ExGF Blamed me for her abortion!

[harvej]

For those who have already read my story, please forgive me on this thread. I have a very deep resentful issue that i need closure on. Its about blaming me for her decision to get an abortion,that still resonates in my head. It was too painful to bring up earlier, but now that i am moving on and making progess, I need advice on this one last subject. Again, I am

so

very sorry for bringing my story back up, I really want to get advice on this one last topic,

so

i can find peace with myself, regardless of current health.

 

For newbies and friends:

My story is sort of different in that my

GF

of 5 years, dumped me for another man, two weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer. She had become distant but did say that she wished she could "take care of me" and move in with me when i told her. This woman has a 10yr

old

child. My xGF has been a cheater, was bi-polar,had many financial issues and ailments all for which i took care of her. I was a rescuer to start, then fell for her. Long story short, she dumped me in the normal style I had become accustomed to each time she cheated. She would get caught and say "i thought we were broken up", each time we had a fight and used

NC

for 3-5 days. I caught her again 2 weeks ago on her "second date" with her now, new

BF

. Now after 2 weeks of

NC

, I assume she is married! LOL!

My issue today is that in our breakup discussions, she blamed me for everything,and I did not say a single thing back to her that was accusatory or what bugged me about her. i just let her unload on me. One issue that really hurts me now, is that she got pregnant and had an abortion early on in our relationship. In hindsight, it may not even had been my baby. I was supportive of her,and let her know i would support the baby and her,and would support any decision she made, but to think it thru and make a decision based on her true feelings. I am anti abortion, but respect the womans right to get one. She had already had one child out of wedlock and her daughter has had years of mental issues, behaviour disorders, and was driving her into a depression. (This child was beyond anything i had ever seen as it pertains to being spoiled and tantrums). Even now at 10 years of age, she still throws massive tantrums if she doesnt get her way. I was a good father to her and can control her somewhat, but i always got the "you are not her father" speech. Anyway, she chose an abortion. In our breakup discussion she blamed me for the abortion and said I "forced her because it wouldnt look good to my public image" What image?!!! I am a nobody! I had never said anything even remotly close to that and she said i had a very bad memory. I assume she is sociopath that lacks empathy, in that she had convinced herself that she was a victim,and that she was forced to get an abortion vs making it her decision. It makes for a nice "I am a victim" scenerio for her now new rescuer. Again, I took the blame for literally everything and let her vent, not knowing it was our last conversation. She didnt even apologize for cheating multiple times and anything about my cancer etc.. Just totally void of any blame on anything.

So

I started the

NC

Rule thinking she would come back for that second opp for me to vent,and nothing. She is sleeping over already with her new guy. (Took her 3 days after we split),and apparently happy and has purged me from her life, complete with self exoneration or any lessons learned how to accept responsibility and become a better person herself. Should I move on or seek some sort of closure to get it off my chest? I would never go back to that nightmare, but I am a bit angry that she walked scott free of any blame and left me with the burden of blame on her abortion. I accept full responsibility for putting up with her,and can live with my mistakes, but this one item is bugging me.

[4givrnt4gtr]

harvej, look up "Borderline Personality Disorder"....

What you describe here seems to be a lot like people who suffer from this disorder behave like, including blaming you for their choices and saying you did/say things you've never even thought.

Ofcourse nobody but a professional who does an indepth interview can diagnose your ex, but maybe looking up how it presents and most importantly, what the partners of these people feel like and have dealt with might make you feel a bit validated....

 

Good luck, and I hope you can find some answers

[harvej]

Thank you. I will search BPD. Is there a thread or forum?