Help!?!?!??!?!

[Lilac]

Last night my bf and I had a fight. It was over something totally trivial and stupid. We used to have these fights all of the time, but we hadn't had a disagreement in weeks. Things had been really nice. We've been together almost a year and a half and we love each other very much. I've already apologized for my part in the fight, but he hung up the phone last night and never said he accepted my apology or offered his.

 

My problem is that I think I have given him a little too much control in my life. He rarely calls me (because I always end up calling him). We almost always go out when I ask him out. I want him to wonder where I am, ask me out. Ya know?

 

What should I do? I haven't called him since last night's incident. I hadn't planned on it. Am I doing the right thing? Is there some other things I should be doing. I chose to make plans for tomorrow without him. Is that wrong?

 

I don't know anymore.

 

Help! Please.

 

Lilac

[Paulie]

The ONLY thing you've done right is to make plans without him.

 

Your relationship is horrendously one sided. How can you possibly feel special or loved if you have to do all the calling, you have to do all the asking out...and you are the woman. This is a lot of garbage if you ask me. Wouldn't you really prefer to have a man and a gentleman in your life.

 

This guy is a super dud!!!

 

You major problem here is that you've been producer and director of this relationship for 1 1/2 years and it will be very difficult to change things around. However, I urge you to talk to this guy as soon as possible. You need to explain to him that it's been all wrong for all this time. Your relationship is way way one sided.

 

Make up a schedule by weeks and gradually, over a period of time, fix it so he calls you 70 percent of the time and you call him 30 percent of the time. On the same schedule, fix it so gradually...let's say over three months...he asks you out 90 percent of the time and you ask him out 10 percent of the time. AND IF HE DOESN'T CALL YOU WHEN HE'S SUPPOSED TO, MAKE PLANS WITH OTHER PEOPLE. AND IF HE DOESN'T CALL YOU FOR TWO WEEKS, MAKE PLANS TO MARRY ANOTHER MAN!!!

 

At worst, if you must compromise, don't settle for anything less than a fifty/fifty deal. NOTHING LESS!!! What's happening right now is simply not right at all!!!

 

I also suggest that both of you agree that you are going to begin the relationship anew. Just forget you have been together all this time. Cancel it. Make it a brand new deal. And tell him you will forgive him for being the one sided selfish butthole he has been if he'll agree to this.

 

And don't ever let any man do this to you again!!!

 

Now, as far as last night, don't call him...don't EVER call him. If he doesn't ultimately call you, he doesn't care about you and that resolves the problem totally. Make other plans...plans with other people...and don't change them regardless of whether he calls you or not. But when you do talk to him, make arrangements to have an in person talk about what I discussed in the first part of this post.

 

How could you possibly love a guy who does not treat you like a lady, who does not make you feel loved or special in any way, who seldom if ever calls you???

 

Now, if you are having serious self esteem issues, get help for that from a professional. Just don't ever, ever let a guy treat you like this. Insist on being treated like any man would treat a special lady.

[Paulie]

The above post was by TONY!!!

 

Tone, you forgot to take my name out of the name field!!!

 

Ha Ha Ha

 

You know, you shouldn't post under other people's names. The webmasters can determine where the hell you're posting from..

 

(Gotcha Gotcha Gotcha) x 2

[Paulie]

I am truly sorry for blaming Tony for posting all of the above. He had nothing to do with it. I am sort of having a very bad day, sort of going over the edge. Thank God it's Friday. I sure need the weekend to cool off my brain.

 

Sorry again, Tone!!!

[Paulie (really)]

I give up...I'm gonna really go cool my head...with a couple of cold ones...and then a few more. My weekend starts RIGHT NOW!!!

See Y'all

 

I'll check in at 4 am, or so when I get in tonite, if anybody's got late-night stuff.

 

Party time.

 

(I'll delete this later)...Toone's right...I'm going over the edge a little!!!

[Lilac]

Thanks for responding is all I can say.

 

You're right. I've known that since the beginning. I don't know how to bring it up to him though. I mean how do I tell him that I want to start over. I fell in love with him and he claims to be "in love" with me. But sometimes when he goes through these spurts of treating me like this, I wonder about the validity of any of it.

 

What do I do and how do I handle it?

 

I hate this.

 

Lilac

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: What do I do and how do I handle it?

 

Communication is an absolutely essential element of a relationship. If you do not feel free to talk to this man about conflicts, you do not have a relationship. Either work together on communications skills or get out of there. You have a long life ahead of you and if the two of you are not able to communicate, you will have a very lonely life on this planet.

 

If you just have no clue on how to talk to this man, either seek counselling or read a good book on communication in relationships.

[Lilac]

You're right.

 

I just feel so terrible right now. I have never been this miserable in all of my days. That sounds so formal. heh

 

I really haven't. I love him so much and the sad thing is that I have let him know that way too often. He takes advantage of it. I hate that.

 

How do I get past it? What do I do in my free time? I've spent so much of it waiting for him that I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I still need help. Professional help would be nice, if it didn't cost an arm and a leg.

 

Lilac.

[Tony T]

I have answered your post above and now I see this thing coming from you saying you love this jerk. YUK....before I go throw up I want to tell you you have no idea what love is. You may have some perverted chemical feeling toward him but he treats you so bad. Frankly, my weekend is ruined thinking a nice lady like you is putting up with such a bastard. WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

 

Why in heaven's name do you give him the time of day. He is the worst example of a human being I have heard about in a while. He treats you subhuman and you just LOVE HIM. That just makes me SSSSOOOOOOOOOO sick I can't handle it. I hope there is a walk-in clinic still open tonight because I have to go there now.

 

The garbage disposal in my kitchen wouldn't give this guy the time of day. He is EVIL!!!

[Tony T]

Sorry, I missed the part of the post where you asked what to do.

 

Dump this guy. Make new friends. Join church groups, do volunteer work, join the campaigns of some good folks running for office in November and work as a volunteer in their campaign, volunteer at a nearby hospital, find support groups to participate in, attend workshops on self esteem, relationships, etc. at local colleges, churches, social service organizations, etc.

 

There is simply no excuse for you not to be busy. You better get out there in the world and get some things going for yourself because this man has really put a quash on the ONLY LIFE YOU WILL EVER GET ON THIS PLANET. I think reincarnation is a bunch of bunk!!!