I hate seeing him.

[That_girl]

I see my ex ALL THE TIME. Recently I just saw him with his new girlfriend. She's a lot prettier than me. It really sucks, my friends all tell me that it shouldn't be affecting me because he dumped me two years ago....but I can't help that it does. He practically lives across the street from me! And now I have to see him all the time...doing the things he used to do with me, with her.

 

It's terrible. I must have done some pretty horrible stuff in the past to deserve this karma.

 

I don't hate him. In fact, I'd always hoped he'd be happy because I truly loved him. I don't think I ever loved anyone the way I loved him. I even tried to remain friends with him but he didnt want to because I told him I was dating someone else (more recent ex that was abusive). But I don't understand...he dumped me after 3 years together. It was the most difficult period of my life, my mom had almost commit suicide just before this happened. And he left me alone to deal with it.

 

I just hate seeing him. But what can I do? I just have to either suffer, or keep moving on with my life. I don't want him back, never did really. Not even now that I'm single and lonely. I just can't help but think he is laughing at me now every time he sees me because he's happy, and I'm not.

[davesterr]

i dont think hes laughing at u if u broke up on good terms.

even if u didnt i doubt hes laughing at u because ex's dont really think of the dumpees as much as u would think.

they dont go around thinking plotting etc like we do.

they just live their life.

so if ur worried about that i can pretty much assure u , don't.

 

im glad u want ur ex happy since u truely loved him.

in a way its bitter sweet becuz it's killing you to see him happy with someone else.

in the end the only thing you can do is want ur ex to be happy while trying to find happiness on ur own.

 

you have a few options:

you can try to deal with it while living your life.

it seems to me that it still hurts you and your self esteem to see them.

and since ur lonely it doesn't make it any better.

u can't hide in ur room so that's out of the question.

and ur life won't change over a day unless u find someone u really like.

but the most important thing is for u to find happiness without another being.

only then are u in control of ur own life without worrying about the other leaving u.

 

ur second option is to move out.

it's a dramatic move and im not sure if u like were u live or close to family/work.

but in the end it's an option nonetheless.

if its really bugging u to the point where u can't normally live ur everyday life.

and despite not wanting to get back together , it hurting u toomuch to see them.

well then its better than staying where u are.

 

third option isn't an option.

but if u decide to let things be then all u can do is wait for him to move.

then again this really isn't something u can wait for.

 

all in all im sorry for ur situation.

im half across the world from my ex yet it hurts everyday.

i can't imagen what it would feel like to see her with her bf.

just be glad u no longer want to get back together with urs.

in the end it's not the fact that hes happy thats hurting u.

its the fact that ur unhappy thats hurting u and causes ur low self esteem to be fragile.

change ur own unhappy life to a happy one and seeing ur ex with whoever he is with will no longer hurt you.

this is easier said than done though but i just thought i let you know.

either way goodlucks with ur decissions.

 

looks isn't the only thing to be judged about.

you wanting him to be happy despite urself feeling bad shows u got a heart.

and if u ask me , in the long run , a heart always prevails over looks.

so try not to let it bother comparing yourself to who he is with.

just focus on urself more.

if anything let it encourage you to go to the gym , get a new haircut and look at ur best.

turn negativity into positive is the best way to deal with things.

in the end the better you look , the better you will feel.

and the better you will feel , the less prone ul be to whatever is out there that hurts you.

Edited November 30, 2011 by davesterr

[That_girl]

Thank you very much for your reply. Doesn't it suck? I do want him to be happy. He hates me. Doesn't even wanna talk to me, gives me dirty looks. At first he wanted to get back together, but when I told him I was seeing someone else about a year ago- well, that's when his hatred towards me really came out. It's hard to admit that I still want him to be happy, when he clearly dumped me, and then got angry that I was moving on. It was very selfish of him. He dumped me in the most cruel way possible, left me a voicemail and told me he wanted nothing to do with me ever again. And then when I went over to his place to speak to him, he slammed the door in my face and pretended like I wasn't even there while I sobbed away on his doorstep.

 

That's NOT someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. That's NOT someone that will be there no matter what. He was incredibly selfish. I could never go back to that, because I do deserve better. I know I was at fault too, but I just couldn't ever see him in that light again. And it's hard to wish him well, especially when I see him with her. But I'm not moving. I like my apartment, I like my neighbourhood. And eventually my life will improve. I have a good job, good friends, and I'm finally starting to figure out who I am...on my own. It's actually a good thing that he dumped me.

 

Thanks for helping me rationalize this.

 

It's ridiculous of me to carry on like this, I can't be sad about seeing. I offered my friendship or at least civility but he turned it down, so I'll just pretend he doesn't exist.