I Think I Hate Women

[Woggle]

The women who act this way have loads of respect for themselves. They just don't have any respect for the men in their lives.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Do you find someone who hates women yet seeks to have sexual relations with them (not for the supposed Love-Making aspect, but the degrading/use them- up- and- treat- them- like -whores act of hatred) stronger that a cheater? Do you find a hater/user/abuser a person with a good solid moral code?

Something is not right with this picture.

If you hate women so much, stay away from them. Okay, so you are not murdering them like some other women-haters, but you are trying your hardest to hurt them. Right?

 

I think you have this all wrong and are projecting WAY too much of your own experiences on this guy.

 

He isn't "hurting women"! My xGF wasn't hurt by the guy she was cheating on me with... Even saying that is retarded.

 

I've seen plenty of guys who fantasize about sex with a married woman. Why? Because guys are competitive as hell and what better way to prove your dominance?

 

Is the guy a narcissist? I don't know... I also don't give a rats a$$. This guy has never promised me anything... I don't expect him to be faithful. If he goes after married women... it's the job of those women not to cheat. Same holds true for married men.

 

Then why was he so intent on luring married women into his bed?

He's so focused on the women's behavior that he now says he hates them. Why isn't he giving thought to his own behavior? What is he bringing into his life, deliberately? Why? Instead of getting angry at what women are doing, why isn't he angry at himself for how he is ruining his own life? Why does he choose to spend his time getting women to cheat with him?

 

The whole topic is just sailing over your head. He has TRUST issues with women.

 

Maybe this is just a guy thing... but I think he is actually doing his best to force women into proving him wrong. If all the married women he ever encountered shot him down... then his trust would be restored in his mind. Actually it probably wouldn't really... this type of validation is a bottomless pit, but I doubt he will ever figure that out.

 

Perhaps he is justifiably angry at these women for reinforcing this inability to trust.

[norajane]

The whole topic is just sailing over your head. He has TRUST issues with women.

 

Maybe this is just a guy thing... but I think he is actually doing his best to force women into proving him wrong. If all the married women he ever encountered shot him down... then his trust would be restored in his mind. Actually it probably wouldn't really... this type of validation is a bottomless pit, but I doubt he will ever figure that out.

 

Perhaps he is justifiably angry at these women for reinforcing this inability to trust.

 

I GET it that he has trust issues. But he is making those issues WORSE with his choices.

 

As an example, I can go to my company's annual conference, and during the evening dinners/cocktails, I can chat with a group of guys. Out of that group, almost all will be married. I can TELL which ones will cheat and which ones won't within a very short time. The ones that will cheat are the ones who flirt a little too much and a little too boldly. They are the ones who will be attentive the whole time. They will LINGER as the other guys, one by one, leave to go to their rooms (and probably call their wives to wish them a good night and talk with the kids). The cheaters will OUTSTAY everyone else, so that they can get me alone and make their play. I guarantee this happens to me ALL the time.

 

So, do I CHOOSE to view it as "men are such cheaters; I can't trust them; I hate men" and screw my entire life up by having sex with the cheaters all the time (like the OP does)?

 

Or, do I CHOOSE to view it as "yeah, there are bad apples who cheat, but lots of men are not cheaters."

 

I'm sure that if I had sex with all the married guys who were willing to cheat on their wives, my perspective would be skewed and my trust issues would be through the roof. However, I don't have sex with them, and I choose to notice that not all guys are cheaters so I have a more balanced perspective without major trust issues.

 

Going out and targeting married women who make themselves available is just going to make his problems worse. He is choosing these women - they are never going to prove him wrong, because his targets are easy to spot and those are the ones he goes for - they behave the same way those men at my office conferences do...they are attentive and show him that they are willing to cheat. He IGNORES the other women, the ones who won't cheat and lingers around the ones who will. He isn't even TRYING to date single women.

 

He is screwing up his own life by perpetuating a problem he is bringing INTO his own life. If he continues to do that, he will have these issues forever. I'm suggesting that he try to change that instead of WALLOWING in the filth and then being all upset that filth exists and it made him dirty.

Edited December 2, 2011 by norajane

[Untouchable_Fire]

I GET it that he has trust issues. But he is making those issues WORSE with his choices.

 

As an example, I can go to my company's annual conference, and during the evening dinners/cocktails, I can chat with a group of guys. Out of that group, almost all will be married. I can TELL which ones will cheat and which ones won't within a very short time. The ones that will cheat are the ones who flirt a little too much and a little too boldly. They are the ones who will be attentive the whole time. They will LINGER as the other guys, one by one, leave to go to their rooms (and probably call their wives to wish them a good night and talk with the kids). The cheaters will OUTSTAY everyone else, so that they can get me alone and make their play. I guarantee this happens to me ALL the time.

 

I get what you are saying... because I can tell the guys that will cheat and the guys that won't too. Let's face it... most normal guys have to put forth a good amount of effort and time to cheat. That isn't true for women... it takes zero effort.

 

So, just like OP... I am simply baffled when trying to figure out which women will cheat and which won't. I am left to use the equivalent of voodoo techniques to sort this out.

 

Sure he constantly drags this stuff into his life, but he gets a big emotional payoff for doing it. I think it's sad and deplorable... but I don't really blame him... I blame the cheaters. I've been cheated on enough times to know that if a guy can get my GF to cheat on me... I feel like he has done me a favor. Better to find out she is a cheat now, than once married with kids.

 

I don't hate women... I love women in general, but I find it exceptionally hard to trust them after all I've been through. My current GF is from another country and seems to be cut from a different cloth.

[Breezy Trousers]

I have a little problem that I need advice with and I don't know if people here can help me or not but I thought i'd share regardless.

 

I think i'm beggining to hate women. I know hate is a strong word, but I feel as if it's appropriate.

 

I'm 22 and have always been quite successful with girls. By successful I mean it is not hard for me to convince a girl to sleep with me. In the past four years I think i've slept with over thirty girls without conciously looking to. I find them easy to coax away from their boyfriends, fiance's and husbands and into my bed.

 

I think due to this i've lost alot of respect for the gender.

 

They're fickle, selfish, materialistic, cold, calculating and can only show genuine feelings towards another person while there is a factor present to benifit themselves. The weak become expendable. I don't trust them.

 

Which brings me to my problem, I want to fall in love with a girl that I trust, but girls disgust me so much right now that I don't respond to their calls, their advances and have pretty much shut myself away from the outside world for the past few months just so I can avoid seeing another girl.

 

I've developed a morbid fascination with stories of girlfriends and wives cheating on their husbands. I have no idea why, but I spend my days on the internet looking for the most heart-wrenching stories of betrayal I can (which is how I found this site). I've heard them all.

 

I see no hope for the future of female and male relationships. I truely believe we are entering the age of individualism, where marriage is an obsolete idea and sex is a connection that had as much emotional value as a handshake.

 

I don't like feeling this way, I want to be able to look at a couple as a happy couple and not as two people keeping alot of secrets from eachother, or wondering how many guys that chick is sleeping with, and lamenting the fact that he will never find out.

 

I think these attitudes and feelings have arisen from a completly different issue, but I cannot see what that is. I was hoping people on this board may be able to help with some advice.

 

In advance, i'm sorry if I offend any girls reading this, but I think if i'm going to ask for help I may as well be honest about my feelings. Thank you for understanding.

 

I have been cheated on in the past twice but i'm not sure how big a contributing factor that is to this issue. Both were not very dramatic and I just got rid of them, probably because I didn't care about them.

 

The reason i'm posting this on the infidelity forum is because i've lurked here for ages and I am familiar with many of your stories and have watched you rebuild your lives which has made me respect your opinions and advice. Wtf is wrong with me?

 

MusicMan, if you are continually seeing this in women, you realize this is not about the women, right? It's about you. It's called "projection."

 

I wonder if this might not be more true --

 

You don't hate women. You hate yourself. You are projecting that hate onto the women you meet. People who hate themselves fear others getting too close. Because of your "attacks" on women, you're losing respect for yourself. Anytime we attack others, it hurts us, but we call it "them." Again, projection.

 

Perhaps, deep down, you see yourself as fickle, selfish, materialistic, cold calculating and only able to show genuine feelings towards another person when there is a benefit to yourself. You are teaching yourself this through your routine actions toward women. Because of what you are teaching yourself, you now believe women to be weak and expendable. You don't trust them because you don't trust yourself.

 

You see no hope for yourself in relationships. In truth, the unhealthy part of you (the ego) * does * like feeling this way because then you don't need to face your vulnerabilities. You are too busy projecting.

 

The truth is that you are love and so is everyone else. You're just not aware of that fact yet because your awareness is clouded by judgment and fear-based thinking. You can work your way out of this by questioning your thoughts. Don't blindly accept them to be true.

 

You're still young. My twenties were filled with pain and confusion. It took lots of hard work and misguided attempts before I found happiness in my late thirties. I'm trying to save you time here. If you're interested, PM me and I'll outline what worked for me. If none of this feels true for you, disregard.

 

BTW, we are all narcissistic to varying degrees. Others have suggested you might be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). That's unlikely. No one with NPD would ask for help. Those with true NPD firmly believe everyone else is the problem. You're beginning to suspect everyone else is not the problem. That's the first step toward healing.

 

I would hate to see you live a life of disconnection. There's another, much kinder way to live. I hope you see this as a possibility for yourself.

[MusicMan1234]

musicman

(hope i have your user name right)...

 

you say you may have ceratin characteristics of aspbergers syndrome. I can totally relate. My daughter has aspbergers, and her psychologist told me i have certain traits of it as well.

 

One of them is the inability to "read" people. I have zero understanding of people facial expressions, body language, etc... This leads me to either totally believe everything they tell me, or not trust them at all because i simply can't tell if they are truthful or not. I have learned a bit about how to read people, but have zero understanding of the nuances that let me know their true intentions. It's almost like ?I have been transported to a foreign country where I don't understand the language... I may learn the literal meaning of their words, but I may very well nevr learn all the nuances, expressions, getsures and non verbal cues.When I was younger, i trusted everyone and took what they said at face value. After I got burned too many times, I trusted no one and assumed everyone would just hurt me or take advantage of me, and i wouldn't know they were lying. I finally realized I had to "open the door" even if it was just a crack and let someone else in, as it was lonesome in there all by myself.

 

Also, ( and I really see this in my daughter and my son who also has an ASD) I tend to see things in terms of "black or white" or "right or wrong". I'm trying to overcome that, but it's still there. Maybe that's not such a bad thing sometimes...i won't cheat, as to me that is wrong and nothing chnages that... it's just not in me to cheat ( mind you, I do see that someone who cheats can change)

 

The good thing though, is that if you are anything like me, once you find someone who has earned your trust and loyalty, you might find that you are the most loyal and devoted person they will ever know. You might just be the kind to "move mountains" for them and you will love them with your whole being. Don't give up... you may find the person who will treat you welland who will really derserves your love, and when they get it, they will be a very lucky woman indeed.

 

It's really hard for someone who doesn't think like someone with traits of aspergers to understand what it's like...some will tell you that you have no feelings, but you do, and they run very deep...you may just find verbally expressing them hard. This does not make you a bad , evil, or narcisistic person. Your words sound more like a self protective shell you have built around yourself. I know it's hard, but if you find the right person, try and let them in to your world...you may very well be extremely glad that you did.

 

I hope so, that sounds nice.

I think you may be right about the shell. Thanks for your input, I hope everything is well with the children.

[MusicMan1234]

Wow, so many replies, I wish I could reply to them all! Thanks everyone, your advice has been spectacular!

 

frozensprouts is correct about the little bit of aspergers taking away some of my social intelligence. Although I do not want to blow this out of proportion, I have the tinest amount. I'm doubtful other people would be able to tell the difference. As to being called a boy genius, haha no.

 

So this is where I am at now:

- I have trust issues

- Not all females are cheaters. My morbid fascination with female infidelity coupled with my questionable experiences has caused me to generalise one section of the female population to every female.

- I need to stop pursuing females that are willing to cheat on their significant others. I will add though, in my social circle this is close to 90% of girls.

- I am projecting my self-hatred onto the outside world.

 

So i've been talking to this one girl in light of this advice with the intention of establishing a normal friendship. I don't want to date her, I just want to get to know her so I can learn trust her without having the pressure of a commited or sexual relationship.

 

It's strange, but i'm actually having fun! It doesn't feel as though i'm running towards a goal. A poster Lexigirl (srry if I got your name wrong) suggested baby steps, which is what i'm trying to do. I figure if I can trust this girl for small things, like pick me up when we go out et cetera, then that will be one step in the right direction. She's a really kind person too, and not promiscuous as all which is wierd since she's quite beautiful!

 

So, am I setting myself up for disaster or is this the right approach?

Edited December 5, 2011 by MusicMan1234

[drifter777]

Wow, so many replies, I wish I could reply to them all! Thanks everyone, your advice has been spectacular!

 

frozensprouts is correct about the little bit of aspergers taking away some of my social intelligence. Although I do not want to blow this out of proportion, I have the tinest amount. I'm doubtful other people would be able to tell the difference. As to being called a boy genius, haha no.

 

So this is where I am at now:

- I have trust issues

- Not all females are cheaters. My morbid fascination with female infidelity coupled with my questionable experiences has caused me to generalise one section of the female population to every female.

- I need to stop pursuing females that are willing to cheat on their significant others. I will add though, in my social circle this is close to 90% of girls.

- I am projecting my self-hatred onto the outside world.

 

So i've been talking to this one girl in light of this advice with the intention of establishing a normal friendship. I don't want to date her, I just want to get to know her so I can learn trust her without having the pressure of a commited or sexual relationship.

 

It's strange, but i'm actually having fun! It doesn't feel as though i'm running towards a goal. A poster Lexigirl (srry if I got your name wrong) suggested baby steps, which is what i'm trying to do. I figure if I can trust this girl for small things, like pick me up when we go out et cetera, then that will be one step in the right direction. She's a really kind person too, and not promiscuous as all which is wierd since she's quite beautiful!

 

So, am I setting myself up for disaster or is this the right approach?

 

I think it's great that you are willing to try a new approach to life and see how it feels. Don't get too stuck on labeling it as "right" or "wrong" based on how things eventually turn out. Just know that you are trying to find yourself and have the courage to keep trying.

 

I urge you to continue to be open to new experiences as you grow as a person, and try not to become too rigid in your beliefs in how the world should work. Life is a great teacher if you are willing to be a student.