i cant how i feel and i have no one to tell..what do i do?

[missingu]

I am going to go on a little rant..so if you dont want to dont read on.

 

I have a massive crush on my boss. He is about 46 i am 25.He is married with 2 kids. I am in no way a homewrecker which is why this is killing me.I would never say anything and i would never act on it. He is on my mind 24/7. I think about him all day and then i dream about him at night.

 

We flirt with eachother. Eye contact across the room,when he smiles its not just polite,his eyes sparkle. He compliments me sometimes. He complimented my name and told me it is beautiful and that lots of women in his culture have that name.He complimented my earrings(said they're beautiful),told me my smile is beautiful.He stands close sometimes,so much so i step away sometimes.He is playful at times.

 

We never used to get along,but then one day we just did after we found we have some things in common career wise. I was going on holidays and he told me he would miss me.

 

I've seen pics of his family and i feel awful for feeling this way about him.Some people seem to think he and his wife have alot of problems,since he told them.

 

I can be professional.no worries.but its tearing me up inside and i dont think its so much because of him but its because of me. Im not happy. Haven't been for a while. Its like i just look forward to seeing him everyday and then i get upset if he isnt there..i feel like such an idiot. I always become attracted to the unattainable(like a safety thing) and it sucks.I dont want a safe thing.i want someone who i love and who is free to love me. It gets so frustrating.i know im better than this.

 

i always set myself up for being hurt.I dont like to talk about my feelings with friends and family,i just keep it all inside. He seems to be the same type of person.well from what i know anyway. i might be wrong.

 

I love my family and i love my friends,but i always feel like theres something missing.

 

haha sorry i dont know what to do anymore. rant over