is she cheating on me?

[georgy porgy]

i did a lot of googling and some of it points to yes, but some of it points to no.

 

as far as no...she still wants to have sex with me. she still tells me she loves me.

she still says she wants to be with me. we still take photos together, kiss, hold

 

hands, show loyalty in public. so there are certain signs that i've read about that

 

she is not exhibiting. she's not really doing anything differently in bed, either

 

avoidance, or 'new' things. she does whatever she has to do to find time to spend

 

with me. she has children - and she pays babysitters or returns favors, pays taxis,

 

and has definitely gone to great lenghts to be with me.

 

however, there are still a lot of signs that she has been unfaithful, and things

 

that make my gut question our relationship. however, i think i also suffer from a

 

bit of paranoia and from obsessive love disorder to a degree. we were on for four

 

months, then off for four months, and now we've been on for four months again - 12

 

months total.

 

we have been dating on-and-off for the past year. first "on" period, lasted four

 

months. the first month, (starting with the first night) her ex-bfs or dates would

 

call or text her consistently - doing things such as repeated calls. she told me

 

she would take care of it. a few weeks after saying that, i saw her blog (that she

 

didn't know i could see) and it said things about being upset with how this ex "said

 

he loved her one day, but the next day thought she was a bitch". I confronted her

 

about it - and that was the last i saw of anything. two times within those first 4

 

months she went out with her girlfriends (supposedly) - and didn't call me until the next day,

 

which i found suspicious. one month in, on nye, i caught her giving signals to some

 

guy, and i left the party we were at - and tried to break it off - i may have been

 

paranoid but my gut said she was flirting. i was stoned out of my mind and felt as

 

though i was about to watch my gf cheat on me, so like i said, i left. the

 

relationship moved along, but then (the final straw) i asked her why her ex-

 

serious-bf-of-five-years hadn't called her since he gained freedom. she came up

 

with an elaborate reason as to why, but then called me back and told me that she

 

just saw him, because he came by and she needed a ride somewhere - and that she

 

wanted to give him a chance to speak up for himself, for closure, and that nothing

 

physical took place. i dumped her for it. we remained split for four months.

 

four months later, she called me asked/demanded that we hang out. we did and it was

 

great. she told me that she hooked up with a couple guys. then she changed it to

 

one guy - but that she didn't have sex. i figured she would have had sex in those

 

four months but she said she didn't. well, we began dating again, and she left

 

her phone out and i saw that she had multiple messages from some guy. i asked her

 

about it - and she said they were just friends - but that they had hooked up. she

 

claims they just kissed. she claims they just kissed during a day date for which

 

led to a a hotel room that they got in order to change clothes and prepare for a

 

night out in a separate part of town. i told her that if she continued being

 

friends with this person, that i too would find a "friend".

 

now within the past four months, our relationship has been extremely rocky. when

 

together, we enjoy each other to the fullest - however, when apart - we have either

 

fully broken up, or been on the verge of breaking up. she was working nights as a

 

cocktail server at fancy bottle-service style clubs. two nights, her ex-boyfriend

 

(the one she hung out with and i broke up with her) showed up at her bar and they

 

had physical altercations. then one night she didn't call after a shift. i

 

explained to her that it destroyed my trust and faith in the relationship by not

 

calling, and also that it felt like somebody stuck a knife in my heart. she had no

 

real excuse but said that she wouldn't do it again. after being told that, she did

 

this non-calling thing 2 more times. each time resulting in a semi-break up.

 

additionally, she went out for girls-nights, without taking my calls, and without

 

calling me back until morning. sometimes, she would take my call after 2am, and

 

pick a fight, yell, and hangup, even if i did nothing. i would get obsessive and

 

place multiple back-to-back calls and she would simply ignore these calls. i admit,

 

everytime that this happened i would call her every name in the book, because i know

 

she hates it - and i felt that this was the only way to get her back.

 

the ex-bf also called one day when she was with me, called her repeatedly - trying to hack

 

into her voicemail and everything. however, she let this same guy wish her daughter

 

a happy birthday. kind of confusing.

 

we broke up for 2.5 weeks because i couldn't take the stress. i requested that she

 

let me go, and she did. during that time, i had sexual relations with two women,

 

one orally, one sex. during that time, she went back to being friends with the

 

person i told her to stop being friends with. which was fine. two weeks into the

 

breakup she called and told me i got her pregnant. however, i have never came

 

inside of her. not even close. i would always pull out, and many times, i wouldn't

 

ever "finish". we did however, have power sessions that would last many hours and

 

for many times a day (usually one or two days). the night she said she was pregnant i went to her house

 

unannouced (after she was at an aerobics class) and confronted her about the

 

pregnancy since my friends assumed she was lying about it. she convinced me she was

 

telling the truth. i had an ept test in my car but didn't ask her to take the test.

 

next day she says she got an abortion. she also went to her aerobics class the

 

very next night(?). i demanded proof of the abortion. she said she thru the

 

paperwork away from the abortion clinic, but that she could show me the meds they

 

gave her. guess who drove her to the clinic (supposedly). that friend. later she

 

said that actually she got ept tests from his car and sent me a picture. i examined

 

the picture with some internet app and it appeared to be taken with her camera, and

 

during the time she claimed she took the picture. so i'm unsure what's goin on with

 

that. we got back together 3 days later.

 

this past month, while back together, things were going well, and she did it again.

 

flipped out for absolutely no reason, wouldn't take my calls, and then - at 4am,

 

after ignoring my calls all night and day,called me saying she was wandering the

 

streets because she got in a fight with her ride, and wanted a ride from me. i

 

declined. The "friend" guy ended up picking her up.

 

we ended up hanging out the next weekend while this "friend" guy was on vacation.

 

and he bought her souvenier keychain.

 

last time we were together, we had a heart to heart, and even wrote down our issues

 

with each other. we decided that i was obsessed with her. i looked into the

 

obsessive love disorder and it appears that i have that. however, we also decided

 

that are things she could be doing to make me worry less.

 

she loves me. but then that night we got drunk and went to a bar. i caught her

 

making eyes with a guy, for which she denied. i didn't make a big deal about that.

 

then we got home and things were cool until she started crying and told me she lied

 

about the number of guys she was with and that her exboyfriend used to "force her to

 

have sex with his friends" we then had an all out war in my apartment complete with

 

physical abuse on both sides and me calling her every name in the book. also, that

 

day before the fight, during lovemaking i found a what appeared to be a wart on her

 

vagina. i didn't mention it during the sex but told her during the fight. nothing

 

more was made of that. we ended up making up. the next day, she told me she was

 

lying about the extra guys thing. which clearly ****ed my head up.

 

the next day we ended up having great night, and didn't get in a fight. usually we

 

get drunk and have an all out fight. we had amazing sex and she asked me to cum

 

inside of her but i didn't. but when i dropped her off, i saw that she had this

 

guy's keychain attached to her keys. she then told me, that she also had kept some

 

flowers that he had bought her when she/I was broken up, but that they were

 

sincerely just friends. she also said this picture on her blog that she told me was

 

her in the past, was really of him. so she lied. (it was just cropped picture of a

 

tshirt). i asked her to take off his keychain and put this new thing i gave her on

 

instead. she did. oddly, while this was happening, she thought he drove by and she

 

got nervous. she says there's pics of her and him in her phone too. she said she'd

 

be pissed if the shoe was on the other foot, but is pretty convincing that they are

 

just friends.

 

i know all of this sounds bad but i can tell that she loves me. however, i'm not

 

sure if she has been inappropriate or if she has cheated. i must admit, i have

 

asked her repeatedly and it is pushing her away. sometimes she freaks out and gets

 

mad at me for asking (like tonight) and sometimes she says she'll try to help my

 

mind and she convinces me that she has not. My gut is telling me she has cheated,

 

but I'm not sure because I haven't caught her, I am indeed obsessed with her

 

(definitely) and fit the obsessive love disorder model, I'm somewhat paranoid

 

(maybe), and she flat out denies it to death. plus i do drugs (nothing too crazy

 

like crack or heroin)

 

i don't want to lose this girl. she is funny and kind. she treats me well when we

 

are together. she doesn't flirt with other guys in front of me. she doesn't shy

 

from sex with me. she pays me compliments. and she makes it clear that she wants

 

to be with me. she quit working nights and has really made an effort to correct

 

things that led her to do stuff that bothered me including not corresponding with

 

that 'friend'. it's still not enough, I still feel as though she's not telling me

 

something and it hurts. I love her. I know there is a lot of obsession clouding

 

the love, but I do truly love her. I love her laugh, smile, and I think she is a

 

good person, but a good person with serious ****ing issues. is she cheating? am i

 

just scared to be a stepdad? has she cheated?

[Cosmo]

hi,

 

can you tell me what are power sessions ?

 

in this context:

 

"we did however, have power sessions that would last many hours and

 

for many times a day (usually one or two days)."

 

From my personal experience people who work in night clubs are not the most loyal, they have a lot of casual sex especially, beautiful chicks.

So the probabilty is not in her favor.

[Chi townD]

Dude, this relationship is way too toxic. First, she's lying and she has and had been sleeping around. Second, you have way too many trust issues; therefore, if this relationship ends they are only going to continue into the next relationship you have. So, I would suggest you go to counseling and get a handle on that.

 

I don't see this relationship going long term here, Sorry.

[georgy porgy]

are there any other opinions.

 

power session = many hours of passionate love making

[Chi townD]

are there any other opinions.

 

power session = many hours of passionate love making

 

That's nice, but does hours of love making solve the problem?

[georgy porgy]

no, it did not.

 

I was answering the question from another poster.

 

Thank you for your compassion and thoughts. I welcome more.

 

Is it possible that she didn't cheat on me? or are you certain that she did.