Should I end this for good or does it deserve another try?

[2Confuseddd]

I've been with my long distance boyfriend for a little over a year. 5 months ago he broke up with me because "neither of us were happy anymore and all we were doing was fighting, it was very unhealthy and it was over".

 

When he broke up with me i was devastated. I have never felt that hurt in my whole life. I was depressed, angry, shocked, confused, lost. I didn't think I'd ever find someone like him and I didn't think I'd ever love or feel that way towards someone ever again.

 

He would contact me every so often within those 5 months to see how I was doing, and it was always the same thing. It hurt me. I just wanted him to leave me alone. The last time he contacted me I had had enough, I told him I was fed up with him coming in and out of my life whenever he pleased and all it was doing was continuing to hurt me. He said I wouldn't hear from him again and that was that. I didn't think I would.

 

After that I made it my goal to focus on myself and my life. I knew I'd always love him but I needed to move on. Some nights were better than others. There were days I couldn't take it, and days I thought "it's fine. i'm fine. in 10 years i'll look back and laugh." but mostly I was starting to feel pretty content with being without him. The break up has definitely taught me a lot. It's made me feel very confident and happy with myself and my life.

 

A few weeks ago he messaged me again. He said he missed tallking to me and he wanted to be friends. I was content, I didn't feel hurt this time. We started talking a lot and that resulted in him pouring his heart out to me. He told me that he was so sorry for leaving me, that he'd never do it again. He said he felt like such an idiot for breaking up with me. He said he was miserable because not only did he lose his best friend.. but he lost the love of his life.. his future, his everything. He said he didn't want anyone else and that he loved me too much to ever let me go again. That he'd work at the relationship no matter what. Anything I wanted, he'd give to me.

 

I told him I loved him but I needed to think about things. And I did, I thought about everything. I weighed the pros and cons constantly and I would always come back to the same decision. So I felt like I made up my mind.. I'd rather try again and have it fail then not try and wonder what could have happened later on down the road. We got back together and it's been about a week or two. I told myself that i would never let it get as bad as it was before. I'd continue living my life, and stay happy, confident and positive no matter what happens. I'd do my absolute best to try and make our relationship the best it could possibly be this time around.

 

But, I guess that's way easier said than done. I've been feeling very resentful and angry and upset towards him, already. I feel like he doesn't care. I feel like he's very apathetic and indifferent. Some of the things he does or DOESN'T do, makes me very upset and I just can't help but take it out on him. I always try talking things out, but it seems like it never ever gets through to him. He can say all he wants if we're talking things out, but the second we're done talking, it goes right back to how it was before we had the talk. Like a boomerang. I try so hard to go with a different approach but I always end up doing what I've always done and it makes me hate myself! It makes me feel so horrible, because I just want to go back to being that loving, encouraging, positive, funny, sweetheart I used to be to him. Back to who I really am, back to what he fell in love with.

 

I'm just very confused because I don't know what to believe or do. I don't know if his feelings are true and genuine. I don't know if he really honestly loves me and means what he's been saying and it's been driving me crazy. I feel like he isn't trying to make this work at all. I feel like I'm doing all the work, or neither of us are doing any work.

 

It's been very different since we got back together. I feel like I'm the very last of his priorities. I feel like I'm at the very bottom, and this has NEVER happened before. i was always number 1 to him before we broke up. I get it if he's busy, but even if he was busy before, he would ALWAYS make time for me.

 

I try to talk to him but I feel like there's no point, because what I say doesn't seem to matter, ever. I don't know what I should do. I can't even really explain it but I know that I love him and that I want to make this work, or try, more than anything but I just feel so.. I don't even know, I feel very resentful. angry, annoyed, upset, anxious and like something's not right. Sometimes I feel like maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me. That what i think he's doing is far from the truth and that maybe what he says is true and that he really does love me and care and he absolutely means everything he says. But at the same time I wonder if it's the other way around. I don't know, I really don't.

 

I don't know what it is I'm feeling, and I don't know how to explain it, but I know it doesn't feel right. I love him so much and I don't want to just let go without really trying first but I don't feel like he's on the same page. I feel like we're on two completely different levels. I don't know what to do. What do you think I should do? Or how can we both make this relationship work? Any advice at all would be helpful. Thank You!

Edited November 29, 2011 by 2Confuseddd

[hopelessbutterfly]

I don't think he's really appreciating what he had with you. Actions speak much louder than words..

You should talk to him about it and tell him how you're feeling with a calm approach. Don't let things progress like they are or the same thing will happen again.

[aaronstone]

"It's been very different since we got back together. I feel like I'm the very last of his priorities. I feel like I'm at the very bottom, and this has NEVER happened before. i was always number 1 to him before we broke up. I get it if he's busy, but even if he was busy before, he would ALWAYS make time for me. "

 

If things are different you should find out if he is ok and what he wants out of the relationship. There is no point in forcing the relationship on if he isn't into it. Definitely have a chat with him and let him know how you feel. Don't just leave it that way since you will get hurt again.

[bittersweetsymphony]

I'm in exactly the same spot as you...

I know how you're feeling.

My relationship is already 2 years old...the first year was sweet, but this year we're long distance, and he just couldn't cope with it.

 

He missed me a lot, too much, until he started to notice a girl, and fall in love...and went for her. I found out, was hurt, and he asked if he could have a temporary girlfriend for one year, until we could be together again.

 

His reason? Feeling lonely without me, and lost the feelings for me due to distance. He still wants me, but I told him to put our relationship on hold, and come back to it after one year and make a decision.

 

Anyway, our LDR has been like yours, frequent arguments, hurtful words, through phone and internet. I try to address our issues, tell him the mistakes we both did, but he never wants to cooperate with me. After "the talk", he would promise me, but then next day he would revert back to his old self and hurt me again.

 

We were fine and he was contented when we're together, but the distance is stressing us out and he just care about me less, even when I actually cried into the phone. That's why maybe my decision to put it on hold until we get back together is probably for the best...

 

As for you, you could sit him down, talk to him, ask him if he's real about loving you, and if it is, why would he return and still hurt you? Tell him you deserve a good guy, and that he should be treating you right. I know you love him, but you deserve a guy who puts you first, and you wish it's him, but it doesn't HAVE to be him. Get me?

 

Summon your courage okay? If you're both stressed out, maybe you should go on a vacation. Let him focus on you only and see if the romance comes back. Maybe that time he'll listen to what you have to say.

 

Good luck!