Scared for my wife - Depressed

[demrea]

I am scared and feel shame that part of my fear is selfish.

 

My wife and I have been together going on 20 years, we arent even 40 yet. We have a good life, but she is depressed and she doesnt know why.

 

I understand this stuff happens, life is overwhelming, our kids are great, but not perfect and she has low tolerance for things not going "to form".

 

She went to the doctor and they want to medicate her with Cipralex. I am torn, I want her to take care of herself and I will always be there to take care of her but the side effects of AD's look worse then the problem itself!

 

I dont want to be insensitive, I can see she is hurting and scared just the same. As much as I just want to tell her to snap out of it, life is great, we are healthy, the kids are healthy, her brain isnt buying it.

 

She spent lots of time and energy getting her body into shape, I know she is proud of that and it was a great effort. The meds will most likely cause her to gain weight. Selfish shame for me to be concerned about that.

 

Her libido is at risk and it wasnt always that high to begin with. More selfish shame for me to be concerned about this too.

 

The chance of it making her depression worse, and all the other side effects, I dont see how meds are the next best option.

 

I dont know what to do other then suck it up and support her. I know she is more scared then I, its her body, her brain, her tears.

 

Any support would be nice.

 

In case anyone wonders about background.

 

She works 6 hours a day as an education assistant, I work from home but have been traveling more lately than I like but I am building a business and have no choice. Getting a job would take me on the road even more with far less flex time.

 

Kids are super well behaved, 10 and 12 but not perfect. In my eyes the stuff they do that make her crazy are mild, they are such good self sustainable kids. But if it takes them 1 huor to do 35 minutes of homework, it frustrates her. I feel like, hey our kids do their home work, they dont zone out on TV, so if they are distracted by books and each other, let it be.

 

We live in a middle class neighborhood, have a house. Desptite missing a good 18 months of the last 48 of work myself and her semi time job, we have managed to maintain a good lifestyle and no one missed out. We dont get everything we want, but we have everything we need and more.

 

Anyhow, she knows these things shouldnt bother her, she took the step to go see a doctor, she doesnt want to take meds, but she doesnt want to be crying and overwhelmed all the time.

 

I took her a on trip last weekend, she loved it. Was very relaxed but the minute she got back, it was like the relaxing never happened.

 

Does anyone know anything about this AD, Cipralex and have any experiance dealing with this life situation?

[whichwayisup]

Has she been diagnosed for sure with depression?

 

Meds are scary, I can understand the fear and stigma of taking them, the worries of how it'll affect her in every way and how it'll affect/change things with you and at home with the kids and the daily dynamic.

 

What kind of counselling is she doing? If it's just a shrink, and he's pushing meds and no talk therapy, then start looking for another therapist who specializes in CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy.

 

If this med doesn't work, try another one..And another one.. Or you could try the homeopathic way (I spelled that wrong, sorry, ) a more natural medication that has little side effects.

 

Read up on depressionfallout, a great site that will give you more info and understand depression and the effects it has on family members.

 

Take this challenge day by day.

[demrea]

thanks ... i got to keep this short as I have somewhere to be.

 

it was her GP that prescribed her, she hasnt done any therapy. I dont like that a 20 minute consult with a family doctor sees her on meds. I want to find a way to tell her to continue researching her options but she feels desperate and wants her tears to end.

 

Its making me sad just to see her so sad and scared.

[whichwayisup]

thanks ... i got to keep this short as I have somewhere to be.

 

it was her GP that prescribed her, she hasnt done any therapy. I dont like that a 20 minute consult with a family doctor sees her on meds. I want to find a way to tell her to continue researching her options but she feels desperate and wants her tears to end.

 

Its making me sad just to see her so sad and scared.

 

Okay, well, google search CBT therapists and your City. Look at local hospitals, anxiety/depression clinics, etc.. This is fast and her Dr is putting a quick fix patch on this situation. You can do this for your wife.. If you lived in my City I'd recommend the therapist I had when I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks, though I'm not sure if you are in Canada.

[SoMovinOn]

My wife has suffered from depression for years, maybe even the entire time I've known her (20 years, we've been married for 18). I managed to help her mask it for the first 15 years, but after that, she started slipping into a deeper and deeper hole. When she hit the bottom, she started digging.

 

She's been to therapists and psychiatrists, on meds, not on meds. Turned to alcohol and became a severe alcoholic...

 

I don't have any answers for you, other than to just say you're not alone, I'm there too, as are a lot of other people. It's hard. It's hard to understand, it's hard to deal with... don't get down on yourself for being a bit selfish now and then. If you're not, you'll get dragged down too.

[rainy day woman]

I think your concerns are natural and in fact doctors should pay more attention to these issues. She could ask about Wellbutrin, an antidepressant that doesn't cause weight gain or low libido.

[soserious1]

You aren't scared for your wife, you're scared you're going to end up with an obese slob who never wants to have sex again. I don't blame you for this but let's at least be honest here, your concern is for yourself here.

[SoMovinOn]

I think your concerns are natural and in fact doctors should pay more attention to these issues. She could ask about Wellbutrin, an antidepressant that doesn't cause weight gain or low libido.

 

Wellbutrin is scary. I took it (as Zyban) to quit smoking. Took it for 5 days and it screwed up my brain for 2 years, I had severe panic attacks.

 

Recently my wife took it (Buproprion) for depression. She took it for 4 or 5 days late last year, and it screwed up her brain. She's had severe, vivid nightmares ever since. They are so bad, she's been severely sleep deprived. She has also had some panic attacks. It has caused far more problems for her than it solved.

[LoveTKO]

Wellbutrin is scary. I took it (as Zyban) to quit smoking. Took it for 5 days and it screwed up my brain for 2 years, I had severe panic attacks.

 

Recently my wife took it (Buproprion) for depression. She took it for 4 or 5 days late last year, and it screwed up her brain. She's had severe, vivid nightmares ever since. They are so bad, she's been severely sleep deprived. She has also had some panic attacks. It has caused far more problems for her than it solved.

 

 

Welbutrin isn't "scary" for everyone just because you had a bad experience taking it. Read up on every AD out there on the market, and you will find horror stories from people who experienced negative side effects, but to say that your brain suffered complications for 2 years after taking it for 5 days sounds a little far fetched.

 

You mentioned that you have severe panic attacks, so you're probably hyper vigilant and sensitive to anything. People who suffer from panic attacks dwell on every symptom and side effect which ends up creating another panic attack.

 

@demrea

 

It sounds as if your wife's coping skills are diminishing, so the simplest day to day chores will seem like a major hurdle to accomplish. This could be a side effect of depression, but if I were you I would go back to your primary care physician and have him request some comprehensive lab work (complete blood count, etc). There are a lot of ailments that can mimic symptoms of depression and anxiety, especially conditions related to the endocrine system ( hormones, etc). She could also have abnormally low levels of b-12, etc.

 

If you're concerned about her libido, try switching to an AD with minimal sexual side effects. There are a handful out there - Welbutrin being one of them.

[SoMovinOn]

Welbutrin isn't "scary" for everyone just because you had a bad experience taking it.

 

Correct, and the way to find out if it is scary for you is to try it, then live through the consequences if it is.

 

Read up on every AD out there on the market, and you will find horror stories from people who experienced negative side effects,...

 

Yup.

 

but to say that your brain suffered complications for 2 years after taking it for 5 days sounds a little far fetched...

 

Although, oddly enough, it's a known side effect.

 

 

You mentioned that you have severe panic attacks, so you're probably hyper vigilant and sensitive to anything. People who suffer from panic attacks dwell on every symptom and side effect which ends up creating another panic attack.

 

The Zyban caused the panic attacks. I am hyper mellow and don't worry about anything. The panic attacks stopped 2 years after taking the Zyban. Never had them before, haven't had them since. You need to argue with the medical professionals involved if you have some other diagnosis.

[whichwayisup]

Wellbutrin is scary. I took it (as Zyban) to quit smoking. Took it for 5 days and it screwed up my brain for 2 years, I had severe panic attacks.

 

Recently my wife took it (Buproprion) for depression. She took it for 4 or 5 days late last year, and it screwed up her brain. She's had severe, vivid nightmares ever since. They are so bad, she's been severely sleep deprived. She has also had some panic attacks. It has caused far more problems for her than it solved.

 

I've heard some absolute horror stories, more negatives about Wellbutrin than positives.

 

but to say that your brain suffered complications for 2 years after taking it for 5 days sounds a little far fetched.

 

So you are calling him a liar? Hello! Don't you think HE would know firsthand about this experience?

Some meds DO mess people up, for a long time and do alot of damage. Maybe allergies, who knows.

 

What about people who get flu shots, or other kind of shots... Can have long lasting bad affects. It happens. Sadly..

[wanttoplay]

I'm sorry to hear what your wife is going thru, as I have been there myself.

What helped me is Wellbutrin XL. I know some people say it messed them up but it has done wonders for me. It doesn't cause weight gain and in some people it boosts their libido. (It did mine!)

[LoveTKO]

[quote=

 

 

So you are calling him a liar? Hello! Don't you think HE would know firsthand about this experience?

.

 

I'm not calling him a liar, but his story is more along the lines of confabulation.

 

There was a story on ABC 20/20 tonight about kids in foster care who were prescribed ridiculously high doses of multiple psychotropic medications, all taken concomitantly. I'm talking about young children taking Seroquel, Depakote, Lexapro, Abilify, Lamictal, Geodon, etc. These drugs are powerful antipsychotics and mood stabilzers with nasty side effects making these kids feel like zombies; however, since they were weened off the drugs, all of the foster kids are doing fine.

 

So how can five days of Welbutrin mess up your brain for two years, but several years of Depakote and Seroquel have no latent side effects?

[SoMovinOn]

So how can five days of Welbutrin mess up your brain for two years, but several years of Depakote and Seroquel have no latent side effects?

 

Different people, different effects.

 

That's why hundreds of side effects are listed on a lot of drugs. It's not saying that drug has that effect on everyone, just that it has had that effect on some people. There are plenty of cases of long term effects from this drug.

 

Wellbutrin (Buproprion, Zyban) influences your levels of Dopamine and norepinephrine (the fight-or-flight neurochemical). Messing with those two is more than sufficient in causing anxiety attacks.

[SoMovinOn]

I'm sorry to hear what your wife is going thru, as I have been there myself.

What helped me is Wellbutrin XL. I know some people say it messed them up but it has done wonders for me. It doesn't cause weight gain and in some people it boosts their libido. (It did mine!)

 

She got an SSRI to get rid of the anxiety (heart palpitations and feeling like she couldn't breathe), but nothing they have tried is working to get rid of or lessen the nightmares.

[LoveTKO]

Different people, different effects.

 

That's why hundreds of side effects are listed on a lot of drugs. It's not saying that drug has that effect on everyone, just that it has had that effect on some people. There are plenty of cases of long term effects from this drug.

 

Wellbutrin (Buproprion, Zyban) influences your levels of Dopamine and norepinephrine (the fight-or-flight neurochemical). Messing with those two is more than sufficient in causing anxiety attacks.

 

 

Most of the newer generation anti depressants are multiple reuptake inhibitors targeting several neurotransmitters; Welbutrin is not unique in that aspect at all. Even the old tricyclic drug imipramine works in the same manner.

[rainy day woman]

I've also used it as Zyban to quit smoking and didn't experience any panic attacks or anything like that; my experience was positive so that's why I recommend it. I have a few other friends who also had good experiences. For me it also eliminated my mild OCD symptoms. It's just something to look into--it might or might not be appropriate for her.

[frozensprouts]

I don't know much about the new anti-depressants, but my daughter, who was eight or nine at the time, was prescribed on of the old tricyclics ( the generic form of Elavil) for severe nerve damage related pain. From what I was told, it is considered quite "Safe" to take, and has seemed to have no long term effects on her ( I am much more convinced that the Lyrica she took one the Elavil didn't work any more was much worse for her than the elavil ever was)

 

For what it is worth , I have heard that the herb St.John's wort is an effective anti depressant without the severe side effects that many of the "big pharma" ones have. It ( depending on which species, often Hypericum perforatum) stabilize serotonin levels in the brain. The main side effect seems to be that it increases sensitivity to sunlight. It is also effect again the pain that is often associated with depression, which is another great thing.

( BTW, is your wife by any chance anemic? it's common in women and can really sap your energy)

[quankanne]

please, before you upset yourself any further, read this llink. It does a fantastic job explaining how our blood chemistry is a finely balanced thing, and why what works for one person can wreak havoc on someone else's system.

 

for the record, I've been taking Wellbutrin XL off and on the past 8 years for mild depression that's triggered by stress and it's been a wonder drug in my particular experience. Yes, it was a good shot in the dark as to whether it would work for me (made my BFF's life hell, and it took awhile for her doctor to come up with medicine that was specifically addressed what lacked in her blood chemistry), but thankfully, it's the only thing he's had to "try" in treating me. Medicine is just that, a stab in the dark, because no two people respond the same way to ANY prescription. BTW ~ the meds he put me on? Didn't make a dint in my libido, it just lifted the fog ... if she's able to hit the right combination, it could improve her mental state where she finds joy in sex, you know? Something to think about ....

 

the worse thing you or your wife can do is to drag out this situation by scaring yourself about what could happen, because depression cannot be helped unless the blood chemistry imbalance is corrected. She may be one of the fortunate ones in that something clicks right away; she may be one of the unfortunate ones who must subject themselves to every kind of pill there is before something works. I'm praying that it's sooner rather than later, in her case, because it's not a good way to live.

 

best of luck to the both of you, and keep us posted, okay?

hugs,

q

[giotto]

suck it up... you have no choice. Your wife's mental health is at risk and that should have priority on anything else. My wife is on ADs - she's been on them for 15 years - and they work. Yes, side effects: weight gain (I don't mind, though) and no libido whatsoever. But she is coping now. She is not happy, but at least she is not suffering.

 

She should see a therapist (CBT) - she promised but won't go. She is happy with the meds, but they destroyed our marriage. After some years of looking into this, I've come to the conclusion that her mental health is more important than my happiness. So, I suck it up. I've been on them, and I can tell you that they do work, but you are devoid of all emotions. I hit rock bottom a month ago and I got them prescribed again. After 4 pills, I threw them away. I just forgot how zombie-like you feel... so, if she can try therapy first, that would be the path I would choose.