Didn't get anything from her on my birthday...

[The_Good_Me]

I realise this is quite a debated subject and there probably is no right way to feel as recieving messages from ex's on our birthdays is like a double edged sword!

 

If they contact us it can make us think about "What it means" when it usually means nothing.

 

If they don't contact us, it can make us think "Did my ex even care about me? does he/she hate me now?"

 

Well it's my birthday today and I'm pretty sure if she was going to send me a message, she'd have done it by now! We've been apart for 8 months and I'm still going through hell! Don't get me wrong, it's been long enough that I'm no longer staying in bed all day, crying every day etc, etc and she hasn't spoilt my birthday! I've actually had a great day! I worked during the day but it was very relaxed and I think everyone made more of an effort to be nice to me and keep me laughing! my friend took me out to the cinema this evening, I treated myself and it's just been a great day!

 

Truth is I think every situation is different and birthday contact affects different people in different ways depending on what kind of person you are, how long you were with your ex and how much time it's been since the break up. For me I was with her for 10 years which is over a 3rd of our life times! We experienced so much together and even though we're apart, I would like to think that I still meant something to her, even if it's something so small as to think of me on my birthday and send a simple "Happy Birthday". Now I really do honestly believe that she never truly loved me and that she has come to hate me for whatever reason.

 

I'm sure some of you are thinking "If she had contacted you, you'd be on here asking us what it meant!". Well I can't say with 100% certainty as I didn't go through that but for a long time I have been under no illusion that we'll ever get back together again! I had the message loud and clear that she doesn't want to be with me anymore so I "think" if I had gotten a happy birthday I would have been sad yes, but I would have taken it on face value with nothing behind it. Hard to know for sure if I would have acted like that as I think we all believe one thing and then when you actually go through it, you react however you naturally react and it isn't always necesserily the way you planned to act.

 

I guess I'm just disappointed that I didn't hear from her and needed to vent somewhere! Thank you for reading :-)

[ruffianheart]

I wonder if they don't send a birthday card because they don't want to get our hopes up. Or maybe they believe we don't want to hear from them, or that we are mad at them.

 

After my birthday, I didn't check my mail for over two weeks because I was afraid that he wouldn't send a card. When I finally got the courage to check, nothing. Like you, I invested many years in this relationship (25 years, including friendship) and this was the first year in all those years that he didn't wish me "Happy Birthday."

 

Still, after so many years, I just don't believe it is because they are deliberately trying to hurt us. I believe they think in their hearts that they are trying NOT to hurt us.

[davesterr]

In a way we all wanna be remembered in a good way.

We all wanna be the person that she will one day look back on and somehow regret of dumping.

And we all wanna feel special or like we still mean alot to them like they mean to us.

All i can say though is , im pretty positive your ex will never forget you.

Nor the good times that you shared.

But unfortunately they moved on to the point where it is no longer the most important thing they think about.

Whether they decide not to send you a message to not put your hopes up and hurt you.

Or whether they simply forgot.

I doubt she would not send it on purpose to hurt you if you broke up on good terms.

In the end it sucks but it doesn't have any current real value.

I mean , if you're not together then a birthday message is nothing but a birthday message.

And yes it would be nice but that would be all it is anyway.

 

I know it hurts not to get a message after so much history regardless her reason not to send one.

But let it be a reminder that you should no longer depend on her to make you happy , not even by sending you a small message.

Let it be the reminder that you should live a great life , have great friends and maybe someone else in your life some day that will send u a happy birthday message instead or even throw you a party or take you somewhere.

Believe me that when you are at that place it will make you so much happier than that double edged message that you secetly desire so much right now.

Edited December 1, 2011 by davesterr

[radiodarcy]

Still, after so many years, I just don't believe it is because they are deliberately trying to hurt us. I believe they think in their hearts that they are trying NOT to hurt us.

 

interesting point. this reminds me of a bit of a scene i witnessed some years ago. i was walking my dog and noticed a man and a woman arguing up ahead.

 

the woman appeared to be extremely upset and as we drew closer, i found out why as i overheard her say, "and now after all this time, when i'm over you and have pulled my life together and am feeling better than i ever have -- you say you want me back?!"

 

so yeah - - i would have to agree with you. while not all dumpees may have this reaction should a dumper contact them again. i can't help but wonder if it's the fear of a reaction like that that keeps not all - - but some dumpers away.

[The_Good_Me]

Thank you all for your replies. You have all spoken a great deal of sense and my mind is more at ease about it today Still quite sad about the whole situation but now that my emotions have calmed, I'm seeing things a lot more clearly!

 

Thank you again