if your ex mm/mw offered you it all... would you still want it?

[imperfectangel]

My ex mm broke nc again yesterday to which I told him "sort it with your wife and if/when you're single get in touch" but as I was thinking about it afterwards, I'm not even sure I would still want him.

 

He's shown me he's capable of lying to those closest to him and that he can be very deceitful. Bottom line I know what he is capable of and since I started seeing him for what he is - a user at best - a process which has taken over a year and now I feel like I just don't get that feeling with him anymore.

 

Does anyone else feel the same?

 

What would you do if your ex left "the life" to be with you? And do you think you could really past the past behind you and start afresh?

[18Years2Late]

Hell NO!!!...you see I offered him "it all"...he thre it in the trash...burned it..wiped his a$$ with it...

 

You see the problem after MM walk away...they do "show it all" to you...they show you exactly everything...everything you didn't want to know...bur needed to know...in essence they do u a favor...it may not seem like it now...but it will...

[RickFox]

Ya know, threads like these make me wonder if the xMW try to reinitiate contact as often, or at all, as many of these xMM do.

 

If my xMW did offer it all to me at this point in time, I'd be far less inclined to accept it than I would have ... say...many weeks back. I have far too many questions before I'd jump blindly back into anything with her.

[MissBee]

My ex mm broke nc again yesterday to which I told him "sort it with your wife and if/when you're single get in touch" but as I was thinking about it afterwards, I'm not even sure I would still want him.

 

He's shown me he's capable of lying to those closest to him and that he can be very deceitful. Bottom line I know what he is capable of and since I started seeing him for what he is - a user at best - a process which has taken over a year and now I feel like I just don't get that feeling with him anymore.

 

Does anyone else feel the same?

 

What would you do if your ex left "the life" to be with you? And do you think you could really past the past behind you and start afresh?

 

Not me personally...

 

My ex and I are very compatible and he has many qualities I like and just how we relate is somehing I'd like in a future partner, but if he offered me "it all", I wouldn't want it. I don't think I'd be able to trust him and the time we were in an affair together made for some shaky ground and a foundation that I don't want to build on.

 

I think all my relationships are history personally and do not need to be resurrected. I always end up feeling like I have grown beyond them and while I can appreciate some things....I'm looking ahead and would rather not have to rennovate the old.

[East7]

Good topic Imperfectangel.

 

There was a time when I (naively) thought my xMW and I could have a future together and we could build a happy relationship. That was a year ago. Now I wouldn't take her back even if she knocks at my door with her suitcases and tells me she's all mine.

 

Too much hurt, too much deception and zero trust are enough to kill all those things that I dreamed about me and her.

 

This is how much affairs are destructive, they destroy a marriage, and they don't even result in a new relationship. No one wins in the end.

[18Years2Late]

Good topic Imperfectangel.

 

There was a time when I (naively) thought my xMW and I could have a future together and we could build a happy relationship. That was a year ago. Now I wouldn't take her back even if she knocks at my door with her suitcases and tells me she's all mine.

 

Too much hurt, too much deception and zero trust are enough to kill all those things that I dreamed about me and her.

 

This is how much affairs are destructive, they destroy a marriage, and they don't even result in a new relationship. No one wins in the end.

 

Excellent analysis East...exactly how I feel...but I'm 6 months out...I would have taken him back with nothing but the clothes on his back and no suitcases had someone asked me 3 or 4 months ago...time doesn't heal all wounds...but it definitely makes you see things clearer and as the truly are (dare I say the "F" word here...fog)...no one wins...

[dn121]

Hell NO!!!...you see I offered him "it all"...he threw it in the trash...burned it..wiped his a$$ with it...

 

You see the problem after MM walk away...they do "show it all" to you...they show you exactly everything...everything you didn't want to know...but needed to know...in essence they do u a favor...it may not seem like it now...but it will...

 

DITTO!! No way in hell would I, even if he was the last male on the planet. I stupidly gave him 6.5 years of my life, believed every lie he told me. But he threw me under the truck at the first sign of trouble. Yea I'm bitter and mad as hell! And yes I WAS A BIG DUMBA$$ for believing him. I have no one to blame but myself. I swore I would never ever get involved with a married man, but he made me believe his marriage was over and I got sucked in.

 

But take him back? There is truly nothing he could do, say or offer now to make me want to have anything to do with him. I'm just now starting to realize I dodged a bullet and didn't even know it. His wife wants to keep him after he had an affair with me for 6.5 years? Awesome, keep him! You deserve him.

[18Years2Late]

DITTO!! No way in hell would I, even if he was the last male on the planet. I stupidly gave him 6.5 years of my life, believed every lie he told me. But he threw me under the truck at the first sign of trouble. Yea I'm bitter and mad as hell! And yes I WAS A BIG DUMBA$$ for believing him. I have no one to blame but myself. I swore I would never ever get involved with a married man, but he made me believe his marriage was over and I got sucked in.

 

But take him back? There is truly nothing he could do, say or offer now to make me want to have anything to do with him. I'm just now starting to realize I dodged a bullet and didn't even know it. His wife wants to keep him after he had an affair with me for 6.5 years? Awesome, keep him! You deserve him.

 

6-1/2 years?!?!?!?!...and she still wants him?!?!?...Either you're not the DUMB*** in the story or she obviously doesn't have the whole truth...WTH???...I'm not sure there would be anything that could make me "look-away" from a 6-1/2 year A...surely he stayed with you for 6-1/2 years because he didn't love you at all, it was only for the sex and there was absolutely no other woman in the world he could have meaningless sex with (FOR 6-1/2 YEARS!!!) and only EVER loved his W right??? (I'm kidding )...yep that's awesome...he must be a world class liar...6-1/2 years is no mistake..."whoops...didn't mean to honey...please forgive me and don't leave me...look at me cry and beg...they're real tears I promise...oh and I promise it will never happen again...she made me do it (FOR 6-1/2 YEARS!!!)"...whatever...amazing...they are special that's for sure...

[lolalou]

Isn't it amazing they would take them back after 6.5 years? My A lasted 6. And it appears she has taken him back. I thought I had major issues for getting involved with a MM (And I know I do have some. not pretending not to). But her taking him back makes me feel like she has bigger issues. The thought of her always made me jealous and self-conscious. Not anymore. She must have self-respect issues herself too. But right up until the very end I was the love of his life. Oh until D-Day. oh, how they forget who the "love of their life is"!! Probably didn't reveal that to her. pos.

 

There were times that I miss my xMM and want him back. But when I do Miss him I try to bring myself to present and pretend we enter my room for our "QT" and imagine him leaning in to kiss me (like how it always started when we were together). My real life, current, physical reaction to that pretend scenario is that my whole body just curls up like a tortoise hiding in it's shell. I cannot accept his kiss. I turn away.

That reminds me that this relationship is dead. Gone. Buried forever. It

cannot be resurrected or healed. Too much history. I can't even pretend to be intimate with him.

[lolalou]

And 18 yrs. We do seem to have the same situations. I'm here if u want to talk more off the board.

[flutterbykiss]

Would I take xMM back?... I wouldn't take gum from that man!

 

It's been 16 months of NC and my only regret is having been involved with him at all. Being with him made me a low, gullible creature that I didn't recognize and never want to be again. Affairs makes the OW/M small - creeping around on the edges of what normal couples have and reduced to clinging to lies and empty promises. xMM was content for that to happen to me while he 'had his cake and ate it, too'. I will never forgive him.

 

As for offering me 'it all'. 'It all', what? I didn't get his all. His wife didn't get his all. Not one of the who-knows-how-many women that he has manipulated all through his miserable life, ever had his all.

 

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

[findingnemo]

I would take him back if he was D and free and convinced me through a proper R like any single guy that we belong together. But I'd also need to know why he was D just to make sure I'm not taking on what someone else has discarded with good reason.

[bentnotbroken]

Isn't it amazing they would take them back after 6.5 years? My A lasted 6. And it appears she has taken him back. I thought I had major issues for getting involved with a MM (And I know I do have some. not pretending not to). But her taking him back makes me feel like she has bigger issues. The thought of her always made me jealous and self-conscious. Not anymore. She must have self-respect issues herself too. But right up until the very end I was the love of his life. Oh until D-Day. oh, how they forget who the "love of their life is"!! Probably didn't reveal that to her. pos.

 

There were times that I miss my xMM and want him back. But when I do Miss him I try to bring myself to present and pretend we enter my room for our "QT" and imagine him leaning in to kiss me (like how it always started when we were together). My real life, current, physical reaction to that pretend scenario is that my whole body just curls up like a tortoise hiding in it's shell. I cannot accept his kiss. I turn away.

That reminds me that this relationship is dead. Gone. Buried forever. It

cannot be resurrected or healed. Too much history. I can't even pretend to be intimate with him.

 

 

Or a damn good plan to make his life hell. Don't assume what you don't know. All you can account for are your actions and willingness to be his mistress for 6 years.

[findingnemo]

I wouldn't pee on him if he were on fire. :D

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Confused4Now]

DITTO!! No way in hell would I, even if he was the last male on the planet. I stupidly gave him 6.5 years of my life, believed every lie he told me. But he threw me under the truck at the first sign of trouble. Yea I'm bitter and mad as hell! And yes I WAS A BIG DUMBA$$ for believing him. I have no one to blame but myself. I swore I would never ever get involved with a married man, but he made me believe his marriage was over and I got sucked in.

 

But take him back? There is truly nothing he could do, say or offer now to make me want to have anything to do with him. I'm just now starting to realize I dodged a bullet and didn't even know it. His wife wants to keep him after he had an affair with me for 6.5 years? Awesome, keep him! You deserve him.

HAHAHAH this is so me...I hardly think of the xMW anymore. Even with the holidays coming on I have so much planned. I do feel like a BIG DUMBA$$ cause I fell for her crap. This is why I probably have trouble with engaging with anyone new. I can't even trust my own judgement. Trust me when I say I'm getting pretty good a recognizing screwed up people.

 

If she did contact me....I wouldn't even respond...I mean she turned her back on me right? So I'd basically do the same.....

[dn121]

6-1/2 years?!?!?!?!...and she still wants him?!?!?...Either you're not the DUMB*** in the story or she obviously doesn't have the whole truth...WTH???...I'm not sure there would be anything that could make me "look-away" from a 6-1/2 year A...surely he stayed with you for 6-1/2 years because he didn't love you at all, it was only for the sex and there was absolutely no other woman in the world he could have meaningless sex with (FOR 6-1/2 YEARS!!!) and only EVER loved his W right??? (I'm kidding )...yep that's awesome...he must be a world class liar...6-1/2 years is no mistake..."whoops...didn't mean to honey...please forgive me and don't leave me...look at me cry and beg...they're real tears I promise...oh and I promise it will never happen again...she made me do it (FOR 6-1/2 YEARS!!!)"...whatever...amazing...they are special that's for sure...

 

Yea I know right? Fake people living a lie - that's how I look at them. But hey, whatever, to each his own. The part that frosts my butt the worst is not that he went back to his marriage, but the sleazy, low-life way he slithered out of his relationship with me. What a tool.

[18Years2Late]

lol, well I think I stole that line from someone else here. Can't remember who it was, if I did I'd give them credit cause it IS a good one.

 

It was me except I didn't say "pee"...it's ok...u can use it

 

Not only would I not pee on him...I'd get marshmallows and invite friends ...very sad that someone I once loved so much...I now wouldn't give him a bite of my sandwich if he was homeless and starving...

[dn121]

HAHAHAH this is so me...I hardly think of the xMW anymore. Even with the holidays coming on I have so much planned. I do feel like a BIG DUMBA$$ cause I fell for her crap. This is why I probably have trouble with engaging with anyone new. I can't even trust my own judgement. Trust me when I say I'm getting pretty good a recognizing screwed up people.

 

If she did contact me....I wouldn't even respond...I mean she turned her back on me right? So I'd basically do the same.....

 

It took me awhile to get angry (I'm not a naturally angry person) but once I got there it's like a weight of sadness has been lifted from me. I truly see him in a whole new light, and he's not a good person. Good people don't blatantly lie and mislead people to get what they want. I'm not ignorant enough to think that snakes like that don't exist in the world, but they don't fall under the title "good people".

 

I wonder now what I ever saw in him.

[dn121]

posts like this are sadly humorous. Don't you see? Don't you see yourself in what you accuse them of? the wife was living a real life with her family while you were sneaking around or slithering as you say on the outskirts for six years. You were hiding while she showed off her family and he played loving husband and daddy and then slithered off with you for fun and relaxation when life got difficult.

 

I hope she is planning her future and getting her little ducklings in a row now that she knows six years of her life was a lie. Help her. Clue her in about the others.

 

Why did you believe you were different than his other other women?

 

Yep I see myself. Thanks for pointing that out. And I'm not sure what other women you are talking about. I think you're confusing me with another poster.

[spice4life]

I have been thinking about the opening post and here is what I came up with.

 

The only way would consider even going on a date with him after all of this is if he showed up at my door with the following:

 

• signed divorce papers
  
• his wife standing next to him saying they are divorced and just want each other to be happy and healthy for their kids
  
• a testimonial from his therapist saying "this man is clean!"
  

 

Hahaha...now that's what I call wishful thinking.

[sally12adams]

I have been thinking about the opening post and here is what I came up with.

 

The only way would consider even going on a date with him after all of this is if he showed up at my door with the following:

 

• signed divorce papers
  
• his wife standing next to him saying they are divorced and just want each other to be happy and healthy for their kids
  
• a testimonial from his therapist saying "this man is clean!"
  

Hahaha...now that's what I call wishful thinking.

 

LOL. I doubt you will get numbers 2 and 3.

[alexandria35]

posts like this are sadly humorous. Don't you see? Don't you see yourself in what you accuse them of? the wife was living a real life with her family while you were sneaking around or slithering as you say on the outskirts for six years. You were hiding while she showed off her family and he played loving husband and daddy and then slithered off with you for fun and relaxation when life got difficult.

 

I hope she is planning her future and getting her little ducklings in a row now that she knows six years of her life was a lie. Help her. Clue her in about the others.

 

Why did you believe you were different than his other other women?

 

I agree. Not sure how this turned into a BS bashing thread. I mean what does the BS have to do with the original question? On the other hand I always do get kind of a chuckle when I hear OW talk as if they had/have higher standards than the BW. Especially OW who are no longer in the affair only because they got thrown under the bus upon discovery.

 

One poster berates the BW for staying with her husband after discovering his 6 1/2 year affair as if this makes the BW a truly pathetic person, but what about the woman who would sneak around for 6 1/2 years with a married man? Can a woman who does that honestly claim to have more pride and higher standards than a BW?

[spice4life]

LOL. I doubt you will get numbers 2 and 3.

 

Hahaha...me either.

[flutterbykiss]

On the other hand I always do get kind of a chuckle when I hear OW talk as if they had/have higher standards than the BW. Especially OW who are no longer in the affair only because they got thrown under the bus upon discovery.

 

That's not always the case, though. I dumped xMM for the same reason I would never take him back - I see him for the selfish liar he is.

 

For some people it may take being abandoned to see it but, one way or the other, eventually the OM/OW realizes that they are being manipulated and short-changed and they never, ever want to allow the MP to do that to them again. IMO the realization is the point - not the circumstances that led to the realization.

[Bugz Bunny]

 

He's shown me he's capable of lying to those closest to him and that he can be very deceitful.

 

Read your own words above and you'll have your answer...

 

Noone wants a person that can lie, betray and destroy his own family...if you start a relationship with him,he will betray you as he betrayed his family...