TheLameDuck Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Ok first let me introduce myself, my name is Lewis, I am 24, my friends call me Louey. I am having an issue and I didn't know where to go for help because I can't address my girlfriend or my friends. So I searched the web and happened upon this forum. The back story, I've been dating this girl for 3 months now and she wants to close the deal. But the problem is I can't get excited or aroused around her. Now I am a virgin and never had a sexual encounter with a female, but whenever she touches me erotically and we start getting hot and heavy, nothing happens and I remain, how do I say, flaccid. I am really worried about what this means. Now I have been having fantasies for a long time now ever since I was 16. I never would act on these fantasies because I don't want to be looked down upon or picked on by my friends. I have always wondered what it would be like to dress up in woman's clothes. Maybe this sounds crazy and I sound like a freak but I have always wanted to wear woman's underwear, and have often found my eyes wondering when a larger male walks into my office space. What does all this mean? Am I just some kind of freak? I love my girlfriend but I don't know how to get to the next stage to full fill her in the way that she needs. Can anyone please help me, I don't know where else to look for help Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I think it's important to make a distinction between arousal and erection. Erection IS a sign of arousal, but not the only one. You say that when you make out, you don't have an erection... but do you find her attractive, desirable, and WANT to have sex with her? If the answer is yes, then we're looking at one of these two: a) performance anxiety, b) physiological problem If you are able to get erections when you are alone, then we can probably rule out a medical problem. If so, then it may just be all the nerves and pressure which are causing you not to be able to perform. Try to relax and take it one step at a time instead of rushing into sex all at once. Touch each other, kiss, etc. The rest will come in time. If you are unable to achieve an erection at all, alone or otherwise, then it's time to visit the doctor and explain the situation to him. Going back to the original question, if you just find yourself not wanting to have sex with her at all, it could be that you are just not sexually interested in her, even if you love her. The reasons for this could be many. You mention admiring a man, and wondering what it might be like to wear women's clothes. This isn't necessarily a sign that you are gay (the underwear bit is actually quite common among straight males), but you could be. Do you find women attractive in general? What excited you sexually? Only you know the answer to these things, but if you take some time to think about it, you can figure it out. Regardless of what the outcome turns out to be, you are NOT a freak. Everyone goes through a period of self-discovery. This is normal, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Best of luck, -A Link to post Share on other sites
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