter that though by saying, Yes...some indeed are, and yes some are being bunched into your mindset. Its almost discriminating in a not so good way . If you have to seek examples of these women, there are plenty out there, you surely have yet to spread your wings into different cultures and various age groups of the female to make such a blanket statement though. The world is larger then your mindset can grasp, open it up, stay neutral instead of negative.

I've sat and listened by the same token to ladies "bash" men in general and I wonder where this insistence to "put down" comes from and why it even needs to exist. When you find that answer, let us know for I am mystified by such overgeneralized distain...simply based on chromozones? Golly....

[sLiPpeTh]

I wish I had easy answers for you...

 

 

Listening as best one can on a public forum. Searched your previous posting history to try and get some perspective on your expressed concerns. "The bigger picture."

 

 

Understood that a counseling experience didn't seem very helpful. Trying to adapt and relate; as you percieve others to? Wondering what's different? Or being concerned about friendships, other relationships...after making progress etc.

 

 

Even though the counseling experience wasn't very helpful. "Enigma, etc."

 

 

Suggest maybe seeking out someone in your area who is on the next professional level up. I'm not saying there's anything "wrong with you." Just that I remember being 22, and needing some answers that took half a life time for me to get.

 

 

You seem to be a very intelligent and perceptive individual. Just encouragement to seek out the best possibilities in that you're "worth it". Value yourself.

[Sugarkane]

Not all women cheat. I've never cheated on someone.

[MusicMan1234]

Not all women cheat. I've never cheated on someone.

 

I'm yet to be convinced of that Sugarkane. You may be a faithful woman, but all woman say that they've never cheated. I don't know what to believe.

[sadcalifornian]

I do think there are more "good" women than bad ones in this world, or it may be my wishful thinking. Whatever.

 

What bothers me is that women, good or bad, have this innate capability to be extremely deceiving. The ones that do not exercise this part of their "womanly talent" are just that: they choose to not exercise it. But, once they start walking down the path, they leave their men just utterly clueless during the whole time.

 

Of course, the men are no better if not worse. But, we men are known for our temptations and behaviors, and we don't pretend otherwise. We even laugh at ourselves. With women, things are quite different. They can put this front fooling everyone to think they are good but in fact carrying dirty secrets all the time. This is what messes up my mind and turned me into a paranoid skeptic in relationship.

 

After divorce with two little ones, I tried to date some women with my kids' blessing. It was a disaster after a disaster. Maybe my bad luck. But, these women all pretend that they accept and love my kids, but soon they reveal their true color. My kids are hurt and now very distrusting of any relationship. My heart really breaks for the fact that my 11 yr old daughter had to witness her mom cheated and broke up the family, and witness these despicable women trying to worm their way in our family with selfish agendas.

 

One woman in particular actually tried to lecture me about the gender difference claiming it is biologicaly impossible for women to love their non-bio kids whereas for men it is easier to do so. I couldn't belive my ears. I think she felt guilty because I was really accepting and affectionate toward her two kids despite one of them being autistic.

 

Well, to make a long story short, I promised my young ones that I will stop entertaining the thought of bring in a stepmom until they fully grow up. They seemed so happy hearing it. It's just sad.

Edited November 29, 2011 by sadcalifornian

[Mr_Confused]

Marriage's had a much higher success rate when the average lifespan was 40, when there was one family car, no cell phones, no Ashley Madison, no internet, a stay at home parent, when it took a couple to tend to the family farm.

 

We live in a different time. I don't know the cause an effect relationships but there are few constraining factors, more available alternatives, more temptations, and divorce is generally less frowned upon.

 

I can tell you at least 10 active affairs going on in my workplace. It's not even good gossip these days.

[Will_miss_rk]

I have a little problem that I need advice with and I don't know if people here can help me or not but I thought i'd share regardless.

 

I think i'm beggining to hate women. I know hate is a strong word, but I feel as if it's appropriate.

 

I'm 22 and have always been quite successful with girls. By successful I mean it is not hard for me to convince a girl to sleep with me. In the past four years I think i've slept with over thirty girls without conciously looking to. I find them easy to coax away from their boyfriends, fiance's and husbands and into my bed.

 

I think due to this i've lost alot of respect for the gender.

 

They're fickle, selfish, materialistic, cold, calculating and can only show genuine feelings towards another person while there is a factor present to benifit themselves. The weak become expendable. I don't trust them.

 

Which brings me to my problem, I want to fall in love with a girl that I trust, but girls disgust me so much right now that I don't respond to their calls, their advances and have pretty much shut myself away from the outside world for the past few months just so I can avoid seeing another girl.

 

I've developed a morbid fascination with stories of girlfriends and wives cheating on their husbands. I have no idea why, but I spend my days on the internet looking for the most heart-wrenching stories of betrayal I can (which is how I found this site). I've heard them all.

 

I see no hope for the future of female and male relationships. I truely believe we are entering the age of individualism, where marriage is an obsolete idea and sex is a connection that had as much emotional value as a handshake.

 

I don't like feeling this way, I want to be able to look at a couple as a happy couple and not as two people keeping alot of secrets from eachother, or wondering how many guys that chick is sleeping with, and lamenting the fact that he will never find out.

 

I think these attitudes and feelings have arisen from a completly different issue, but I cannot see what that is. I was hoping people on this board may be able to help with some advice.

 

In advance, i'm sorry if I offend any girls reading this, but I think if i'm going to ask for help I may as well be honest about my feelings. Thank you for understanding.

 

I have been cheated on in the past twice but i'm not sure how big a contributing factor that is to this issue. Both were not very dramatic and I just got rid of them, probably because I didn't care about them.

 

The reason i'm posting this on the infidelity forum is because i've lurked here for ages and I am familiar with many of your stories and have watched you rebuild your lives which has made me respect your opinions and advice. Wtf is wrong with me?

 

Me thinks this precocious lad has acquired an intimate knowledge of today's modern female to his own detriment. Would have been better if you had a few more years to live in the bliss of ignorance before becoming so jaded but that is what being too smart for your own good is all about. My advice is to lose yourself in other endeavors like your music and leave the pursuit of true love in the fantasy world where it belongs.

[MusicMan1234]

I do think there are more "good" women than bad ones in this world, or it may be my wishful thinking. Whatever.

 

What bothers me is that women, good or bad, have this innate capability to be extremely deceiving. The ones that do not exercise this part of their "womanly talent" are just that: they choose to not exercise it. But, once they start walking down the path, they leave their men just utterly clueless during the whole time.

 

Of course, the men are no better if not worse. But, we men are known for our temptations and behaviors, and we don't pretend otherwise. We even laugh at ourselves. With women, things are quite different. They can put this front fooling everyone to think they are good but in fact carrying dirty secrets all the time. This is what messes up my mind and turned me into a paranoid skeptic in relationship.

 

After divorce with two little ones, I tried to date some women with my kids' blessing. It was a disaster after a disaster. Maybe my bad luck. But, these women all pretend that they accept and love my kids, but soon they reveal their true color. My kids are hurt and now very distrusting of any relationship. My heart really breaks for the fact that my 11 yr old daughter had to witness her mom cheated and broke up the family, and witness these despicable women trying to worm their way in our family with selfish agendas.

 

One woman in particular actually tried to lecture me about the gender difference claiming it is biologicaly impossible for women to love their non-bio kids whereas for men it is easier to do so. I couldn't belive my ears. I think she felt guilty because I was really accepting and affectionate toward her two kids despite one of them being autistic.

 

Well, to make a long story short, I promised my young ones that I will stop entertaining the thought of bring in a stepmom until they fully grow up. They seemed so happy hearing it. It's just sad.

 

Thanks for sharing, I hope things work out for you. I think the deception is the biggest turn off for me, many of them are too fearful of the consequences to be honest and open. To me that's called weakness.

[MusicMan1234]

Marriage's had a much higher success rate when the average lifespan was 40, when there was one family car, no cell phones, no Ashley Madison, no internet, a stay at home parent, when it took a couple to tend to the family farm.

 

We live in a different time. I don't know the cause an effect relationships but there are few constraining factors, more available alternatives, more temptations, and divorce is generally less frowned upon.

 

I can tell you at least 10 active affairs going on in my workplace. It's not even good gossip these days.

 

I think this whimsical behaviour is a product of living in a capitalist society in the information age. The very nature of capitalism is wasteful and people are taught not to value things but to constantly trade up. Unfortunatly this behaviour has expanded into how people conduct relationships these days.

 

As well as that, we are constantly bombarded with stimuli everywhere we go. From advertisments, cars, phones, radios et cetera. The result of this is that peoples attention spans are significantly shortened. Attention is one's ability to commit to a task without distraction. So with all this constant stimuli surrounding us, our attention is repeatedly grabbed by one thing, cut short and shifted to another stimuli at an unhealthy frequency. This has also affected modern relationships. People find it very hard to commit to one person for an extended period of time without a new stimuli (person) emerging and grabbing that persons attention, how many times have we heard that the realationship was 'new and exciting'. It's hard for alot of people to commit to something because they're indirectly trained from an early age not to do so, mostly by the media. When it gets too bad though, we slap on taggs like 'ADD' to delude ourselves into thinking that they're is nothing wrong with how modern society conducts itself, because if it's medicalized, then it's beyond our control...

 

It's all speculation but i've thought about it and this makes sense to me. Unfortunatly, it doesn't do much for my optimism about modern relationships.

 

And ten people are having affairs at your workplace? That's disgusting...If you don't mind me asking, what do you do?

[MusicMan1234]

Me thinks this precocious lad has acquired an intimate knowledge of today's modern female to his own detriment. Would have been better if you had a few more years to live in the bliss of ignorance before becoming so jaded but that is what being too smart for your own good is all about. My advice is to lose yourself in other endeavors like your music and leave the pursuit of true love in the fantasy world where it belongs.

 

I don't know whether to be flattered or depressed haha

[Will_miss_rk]

I don't know whether to be flattered or depressed haha

 

 

LOL, probably both. One thing, though, a relationship may provide you someday is a child and once you have a child you will understand true and unconditional love. That may be one thing to look forward to. Unfortunately, you will have to share that child with a woman.

Edited November 30, 2011 by Will_miss_rk

[Untouchable_Fire]

I'm yet to be convinced of that Sugarkane. You may be a faithful woman, but all woman say that they've never cheated. I don't know what to believe.

 

Sure lots of women cheat... but I think they tend to cheat on some types of men a lot more than others. Of course that is just my opinion.

 

Bottom line is that no matter your experiences... you need to take the plunge and trust a woman. I've been burned twice by skeezy cheats... so what? Kick them to the curb and try again.

 

You need to mature and be more of a man. You cannot let yourself be paralyzed by what ifs and hypotheticals.

[2.50 a gallon]

MusicMan

 

You have my sympathy as I know what awaits you in the coming years.

 

You are living my life of 40 years ago, as I too reached a similar conclusions, for different reasons

 

I am a baby boomer. Though I was sexually active in my high school years, virginity was still in with most of the girls of my graduating class, the fear of pregnancy being the driving force.

 

Then along came birth control pills and it was a whole new world as almost all of the girls, were relieved of the preganacy fear

 

All during this time my hormones and my upbringing were telling me now it the time I should be finding a wife and starting a family. Unfortunately for me, the girls that I would have been interested in starting a long term relationship that could lead to marriage were not interested in me.

 

About that time my generation discovered drugs. Now instead of having to woo and seduce a sex partner, all one had to do was ask, "Do you get high?" and half of the time it was the girl who was doing the asking.

 

Then came the era of "free love", and by the time I was 22 I was turning into a big time player. From my point of view everybody was screwing somebody. Love wasn't real. Sex tuned into a game and I never developed the skill much less the desire to be truly intimate with anyone.

 

At age 27, I met that special someone. Though she was not a virgin, she was very inexperienced sexually. I was only her third lover and she had had sex less than a handful of times.

 

We both fell totally in love with each other. The problem was I did not know how to handle it. For the first time since moving out on my own into the rat race of life, I found a piece of heaven whenever I was with her. For the first time in my life snuggling and cuddling was a place of peace and calm. I had found what I was looking for

 

But I found myself divided. Half of me wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and the other half did not want to give up on my great single life. When I was with her, I wanted no one else, however when she was not around me I was checking out all of the babes.

 

I am sure that during our relationship she never cheated on me. But I cannot say the same about myself as at first I cheated on her several times, and alas never felt guitly about it.

 

After we got engaged I still cheated on her, a couple of times, and then felt a little guilty, actually I was more worried that she might catch me.

 

After waiting for 3 years for me to finally set out wedding date she finally built up her courage and dumped me. It was only then that I felt the hurt of what I had lost.

Edited November 30, 2011 by 2.50 a gallon

[Athena]

After a while, yes, it became a game and a challenge to me. This is after I lost respect for the sanctity of a relationship. I know this is not a healthy attitude, but I find it hard to view modern relationship as being close to sacred these days. I not an emotional person. I don't get sad, when my grandfather died I felt nothing. I feel alot of anger and guilt, I don't know why. I don't love myself, I despise myself. I don't know why.

 

 

I think I know why.

You sound EXACTLY like my husband, both in your description of your problem and thinking in your first post, and in this post I quoted.

 

My husband is narcissistic... look it up: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" or "NPD".

 

Do yourself a favor and ONLY hook up with women who KNOW it's 'just' a hook up and you have no ability to connect.

 

And don't ever get married (because you will destroy a good woman -- yeah, I KNOW you would pick a GOOD woman, because narcissistic men do this).

 

Narcissistic individuals cannot 'do' relationships. They leave a wake of destruction behind them.

 

It's not fair to a normal woman to have her heart broken because you would have a desire to be married. Narcissists cannot be faithful (which, btw makes you suspect ALL others of being like yourself). Narcissists have an eternal hunger inside themselves (to fill the hole) and they seek to consume via sex/ being admired/ PRETENDING to be like other people all around them. But they know they are not normal.

 

Everything emotional is studied... the only emotion they can truly feel is anger (sometimes sadness, for themselves, only, for their own pitiful situation).

 

Check out "Sociopath" too while you're researching "narcissist".

 

Good luck, strive to be a good man -- one day you'll spot her, but stay away from the genuine, strong, kind, loving, affectionate, beautiful, happy, strong girl (like I was) and let them marry a regular guy.

Thank you.

[2.50 a gallon]

MusicMan

 

I got past that hurt by getting back into being a player, and sex again became a game. About 5 years later I finally did get married. This time to a woman whoe was fold out material. My thoughts were if I have to give up on my single life why not marry the sexiest gal around. I did not lover her until I saw her walking down the aisle. And once again, sex was no longer a game, I was free to be the real me.

 

But it was short lived, as I caught her kissing a guard where she worked on our six month anniversary. I went nuts, called her every name in the book and told her it was unsafe for her to come home, having just moved into the area, she had no other place to go, so went home with the guard.

 

My world totally collapsed, I was at the bottom of a dark hole, there was not light, there was no laughter, there was no happiness, there was no hope. That is until a pretty face looked down at me and asked me if i wanted to come out and play.

 

And once again I salved my hurt with sex. Call it salvation through sex.

My wife wanted to reconcile, but I no longer trusted her and once again I went back to my refuge, of being a player. Only this time it was different, I flat did not trust any woman. There were none that were trust worthy. I was afraid of love.

 

Another thing that was different was that I could be in a roomfull of my dearest friends and or vamily, with a good looking woman on my arm and feel totally alone.

 

It took me another 15 years before I was able to find someone special and let my guard down and fall in love again. And when my walls finally collapsed the first thing that hit me was how lonely my life had been.

[frozensprouts]

I think this whimsical behaviour is a product of living in a capitalist society in the information age. The very nature of capitalism is wasteful and people are taught not to value things but to constantly trade up. Unfortunatly this behaviour has expanded into how people conduct relationships these days.

 

As well as that, we are constantly bombarded with stimuli everywhere we go. From advertisments, cars, phones, radios et cetera. The result of this is that peoples attention spans are significantly shortened. Attention is one's ability to commit to a task without distraction. So with all this constant stimuli surrounding us, our attention is repeatedly grabbed by one thing, cut short and shifted to another stimuli at an unhealthy frequency. This has also affected modern relationships. People find it very hard to commit to one person for an extended period of time without a new stimuli (person) emerging and grabbing that persons attention, how many times have we heard that the realationship was 'new and exciting'. It's hard for alot of people to commit to something because they're indirectly trained from an early age not to do so, mostly by the media. When it gets too bad though, we slap on taggs like 'ADD' to delude ourselves into thinking that they're is nothing wrong with how modern society conducts itself, because if it's medicalized, then it's beyond our control...

 

It's all speculation but i've thought about it and this makes sense to me. Unfortunatly, it doesn't do much for my optimism about modern relationships.

 

And ten people are having affairs at your workplace? That's disgusting...If you don't mind me asking, what do you do?

 

 

people are also being raised to believe that they are entitled to things for no other reason than that they exist and that instant self gratification should be of the highest priority. We are told that our wants come first every time and that there is something wrong with us if we don't feel that way. There also really seems to be less of a sense of priority of the needs of society and much more sense of priority placed upon the wants of the individual.

it makes me feel sad ( and old) to see the changes that have happened, even in my lifetime, and i don't see it getting any better.

 

BUT....before one gets too depressed, consider the fact that even on a website like this, people are still willing to provide support and a kind ear to people they will never know "in real life". That gives on hope that maybe things aren't so bad after all.

[2.50 a gallon]

MusicMan

 

Physically, I was ill equiped to be a player. Tall dark and handsome, I am not, more like short and skinny.

 

For what ever reason I was always attracted to women who were taller than me. I am a leg man over a boob man.

 

Unfortunately for me, most women are not attracted to men who are shorter then them. Even if they are wearing heals, they still want to look up at their man. And you know how women are turned on by men with muscles. Add to that the fact the more sexy and good looking a woman was the more likely it was that she would already have a boy friend. Good looking women do not stay unattached very long

 

This meant that I had to adapt, in short I had to find another way to get in their panties.

 

I did have a couple of advantages, in that, even though by nature I was shy, I was able to over come my shyness and learned how to talk to women who were strangers without stepping on my tongue. I also had a quick wit and have almost always found a way to make them laugh. I learned that if I could make them laugh, I was half way to becoming their friend. Then after I became their friend I learned to let them do the talking and if I listened to them talk about life in general, their wants, their desires, their dreams, their fantasys, they would tell me how to seduce them

 

When my Ex and I seperated I found myself sexually in a bad place. It had been over ten years since I had not had sex at least a couple of times a week. We had just moved to the area so I did not know where the best hangouts were to meet women.

 

On my fourth week of doing without I had a revenge tryst with one of my wifes' OM's wives. That was my answer, married women.

 

I had never pursued married women, but about the only women that I knew were my co-workers, most of whom were married.

 

I'm sorry to say that I found married women to be some the easiest women in the world to seduce. All I had to do was become their trusted friend and let them talk, and as it turned out more than 50 percent of the married women I worked with were bored with their marriages.

 

On the surface that sounds very discouraging. But the plain truth was half of their being bored with their marriage could be laid directly at their husbands feet. Go to the Separation and Divorce section, and read the stories of men who are have lost their wives or their wives want a divorce, and notice how often the betrayed men, first say how they neglected their wives and then she had an affair and now wants a divorce.

 

We men, when we are wooing our wives are very attentive, telling them how pretty they are, how much we love them, how much we need them, we buy them gifts, take them out on dates, etc. In the process we are filling all of their emotional needs, so they eat it up and fall in love with us.

 

Then we marry them and the pursuit ends, we take them for granted, we no longer take them out on dates, we no longer tell them how much we love and appreciate that they chose us to share their lives with.

 

Emotionally women are different than men and have different needs than us men. They need us to become a part of their lives, they need us to listen to them and how their day went, they need us to tell them how much we love and appreciate them. Without it they begin to feel neglected, lonely, worthless, bored and over time they become detached, until one day the husband hears "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". In short they have fallen out of love with their husbands. And by that time another man has noticed them is pursuing them and began to fill their emotional needs that their husbands have been ignoring.

 

And by that time in many cases it is too late to save the marriage

Edited November 30, 2011 by 2.50 a gallon
mispelling

[2.50 a gallon]

I think I should add, that while I found about half of my married co-workers were unhappy in their marriages. The other half were totally satisfied with the man that they had chosen to share their lives with. They took their wedding vows seriously and there was nothing or no one who could ever make them question their marriage. If need be, they would have eaten a bullet or jumped in front of a speeding car to prevent harm coming to their husband.

 

The thought of cheating or having sex with another man would have made them sick to their stomachs.