My friend's girl

[MustachePetes]

Very complex situation here. 3 years ago, me and a childhood friend started hanging out again after falling out of touch for about 7 years. It turns out that he has an amazing girlfriend. To make a long story short, he and I have drifted apart again, while me and his girlfriend have become great friends. He cheated on her this past Christmas, and I was there for her. During this time, I started to fall in love with her. I know she is the forbidden fruit. You are not supposed to feel this way about your friend's girl. I just can't help it. She says she is miserable being with him and that she no longer loves him. But I am so bad in reading "signs" from women. She kids that we might as well be having an affair because she has to see me behind his back. He does not want her to speak to me. I even tried to stay away from her. But after a week she called to say that she missed me. I have even heard her tell her friend that she did not believe in men and women being friends. What the heck is she doing with me? She even told me she was jealous because I went out with another girl.

 

I just want to know if I should tell her how I feel. Sometimes it seems like she knows, but I just don't know. All I know is that I can't see myself without her. And I am willing to pay the consequences with my friend.

[bluechocolate]

She says she is miserable being with him and that she no longer loves him.

 

But she is still going out with him.

 

And she's trying to have an affair with you (I don't really think people kid about stuff like that unless they are serious - or she could just be immature - how old are you folks?)

 

Who knows what she is up to. She could just be trying to get back at her boyfriend for his past infidelity. You don't want to be used in this way.

 

Stay well away is my advice.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by bluechocolate

Stay well away is my advice.

 

2nd that one.

 

Unless of course you enjoy getting your ass kicked by an old "friend"....

 

She sounds like trouble to me bro, and when push comes to shove and she wants to get back at her boyfriend she's probably going to throw you under the bus to upset him.

 

I mean, 1) playing around with another guy's chick is always a bad idea. 2) playing around with a girl that is with a guy that used to be your friend is a REALLY bad idea...

 

If she dumps him on her own, than maybe see if there is anything there, otherwise keep your nose out of it.

[winterwonderland]

Quite personally I am against people breaking up people UNLESS there is a very good reason for it. In this particular case HE CHEATED on HER AT XMAS??? Who does that? And on a holiday?? I say if you feel you have a chance with her.....go for it. He doesn't deserve her and someone should say so right in her face. Why should she suffer just so he can have his kicks.

[winterwonderland]

My honest take on a couple were one has cheated......it is anybodys game.....meaning anyone can break them up....anyone can date whichever one they want.....if a person cheats in a relationship there is no reason for them to feel anymore pain then they already have unless they refuse you.....which I highly doubt.

[cherished]

I agree you should test the waters! Go for it! He cheated on her and if you know she hasn't cheated on him then maybe she deserves better! Maybe that better is YOU! Try and kiss her when you're alone and see what happens!

[bluechocolate]

My honest take on a couple were one has cheated......it is anybodys game.....meaning anyone can break them up....

 

Try and kiss her when you're alone and see what happens!

 

So he cheats, she cheats, you cheat, we all cheat.

 

Great way to start a relationship.

 

How about just being mature & grounded enough to want to start a new relationship without getting involved in so much bullsh*t & drama?

 

from wideawake

I mean, 1) playing around with another guy's chick is always a bad idea. 2) playing around with a girl that is with a guy that used to be your friend is a REALLY bad idea...

 

If she dumps him on her own, than maybe see if there is anything there, otherwise keep your nose out of it.

[faux]

Originally posted by MustachePetes

Very complex situation here. 3 years ago, me and a childhood friend started hanging out again after falling out of touch for about 7 years. It turns out that he has an amazing girlfriend. To make a long story short, he and I have drifted apart again, while me and his girlfriend have become great friends. He cheated on her this past Christmas, and I was there for her. During this time, I started to fall in love with her. I know she is the forbidden fruit. You are not supposed to feel this way about your friend's girl. I just can't help it.

 

You can help it. You can stop associating with her if you value your friend moreso than you value this girl. If you value the girl more, then that is your own choice. Do not say that you cannot contorl it, however.

 

She says she is miserable being with him and that she no longer loves him. But I am so bad in reading "signs" from women.

 

She's sending out signs, alright, and bad ones. If she is not happyw ith him and no longer loves him, then she should not remain in a relationship with him. It sounds like, to me, that she is simply waiting to have you move right in so she can jump right from one guy to another. If she's thinking of that, or if she leaves him for you immediately, you can be certain this is NOT a girl worth keeping around, or taking seriously in a relationship. Who is to say she would not to the same thing to you?

 

She kids that we might as well be having an affair because she has to see me behind his back. He does not want her to speak to me. I even tried to stay away from her. But after a week she called to say that she missed me.

 

She's making some bad, horrible suggestions there, and I don't think she's a girl worth taking seriously in a relationship at all. Look at her actions, don't you agree? So you are disrespecting your friend by continuing to associate with her. Again, he has no right to pick her friends, but he was your friend first, and you need to decide if you want to lose a friend over this bad news girl or not.

 

You could have ignored her phone call. Her phoning you is not a great excuse as to you being unable to stay away from her, if you had no problem doing it before.

 

I have even heard her tell her friend that she did not believe in men and women being friends. What the heck is she doing with me? She even told me she was jealous because I went out with another girl.

 

She is trying to wrap you around her little finger, so that she can ditch your friend that she's not been interested in, and jump right to you. Then, after she's bored of you, she'll use the same tactics on you. I've seen this kind of thing happen many times before.

 

The friendship you have with her boyfriend is being set up for destruction. Look at how she treats her present boyfriend. Do you REALLY want to become hers, knowing how she treats her present boyfriend and goes around his back? You cannot trust this girl!

 

I just want to know if I should tell her how I feel. Sometimes it seems like she knows, but I just don't know. All I know is that I can't see myself without her. And I am willing to pay the consequences with my friend.

 

If you tell her how you feel she will leave your friend for you. You will lose a friend. This girl will take advantage of you being nice and naive, and do the same thing to you. Trust me... YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO PAY THE CONSEQUENCES WITH YOUR FRIEND. You are being blinded by this horrible, useless girl who is only going to screw you in the end.

 

If you go for this girl your friend is going to become your ex-friend. Once she does the same thing to you and you get screwed, you will be extremely lucky if that ex-friend ever even considers becoming your friend again.

 

I would stay far, far away from this girl. Girls are NEVER worth losing friendships over, because it's very obvious this girl will not stay around forever if she treats her present boyfriend this way. You have no reason to trust her based on her actions and what she is saying to you.

 

Test it out. Go ahead and tell her that you're interested. I guarantee she'll very quickly break it off with your friend and go for you. If she does this, please do not be a fool and start a relationship with her. Run the HECK away and let her get what she deserves — To be alone and miserable for how she wanted to use you and how she mistreated your friend. Let her find some other person to take advantage of and play as a fool.

 

It doesn't matter that your friend cheated on this girl, as her behavior is certainly no better. She seems willing to cheat, for she is willing enough to be dishonest with her boyfriend. Again, you can't trust her and she isn't worth one bit of your time.

[winterwonderland]

bluechocolate?? huh???? You wrote: How about just being mature & grounded enough to want to start a new relationship without getting involved in so much bullsh*t & drama?

 

 

My question to you is....what drama??? When someone cheats IT IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! END OF STORY!!!!!!!! And I dont care what the guy says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The End!!! OVer!!! Being together is no more when someone cheats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Drama!!!!!!!!!!!! The girl (in this case) doesnt have to explain herself...she doesnt have to say it is over....it just is.......it is like closing the book....the end of a chapter........no explaination nesessary!!!!!!!!!

 

Here is a little story....I dated a few guys and the ones that cheated on me ....I moved on....no explaination....didn';t except phone calls...didn't talk to them..etc. And I dated soemone else....now what you going to call me? A cheater cause I didnt' bother explaining? I feel this way. A man who is old enough to date and whip out his ding dong should be mature enough to understand what is right and what is wrong and when it is over and when it is not.

[winterwonderland]

Oh and yeah the stupid guys didn't get it!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't understand what happened and what was going on??? Like duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I could of cared less to ever speak to them again or even try explaining something as simple as what cheating is.

[faux]

Originally posted by winterwonderland

bluechocolate?? huh???? You wrote: How about just being mature & grounded enough to want to start a new relationship without getting involved in so much bullsh*t & drama?

 

 

My question to you is....what drama??? When someone cheats IT IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! END OF STORY!!!!!!!! And I dont care what the guy says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The End!!! OVer!!! Being together is no more when someone cheats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Drama!!!!!!!!!!!! The girl (in this case) doesnt have to explain herself...she doesnt have to say it is over....it just is.......it is like closing the book....the end of a chapter........no explaination nesessary!!!!!!!!!

 

Here is a little story....I dated a few guys and the ones that cheated on me ....I moved on....no explaination....didn';t except phone calls...didn't talk to them..etc. And I dated soemone else....now what you going to call me? A cheater cause I didnt' bother explaining? I feel this way. A man who is old enough to date and whip out his ding dong should be mature enough to understand what is right and what is wrong and when it is over and when it is not.

 

The point is that this girl is behaving no better. She is being dishonest to her boyfriend and in no way acting as she should in a relationship. If she is uninterested in him she should break up with him and end the relationship, not go around and put her boyfriend's friend in this horrible situation.

 

I have been in a few of these situations, and seen many others get into the same pickle. It always comes out the same: The guy is approached by his friend's girl. The guy is stupid and picks the girl over the friend, and loses the friend. The guy should realize this girl is trouble, after jumping from one guy to the next, and lying to her boyfriend, but the guy stays with this problematic girl and gets screwed over.

 

Guy ends up with no girl, screwed and in the same position his ex friend was in. Ex friend never talks to guy again. Guy loses.

 

People approach cheating differently. Some women or men will stay and try to work things out with their SO. I personally see no point in doing this, and agree with your point of view. The problem, however, is that this girl is admittedly unhappy with her present boyfriend, and is not doing anything about ending the relationship with him! She is going behind her boyfriend's back with the boyfriend's friend.

 

There is no excuse for this behavior. He may have cheated, but her doing this is NOT the right thing to do. Her not leaving the boyfriend yet, and putting the friend into this situation, is BIG TIME HUGE BAD NEWS. This girl is TROUBLE.

[faux]

Originally posted by winterwonderland

Oh and yeah the stupid guys didn't get it!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't understand what happened and what was going on??? Like duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I could of cared less to ever speak to them again or even try explaining something as simple as what cheating is.

 

I hope you explained to them that you were ending the relationship, and that you specifically explained to them that you wanted to have absolutely no contact with them again, and that you broke up with them because they cheated on you. Otherwise, you were in the wrong with the way that you handled your situations.

 

A lot of girls will wonder why their exes will not leave them alone after they break up with them. To tell the truth, a lot of guys will wonder why their ex-girlfriends will not stop contacting them. Unless you are blunt in telling your ex that you wish to have absolutely no contact, that there is no chance at all, and at least one reason you broke it off with them, they will continue to contact you.

 

I hope you did not "lead them on" saying they could contact you, or refraining from telling them about how you felt. If you do not wish contact and you do not inform the person you want to be left alone, part of the blame IS yours for not being open and clear in your communication. If you had been in the same situation as your exes you would understand.

 

The main thing, however, is that the girl mentioned in this thread has not broken up with her cheating boyfriend. She remains with him, and is acting inappropriately and cannot be trusted.

[DerangedAngel]

Originally posted by winterwonderland

My question to you is....what drama??? When someone cheats IT IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! END OF STORY!!!!!!!! And I dont care what the guy says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The End!!! OVer!!! Being together is no more when someone cheats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Drama!!!!!!!!!!!! The girl (in this case) doesnt have to explain herself...she doesnt have to say it is over....it just is.......it is like closing the book....the end of a chapter........no explaination nesessary!!!!!!!!!

 

What the hell? Why on earth does she not have to contact the guy and say it's over? It is necessary to explain. I totally don't follow your logic.

 

I believe it is possible to work at a relationship after one partner cheats. I've been in relationships where I have had to work at it. And I don't regret it.

 

To the original poster:

 

This girl is bad news. It is not so much an issue of choosing her over your friend. It seems your friendship with her boyfriend isn't all that wonderful anyway. The point some of the others are trying to make is that you cannot trust her. You just can't.

 

She's worked you over good, to guarantee she will not be without a boyfriend after her possible break-up with this guy. Faux is absolutely right.

 

Maybe try to find a nice, single (preferably not manipulative), girl?

 

Good luck.

 

-Deranged

[bluechocolate]

Originally posted by winterwonderland

When someone cheats IT IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! END OF STORY!!!!!!!! And I dont care what the guy says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The End!!! OVer!!! Being together is no more when someone cheats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Drama!!!!!!!!!!!! The girl (in this case) doesnt have to explain herself...she doesnt have to say it is over....it just is.......it is like closing the book....the end of a chapter........no explaination nesessary!!!!!!!!!

 

I have no idea what rule book you're reading from but it must contain a very big chapter on reading minds.

 

It is over when one or both of the party decide it is over & inform the other of that fact.

 

Many couples live & work through cheating & go on to have a successful relationship. Many don't.

 

You don't know these people & neither do I, there could be a lot more to the dynamics of their relationship than any of us are aware of.

 

If she is so unhappy about her cheating boyfriend then she should be mature enough to end the relationship before pursuing someone else, especially if that someone else is a friend of her b/f's. Otherwise he's getting involved with somebody & isn't even sure if they're available.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by winterwonderland

Oh and yeah the stupid guys didn't get it!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't understand what happened and what was going on??? Like duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I could of cared less to ever speak to them again or even try explaining something as simple as what cheating is.

 

Hi, wonder. Everyone takes rejection badly. So sorry you got so hurt once that now you're that bitter. The only point I'm trying to make is that everybody needs closure. Even you. It also is about having the respect and consideration to end something you have started. For yourself, for nobody else but yourself. And once you'll get over the anger, maybe you'll find the power in you to forgive whoever did this to you and move on.

 

By the way, I totally agree with your idea of that law!

[winterwonderland]

Yes you are right. In fact very right that everyone needs closure. I know I sure do but never thougth or felt they did. Thanks for the wake up call. But at that particular time I could of cared less and did just figure they should just know. And actually I really don't feel I was rejected just for the fact that they were with me still till the end. But yes 2 guys in particular I never even told them I knew. I just walked out and left for good.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by winterwonderland

Yes you are right. In fact very right that everyone needs closure. I know I sure do but never thougth or felt they did. Thanks for the wake up call. But at that particular time I could of cared less and did just figure they should just know. And actually I really don't feel I was rejected just for the fact that they were with me still till the end. But yes 2 guys in particular I never even told them I knew. I just walked out and left for good.

 

You can't get closure unless you confront the other person. Also, the one who hurts least in a relationship isn't the one who leaves first, but that who doesn't get carried away! You let those guys walk easy! Expressing yourself, your pain, your anger is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, it is good and healthy! 'cause in the end, he made the mistake, right? You have to accept this so that you can get over this and ... stop blasing at people over nothing . I'm sure you got carried away, but that's not important. You did get upset, you did get carried away. Something's holding you back. Have the courage and face whatever it is that you fear...

 

Love,

 

Curly

[Guest]

ok back on topic. I think you are all reading into this way too deep. This girl likes you. She really likes you. You could easily have her. The problem is that it is against the code. You just cant do that to any current friend. If you two were enemies that would be different. Would you ever be friends with someone that you dont trust? Course not. That is why you cant break the code. It is not worth it. There are three billion other girls out there. Find yours. If they break up then you two can do you thing later on... if it is ok with your buddy. So simply put she is using you as a saftey or she is afraid of confrontation with her bf. Anyway good luck. Watch yourself. I know it's hard, and you will probably give in. Cuz us guys are much weaker when it comes to the opposite sex.

[winterwonderland]

A guy is much weaker when it comes to the opposite sex? Is that what you call it these days. I guess that is why a woman goes and stands half naked in front of a man that isnt hers because she knows in the end she will get what she wants because a man has no morals or self respect

[winterwonderland]

Oh and you are wrong when you say men are weak when it comes to a woman. It isnt about being weak it is about sex. All about sex and a man will do anything for it but the one they are with just better not right. Maybe that is why nobody should get married becuase in the real end. Man is just to weak.