Left for someone else: Rebound or Just plain nuts?

[leftfordead]

My ex left me after 3.5 years. She immediately started seeing someone, was actually in talks with him before she broke up with me.

 

2 months later, she married him even though she denied EVERYTHING.

 

Is this a rebound? A whirlwind romance? Both?

 

Can something like this survive? What are the chances?

[Afishwithabike]

Without more information, it's hard to say what this is. What seems clear from the little information provided is that she had a connection to this other man while she was with you. This didn't just happen out of the blue. It probably was more than just talking. Even if you can absolutely rule out a physical relationship, she at least had strong feelings for him. What seems like "just talking" to a guy means a lot more to a woman. She might have found something with him that she felt was lacking in her relationship with you. Perhaps during their talks she found affection, a connection, admiration and attention that she might have wanted. I'm not saying that starting a new relationship while in another relationship is right or moral, but I'm guessing that's what she felt.

 

Is this your ex-wife or your ex-girlfriend?

[leftfordead]

She is my ex girlfriend. It was confirmed that she only knew him for 2 and a half months before marrying him. She broke up with me 2 weeks after meeting him. She met him out one night with work. And she lied to me about seeing anybody right up until the day they got married. We were still seeing each other 3-4 days a week after our breakup, about 2 months. We went away 3 different weekends and she swore she just didn't want to be in a RS. She told me she wasn't seeing anybody, didn't want to etc etc. I agreed to this because she was always the most honest person, brutally honest. So I really thought we were just having a rough stage and she was nervous because we were talking about getting married.

 

She swore she could never do that to me and asked me if I thought she was 'that type of girl' who could just go from 3.5 year RS right into another one. She was still very affectionate during this entire time as well.

 

Until recently, I was heavily overworked. About 100+ hrs per week. She is an active girl and I used to be active as well. The guy she left me for is 7 years younger than she and is active too. I just couldn't do the stuff she wanted. I was always too tired, no money, etc. That has all since changed.

 

Now I make more than twice the money and only work 40hrs per week. It's what we both wanted, but she decided to leave me for him. About 3 months before this all was able to happen.

 

I think you are right. I think she was lacking what she wanted and what I always promised her. And that was activity, more fun etc. I just made her wait too long. If I hadn't, I would have wound up on the street. Literally, homeless and bankrupt. I finally got my way out. But my stress was high as well.

 

I told her I agreed with her breaking up with me. I will just never agree with how she went about it.

 

All of this happened way too fast and I think her marriage is a train wreck waiting to happen. So none of us will have each other because of her selfishness.

[weltschmerz]

Cruel, it is! And I know how!

 

Well, my EX (I loved him the most for 5 long years of my life) succumbed to societal and family pressures and married behind my back to another girl.

 

The reason being we hailed from entirely different backgrounds - including our religions and our nationalities (although, like me he's an asian too, and he also comes from a background where "arranged" rather "forced" marriages are a norm!). We were madly in love, but our respective families just couldn't imagine us together. We struggled for 5 long years, did everything to convince our families, but at the end of it, they had their way. What fuelled our separation, was the sense of insecurity that our families, especially his drilled into his mind! (I was 26 and him 29 when we met, and I was 32 and him 35 when we parted!) They almost made him believe, that he was a loser, since he was not married and didn't have a family at 35.

 

The end result was, he got married to a girl, his family chose for him (I believe, he was speaking to her behind my back for almost one year!). To him, it seemed that getting married and having babies, was an elixir for life! Anyway, he went ahead with his association and married the girl, behind my back. I am sure, I do not need to say, I almost died.

 

But now after 1 year, I got to speak to a friend of my EX, who told me, that my ex is in a miserable state and totally messed up. That he misses me and cries. That he even cried on his wedding day. That he's married (which he badly wanted to) but he's still not happy! In fact his grief and misery is coupled now, not only because he's perhaps in a loveless marriage but also because now he's also dealing with the guilt of betraying someone who loved him selflessly.

 

Honestly, I do not know, if he truly regrets doing what he did, or if at all, he wants to come back, but one thing I know for sure is he misses me and cries miserably. No, I am not a sadist, to derive pleasure out of his situation. In fact, I just feel sad about the entire thing... how unfortunate it is that an impulsive act of one person ends up creating havoc in many lives, forever.

 

Anyway. For you, I'll say, please be patient and try to keep yourself happy. I almost died, when I was in your situation, I have grieved and mourned, for almost one year, but I am learning to accept whatever has happened.

 

Wish and sincerely pray, you meet your soulmate, as soon as possible. Amen.

[robf1971]

All of this happened way too fast and I think her marriage is a train wreck waiting to happen. So none of us will have each other because of her selfishness.

 

There is nothing you can do about this,

 

You need to be thinking about yourself now, working on yourself and moving on. Who cares about her marriage if it lasts or not.

 

Just ignore her if she ever tries to contact you.

[leftfordead]

Is it normal to feel the way I am feeling? I don't even recognize her. The girl I fell in love with would never do something so drastic. She was always so calculated and secure.

 

Why do I care about her marriage? Because I want it to blow up that's why.

 

I am working on myself, getting in shape, changed jobs making way more money and moved south about 1000 miles.