OM D-day

[18Years2Late]

Maybe he will grow a pair and tell him....miracles to happen on occasion.

 

Come on Bent...I would agree with you IF W&P were stalking him, trying to get him back, purposely trying to ruin his family...but...HE HAS NO FAMILY...he trying to ruin someone that has left him alone to protect his GF of 4 months...and ANOTHER AFFAIR...this guy can't think past the tip of his selfish nose for crying out loud...and he's known W&P for 15 years...not just a ONS...or an office fling...someone he's cared about (supposedly) for more than a decade...I think he's trying to get back at W&P for walking away from the A...and that's the wrong reason to tell her H...don't we usually advise OW/OM here to tell for the right reasons?...not out of revenge or to force the choice...maybe that's what this a$$clown is doing...JMO...I mean my xMM could do the same thing...but he's not...and his life his pure hell right now...if I can say one good thing about xMM it's at least he has a heart...he stomped on mine...but he sure could do way worse if he chose to...hopefully W&P xMM will grow up the F up soon...

[Emme]

The reason i responded was because xOM GF threatened to tell my husband of something i was not involved in. OM cheated on her and is having her think whatever messages she finds on his phone are from me. I havent been involved with him in months, even ignoring all messages from him since the last time I saw him. If I didn't put an end to her contacting me, then when? If I let him get away with it then every time he cheated on her, I would get blamed. Also, he was telling her personal things about our relationship as well as lies.

 

I do believe it's over now. Hopefully, I put a scare in him. My friends think he staged all this to threaten to tell my husband. But I'm not taking any chances.

 

You didn't end it… you add more drama to the situation. If you know it's not you, that’s all that matters. Don't add fuel to the fire. Close your email account and change your phone number. You’re done.

[bentnotbroken]

Come on Bent...I would agree with you IF W&P were stalking him, trying to get him back, purposely trying to ruin his family...but...HE HAS NO FAMILY...he trying to ruin someone that has left him alone to protect his GF of 4 months...and ANOTHER AFFAIR...this guy can't think past the tip of his selfish nose for crying out loud...and he's known W&P for 15 years...not just a ONS...or an office fling...someone he's cared about (supposedly) for more than a decade...I think he's trying to get back at W&P for walking away from the A...and that's the wrong reason to tell her H...don't we usually advise OW/OM here to tell for the right reasons?...not out of revenge or to force the choice...maybe that's what this a$$clown is doing...JMO...I mean my xMM could do the same thing...but he's not...and his life his pure hell right now...if I can say one good thing about xMM it's at least he has a heart...he stomped on mine...but he sure could do way worse if he chose to...hopefully W&P xMM will grow up the F up soon...

 

 

And...........I don't give a fat rat's behind what any body's reason is...as long as BS has the opportunity to make decisions for their life based on all the facts. So "we" don't advocate anything. Those covering their behinds advocate not telling for anything other than it suits them.

[18Years2Late]

And...........I don't give a fat rat's behind what any body's reason is...as long as BS has the opportunity to make decisions for their life based on all the facts. So "we" don't advocate anything. Those covering their behinds advocate not telling for anything other than it suits them.

 

Ok..."we" was the wrong choice of word...since "we" would also include me...and I haven't been here long enough nor am I in any stable emotional condition yet to advise anyone of anything other than to offer my own experiences...I should have said "others" bc I know I've read that here a lot...sorry...point taken...

[weedsandposies]

Come on Bent...I would agree with you IF W&P were stalking him, trying to get him back, purposely trying to ruin his family...but...HE HAS NO FAMILY...he trying to ruin someone that has left him alone to protect his GF of 4 months...and ANOTHER AFFAIR...this guy can't think past the tip of his selfish nose for crying out loud...and he's known W&P for 15 years...not just a ONS...or an office fling...someone he's cared about (supposedly) for more than a decade...I think he's trying to get back at W&P for walking away from the A...and that's the wrong reason to tell her H...don't we usually advise OW/OM here to tell for the right reasons?...not out of revenge or to force the choice...maybe that's what this a$$clown is doing...JMO...I mean my xMM could do the same thing...but he's not...and his life his pure hell right now...if I can say one good thing about xMM it's at least he has a heart...he stomped on mine...but he sure could do way worse if he chose to...hopefully W&P xMM will grow up the F up soon...

 

Thanks for this.

 

The only question i asked myself before i sent her the email was if i was sending this to spite him, or out of jealousy or to hurt her. Quite the opposite. I've told him i want him to be happy in one of our last conversations and i truly meant it. Now i'm regressing but it's his actions that caused it. I want him to go to hell.

 

Hope she dumps him. But I doubt he'll suffer.

[18Years2Late]

I think Em is right...change your email, phone # etc...I usually think that's too much trouble to go thru...but your dealing with a psychopath here...even if your H doesn't find out this time...will xMM keep this up?...on his next GF he cheats on will he just whip out and old email from you and change the date on top???...even if u weren't M do you really want to take the blame for all his A's for the rest of his life?...if it works out for him this time...he'll use the same trick again most likely...what a jerk...sorry your dealing with this...he actually makes me almost forget how angry I am at my xMM...almost

[weedsandposies]

I dont want to change contact info in case he decides to contact H. I'd like to have all the info.

 

I truly believe my xOM has borderline personality disorder. Yours sounds like he does too.

[2sunny]

Thanks for this.

 

The only question i asked myself before i sent her the email was if i was sending this to spite him, or out of jealousy or to hurt her. Quite the opposite. I've told him i want him to be happy in one of our last conversations and i truly meant it. Now i'm regressing but it's his actions that caused it. I want him to go to hell.

 

Hope she dumps him. But I doubt he'll suffer.

 

you can't make him be happy - that is only up to HIM - and HIS choices.

 

stop thinking or worrying about him.

 

i agree - change ANY and ALL contact info he has.

 

any contact with him or her is stirring up trouble... best not to even participate on ANY level.

 

sometimes with certain folks - any kind of interaction is better than nothing... so he may be happy he is baiting you - in order to get any response at all. don't do it!

 

focus on your happiness - and your relationship!

[GorillaTheater]

Oh I already prepped my husband in case he goes apesh*t and contacts him. Told him a couple of crazies were out to get me.

 

What this world needs is cheaters who strive for higher ethical standards.

 

[Emme]

Thanks for this.

 

The only question i asked myself before i sent her the email was if i was sending this to spite him, or out of jealousy or to hurt her. Quite the opposite. I've told him i want him to be happy in one of our last conversations and i truly meant it. Now i'm regressing but it's his actions that caused it. I want him to go to hell.

 

Hope she dumps him. But I doubt he'll suffer.

 

You are so invested in this man. What you should be asking yourself is why you even care. Worry about your own backyard.

 

 

 

I dont want to change contact info in case he decides to contact H. I'd like to have all the info.

 

I truly believe my xOM has borderline personality disorder. Yours sounds like he does too.

 

Create a new account and FWD all emails to the new account. All FWD email will retain all info. Do it now. No need for excuses.

[weedsandposies]

Back to NC. I will no longer engage either of them, no matter the bait.

[weedsandposies]

 

 

 

 

Create a new account and FWD all emails to the new account. All FWD email will retain all info. Do it now. No need for excuses.

 

I think i will change my personal contact info. I really had moved beyond him until she emailed me. That way i wont have to worry about a repeat.

[bentnotbroken]

What this world needs is cheaters who strive for higher ethical standards.

 

 

 

:lmao:Morning coffee gone.... The truth always finds a way.

[frozensprouts]

What this world needs is cheaters who strive for higher ethical standards.

 

 

 

the whole thing sounds really asinine.

 

The OP gets ONE contact from this guys new girlfriend, and she considers that "harassment". And she wasn't polite to her? She threatened to tell the OP's husband if she didn't leave her new boyfriend alone?

 

So she contacts her ex other man and gets the whole drama train rolling again, and she calls the two of THEM crazies?

 

OP...if you think one contact, however rude the language in it may have been is "harassment", then i think you need to calm down and take a good hard look at the situation. Harassment is many phone calls, letters, emails, visits, stalking, etc. ..not one blinkin' phone call.

 

Then you blame this guy and his new girlfriend for possibly ruining your life by telling your husband you had an affair with him?

 

Instead of continuing to lie to your husband, why can't you tell him the truth that while you were separated, you saw someone else and now it's coming back to haunt you. If you were separated and the understanding was that you would see other people, what is the problem? While he may not like it, he surely could have no reason to hold it against you, and you will be able to stop worrying about things.

[despicableME]

WOW!... just... WOW! I don't know you're WHOLE story, but coming from someone who cheated, I have to say that you had this coming. Like you, my AP is deathly afraid that my STBXW is eventually going to "spill the beans" to her husband. Sometimes I think my wife is just biding her time and letting her(AP) twist in the wind, waiting for the right moment to strike. You know what I say- "F!@# IT!" We put ourselves in this position, and now have to deal with the eventual fallout... believe me that it WILL come. If you really believe that poor story of someone "having it in for you" is going to work, you better jump into a cold shower and WAKE UP... you know what they say- "where there's smoke, there's fire." This coming to mean that people wouldn't just come out of the woodwork accusing you of such a thing if there wasn't some truth to it. You're best bet is to fess up and cut them off at the pass before you really lose everything you've worked for. Now, you're gonna be on pins and neadles scurrying at every turn in a paranoid state of mind. Good luck keeping you're lies at bay.

[PhoenixRise]

WOW!... just... WOW! I don't know you're WHOLE story, but coming from someone who cheated, I have to say that you had this coming. Like you, my AP is deathly afraid that my STBXW is eventually going to "spill the beans" to her husband. Sometimes I think my wife is just biding her time and letting her(AP) twist in the wind, waiting for the right moment to strike. You know what I say- "F!@# IT!" We put ourselves in this position, and now have to deal with the eventual fallout... believe me that it WILL come. If you really believe that poor story of someone "having it in for you" is going to work, you better jump into a cold shower and WAKE UP... you know what they say- "where there's smoke, there's fire." This coming to mean that people wouldn't just come out of the woodwork accusing you of such a thing if there wasn't some truth to it. You're best bet is to fess up and cut them off at the pass before you really lose everything you've worked for. Now, you're gonna be on pins and neadles scurrying at every turn in a paranoid state of mind. Good luck keeping you're lies at bay.

 

 

I agree with the bolded

 

If the girlfriend was upset enough to call you and threaten to tell your husband then she probably kept whatever proof she found that triggered the dday. She still has whatever she found in her boyfriend's phone that let her know without a doubt that you had an inappropriate relationship with him. If she shares that info/proof with your husband won't he come to the same conclusion in spite of your "people are out to get me" lie?

[Owl]

Let sleeping dogs lie!

 

That dog ain't sleeping. It's growling and baring it's teeth, threatening to bite.

 

LOL! This scenario was a simple one. The female stated in the letter and I quote…

 

Owl, there is no reason for her to respond to this email because the facts are stated. Not only that they are stated but I don’t owe any b*tch I’m not f*cking an explanation. NC means NC. If there is NC then the facts won’t come to light. It’s English, written as clear as day. What I find that most people on here like to do is pour kerosene oil or even spend lots of money on diesel fuel to throw on a fire… why, drama! Everyone thinks they are on Judge Judy and need to clear their name. Why I don’t know. The past is the past. It’s behind you. If you want to move forward you do that. Standing still is not moving forward.

 

To think she needed to explain is the first mistake, every message is dated. His woman already knows when they were in contact, fact. No need to set any record straight. All she did when she responded to explain herself was add fuel to the fire… as I can see that has already occurred.

 

We'll have to agree to disagree.

 

We simply don't agree nor do we view the situation the same.

[18Years2Late]

 

sometimes with certain folks - any kind of interaction is better than nothing... so he may be happy he is baiting you - in order to get any response at all. don't do it!

 

focus on your happiness - and your relationship!

 

This is 100% true W&P...at least in my case...I heard this directly from xMM's mouth...after one of our NC episodes...when he came crawling back...during a conversation I asked him why he kept "allowing" BS to keep pestering me?...surely it couldn't have made things easier for him at home when she was contacting me...he said in a sick way he liked it bc it was like he was getting to talk to me bc she would show it all to him...WTF?!?!?...nothing borderline about that personality disorder...

[bentnotbroken]

This is 100% true W&P...at least in my case...I heard this directly from xMM's mouth...after one of our NC episodes...when he came crawling back...during a conversation I asked him why he kept "allowing" BS to keep pestering me?...surely it couldn't have made things easier for him at home when she was contacting me...he said in a sick way he liked it bc it was like he was getting to talk to me bc she would show it all to him...WTF?!?!?...nothing borderline about that personality disorder...

 

 

No more borderline than cheating and lying about in the first place.

[weedsandposies]

UPDATE: She dumped him. I wish I had the self-respect that she has for herself. The moment she found out what scum he was she ran. Good for her.

 

The OP gets ONE contact from this guys new girlfriend, and she considers that "harassment". And she wasn't polite to her? She threatened to tell the OP's husband if she didn't leave her new boyfriend alone?

 

So she contacts her ex other man and gets the whole drama train rolling again, and she calls the two of THEM crazies?

 

OP...if you think one contact, however rude the language in it may have been is "harassment", then i think you need to calm down and take a good hard look at the situation. Harassment is many phone calls, letters, emails, visits, stalking, etc. ..not one blinkin' phone call.

 

Then you blame this guy and his new girlfriend for possibly ruining your life by telling your husband you had an affair with him?

 

Instead of continuing to lie to your husband, why can't you tell him the truth that while you were separated, you saw someone else and now it's coming back to haunt you. If you were separated and the understanding was that you would see other people, what is the problem? While he may not like it, he surely could have no reason to hold it against you, and you will be able to stop worrying about things.

 

The GF email was threatening, yes. exOM made it out as if he was cheating with me. My response to her was a one liner telling her it wasn't me. And I opened and closed politely. I know the exOM very well and what he must have put in her head, so I cannot blame her for being nasty in the email. ExOM was harrassing me, i.e. calls, voicemails, texts, and emails. His mistake was cc'ing her in one of the emails, so she got all ubsequent the replies. But not once did I bad mouth her. I'm the one who called him and in our conversation found out about their relationship, that he had cheated, othe rpertinent information that I later used against him. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

[weedsandposies]

despicableME - she dumped him. I'm no longer worried about her telling

H. And exOM is too much of a coward to do anything now. I'm sure he's

pissed at the moment but that will soon subside when he finds his next

lay.

 

PhoenixRise - in the emails to them both I denied ever dating OM. She has nothing to show H, if she can get to him, except me telling them to stay away from me.

[18Years2Late]

No more borderline than cheating and lying about in the first place.

 

Yep...I'll be the first one to stand up and say I have more personality disorders then they even have in the medical textbooks yet...if I didn't I wouldn't be here looking for support for the stupid asinine selfish choices I've made...but at least I own my crazy $h*t...I'm crazy...no doubt about that...but I'm also not projecting my crazy onto anyone else (referring to my xMM's BS)...

[Emme]

UPDATE: She dumped him. I wish I had the self-respect that she has for herself. The moment she found out what scum he was she ran. Good for her.

 

 

SMH... And now you have opened up pandoras box... Let me get the Doritos. Be prepared for what's to come. Your fuel to the fire is going to escalate. Keep your eyes open.

[bentnotbroken]

Yep...I'll be the first one to stand up and say I have more personality disorders then they even have in the medical textbooks yet...if I didn't I wouldn't be here looking for support for the stupid asinine selfish choices I've made...but at least I own my crazy $h*t...I'm crazy...no doubt about that...but I'm also not projecting my crazy onto anyone else (referring to my xMM's BS)...

 

 

My post was meant to reflect that I do NOT think that most AP or WS have personality disorders. There maybe a few who suffer from disorders but most just look for a good excuse to explain poor behavior. Lying and cheating isn't a personality disorder...just a character flaw.

[RaysofHope]

OM had a d-day over the weekend. I received an email from his girlfriend telling me in not so nice terms that they are invloved and to leave him alone and that she would tell my husband if I contacted him again.

 

We have not seen each other in over 4 months and have not spoken in a few weeks. The last communication was from me asking if he was ok only because he had told me he got hurt and wanted to see me. At the time I ignored the message.

 

Why would she contact me? I spoke to OM immediately after, and he reassured me that she wouldn't contact my husband. Of course this is not something I believe, considering I told him to delete all our conversations and my contact info and apparently he hadn't.

 

The only thing he was concerned with was whether or not I was seeing this other man (I told him I was involved with another person so he leaves me alone). Now I'm thinking he staged all of this so his girlfriend sees certain messages between us thinking they were recent and threatens me.

 

Any advice on how to keep them away from me? I did tell him if she contacts me again, harrassing me I would contact the authorities. After all this time has passed I would think the affair would be history but just seems to be creeping back up again and threatening my marriage.

 

It's incredible how people like you do such horrendous things to other people and then only worry about how it affects yourself when it explodes in your face. You and everyone else here knows you deserve anything that's coming to you so stop trying to paint yourself as a victim. You screwed someone over big time so don't cry when it comes back to haunt you.