Dumpers want to be friends VS dumpers with indifference

[yzyzyz325]

Hi, everyone, after reading a lot of threads here, I just realised that so many dumpers want to be friends after BU. However, in my case, my ex (dumper) never contacts me after BU, and it's been more than half yr now. She even told our best mutual friend that she didn't mind of being friend with me if I got over her already, which means she doesn't really want to be friend. Moreover, it shows that she never feels guilty or sorry for dumping me like that, she only cares abt her own feelings and needs. Cant believe i mean so little to her even so i am her first of everything!

So, why there are dumpers who want to be friends after BU and dumpers who just don't give it a ****? What reasons make them do that? My guess:

Dumpers who want to be friends:

1. They feel sorry and guilty for the way they treated you;

2. They care and miss you, you are always an important part of their lives, so they don't want to completely lose you;

3. Ego, they want your attentions;

4. They are confused.

Dumpers who don't really want to be friends:

1. They don't care abt you at all, you mean nothing to them, they don't want to have anything to do with you (either they hate u or they have cold personality);

2. They are too guilty and embarrassed;

3. They don't feel sorry at all (selfish);

3. They don't want to give you false hope.

Any thoughts? What kind of ex do you want to have?

Edited December 1, 2011 by yzyzyz325

[davesterr]

well it doesn't really matter which kind of ex we have.

if you must know , mine is the first one who wants to stay friends.

and yes its alot nicer and better than the second one.

but it doesn't matter.

why?

because aslong as u still have feelings towards your ex , being friends is impossible.

you can fake it and pretend ur ok but ur not.

you cant tell her you love her and miss her because it would be awkward.

and in most cases like with myself , i forced myself not to be my ex's friend despite her being an amazing person.

simply because it hurts toomuch and makes it impossible for me to heal.

 

i think your ex is pretty smart by saying she would like to be ur friend when you no longer love her romantically.

because just like me , she knows that its impossible to stay friends when the other still desires more.

 

ps: nice job on breaking it down into categories as of why.

Edited December 1, 2011 by davesterr

[radiodarcy]

the ex who brought me here to LS last year initially wanted to be friends when he dumped me. and sent me a few texts during the first three months that i tried doing NC.

 

i responded to all of them and eventually broke NC altogether and tried being friends again. but after a week he started ignoring me again and when he started talking to me about his exciting new dating life; i realized i couldn't handle being in contact with him. i told him as much and went back to NC - - strict NC. he never contacted me again.

 

after about 8 months of NC i decided to contact him -- more to see if i could handle it than with an hope of getting back together (which i didn't want to do anyway). and i handled it just fine. but his reception was somewhat frosty. my guess is he was pissed that i ignored him all that time. never mind that he ignored me at his leisure off and on for the 2.5 years we were hanging out!

 

so in my case, i think as long as i was willing to submit to my ex and be at his beck and call - - he was happy to be friends. but when i tried to re-define the terms of the friendship by taking time out for myself, figuring out what i wanted and realizing that his idea of friendship is NOT my idea of friendship, keeping me on as a friend was no longer beneficial to him so he simply froze me out.

Edited December 1, 2011 by radiodarcy

[69ways]

Mine remembers me when she is in a bad psych. state because she has depression or when she wants advice.

 

She also admits I was the one........

 

Dont get it

[harvej]

She apparently is a sociopath with no ability for empathy. Her daughter also has displayed very little empathy towards her friends,and always had to have things her way or all hell broke loose. She dumped me after 5 years after telling her I was sick,and I have not heard a word from her ever since. She was cheater over the past 5 years and now I know she was just looking for a sugar daddy to marry and give her and her kid a better life. She really didnt care who it was, just that it was somebody. She could then fake her love to get herself into a better situation. She bugged me to marry her and let her move in way to soon, but I held back. When she found another "host" this parasite bailed at his very first "hello". Three days later she was sleeping with him, and is now apparently on their way to marriage two weeks later. LOL!

So I dont think I will ever hear from her again, even to see if i died yet.

I would write her a letter to be mailed after i pass, (I am doing better BTW), and blame her for it, but I am not that mean,and she would probably try to look to see if she got anything in the will, or steal my tie from my body while at my wake, to repackage and gift it to her new boyfriend from Christmas. LOL!

[lana_sa]

Mine wanted at first to stay friends,one week later we ended up in a fight and that "friendship" ended with him deletin me off facebook and telling me to never contact him again:rolleyes:

 

3 months of NC,he only wished me a happy holiday.But contacted my sister few times and asked about me

 

 

now we are emailing,but he still has not tried to re-add me on facebook(and i would love that,i want him to see how i changed and all that..you know)

[mike588]

When mine dumped me face to face she mentioned something about wanting to be friends.

 

I said no,, no way, At this time I still love you and am emotionally attached,, she said she understood probably knowing ahead of time that would be my answer.

 

Don't know if she actually meant it,, really wanted to or just the let you down easy tactic. It's been 4 months now without a peep from her.

[yzyzyz325]

well it doesn't really matter which kind of ex we have.

if you must know , mine is the first one who wants to stay friends.

and yes its alot nicer and better than the second one.

but it doesn't matter.

why?

because aslong as u still have feelings towards your ex , being friends is impossible.

you can fake it and pretend ur ok but ur not.

you cant tell her you love her and miss her because it would be awkward.

and in most cases like with myself , i forced myself not to be my ex's friend despite her being an amazing person.

simply because it hurts toomuch and makes it impossible for me to heal.

 

i think your ex is pretty smart by saying she would like to be ur friend when you no longer love her romantically.

because just like me , she knows that its impossible to stay friends when the other still desires more.

 

ps: nice job on breaking it down into categories as of why.

 

No, she didn't say she wanted to be friend if I got over her, she said she didn't mind of being friend! That's the worst and meanest thing to say ever!!! If she said she wanted to be friend, that means she still cares me as a person; if she said she didn't want to be friend, that at least means she feels uncomfortable and hurt to be with me bcoz she loved me too much. But she said she didn't mind, WTF was that!? That shows she is so indifferent that she just doesn't care at all! She doesn't feel sorry, she doesn't miss me or us, she doesn't care about me.... If she has any of those thoughts, she would not say sth like that! Just like always, she only cares about her own feelings

Edited December 2, 2011 by yzyzyz325

[yzyzyz325]

i am so sorry.... i really hope u will be fine soon!