CautiousLoops Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 My partner and I have been together for over five years. I can honestly say I have been unhappy for most of the past two. We have no passion between us and no affection. ATM we haven't had sex for at least four months. We've gone longer. My breaking point happened last week. We went on vacation for a week. I guess it was a last ditch effort to really see if we could be a couple. We bickered the entire week, never held hands, never kissed or touched one another. Even while lying on the beach, there was no affection, no physical desire between us. The second place we went gave us a room with two double beds and he was very happy to sleep alone, so we slept apart for two nights. This has been the norm for the past four years, our relationship becoming very monotonous. But I have always chalked it up to our relationship becoming comfortable and our love changing. I realize now that we have grown in different directions and I have sacrificed a lot of what I want so he wasn't uncomfortable (affection, PDA) or feeling pressured by me. We work for his family business, we own a house together and have built a life together. Surprisingly Im not finding leaving all that to be the hard part. The hard part is that I truly love him. I love him as a very good friend, I love him in my life and he's really a great person. We are just not great together. We want two different things & our definition of a relationship is very different. I feel enormous sadness and guilt when I think of telling him we are better as friends. because of this I have put off ending this relationship for the past year. I cant fathom hurting him OR not having him in my life, if only as a friend (please understand I do know this is very selfish of me). Also, he just does not get it that I am not happy. I have talked to him about my needs and wants and feelings at least two dozen times. He listens, will say sorry and then its as if nothing happened. I cannot do this anymore!! I dont know if he really doesn't get it or if he is happy with the way things are and has no desire to change. Im tired of being let down, of grabbing his hand and having him roll his eyes at me. Or trying to kiss him in public and he tells me Im "being too needy". My heart hurts. I want something more, something I know he cant give me. He is who he is, and after five years I know this is the person he will always be. Any advice on how I can go about this the right way??? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Hi I'm really sorry you're in such a sad relationship. You say that he's probably happy. Honestly, I can't see how that is. He's probably feeling that something is missing, just like you do. If you guys are constantly bickering (even on a vacation), something is wrong and chances are he knows it too. As to what you should say... well this is what I would say: I want you to know that I love you. But we have talked and talked about our issues and nothing changes. I'm not placing blame or anything, I'm just stating the facts as I know them: I need love in my life, emotional and physical. I love having sex, I find its an important way for me to connect to the person I love. Being in a sexless relationship hurts me. I like affection, giving it and receiving it, and I want to be with someone that wants to hold me wants to kiss me wants to tell me they love me, not someone that will make me feel bad and tell me i"m needy if I hold their hand. I want someone to hold my hand because they want to. You and I have been through this and we've talked and talked and nothing changes. I simply can't keep doing this. I deserve to have the things I want, the things that are important to me, and you deserve the same. It's clear that although we connect on somethings and are good friends, that we're not cut out to be partners in a relationship and that's why I think its best to end things now while we still can be friendly and care for one another. I do love you, but I want a partner, not a room-mate. I want to be with someone where all those things I value come naturally to them. You deserve to be with someone that gets you better as well. That's why this is for the best. I dunno, that's what I would say - probably uhm, I just feel that when ending the R, its not the time to place blame, just try to be gentle, explain what you want and why the R isn't going to work and acknowledge that they too are a good person and deserve to find their happiness with someone better suited to be with them. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Wow, TigerCub, beautifully said... Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Wow, TigerCub, beautifully said... aaww Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts