OM D-day

[Owl]

Also, should I apologize for whats she's going through or just leave that alone? I want to get on her good side so she leaves me and H alone.

 

Don't apologize...you're apparently not in any way involved in his betrayal of her. Spell that out politely and succinctly, and just leave it at that.

 

You didn't do anything to hurt her, if you're not the one he's betraying her with. Don't apologize.

 

I'm still curious tho...why exactly are you still livid? Because of the threat to go to your H?

 

No offense intended, but I don't see why you would have any reason to be offended by what's happened. She (mistakenly) thought it was you that he was cheating with, when it's someone else. She intended to do something about that...she's just angry with the wrong person. Give her the info she needs to be angry at the right person...no reason for you to be angry with her.

[Emme]

 

So would you suggest I email her telling her:

 

- I've known OM our entire adult lives and this is who he is

- our R was while h and i were separated

- it ended months ago and it wasn't me whoever he was with

 

 

I suggest you worry about your own backyard and stop hopping the fence to play in someone else's. Let go! You are no longer invested in this relationship. You have decided to make a go of your marriage. He is of no more significance.

 

I'm not going to add in that I think she's wasting her time with him since it's really not my business, she'll think i'm trying to break them up and simply won't believe me. Most liekly this will happen to her again in the near future if she stays with him.

 

You are the one wasting her time. He is not your concern. Your marriage is your concern. Do not create more drama in your life. Live your life with your husband.

 

I want to come across as neutral. Not angry as all of you have suggested, although I'm livid

 

Also, I did promise OM I wouldn't email her back, but now I'm thinking i don't owe him anything and he probbaly WANTS her to think it was me.

 

What you need to do is come across as a woman who's willing to put her marriage first. Not be pulled into playing a game of who's right and who's wrong. Worry about your own house. The excuse of that's what you're attempting to prevent, doesn't hold water.

 

Stop playing games. Leave him alone and work on your marriage. Do it now!

[weedsandposies]

You're right, I shouldn't be angry with her. OM maybe for not protecting me.

 

OK I'm off to email her.

[Emme]

You're right, I shouldn't be angry with her. OM maybe for not protecting me.

 

OK I'm off to email her.

 

Drama has now commenced.

[weedsandposies]

Pray Lord there's no more drama.

 

They pulled me into this. Was minding my own business. And honestly just want them out.

[26pointblue]

Pray Lord there's no more drama.

 

They pulled me into this. Was minding my own business. And honestly just want them out.

 

You got yourself into it by being with OM in the first place! You are still playing the victim & blaming everyone but yourself, & not paying any attention to what everyone else is saying. I'm not sure the point of posting here if you don't care to listen to the responses?

[weedsandposies]

I read every word of advice and come up with my own solution. Like everyone else that posts here.

[spice4life]

Pray Lord there's no more drama.

 

They pulled me into this. Was minding my own business. And honestly just want them out.

 

Owl made some excellent suggestions and he should know because was betrayed once himself. Definitely cut her off at the pass by letting her know you were involved and ended before they met an that it's not you. If you don't respond then you are voluntarily handing the control over to them. Good luck!

[bentnotbroken]

I'm angry at OM more because he allowed her to get her hands on this info. He should've deleted our conversations like I asked him to. I guess he's not very concerned with my marriage.

 

I'm not angry at her but she has no business contacting and threatening me. Her email was downright rude and she stole my contact info off his phone. And she's an idiot who should spend her energy looking after her kids, not harrassing me.

 

 

WOW:eek: and the denial is not just a river in Egypt.

[bentnotbroken]

Pray Lord there's no more drama.

 

They pulled me into this. Was minding my own business. And honestly just want them out.

 

Praying....

[Emme]

Pray Lord there's no more drama.

 

They pulled me into this. Was minding my own business. And honestly just want them out.

 

 

ROFL! You want no more drama and you think the actions of responding to someone who doesn't even know you is not drama. You don't owe no woman no explanation. The only person you owe anything to is your husband.

 

Stop the madness! That's all I'm gonna say. I will pray for you that the drama is now over. But just incase I'm gonna get my popcorn.

 

Stay away. It's OVER. NO CONTACT!

 

Have a happy marriage.

[18Years2Late]

I'm getting popcorn too...please come back and let us know how she reacts to your email...I'm an xMOW dealing with a mental case BS of xMOM who just won't go away...every 2-3 months the beast rears her ugly head for no reason other than to be ugly...I'll b interested if you are successful in getting yours to go away...I have been successful so far in keeping her away from my H...I guess I'll risk an Internet beating here and tell u how...it might not work for u since you live so close to xOM...but I've convinced both of them that I'm separated and filed for divorce...we're LD and NC for 5-6 mo months...that way there's no benefit for her to spill the beans...she tried a long time ago...like a year ago...but failed...however...I still don't let my guard down too often...it sucks...but like others have said...just consequences of our own poor decisions...It is what it is...

[Owl]

ROFL! You want no more drama and you think the actions of responding to someone who doesn't even know you is not drama. You don't owe no woman no explanation. The only person you owe anything to is your husband.

 

Stop the madness! That's all I'm gonna say. I will pray for you that the drama is now over. But just incase I'm gonna get my popcorn.

 

Stay away. It's OVER. NO CONTACT!

 

Have a happy marriage.

 

Ordinarily, I'd agree with you.

 

But in this case, she WAS in NC, and the situation changed when OM's GF found communications and ASSUMED that it was W&P that was her BF's current cheating partner. She then compounded that by threatening to go to W&Ps H.

 

I don't fault her for that, but she's threatening to do so under a misconception that W&P is/was the one that her BF cheated on her with.

 

As a former BS, had I sent that type of email under those assumptions out...and got no response...I would have assumed I was being blown off and followed through with my 'threat' to go to the H.

 

That's why I recommend that W&P actually follow up with the GF, and spell things out clearly and calmly...once.

 

I still also suggest that she tell her H...but that's not the current focus.

 

In this case...I don't think that W&P can resume NC safely without addressing the GF's misinformation without a serious risk of the GF going to her H.

 

Hence my advice.

 

I understand your recommendation, and would probably agree with it but in this case it's not about drama...it's about providing the CORRECTED information to the GF, both to get her straight and to protect W&P's personal interests.

[weedsandposies]

Thanks for looking out OWL!

 

I did take your advice and responded to the GF telling her it wasn't me, that I have not seen him in months.

 

Then drama ensues.

 

She didn't respond instead, xOM calls me 15 times, I didn't pick up. Leaves a threatening voice mail that he's going to tell my husband if I ruin their relationship! I'm not the one who cheated he is and after only a few months! He then sends me a nasty email using HER EMAIL basically telling ME to move on and to not contact either of them again!!! Can you guys believe that?

 

So I sent him/them a response telling him to not have any further contact with me. He respondes saying good and telling me I initiated contact and again mentioning my husband and something about lawyers.

 

At that point I was livid. She isn't uttering a word but from his messages I can tell she doesn't believe him. I sent my final email to him and her telling them that I have all messages he's ever sent me, that I have not had contact with him since before the summer, even though he's been contacting me. I was NC so ignoring. I also warned him if he tries to contact me I will file a restraining order. No response after that.

 

Now I'm playing the waiting game. Really wish it didn't end this way. I just hope its over this time. He was cheating on her and pretending it was with me. Why else would she send me that initial email. But I did well to convince her I think.

 

If they do contact me, I will use 18years2late suggestion.

[Owl]

You know...with as crazy whackdoodle as this OM sounds...and as hurt and upset as his GF appears to be...

 

...it's almost a sure bet that word IS going to get back to your H. At some point, one or the other of them is going to get angry and contact him.

 

That's one of the reasons I seriously still recommend that you take some positive action here and have a sit down and inform him yourself...on your own, without being "busted" by them.

 

I totally understand that you hate the idea...but surely doing it yourself is going to be a far better situation than coming home to find out that OM called him and gave him the entire whatfor, right?

 

Take away the "threat" that they keep bringing up by proactively telling your H on your own.

 

I can think of several other reasons why you should tell...but this is the one that is most pertinent to the situation you're in at the moment.

 

Taking 18's suggestion really just leaves that axe to fall at any time at a later date. It doesn't prevent anything, nor does it provide you any protection or security against their attacks later. And...in truth...it also forces your H to remain married to you under false pretenses...he never gets the choice about what HE wants, whether or not HE wants to remain married to you in light of this very pertinent information. It denies him the choice that he deserves to have too.

Edited November 30, 2011 by Owl

[whichwayisup]

You know...with as crazy whackdoodle as this OM sounds...and as hurt and upset as his GF appears to be...

 

...it's almost a sure bet that word IS going to get back to your H. At some point, one or the other of them is going to get angry and contact him.

 

That's one of the reasons I seriously still recommend that you take some positive action here and have a sit down and inform him yourself...on your own, without being "busted" by them.

 

I agree. And, maybe your husband won't be so completely devastated because you said you had the A while you were separated from your husband, right? Or did you two separate with the idea of working it out and it was only temporary?

 

Anyway, best your husband hear the truth from you rather than OM or his gf. It's only a matter of time before they both meddle in your life..Either out of revenge or they feel your husband deserves to know the truth, that you did cheat on him.

[spice4life]

Thanks for looking out OWL!

 

I did take your advice and responded to the GF telling her it wasn't me, that I have not seen him in months.

 

Then drama ensues.

 

She didn't respond instead, xOM calls me 15 times, I didn't pick up. Leaves a threatening voice mail that he's going to tell my husband if I ruin their relationship! I'm not the one who cheated he is and after only a few months! He then sends me a nasty email using HER EMAIL basically telling ME to move on and to not contact either of them again!!! Can you guys believe that?

 

So I sent him/them a response telling him to not have any further contact with me. He respondes saying good and telling me I initiated contact and again mentioning my husband and something about lawyers.

 

At that point I was livid. She isn't uttering a word but from his messages I can tell she doesn't believe him. I sent my final email to him and her telling them that I have all messages he's ever sent me, that I have not had contact with him since before the summer, even though he's been contacting me. I was NC so ignoring. I also warned him if he tries to contact me I will file a restraining order. No response after that.

 

Now I'm playing the waiting game. Really wish it didn't end this way. I just hope its over this time. He was cheating on her and pretending it was with me. Why else would she send me that initial email. But I did well to convince her I think.

 

If they do contact me, I will use 18years2late suggestion.

 

Wow....just wow. His defensive reaction speaks volumes! I agree with owl, what a whackadoodle! This POS was going to allow YOUR life to be ruined to protect his current affair? Again....wow! Talk about a slime bag.

 

A pre-emptive strike with your husband is a very good idea. Especially if this affair happened during a separation.

[Emme]

Ordinarily, I'd agree with you.

 

But in this case, she WAS in NC, and the situation changed when OM's GF found communications and ASSUMED that it was W&P that was her BF's current cheating partner. She then compounded that by threatening to go to W&Ps H.

 

I don't fault her for that, but she's threatening to do so under a misconception that W&P is/was the one that her BF cheated on her with.

 

As a former BS, had I sent that type of email under those assumptions out...and got no response...I would have assumed I was being blown off and followed through with my 'threat' to go to the H.

 

That's why I recommend that W&P actually follow up with the GF, and spell things out clearly and calmly...once.

 

I still also suggest that she tell her H...but that's not the current focus.

 

In this case...I don't think that W&P can resume NC safely without addressing the GF's misinformation without a serious risk of the GF going to her H.

 

Hence my advice.

 

I understand your recommendation, and would probably agree with it but in this case it's not about drama...it's about providing the CORRECTED information to the GF, both to get her straight and to protect W&P's personal interests.

 

 

 

Let sleeping dogs lie!

 

LOL! This scenario was a simple one. The female stated in the letter and I quote…

 

I received an email from his girlfriend telling me in not so nice terms that they are invloved and to leave him alone and that she would tell my husband if I contacted him again.

 

Owl, there is no reason for her to respond to this email because the facts are stated. Not only that they are stated but I don’t owe any b*tch I’m not f*cking an explanation. NC means NC. If there is NC then the facts won’t come to light. It’s English, written as clear as day. What I find that most people on here like to do is pour kerosene oil or even spend lots of money on diesel fuel to throw on a fire… why, drama! Everyone thinks they are on Judge Judy and need to clear their name. Why I don’t know. The past is the past. It’s behind you. If you want to move forward you do that. Standing still is not moving forward.

 

To think she needed to explain is the first mistake, every message is dated. His woman already knows when they were in contact, fact. No need to set any record straight. All she did when she responded to explain herself was add fuel to the fire… as I can see that has already occurred.

[Emme]

Thanks for looking out OWL!

 

I did take your advice and responded to the GF telling her it wasn't me, that I have not seen him in months.

 

Then drama ensues.

 

SMH… so how’s the drama working out for you…

 

She didn't respond instead, xOM calls me 15 times, I didn't pick up. Leaves a threatening voice mail that he's going to tell my husband if I ruin their relationship! I'm not the one who cheated he is and after only a few months! He then sends me a nasty email using HER EMAIL basically telling ME to move on and to not contact either of them again!!! Can you guys believe that?

 

Yes I can believe it. You’ve proved him right by being the woman on the side that is stalking him and you are the one who can’t let go. See hun.. look, she emailed me and she is trying to end our relationship by lying to you that I have other women. W&P, you’re walking into a building that’s on fire and you don’t want to stop. I hope you have the fire proof attire on at least.

 

So I sent him/them a response telling him to not have any further contact with me. He respondes saying good and telling me I initiated contact and again mentioning my husband and something about lawyers.

 

Why would you do that? He’s already told you to leave them alone. Do it! You don’t have to get the last word. It’s not important who gets the last word. This is not a playground your marriage is at stake.

 

 

At that point I was livid. She isn't uttering a word but from his messages I can tell she doesn't believe him. I sent my final email to him and her telling them that I have all messages he's ever sent me, that I have not had contact with him since before the summer, even though he's been contacting me. I was NC so ignoring. I also warned him if he tries to contact me I will file a restraining order. No response after that.

 

You’re going to wind up loosing your marriage if you don’t stop. You are too invested into this situation to even focus on your marriage. They mean nothing to you. Your husband means everything to you. If you are looking for day time drama look for it on TV.

 

You don’t have to warn him of anything. What you do is treat him like a toddler that won’t stop crying. He’s whining like a baby. Leave him “them” alone and they will quiet themselves to sleep. Let them have there tantrum but you will continue to live your life. Stop the drama!

 

Now I'm playing the waiting game. Really wish it didn't end this way. I just hope its over this time. He was cheating on her and pretending it was with me. Why else would she send me that initial email. But I did well to convince her I think.

 

If they do contact me, I will use 18years2late suggestion.

 

You shouldn’t be waiting for anything, what waiting game. Get your focus straight. The only game you should be playing is how to get your focus back on your husband and not wasting time on someone you don’t want. You don’t need to convince that woman of anything. Seriously, Stop the madness!

 

End all contact. Don’t just say it, mean it.

[weedsandposies]

The reason i responded was because xOM GF threatened to tell my husband of something i was not involved in. OM cheated on her and is having her think whatever messages she finds on his phone are from me. I havent been involved with him in months, even ignoring all messages from him since the last time I saw him. If I didn't put an end to her contacting me, then when? If I let him get away with it then every time he cheated on her, I would get blamed. Also, he was telling her personal things about our relationship as well as lies.

 

I do believe it's over now. Hopefully, I put a scare in him. My friends think he staged all this to threaten to tell my husband. But I'm not taking any chances.

[18Years2Late]

WOW is right..."scum bag" doesn't even begin to describe what this "man" (I use that term loosely) is...it's one thing to throw you under the bus to protect his M, someone he's been M to for a long time, and/or children...but this POS is going to try to ruin your life to protect ANOTHER AFFAIR!?!?!?!?!...I didn't even think there were people that low in the world...I stand corrected...

 

I should tell you that I believe the only reason that BS hasn't contacted my H is b/c xMM does love me and he is protecting me...maybe I'm wrong but I have no other explaination...BS sent my H a certified letter about a year ago...xMM warned me so I could get it first and he knows that H never got it...so...he could tell her right?...if he wanted to hurt me...

 

that said...I also told xMM after 1st dday 1 year ago that I told my H everything...it wasn't until the 3rd dday that I decided to throw out the S/D lie...so maybe he thinks H knows so why bother...

 

I'm not so sure my S/D lie will work out for you considering that S/D filings are public record and many people know that or someone may tell them...then they'll bust you in a lie...if I were you I would send one last e-mail to them (sorry Emme)...I would say "look...I still stand by my story that this A has been over long before GF came along, but I was really scared that you all would tell my H and I thought it would be better coming from me...needless to say he's a little upset so just warning you that you might get a call"...then maybe that will work...

 

Another reason why xMM leaves me alone is b/c I also have every single email, facebook message, picture, text message, presents, jewelry, cards, etc. from 18+ months...every single word and object...as you say you do...I'm sure xMM is still "trickling" the BS and he's afraid I'll send more to her...I've sent her a few already a couple of times when she's really pissed me off...I've told xMM I'm not afraid to send more so make her leave me alone...he knows I could fill up several reams of paper...and another huge box...

 

maybe you can ask your xMM if he'd like his present packaged up with a green or red bow...that might shut him up for a little while...if he actually had a conscious...he a piece of work...

[weedsandposies]

Smart to keep everything. I too have all his messages including several threatening me, cursing at me, etc. ThatI can use against him. My problem is he's not married. Sometimes i wish he was as he would have more to lose.

 

My mental case xOM threw me under the bus for someone he's known for a few months AND he's already cheating on!

[weedsandposies]

Also that I've known for over 15 years! I really hope other people learn from our experiences.

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe he will grow a pair and tell him....miracles to happen on occasion.

[weedsandposies]

Oh I already prepped my husband in case he goes apesh*t and contacts him. Told him a couple of crazies were out to get me.