Fairy tale endings....

[YouNeverKnow86]

Well today on 92.3 (radio station in the tri state area) with Nick Canon & Sara Lee they had a morning long segment on broken fairy tales. People were calling up and talking about breakups (dumpers & dumpees both calling). The advice given on the show is to not give up on the one you love even if they need space/time and were the dumper. They mentioned many times the whole "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours" doesn't work.

 

Why do so many people believe persistence does work? I and everyone else on here knows that isn't the case, the more you fight for something the more you push them away. Is this true for the short term but maybe down the road they will remember your persistence and will come back if all fails?

 

I just found this segment today very interesting. There were a few dumpers that called and said they regretted their actions in the past. Some dumpees called and wish they never went no contact because those people never did come back.

 

What is everyone's take on this? Should you continue to fight for the one you love or just let them go.

[YouNeverKnow86]

1 thing to note: Many people who called said self pride stood in their way of reconciliation

[jordjones]

I've had two breakups where I persistently chased for a period of time thereafter. In both cases, I hit a point where I said "screw it" and went no contact. In one case, she came crawling back after about a month; in the other, she hasn't come back, and it's been almost 5 months now.

[davesterr]

I think in the end it's about which dreams to follow. And which to let go.

 

I'm a big believer of making your own fate.

I'm not just gonna sit here and wait for someone to return.

I do whatever it takes.

But you have to be smart.

Wait for the right timing and you won't be pushing them away.

Every person is different though and no one has the magical answer of getting your ex back.

But if every effort fails.

And you know the one you love doesn't love you back.

It's time to realise the truth.

 

See this isn't about a career.

If your smart and your determined to become a doctor or a lawyer , you can.

It might takes years of persistence but in the end you will become it.

But were not talking about an accomplishment here.

We are talking about human emotion.

You can not force someone else to love you.

It doesn't matter what you do or how hard you try.

If the other person doesn't love you still ,then that's the way it is.

 

The whole loving someone and if they come back they yours isn't true.

Because it implies we do nothing.

Look back at when you first met your ex.

Did you just sit in ur room , do nothing and suddenly the love of ur life appeared in front of you?

No.

You had to make a move , be sweet , romantic , take them out on dates.

Did everything you could to make your ex fall in love with you.

Why do you think making your ex fall back in love with you requires nothing?

It doesn't , because just like the first time , it takes hard work and dedication.

The only way doing nothing works is if your ex realises how much she misses you.

But like i said before: Everyone is different and there is no 1 magical way of getting your ex back.

 

It's true that if you love someone and they don't love you back , you have to let them go.

For them to be free and able to live their own happy life without you , while you being torn and alone.

But they don't miraculously just come back to you out of no where.

 

In the end it's like i said:

You gotta know which dreams to follow , and which to let go.

You can't force someone to love you.

You can give it your all and do everything possible.

But if it doesn't work then it doesn't work.

You can stay forever and be persistent.

Throw your whole life away and wait 40 years.

But when your ex starts to have grand kids and is 80 years old and happily married.

I think it's time to let go.

The bad thing is that at this time you will be 80 years old too , and have wasted your entire life for someone who doesn't love you back.

Is this really something you wanna do?

I know i don't and i won't.

 

I did everything in the world possible.

I fought with everything i had.

And was the most romantic sweetest and careful guy ever.

Did things my ex's current boyfriend would never even come close to doing.

But yet it didn't matter.

I may not have gotten her back , and i will never get her back either.

But atleast i know i did everything in my power that i could to get her back.

Knowing that allows me to look back with no regrets.

 

Everything in life takes effort.

If you want to learn an instrument you have to buy one and practise till your fingers bleed.

You want to lose weight you have to go to the gym and work out till you're sore and sweating.

If you want a career you have to go to school for years and work 2 jobs just to survive.

What makes you think getting back with your ex requires nothing at all besides waiting till they come back?

They dont.

It takes hard work.

And i encourage everyone to give it everything they got if they still believe theres a chance.

But if after everything you did it you're still not together.

Then i think it's time to acknowledge that and move on.

 

Thanks for reading my opinion.

Edited November 30, 2011 by davesterr

[Milocat]

The answer to this is so 'case by case'.

 

You really have to feel it out and be honest with yourself. Some breakups are forever. If that is the case it doesn't matter if you smother them or ignore them completely. They will NOT come back to you either way.

 

Some breakups are not forever. You have to be able to ascertain if your case is actually one of those cases and not just WISH it were that way.

 

Then there is the type and amount of contact. There is a big difference completely ignoring someone (including ignoring the dumper should they try and contact you because - despite what a lot of people think - no contact is exactly that.. no contact) and cooling your jets with them. Make yourself a little less available. Either fake it, or start up a new class. Don't pick up on the first ring, or even the third. Little tweakings like that can help wonders. And also, I find for myself, distancing yourself from them gives them a little more perspective, but more importantly gives you some more as well. And as an added bonus, it helps lessen the 'obsessive' nature that can happen post breakup of wondering....

 

Complete no contact only works if you're distancing yourself so you can heal. Or I believe it gets exes back under false pretenses. Oh yay, I ignored my ex and it stirred up feelings of always wanting what you can't have. Ya thats a good foundation for a relationship!

[bbronco]

You can only fight the fight for so long if you're doing it on your own! I'm the textbook example of the person that doesn't want to give up. Paid for dinner, made dinner, given the birthday present I purchased pre-break up just to show I still care, dropped off the explanation filled card, sent off the emails, and of course the usual every other day to weekly texts of caring thoughts and hurt feelings.

 

But then again, I'm the dumper, so I accept that fighting is the position I have to take to prove how regrettful and unwaning my emotions are. If I were a dumpee, then I'd understand the feeling that you'd rather be fought for and not come asking the dumper back. That NC for a dumpee would intensify the guilt a dumper has.

 

Still, I feel like if someone is putting themself out there constantly and putting themselves in a vulnerable hurt position to tell the other person a million "I love you"s and "sorry"s and "come back"s...and minimal to no effort has been made by the other party. Then it just starts getting exhausting. At that point, I would say if you really have made every effort and said everything you need to say then then fight should be over.

 

Trying to come to terms with giving up...but it's still so difficult. I really can't say anything new that I haven't already said and I can't show anymore how much I care. If someone chooses to be selfish and rude to your attempts, then so be it. NC it is!

[kkay]

Ahhh.. fairy tales. I fully believe that you can get back with an ex but it doesn't just happen overnight and it must be a healthy relationship. I truly feel that in relationships time is your best friend....

[4givrnt4gtr]

You know, I was thinking about something similar the other day..

 

I have a journal that ive written on for almost 10 years now. At some point in those 10 years I had a really good friend whom I ended having a mad crush on. I sensed he did too but something happened and we ended up estranged.

Back then I kept writing how regretful I was about not having told him how I felt, that I did whatever I did to push him away, and how many times i tried over and over to reconnect to no avail.

At some point I gave up, and moved on, but that sense of "the one that got away" stayed with me.

 

At that point I was 100% sure he was good and gone and we would never talk again. He refused to answer my calls or emails and when he did it was to tell me to move and and to basically leave him alone.

 

I found someone else and started a relationship with him. Then a few months later I met the first guy again at a party. I didn't know what to do so I just ignored him. And then, to my surprised, he came back and started talking to me, acting like nothing had ever happened and our friendship was resumed!! Still at that point I was in a relationship with someone I ended caring for a lot.

When that relationship ended my friend began to contact me more and more, and ofcourse things happened between us. When I wrote about that in my journal, I mused at how a year before I thought we would never speak again, and in 12 short months things were completely 180.

 

Much more has happened since then, Including me realizing that that "friendship" was not good and having to cut all contact with him (and him trying hard to reconnect...figures).

But my point is...YOU NEVER KNOW

What is happening at this moment does not dictate what WILL happen in the future. Another amusing thing is that the guy I started dating in order to forget my friend at first, became the one guy I have loved the most and wish things had worked out with (basically my rebound became my main guy)...again YOU NEVER KNOW

 

I say just chill, sit back and enjoy the ride...if you're able to live on without anguish and TRYING SO HARD to make something happen, you'll see life has a way to work itself out.

Keeping a journal has helped me a lot by keeping everything into perspective. Has helped me see what ive been through, what i thought and what later down the road things have happened that I thought couldn't have happened in a million years....

 

Life has a way...just trust that.