stillafool Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Yeah, he was 'forced' to marry her, 'forced' to have children with her.. She held a gun to his head.. He had NO choice. Poor poor man, couldn't say no. So, instead he married someone he didn't love, had sex with a woman he doesn't love, had children with a woman he didn't love... Had an affair ... Yet STILL after a D-day, he was 'forced' by his wife (again) to stay. Come on MO. PEOPLE who want to divorce, bloody well DO. Don't tell me that this guy's wife has a gun to his head. Exactly! If they are selfish enough to cheat you can bet they always have their best interest in mind. Nothing sobers up the BS like D-Day. Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Yeah, he was 'forced' to marry her, 'forced' to have children with her.. She held a gun to his head.. He had NO choice. Poor poor man, couldn't say no. So, instead he married someone he didn't love, had sex with a woman he doesn't love, had children with a woman he didn't love... Had an affair ... Yet STILL after a D-day, he was 'forced' by his wife (again) to stay. Come on MO. PEOPLE who want to divorce, bloody well DO. Don't tell me that this guy's wife has a gun to his head. Certainly sounds amazingly similar to what the MM tell BS about the OW after dday...I didn't want to do it...she made me...I couldn't say no because the poor OW I felt sorry for her...I certainly didn't love her...I love only you...she was holding a gun to my head...I must be having a MLC and it kept me from making conscious decisions...blah blah blah...the poor MM...must be tough not being able to think for yourself...Wah... Well...if that's true in his fantasy world...if the OW can force MM to do all kinds of things he NEVER wanted to do...than any woman could force him to do all kinds of things he never wanted to do...including M him... Any woman can "make" any man do anything...because all they think about is one thing...and any woman has that one thing...and they're blinded by it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally12adams Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 Showed my friend this thread as she was making her mind to leave the MM. Seems like he's still trying to change her mind, texting and calling her while she was with me. Hope she's strong enough to go NC. hockeyfan, you're right about why an MM that claims to love his kids not spend more time with them. To my knowledge, my friend's MM spends a couple of hours a day with the kids until late in the night when he either heads out to meet my friend or talks to her on the phone. Whether that is considered enough, I'm not sure. Or know whether that's even true. But what you brought up made me wonder too. Perhaps sexual urges override fatherly love? QuantumWeapon, no my friend's name is not Sally Adams. Quiet Storm, maybe the BS has reached enlightenment that she is not consumed by anger. She has reached indifference, which is a feeling stronger than love or hate. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 According to the general consensus here...there are tons of MM who have sex with OW whom they supposedly don't love Now you are getting it. For many its about sex, the thrill, the excitement of having sex with someone new or different. I'm sure some cheaters "love" their AP. ...another consensus is that A's are just for strange new sex...so if that's true then I guess MM can also have sex with W's they don't love right? You got it. But my opinion is they will pick one and refrain from getting into multiple affairs because that increases the chance of getting caught. That and I'd imagine time isn't abundant enough for one affair let along multiple. Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Now you are getting it. For many its about sex, the thrill, the excitement of having sex with someone new or different. I'm sure some cheaters "love" their AP. You got it. But my opinion is they will pick one and refrain from getting into multiple affairs because that increases the chance of getting caught. That and I'd imagine time isn't abundant enough for one affair let along multiple. What does the possibilty that MM's could have sex with W they do OR don't love (and same with OW) have to do with having multiple A's?... Why would a MM or MW stop having sex with their S??? If they love them or not, cutting out sex (if it was already happening in the R) would certainly raise a HUGE red flag with bright flashing lights on it right?...has nothing to do with love...50% of it is called CYA and the other 50% is called conflict avoidance...any OW/OM who thinks their AP is not having sex with their S...is delusional...although like everything else they will lie about it...but that lie won't fly with me... Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 What does the possibilty that MM's could have sex with W they do OR don't love (and same with OW) have to do with having multiple A's?... Well the statement, then the question didn't make much sense. Thought it was in regards to having sex with women they don't love. Because your post was: another consensus is that A's are just for strange new sex...so if that's true then I guess MM can also have sex with W's they don't love right? Looks like you tied a consensus of A's being for strange new sex with having sex with their wives they don't love. Of course they will still have sex with the wives they don't love if the wives don't know any different. But sex at home is different from why they would have affairs and it being for strange sex. Why would a MM or MW stop having sex with their S??? Some do, some don't. If they don't its because they are already getting it from someone else, and since its exciting and new, some don't care to bother with sex with the same person they have been with forever. If they love them or not, cutting out sex (if it was already happening in the R) would certainly raise a HUGE red flag with bright flashing lights on it right? Absolutely, but some BS usually end up in denial thinking their beloved spouse wouldn't be cheating on them. And the cheaters that aren't having sex with their spouse think they aren't sending red flags since there is no proof they are having an affair. any OW/OM who thinks their AP is not having sex with their S...is delusional It does happen. I wasn't getting sex with my x-wife. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 A friend recently got involved (though I'm not sure how involved she is) with an MM. Spoke to her yesterday as she was feeling down. Something sounds odd to me. The MM told her he is keeping marriage intact for his kids. While he could still have divorced the wife and shared custody of the kids, this reason is not all that implausible. But I doubt that is the only reason. Since he is a senior executive in a big company, I suspect he does not want to split his assets in a divorce. If so, I can understand. What I do not is why would the wife not divorce him if she knows that he's had a few long-term relationships outside of the marriage? She could have sucked him out of his assets based on all his other "relationships" or threatened to leave with his kids. Does this seem weird to you? What do you think/know as the reason that your xMM is still in his marriage? No it doesn't seem weird.... People make all kinds of choices for all kinds of reasons and some make sense to me and some don't. I don't know these people, but it is not uncommon for a wife not to divorce a husband who is a serial cheater. My dad is one and my mom is still married to him. Part is "love", part is being used to the devil she knows (she has said so herself) and part is all kinds of other issues I'm sure. I have been so resentful of her for her choice, and personally, I've said on LS before, I have little tolerance for cheating and would find it hard to reconcile, because of my own experiences. I therefore have probably less tolerance and an aversion to trying to forgive such a transgression. However, people do it, people turn a blind eye....it's not unheard of. People marry for all kinds of reasons, people stay married for all kinds of reasons...and like you said, if he is well to do...perhaps one reason is this woman is not willing to upset her life. Most people fear change and I can imagine how sometimes it seems easier to "stay with the devil you know" (as my mom puts it) that step into the unknown.... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) Yeah, he was 'forced' to marry her, 'forced' to have children with her.. She held a gun to his head.. He had NO choice. Poor poor man, couldn't say no. So, instead he married someone he didn't love, had sex with a woman he doesn't love, had children with a woman he didn't love... Had an affair ... Yet STILL after a D-day, he was 'forced' by his wife (again) to stay. Come on MO. PEOPLE who want to divorce, bloody well DO. Don't tell me that this guy's wife has a gun to his head. Ditto... I understand what they're trying to say...but the reality is...that is self pressure and something one forces one's own self to do and not what other's force you to do. That's the truth. Even if someone coerces me...I still have a choice. I can say oh well they guilt tripped me, I felt bad so I did it for them etc...but I still chose to do so and I could have chosen not to and faced whatever consequence of that (but that is the point....people often choose to do or not do things because they are scared of what that will mean/the consequences, so it is easier to feel like you're "forced" and it is not your prerogative). Being scared doesn't mean you had no choice, feeling obligated doesn't mean you have no choice...you still do...but it comes down to what pressures you put on yourself or others put on you and whether or not you succumb to them. Likewise, people who want to divorce do. Plain and simple. No one is saying people get up overnight and divorce right away...but clearly people get divorced all the time because they want to get divorced. Those "stuck" in a marriage often aren't really stuck....their own fears and self concern and so on make them feel stuck...but they aren't actually stuck. They are stuck because they are scared of the fall out (losing kids, losing money, facing the unknown, losing respect, losing reputation, losing comfort etc). That's normal...most people don't like to change their lives so allow themselves to be "stuck". But unfortunately life is change and you have to face those unknowns and possible negative consequences sometimes to move forward with life.....you have the choice to embrace those negative consequences for a greater purpose...or stay stuck because you're too afraid of being uncomfortable or more uncomfortable than you are now. *shrug* Edited December 5, 2011 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
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