Is it suppose to be this hard?

[perfectlyflawed459]

I went on a date with a really nice guy and I had a great time, but it just...doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel the same with anyone else and I don't know why. I have blocked my ex out of my life and not talked to him. I thought I was moving on nicely too. I mean I have been pretty happy lately...I don't understand it. No guy out there has been able to make me smile the way he has. Ugh I just miss my ex I want to talk to him. I hate NC, it sucks. Don't worry, I am not going to act on this, I just really really really really miss him

[wilsonx]

I went out on a date with a month dumpee 2 nights ago, we had fun and all and I was making her laugh all night, but the second she told me she was just over a month out of the relationship, I knew any further pursuit besides that hanging out that evening was TOAST.

 

Its ok. Honestly, Im not ready to "date" either and Im 6 months, if you do it, just have fun with the person to get your mind off ex temporarily. Dont put him on a pedestal or try to =)

[cerridwen]

I went on a date with a really nice guy and I had a great time, but it just...doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel the same with anyone else and I don't know why. I have blocked my ex out of my life and not talked to him. I thought I was moving on nicely too. I mean I have been pretty happy lately...I don't understand it. No guy out there has been able to make me smile the way he has. Ugh I just miss my ex I want to talk to him. I hate NC, it sucks. Don't worry, I am not going to act on this, I just really really really really miss him

 

How long has it been since the breakup, PF?

I gave myself a year to heal (or until someone super special came along and knocked my socks off).

If you're feeling as you've described, it may be too soon to be dating.

[smokey bear]

Well im glad im not the only one in the same boat, back to tv dinners and my knitting i suppose..............................

[ScienceGal]

If finding someone to be seriously interested in was so easy, I'd just walk down the street and snag him! I'd grab his arm and say, "you Mister, are coming with me!" But, it's not that easy. It takes time and patience, growing and learning, difficulties and honesty. And, it takes a lot of healing.

 

You may go on a dozen more dates that are "just ok". Even as you continue to get over your ex, you might go on a dozen more. There is no time frame. If he didn't light a spark, move on. It's ok to miss your ex. Baby steps

 

Try to do things other than dating that you enjoy. Strengthen your personal and social life.

[stunned8165]

I went on a date with a really nice guy and I had a great time, but it just...doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel the same with anyone else and I don't know why. I have blocked my ex out of my life and not talked to him. I thought I was moving on nicely too. I mean I have been pretty happy lately...I don't understand it. No guy out there has been able to make me smile the way he has. Ugh I just miss my ex I want to talk to him. I hate NC, it sucks. Don't worry, I am not going to act on this, I just really really really really miss him

 

 

Like wilson, I'm six months out and stilled pissed.. lol Sorry wilson..lol.. No offense.. My sense of humor is coming back around. ...

 

But I have been on a few dates. NOTHING felt right about it. Now I'm not sure if I miss my ex or not. I definately miss who I THOUGHT she was, and I MOST definately miss the kids (my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302201/) ......

 

So I know how you feel. Stick with your NC. I sure as hell am. Mine doesn't deserve to know how I still feel. And in due time, we will be feeling right again.

[lymtal1]

six months for me. just got back from a date with someone really nice. i had fun. i tried real hard. i talk a big game. that's it i've come to realize. guess i'm just saying pf your not alone:)

[SelfCentered]

I went on a date with a really nice guy and I had a great time, but it just...doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel the same with anyone else and I don't know why. I have blocked my ex out of my life and not talked to him. I thought I was moving on nicely too. I mean I have been pretty happy lately...I don't understand it. No guy out there has been able to make me smile the way he has. Ugh I just miss my ex I want to talk to him. I hate NC, it sucks. Don't worry, I am not going to act on this, I just really really really really miss him

 

It's a very natural feeling and it simply shows you're going through the breakup process. One thing we forget when we're grieving over the loss of an ex, is that everyone has "down" times. In normal circumstances we would just say that everyone has them, that is life etc.

 

But when we've been in a breakup, we attach this stigma of "OMG I'm not moving on!" and think we're somehow stuck in a cycle.

 

I think going on the date was the right thing for you. You gotta walk before you run though, things will move slow, but you're moving in the right direction.

 

Keep up the NC. Vent here if you need to, say what you want to say to your ex to us- there's a thread somewhere for that, sure you've seen it!

 

Good luck.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Thanks for the replies everyone. To answer your question, it marks a year on saturday since we broke up. However I finally had the courage to go NC a little over two months ago. I was so stupid to keep contact with him, but for some reason we couldn't drop each other out of each other's lives, even though we were always at each other's throats. So this is the first time we have been in complete separation from each other, as in haven't seen or talked to each other. Ever since I dropped him, he tried to approach me once when he saw me in person just to make small talk with me. He even ditched that girl he is supposedly dating to do so, but I ignored him because I wanted to keep NC going strong. I just didn't feel like it was time to open up to him again. Then he told my mom a week ago that something was missing in his life, and continues to talk to my mom everytime he sees her. So it isn't like he has completely ignored me, but gosh this NC stuff is so painful some days. I miss him terribly and not a day goes by where I don't think about him, but I know this is the right thing to do. Although sometimes I wonder if I should have talked to him when he tried to talk to me. I was a little harsh with him and did turn my back on him...Ugh I dunno anymore. I am so confused, I thought this was what he wanted.

[cerridwen]

Thanks for the replies everyone. To answer your question, it marks a year on saturday since we broke up. However I finally had the courage to go NC a little over two months ago. I was so stupid to keep contact with him, but for some reason we couldn't drop each other out of each other's lives, even though we were always at each other's throats. So this is the first time we have been in complete separation from each other, as in haven't seen or talked to each other. Ever since I dropped him, he tried to approach me once when he saw me in person just to make small talk with me. He even ditched that girl he is supposedly dating to do so, but I ignored him because I wanted to keep NC going strong. I just didn't feel like it was time to open up to him again. Then he told my mom a week ago that something was missing in his life, and continues to talk to my mom everytime he sees her. So it isn't like he has completely ignored me, but gosh this NC stuff is so painful some days. I miss him terribly and not a day goes by where I don't think about him, but I know this is the right thing to do. Although sometimes I wonder if I should have talked to him when he tried to talk to me. I was a little harsh with him and did turn my back on him...Ugh I dunno anymore. I am so confused, I thought this was what he wanted.

 

October marked the one year point for me and Perfectly, I feel great.

I struggled at first, breaking NC numerous times.

I stayed in contact with his family at their request.

I'd hear of him as his sister and I are thick as thieves.

It soon became obvious though, even little leaks of information were counterproductive and I asked they not mention him.

When it stopped, the real healing began in leaps and bounds.

It become sooooo much easier!

 

Consider asking your Mom not to speak of him.

Ever.

Hearing things like he "feels something is missing in his life" only plays with your head.

Healing comes quicker when you're truly 100% out of contact with the person.

For you, that seems yet to happen but I hope it does, and that you feel much better soon.

[perfectlyflawed459]

October marked the one year point for me and Perfectly, I feel great.

I struggled at first, breaking NC numerous times.

I stayed in contact with his family at their request.

I'd hear of him as his sister and I are thick as thieves.

It soon became obvious though, even little leaks of information were counterproductive and I asked they not mention him.

When it stopped, the real healing began in leaps and bounds.

It become sooooo much easier!

 

Consider asking your Mom not to speak of him.

Ever.

Hearing things like he "feels something is missing in his life" only plays with your head.

Healing comes quicker when you're truly 100% out of contact with the person.

For you, that seems yet to happen but I hope it does, and that you feel much better soon.

 

I mean I have gotten way better in these past two and half months, don't get me wrong. But honestly, he isn't someone I was to lose completely. I want him in my life again, and even though his attempts to contact me do kinda make me wonder, it is comforting to know that he does still think about me. I sound pathetic probably haha. I don't make any sense when it comes to him. I love him, but I don't want him in my life right now.

[betterdeal]

Sometimes we need to create a space so that we can let something grow, and change in shape. So take this space you two have created and consider what it is about you that you'd like to change, and also what it is you'd like to change in him. There were reasons you guys choose to take a break. Work on those things and see where you are in 6 months time.

[cerridwen]

I mean I have gotten way better in these past two and half months, don't get me wrong. But honestly, he isn't someone I was to lose completely. I want him in my life again, and even though his attempts to contact me do kinda make me wonder, it is comforting to know that he does still think about me. I sound pathetic probably haha. I don't make any sense when it comes to him. I love him, but I don't want him in my life right now.

 

You sound PerfectlyHuman.

 

I love Betterdeal's advice below and second it.

 

 

Sometimes we need to create a space so that we can let something grow, and change in shape. So take this space you two have created and consider what it is about you that you'd like to change, and also what it is you'd like to change in him. There were reasons you guys choose to take a break. Work on those things and see where you are in 6 months time.

[scobro]

if you feel like this its too soon.....when you compare people to your ex its too soon to start dating give it a good 6 months to a year to heal

[shayla]

It took me a year to get over my breakup. I started seeing someone 2 months later, wasn't ready at all. Thankfully, he knew my ex, he knew my situation, and he supported me fully while I healed.

[Lonely Ronin]

I think how hard it is, depends on how long you where with your ex. My ex and I broke up 15 months ago, but we where together for over 7 years. It was 6 months before I went on a date. and the first time I did, I was so uneasy, I thought I was going to be physically ill. Needless to say I only went on one date with that girl, because i knew i wasn't ready.

 

About mid summer I went on a few dates with a different girl, and they where fun, but we had no chemistry, and I wasn't prepared to truly pursue yet. About two months ago, I actually dated a girl for a month, and it felt normal, I didn't have thoughts about my ex or how this girl compared to her.

 

So yea, it can be really hard, but it will eventually pass. If you have been with someone long enough, you will never be able to completely put them out of your mind, as they helped make you who you are today.