if your ex mm/mw offered you it all... would you still want it?

[imperfectangel]

Read your own words above and you'll have your answer...

 

Noone wants a person that can lie, betray and destroy his own family...if you start a relationship with him,he will betray you as he betrayed his family...

 

And I'm so glad the "fog" has lifted and I see that now

[despicableME]

Fake people living a lie - that's how I look at them.

 

Yeah... this one threw me for a loop.

 

I don't want to sound crass, but it seems that most of the posters on this thread are feeling this way because they feel jilted and bitter at the outcome. I mean really... what did you expect... you guys were going to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after... C'MON.

 

One person here invested 6 years in an affair being the side dish, only to be thrown by the wayside. Those are 6 years you'll never get back.

Edited December 4, 2011 by despicableME

[flutterbykiss]

Yeah... this one threw me for a loop.

 

I don't want to sound crass, but it seems that most of the posters on this thread are feeling this way because they feel jilted and bitter at the outcome. I mean really... what did you expect... you guys were going to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after... C'MON.

 

One person here invested 6 years in an affair being the side dish, only to be thrown by the wayside. Those are 6 years you'll never get back.

 

I don't think it's bitterness. Just because a fOW/fOM resents being taken advantage of, it does not mean that they are claiming that they weren't a willing accomplice (deluded and stupid, too). Most people here seem quite willing to own the fact that they, turned a blind eye, believed empty lies and got themselves into a situation which they now see more clearly. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20.

 

I, personally, resent xMM the same way I would resent anyone who tried to rip me off - whether or not they were successful at doing so. Even if I did allow it to happen, how dare he have so much contempt for another human being (me, his wife or anyone) that he would expect them to accept the scraps of a relationship just for the privilege of being near him. It's arrogant, it's disrespectful and I despise him solely for his poor attitude.

[Lostinlife4now]

Isn't it amazing they would take them back after 6.5 years? My A lasted 6. And it appears she has taken him back. I thought I had major issues for getting involved with a MM (And I know I do have some. not pretending not to). But her taking him back makes me feel like she has bigger issues. The thought of her always made me jealous and self-conscious. Not anymore. She must have self-respect issues herself too. But right up until the very end I was the love of his life. Oh until D-Day. oh, how they forget who the "love of their life is"!! Probably didn't reveal that to her. pos.

 

There were times that I miss my xMM and want him back. But when I do Miss him I try to bring myself to present and pretend we enter my room for our "QT" and imagine him leaning in to kiss me (like how it always started when we were together). My real life, current, physical reaction to that pretend scenario is that my whole body just curls up like a tortoise hiding in it's shell. I cannot accept his kiss. I turn away.

That reminds me that this relationship is dead. Gone. Buried forever. It

cannot be resurrected or healed. Too much history. I can't even pretend to be intimate with him.

 

 

Had a 7 year A with xMM.....and I think his W knows...but she will NEVER divorce him for the sake of the children. Does she have any self-respect...HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! And they are doing so right my their children....:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:

[LilMissMovinOn]

My ex mm broke nc again yesterday to which I told him "sort it with your wife and if/when you're single get in touch" but as I was thinking about it afterwards, I'm not even sure I would still want him.

 

He's shown me he's capable of lying to those closest to him and that he can be very deceitful. Bottom line I know what he is capable of and since I started seeing him for what he is - a user at best - a process which has taken over a year and now I feel like I just don't get that feeling with him anymore.

 

Does anyone else feel the same?

 

What would you do if your ex left "the life" to be with you? And do you think you could really past the past behind you and start afresh?

 

No I would not want my ex ever in any way shape or form! He lied to me about being single, had multiple affairs & dozens of one night stands behind the Mother of his childs back & was stealing from his employer!!!! How GLAD I am to be rid of him for once & for all!! Rather I hope they find out about the theft & that he goes to jail because that's what he deserves!!!!

[despicableME]

I, personally, resent xMM the same way I would resent anyone who tried to rip me off - whether or not they were successful at doing so. Even if I did allow it to happen, how dare he have so much contempt for another human being (me, his wife or anyone) that he would expect them to accept the scraps of a relationship just for the privilege of being near him It's arrogant, it's disrespectful and I despise him solely for his poor attitude.

 

You said it sister. Disrespectful??? Sorry... but respect was lost the minute you inserted yourself into their relationship. You had lost respect for yourself when that happened, so why should he take up that mantle.

 

 

Had a 7 year A with xMM.....and I think his W knows...but she will NEVER divorce him for the sake of the children. Does she have any self-respect...HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! And they are doing so right my their children....:sick::sick::sick::s ick::sick:

 

But you were getting served table scraps for 7 years. Where's the self-respect in that?

[flutterbykiss]

You said it sister. Disrespectful??? Sorry... but respect was lost the minute you inserted yourself into their relationship. You had lost respect for yourself when that happened, so why should he take up that mantle.

 

Please don't judge me if you don't know my story. I didn't insert myself anywhere. I didn't know xMM was married so I wasn't disrespecting myself, or anyone's M, by pursuing an R with a man I believed to be available. So no, xMM wasn't justified in entangling me in his mess.

 

And for the record, when I found out I tried repeatedly to break it off. Yes, I take full responsibility for being too weak to hold out on NC and for being stupid enough to believe his stupid lies that his M was over in everything but appearance and that he was moving on to a new life. By all means, call me feeble and gullible and lacking in moral fibre. I was all those things and more, for 5 months, until I managed to find the strength and self-respect to break free from what I knew to be a bad situation for all involved. But as for knowingly initiating an attack on a M - not me.

Edited December 7, 2011 by flutterbykiss

[despicableME]

But as for knowingly initiating an attack on a M - not me.

 

Where in my post did I say you "attacked" the marriage? I'm simply responding to what you post. By inserting... I mean, weren't you still carrying on with him after you found out? Are you telling me you were'nt detrimental to it(marriage).

 

quote:

 

And for the record, when I found out I tried repeatedly to break it off. Yes, I take full responsibility for being too weak to hold out on NC and for being stupid enough to believe his stupid lies that his M was over in everything but appearance and that he was moving on to a new life.

 

Look... I'm not here to judge you in ANY way... I'm a cheater myself. I just feel being resentful is petty: We're just "getting our just desserts."

[flutterbykiss]

Where in my post did I say you "attacked" the marriage? I'm simply responding to what you post. By inserting... I mean, weren't you still carrying on with him after you found out? Are you telling me you were'nt detrimental to it(marriage).

 

quote:

 

 

 

Look... I'm not here to judge you in ANY way... I'm a cheater myself. I just feel being resentful is petty: We're just "getting our just desserts."

 

I'm afraid I did feel judged by your use of terminology because "inserted yourself" implies an intent on my part which just wasn't there. I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.

 

To answer your question, yes, I did allow him to come back after I found out he was married. This was the result of my weakness and his manipulation and I do take equal blame for the pain that caused his W. However, no matter what I did, I was going to get hurt at that point so I resent him for knowingly putting me in a lose/lose situation. I also resent the fact that he tried to keep me in a situation that was unhealthy for me, for his own selfish gain.

 

As far as being petty goes, I can't agree with you. I don't believe it's anyone's 'just desserts' to be undervalued as a human being. It's one thing to agree to an A but, I bet very few people volunteer to be to be lied to and/or have more taken than what is returned to them. I think its natural for the OW/OM to resent someone who is satisfied to see them brought so low and makes a deliberate effort to keep them there. IMO, it's the false pretenses and selfishness that are resented rather than the consequences of the A.

[Lostinlife4now]

Oh my goodness. His wife has no self respect?????? You do not even know if she knows about you. He may be wonderful at compartmentalizing and leaving you when he is home with her. She may have no clue and trusts him totally when he is away from her.

 

You on the other hand snuck around with a married man for 7 years. Who has no self respect? You accepted his marriage every time he left you to go home to his wife.

 

SHE WILL NEVER DIVORCE HIM??? Um honey shouldn't he be divorcing her if he is interested in running around with someone on the side. OPEN YOUR EYES. Do not blame her. You don't even know if she knows about you. goodness me just tell her then you will know for sure.

 

 

FYI Kristismiles....his W told me herself that SHE WOULD NEVER DIVORCE HIM no matter what...she likes his paycheck...now who is the one with no self respect???? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[alexandria35]

Hmmmm....I'd say both of you

[despicableME]

I also resent the fact that

he tried to keep me in a situation that was unhealthy for me, for his own selfish gain.

 

 

Ummm... you had a choice too leave, didn't you? We all have choices to make. No one person makes someone do something they don't want to do.

 

I bet very few people volunteer to be to be lied to and/or have more taken than what is returned to them. I think its natural for the OW/OM to resent someone who is satisfied to see them brought so low and makes a deliberate effort to keep them there. IMO, it's the false pretenses and selfishness that are resented rather than the consequences of the A.

 

When engaged in an illicit affair one leaves all ethics, morals and values behind(concerning a legitimate relationship). The affair itself is built on deception, so how can not expect to be lied to yourself? It makes no sense.

[SunsetRed]

There's nothing he could offer me at this point. He's already offered me a "dream life" twice. He offered me it to me once when he was separated and again when after going back to his wife he came back and offered to leave. A week after doing that, he disposed of me and took her to Vegas.

 

There is not a thing he could ever say to me that would make me believe him.

 

He'll never be given the chance to offer me anything again.

 

At this point, my heart has been so broken, it will never open up to him again.

[Gentlegirl]

I know what his wife has had now since the beginning of their marriage.

 

I certainly would never want what she's got.

 

Gentlegirl

[flutterbykiss]

I also resent the fact that

 

 

Ummm... you had a choice too leave, didn't you? We all have choices to make. No one person makes someone do something they don't want to do.

 

 

 

When engaged in an illicit affair one leaves all ethics, morals and values behind(concerning a legitimate relationship). The affair itself is built on deception, so how can not expect to be lied to yourself? It makes no sense.

 

DM, perhaps we could agree to disagree since this thread is after all about the personal opinions of the xOM/OW and they feel about their xMP, post-A. Every OW/OM, including me, is entitled to whatever feelings they have about their A and no one has the right to tell them that their feelings are invalid.

 

My feelings re: the OP stand. I wouldn't want xMM back because I can't trust or respect his character. I have made many mistakes and, in my efforts to be a better human being, I try to not to repeat my mistakes and I try to avoid the type of people that encourage me to be disrespectful to myself and others.

 

Now, please respect my right to my personal feelings about MY situation.

[despicableME]

DM, perhaps we could agree to disagree since this thread is after all about the personal opinions of the xOM/OW and they feel about their xMP, post-A. Every OW/OM, including me, is entitled to whatever feelings they have about their A and no one has the right to tell them that their feelings are invalid.

 

 

Totally. For the record, I NEVER said your feelings were invalid. This is the way you feel... fine. It just wasn't making sense to me that's all. I think we have a pretty good idea what we're getting into when engaging in an affair, since its built on deception. We(AP's) are not immune from being deceived by our AP.

[Tirai]

No.

 

No, i would not share my life with someone whose whole life is based on deception.

 

He has started calling me again and for some reason he likes to talk a lot about the games he plays and how he does it in order not to get caught.

He said he's learned how to do this s*it from early age and brags how his own family doesn't know him at all.

 

He said playing women is his hobby. And the point of it all is not sex but the game. Making them believe things and so on.

 

But ofcourse i am the only one who really knows him and to whom he is able to be completely open for me being so special and so on....

 

Sick stuff

[Lostinlife4now]

hmmmm....i'd say both of you

 

 

 

 

 

touche'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[beenburned]

Tirai,

Your MM sounds mentally unstable and dangerous!!

 

Are you not afraid of him?

[spice4life]

No.

 

No, i would not share my life with someone whose whole life is based on deception.

 

He has started calling me again and for some reason he likes to talk a lot about the games he plays and how he does it in order not to get caught.

He said he's learned how to do this s*it from early age and brags how his own family doesn't know him at all.

 

He said playing women is his hobby. And the point of it all is not sex but the game. Making them believe things and so on.

 

But ofcourse i am the only one who really knows him and to whom he is able to be completely open for me being so special and so on....

 

Sick stuff

 

Wow, that is definitely sick stuff! Very sociopathic. Do you actually feel special to him because you think you are the only one who knows him? How do you know he isn't yanking your chain when he says you are the only one who knows him? If he is good a empath, it could be his way of manipulating you into believing that.

 

Did he grow up in an adulterous household by any chance? There had to be some serious passive aggressive dysfunction occuring in his childhood home for him to end up this way. Either he was born a sociopath or he is mimicing behavior he observed as a child.

 

Interesting because someone is posting that they do this to people in either the Dating or Cheating Flirting & Jealousy forum. I wonder if it's your guy.

Edited December 10, 2011 by spice4life

[RickFox]

I could be wrong but I think she was being sarcastic by saying she was the only one who understood her MM.

[spice4life]

I could be wrong but I think she was being sarcastic by saying she was the only one who understood her MM.

 

Ah, I see. Thanks for pointing that out! Much appreciated.

[Tirai]

Oh, sorry about that, yes it was sarcasm.

 

No, i don't feel scared. We havn't seen for months and there's good distance between us.

 

He grew up at very religious home run by a father he called dictator and nazi.

Still, when his dad calls -he jumps. It was strange to watch how he behaved on those occasions.

I also think he has a low self esteem and he has to try to "prove" something to himself by all the crap he does.

 

Yes i think he is pretty disturbed case.

 

Maybe it was good that i kept answering his calls after some NC. I got to learn all kinds of crap about him. It's not painful to stay away

 

What i wonder about is -what is it with the need to talk about those things? It's not just now and then, it's like an obsession.

[Lostinlife4now]

No! No! No! No!

[chalkfarm]

I still hope my XMM is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. So, for me, the point is moot.