Moving On

[wow123]

There are a few "regulars" on here that will criticize you (right or wrong) and make you feel a bit worse in hopes of helping you improve. Why don't they just give you the gun and bullets? Figuratively speaking of course. There's a time and a place. Here's the thing...nobody is on here to improve. They are on here because they are hurting SOOO badly. They are on here to feel better. Worry about improving after you break out of your depression/unhappiness. I had a a turning point this week. Here's what I did.

 

Made a list of things I did not like about my ex on my notepad on my phone. I will read it whenever I think about how great she was. NOBODY is that perfect. Mine consists of about 15 items.

 

I hated when she...

I didn't like...

 

Also, the dream that you imagined with him/her, imagine it with someone else. That broken dream usually hurts more than losing the actual relationship. Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps someone even thought it will enrage the "regulars".

[AwptiK]

Valid points. I just got out of a relationship myself and i'm having a very rough time.

 

I've considered writing out a list of things I dislike, but they're honestly few and far between. It'll take a lot of thinking to get past a mere 10 things.

 

 

The dreams, I will agree are definitely what hurts a bit more than the loss of the relationship. Talks of the future, talks of things we wanted to do, but never got to, etc. Those are the things that hurt me the most.

 

 

What about ideas on getting over beating yourself up? I personally, am what caused things to end. After things ended initially, I made a stupid comment out of anger. She said that my comment erased a huge part of her feelings for me, "A part of me left....and it can't come back". It also erased a lot of regret and questioning herself, that she was dealing with. I am beyond hurting myself and beyond angry at myself, for that. It wouldn't take an ounce more of anger to go crazy..

[wow123]

To stop beating yourself up-tell yourself you acted that way because of how you felt. You can't help how you feel. We feel the way we feel. It simply wasn't right if how you felt caused a breakup or played some part.

[davesterr]

yeah i know what your talking about.

some of the regulars on here won't even bother reading what you said.

they will just make some stupid ass comment about: grow a pair.

i mean seriously , what does that contribute to healing?

its not advice , its not help , its just some dumb remark that makes no sense.

its like saying , well just stop feeling hurt.

if only it was that easy.

 

unfortunately i think some of the regulars on here have nothing better to do

than to boost their self esteem by acting tough on a forum where we all share our wounds to try and help each other.

its like high school where the bullies try to pick on the weak.

except that these regulars on here don't have a life and can't pick on anyone in real life so instead they just post stupid crap on here that holds no value at all.

 

i personally just ignore them though but i know what you mean.

its stupid and annoying.

 

about stop beating youself up.

its called: acceptance.

you can blame urself for making that comment.

you can blame her for making you feel bad in the first place that led to ur comment.

or you can accept it for what it is: the past.

and now you should move on.

either forgive yourself or move on so far ahead that you stop caring.

cuz in the end theres no point in beating urself up.

it wont change what happened and it will only change yourself in a bad way.

you dont want that to happen.

after 4 months of insomnia and inability to do anything productive , i speak out of experiance.

but once you wake up , you will find new gain strength that had been beaten down by urself all along and with it you will be able to go to different places and do different things that will improve your life.

Edited December 1, 2011 by davesterr

[smokey bear]

Rip that list up and write a new list about what you want in life, your good points and your bad points and look at that, your still focused on her when you should be focused on you.

 

Dont look back look forward

[wow123]

Rip that list up and write a new list about what you want in life, your good points and your bad points and look at that, your still focused on her when you should be focused on you.

 

Dont look back look forward

 

This list is how I turned the corner. It's how I stop idealizing her. It snaps me back to reality in a moments notice. I simply pull my phone out and read the list. I know what I want. Maybe this will work for others, maybe not. Just trying to help.

[jaiededheart]

it does help to list the qualities you know wasn't right for you. i did it and it helped but there is the feeling of the unknown as well. like if it was really that bad an i know with me it was and it wasn't -catch 22 really. i just found out my ex has a girlfriend now and i don't really know how to deal with this. i feel heart broken and i feel like i couldhave done things differently in some way and its unfair that i helped him become a better person so the next person would benefit from it. hes happy and moved on so quickly and i'm here writing this post. life is not fair all the time and any thing like writing a list can help in some slight way i think.

anything at this point. i never thought it would be this bad and i would feel this way. how can someone say they love you and move on so quickly - he never meant it then. this sounds like everyone elses posts i know but its so hard to trust again and go through this days are longer and sadder ..