Why Did He Pick Her Over Me?

[Sidney]

I hooked up with an old boyfriend from high school (this is about 13 years later) whom I consider(ed) a good friend, and the sex was amazing. I have never had better. He told me all the things I wanted to hear (about how I am sexy, hypnotic, and beautiful and he wanted to take care of me.) I was ready to start a new life with him, then I found out there was someone else he had been hiding from me. He got this girl pregnant and dumped me. I can't get over the fact that he chose her over me - she is a drama queen and huge/unattractive. Also, she already has a kid and lives 200 miles away. We recently connected again briefly and talked a little about what went down, and he admitted that I am the best (sexually) he has ever had. So what gives, why does this girl get what she wants while I am left to pick up the pieces? (She had a miscarriage, by the way.) He doesn't sound terribly thrilled to be with her. Yet here I am, willing to be with him, and he wants this obese girl that comes with baggage and drama? I am seriously frustrated sexually and I miss the sex with him but had not spoken to him in a year because he refused to answer my emails and calls.

 

I can't move on with my life because what he did was heinous and destroyed me inside. This has been causing me extreme anxiety, which leads to physical manifestations. I can't sleep and can't stop thinking about what happened. I feel like such a tool. He's not giving me good answers about why he did what he did. I was advised that maybe I should keep in contact with him but just keep it light, and maybe we can build up our bond again.

 

What should I do?

[bluechocolate]

How long were you two together having great sex before he went back to his girlfriend?

 

This guy was cheating on his pregnant girlfriend - what makes you think he won't cheat on you if he does dump her to be with you?

 

I can't get over the fact that he chose her over me

 

Wasn't he with her first? Bad mouthing her isn't going to help you one bit. The reality is that it is his choice to make. What makes you so sure that you're better than her? I don't mean to belittle you, but surely if he felt that way he would be with you, wouldn't he?

 

I can't move on with my life because what he did was heinous and destroyed me inside.

 

And yet you still want him. He told you that you were the best sex he ever had. Did it occur to you that he may have been lying about that? I would think he was lying to his pregnant girlfriend so why wouldn't he lie to you also? After all he was lying to you about her in the first place wasn't he?

 

why does this girl get what she wants while I am left to pick up the pieces?

 

Why do some people win the lottery when I'm clearly more deserving? And you know that you can't possibly know her mind or that of her boyfriend's, despite what he may or may not have said to you. I think you're asking the wrong questions here.

 

He's not giving me good answers about why he did what he did.

 

What would be a good answer?

 

It's been a year since he returned to his girlfriend & you're saying that you're still so distraught & anxious that you can't go on with your life. And if you are so distraught & in such extreme anxiety then keeping in touch with him in not a good idea.

 

I am seriously frustrated sexually and I miss the sex with him

 

I'm sure you can find other men who would like to have sex with you & it is entirely possible that sex can be just as good with them.

 

I seriously think you should seek some counselling to help you with this.

[moimeme]

This may come as a surprise to you, but 'the best sex he's ever had', true or not, is not a good enough reason for someone to stay with you. Life together outside the bedroom must be fulfilling as well. The guy was a jerk - move on.

[Yadda39]

and believe it or not.....SEX is not all it takes for a relationship....

 

Shocking I know...

[Pyrannaste]

Why he picked her over you?

It could be her personality, she could be a nice and caring person, he could feel guilty for getting her pregnant, she might be pretty/physically attractive to him (I don't associate being obese with being unattractive), she could be fun and intelligent, she could be his soul mate.

None of these matters.

 

Try to stop feeling bad because he chose a girl whom you think less interesting than you over you.

 

The fact that he chose her, *even if she looked like a model*, does not mean she is better than you, or that there is something wrong with you.

 

People don't choose as their partners "the best on the market they can afford to be with", they (hopefully) choose "the person *they* and they themselves are interested in". A guy liking someone better than you does NOT mean she is better than you, but only that *he* thinks she is better than you *for him*.

 

 

This guy is a cheating jerk anyway. Concentrate on *that*. Be glad he is out of your life. Seek for help (profesisonal or from friends) for your anxiety. Try to get over him, to do something you like, to hang out with friends, anything that will prevent you from tinking too much about him, until you are ready to date again.