OM D-day

[frozensprouts]

UPDATE:

The GF email was threatening, yes. exOM made it out as if he was cheating with me. My response to her was a one liner telling her it wasn't me. And I opened and closed politely. I know the exOM very well and what he must have put in her head, so I cannot blame her for being nasty in the email. ExOM was harrassing me, i.e. calls, voicemails, texts, and emails. His mistake was cc'ing her in one of the emails, so she got all ubsequent the replies. But not once did I bad mouth her. I'm the one who called him and in our conversation found out about their relationship, that he had cheated, othe rpertinent information that I later used against him. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

 

 

i know i probably sound snarky, but you are putting allthis on him (he's the one calling, emailing, etc.)...but you even say yourself that you called him too...it's not a one way street.

my good friend likes the saying "you can't makke a suituation any better until you own you role in it". you contribute to this as much as he does,and I'm sure you don't need that extra stress in your life.

 

explain to your husband what went on when you were separated. while doing that may be hard, wouldn't it be easier than spending the rest of you married life afraid that someone else will spill the beans?

[2sunny]

If you are doing NC and you changed contact info - how did you find out she left him?

 

Doesn't look like NC to me - you are completely wrapped up in their lives!

 

You couldn't possibly be paying attention to your H while you spend all this time and energy stirring this pot!

 

Divorce your Husband - he deserves better!

 

Your actions and words don't match.

[weedsandposies]

I called him one time when i received the email to give him the benefit of the doubt. Then i figured out he was lying to her about me and took action by emailing her.

 

i can't say exactly how i found out she dumped him but only to say i stumbled upon the info, and quickly took care of that particular situation so i no longer have a connection to him.

 

Im not wrapped up inhis life in the least, quite the opposite. I have a very good life

Edited December 2, 2011 by weedsandposies

[whichwayisup]

I called him one time when i received the email to give him the benefit of the doubt. Then i figured out he was lying to her about me and took action by emailing her.

 

i can't say exactly how i found out she dumped him but only to say i stumbled upon the info, and quickly took care of that particular situation so i no longer have a connection to him.

 

Im not wrapped up inhis life in the least, quite the opposite. I have a very good life

 

Sadly, I hate to say this, but deep down I think you know that's not true. If you were truly over him and didn't care at all, then you would have taken the high road and done nothing. You just happened to stumble across information? Or you looked for it.. This is mess part of your own doing by reacting. And then they react, and so on.

 

Your life may be good but you're still hiding the truth from your husband. The truth has it's way of coming out.. Either by someone else or maybe even your own H will "stumble" across it.. Then life won't be so good.

[despicableME]

I'm glad it worked in your favor... well, until the next threat to what you percieve to be an HONEST and healthy relationship.

[nofool4u]

OM had a d-day over the weekend. I received an email from his girlfriend telling me in not so nice terms that they are invloved and to leave him alone and that she would tell my husband if I contacted him again.

 

We have not seen each other in over 4 months and have not spoken in a few weeks. The last communication was from me asking if he was ok only because he had told me he got hurt and wanted to see me. At the time I ignored the message.

 

Why would she contact me?

 

To let you know that she knows. Her feeling of need to contact you is understandable. She is pissed at both him and you.

 

But she should have just dumped him, and called our husband.

 

 

 

Any advice on how to keep them away from me?

 

Yes, send the OM a message, or meet them both in person and tell them both you want nothing to do with them and to not contact you again.

 

 

I did tell him if she contacts me again, harrassing me I would contact the authorities.

 

Sorry, calling you to tell you to stay away is not harassing you. You don't get to mess around with a committed man, then claim victim status. This is the consequences of doing someone else wrong. Deal with it.

 

If there is no further contact between you and the OM, and she keeps contacting you, more specifically threatening you, then yes, contact the authorities. Otherwise you have no ground to stand on. If the gf contacted you to tell you again to leave them alone, and you told the authorities, they'd have a good laugh.

 

 

After all this time has passed I would think the affair would be history but just seems to be creeping back up again and threatening my marriage.

 

What threatened your marriage is YOUR actions, not the fact that it came back to haunt you.

[weedsandposies]

nofool- you didn't read the thread. i wasn't involved in an affair with them. OM lied to her to make her think whoever he was cheating with was me.

 

aasdf- i stand by my actions and reactions. I'm sure the exOM GF is grateful she caught him in a lie so early in their R and dumped him.

 

I didn't have to do much. The universe dropped everything into my lap, I executed and everything fell into place. He got what was coming to him, and she doesn't waste time on a worthless POS.

 

also our A was short-lived and I hardly saw him this year. Yet he's still involving me in his personal life. I'm way over him and the A. Click on my username, I haven't been here in a long time!

Edited December 2, 2011 by weedsandposies

[nofool4u]

nofool- you didn't read the thread. i wasn't involved in an affair with them. OM lied to her to make her think whoever he was cheating with was me.

 

And why would he do that? Is this a new gf of his? Or is did he have this gf while you were seeing him?

[robf1971]

It's incredible how people like you do such horrendous things to other people and then only worry about how it affects yourself when it explodes in your face. .

 

Sociopathic personality is the term I believe.

[weedsandposies]

nofool- New GF. Your guess is as good as mine. I did ask him why she's contacting me. He said she picked up his phone and contacted every woman on there and that she doesn't trust him because she caught him cheating. He didn't respond as to why he led on it was me. I told him to delete my info, as requested months ago.

 

In the past I would've played this scenario over and over in my head. Now I'm completely indifferent.

Edited December 2, 2011 by weedsandposies

[whichwayisup]

He didn't respond as to why he led on it was me.

 

Maybe out of spite? Maybe he's pissed off that you chose your H over him and he feels like you used him during your separation.

 

Still think for your own sake, you should be the one to tell your husband that you were with someone while you two were separated. Sure he'll be hurt, but I bet ya he'll be slightly MORE understanding hearing it from you rather than xOM or his gf.

[Owl]

nofool- you didn't read the thread. i wasn't involved in an affair with them. OM lied to her to make her think whoever he was cheating with was me.

 

also our A was short-lived and I hardly saw him this year. Yet he's still involving me in his personal life. I'm way over him and the A. Click on my username, I haven't been here in a long time!

 

Just to make sure I got this right. It was an affair from your perspective, as you were cheating on your H when you were with OM.

 

But the point you're trying to make is that OM wasn't cheating on her when he was with you...because he wasn't with his GF at the time.

 

Right?

[whichwayisup]

You got it right Owl.

 

I think either the xOM is messing with her on purpose because she went back to her H and ended the A or xOM is making it seem like there IS something going on to make weeds suffer and piss her off, make her feel like she should watch her back because one day the truth *could* come out to her husband about the A she had while they were separated.

 

Anyway, the bees nest is stirred up and I doubt very much this is the end of it..

[weedsandposies]

I don't know why exOM did it. It could be all of the above or he just needed a fall guy and he figured since his GF already saw our previous correspondences might as well not have her know there are other women in his life. I'm sure he told her I was looking to start things up again, you know to make himself more desirable to her. Also, he may have thought he could blackmail me into agreeing with him if he threatens to tell H, which he did continuously and for the first time ever.

 

He'll move on as I was very strict about him not contacting me again. He's a coward and selfish and probably out right now hitting the bars. And I doubt his GF will do anything to hurt me. I really looked out for her although she must be suffering right now.

 

My main motive for leaving him was I know how he is, liar, manipulator, deceiver, loser. He could never replace H in a good way. I figured let him be someone else's problem. But when GF contacted me I felt awful.

Edited December 2, 2011 by weedsandposies

[Emme]

Lets just hope W&P that this is truly the calm... and there will be no storm. Cross your fingers that he will disappear from your life. Pray.

 

I'll be be praying for you... no slashed tires.

[Spark1111]

I don't know why exOM did it. It could be all of the above or he just needed a fall guy and he figured since his GF already saw our previous correspondences might as well not have her know there are other women in his life. I'm sure he told her I was looking to start things up again, you know to make himself more desirable to her. Also, he may have thought he could blackmail me into agreeing with him if he threatens to tell H, which he did continuously and for the first time ever.

 

He'll move on as I was very strict about him not contacting me again. He's a coward and selfish and probably out right now hitting the bars. And I doubt his GF will do anything to hurt me. I really looked out for her although she must be suffering right now.

 

My main motive for leaving him was I know how he is, liar, manipulator, deceiver, loser. He could never replace H in a good way. I figured let him be someone else's problem. But when GF contacted me I felt awful.

 

WP, I hope you take this away with you: that it does feel awful to be maligned by someone you care/cared about without any way to defend yourself.

 

The way you feel today is the way many a BS and bgf or bbf feels when they discover the SO has cheated on them, and has lied about them to the new partner.

 

You were outraged he lied about you to his new gf to cover up his actions.

 

That is what many a WS does, lie about how bad the marriage or relationship is to get the OW/OM's sympathy and to get them to engage in the affair.

 

It is a horrible feeling. Don't forget it.

[nofool4u]

nofool- New GF. Your guess is as good as mine. I did ask him why she's contacting me. He said she picked up his phone and contacted every woman on there and that she doesn't trust him because she caught him cheating. He didn't respond as to why he led on it was me. I told him to delete my info, as requested months ago.

 

In the past I would've played this scenario over and over in my head. Now I'm completely indifferent.

 

Ok, so she contacted you and she wasn't the gf in the picture when you were with him.

 

If she did in fact contact you by email, then you obviously replied and told her that you weren't seeing him while they were together and this was before she came into the picture, right? If so, she not believe you?

[despicableME]

You're best bet is to tell hubby at some point about you're "short -lived" affair before he finds out by other means. Or else, this will ALWAYS be a threat to you're marriage. You need to come clean. Tell him that you felt the seperation allowed you to see other people. If you don't do this, this issue will always be lying in wait, ready to strike and destroy the both of you.

[weedsandposies]

Ok, so she contacted you and she wasn't the gf in the picture when you were with him.

 

If she did in fact contact you by email, then you obviously replied and told her that you weren't seeing him while they were together and this was before she came into the picture, right? If so, she not believe you?

 

If he was seeing anyone else while we were together, it wasn't a regular person. She came into the pic about 3 months ago at most.

 

I didn't admit to the A to her. My reply was a one liner telling her I'm married, and haven't seen him in months. She never replied but he did, calls, emails, etc. Apparently she did believe me. She dumped him.

 

From what I could tell he's cheated on her more then once. I didn't delve into the topic with him because I wanted to end the conversation as quickly as possible. He's just not a monogamous person, which is fine, but why go around hurting other people who are looking for monogomy?

[weedsandposies]

spark- Like most people I've been cheated on. It is a terrible feeling and even though he started seeing GF long after we ended and I was over the A, it still hurt the way he was standing by her. ukh wuldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

 

emme- Thank you! Luckily I live in a city and don't own a car And security in my building have him in their database.

 

despicable- I'm not at that point. And H will never forgive me. either way I'm better off just leaving and not causing him that hurt. Hopefully, this threat is over.

[Owl]

spark- Like most people I've been cheated on. It is a terrible feeling and even though he started seeing GF long after we ended and I was over the A, it still hurt the way he was standing by her. ukh wuldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

 

 

I just gotta ask...if this is how you feel...why did you cheat on your H?

 

The odds that he'll find out are astronomical.

 

He WILL have that feeling at some point, as a result of your actions and choices.

 

Why did you take this path, with that knowledge and sentiment?

[2sunny]

You couldn't possibly be focusing Ailey in your H and marriage when you spend this much time and energy keeping up with what your OM is and isn't doing.

 

Stop focusing ANY energy on him.

[flutterbykiss]

I'm going to have to side with all those that say the threat to your M isn't over. I don't want to sound harsh but there are some nasty facts, here.

 

Firstly, xOM threw you under the bus once so it's highly likely he will do it again. even if GF dumped him, he will be out looking for some other poor sucker, whom he will cheat on and then he will, once again, a scape goat - which I'm afraid is you - to deflect suspicion away from the person he is currently having an A with. Or, if you want to roll with the theory that he let her find out just to stir her up, then he will probably do the same thing to the next girl, too. Either way, the sad truth is that, since you are not currently meeting any of his needs, you are a disposable pawn that he uses for his sick games in whatever relationship he happens to be in at the time. What a charmer.

 

Secondly, GF is now going to be going on her own emotional roller coaster ride in the aftermath of her relationship with xOM. I don't believe he was telling the truth when he said that she is a nut, but I do think she will be very hurt and very angry and she may want revenge. I believe you said your email, to her, inferred that you had not been involved with him. (?) She is not going to believe that because she already had the evidence that you were. Maybe your email made her think you were just denying it because it's still going on. that puts you in the firing line.

 

Lastly, your H may believe that it's just a couple of crazies out to get you, this time. But it will be twice as suspicious if the same situation crops up again, in future, because xOM is playing games with some other poor soul.

 

I think you need to make preparations - one way or another - for the A being revealed. Changing contact details is a good start but just be aware that it's not that hard to find someone if you really want to and, as I well know, no matter how we try to disown the truth, it eventually finds us.

 

Whatever happens, I wish you well. We are not our mistakes.

[despicableME]

It's NOT over. She's deluding herself into thinking it is... putting it on the back burner for now. When her husband finds- and I emphasize WHEN- she's gonna be REAL sorry she didn't tell him then.

[weedsandposies]

I just gotta ask...if this is how you feel...why did you cheat on your H?

 

The odds that he'll find out are astronomical.

 

He WILL have that feeling at some point, as a result of your actions and choices.

 

Why did you take this path, with that knowledge and sentiment?

 

H and I were separated (Hs choice) at the time it started. We had a bad year prior. We were back together within that year. exOm had a lot to do with me going back and for that I'm grateful to him, not that he did anything to push me back but just that I remembered why I loved H and married him. I began appreciating H and our relationship more. Things are much better now