Girlfriend cut her hair--how do I get over my attraction to long hair?

[EnigmaticClarity]

If that communication style in any way relates to how you relate to other people IRL, specifically your gf, then you are going to face problems exactly like you've described.

 

I only really do it in forums to prevent topic derailing. Sometimes it works, but clearly here, it didn't--the derailing came from different directions.

[EnigmaticClarity]

The hair itself might not even be the real bone of contention, maybe it's some other issue in your relationship that you just haven't been listening to her, and this is her way of making you "listen" and "pay attention." So then the question is: What is it, really?

 

It's nothing. Treat my current girlfriend as an example, not my actual problem. ANY woman I'm with may cut her hair short at some point, it's a common hairstyle, particularly for older women. I think older women with gray hair do it because long, gray hair accentuates age, so if they're going to let it stay gray and not dye it, they often cut it shorter to look younger. Short hairstyles on women certainly do look young, that I agree with--although that doesn't mean I like short gray hair better than long gray hair. I haven't decided about that yet.

[ShannonMI]

Women must be out of their minds to cut their hair that short, men universally agree short lesbian hair is ugly.

 

However, making this big of a deal of it with someone you've been dating for 15 years strikes me as annoying, I'd expect this kind of behavior out of a woman faster than I would from a man. The hair will grow back, just tell her not to do it again.

 

Woggle's right, if this is such a deal breaker, your relationship is a joke. Not saying you are unique in that regard, 90% of "Relationships" are really just your schlong and her vag dating. Do what you must.

Oh Wolfie, is this really true? You never cease to crack me up.

[EnigmaticClarity]

You should grow your hair long bro, that will show that cold sore covered bitch of a whore who's Boss!

 

I actually started doing that and told her I would, but I really haven't been able to think of a good hairstyle yet. Plus that's a pretty immature thing to do, not really my style. On top of that, I think women dislike long hair on men even more often than men dislike short hair on women, so why make myself less attractive just to spite my girlfriend? That'd be dumb of me.

[ShannonMI]

How about not trying to figure out why you like what you like, but try figuring out why your girlfriend blatantly did something she knew you didn't like. That's the problem here. Not the fact you don't like short hair. Maybe she WANTS you to break up with her.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Your thought process is about as far away from zen as it is possible to be.

 

In attempting to define what Zen is and what it isn't, you just contradicted it. You also assumed I can't see past my state of mind and into the reality of the world separate from my value judgments of it, but that isn't the case--I understand what an illusion this all is, a figment of my logical imagination.

[ShannonMI]

I actually started doing that and told her I would, but I really haven't been able to think of a good hairstyle yet. Plus that's a pretty immature thing to do, not really my style. On top of that, I think women dislike long hair on men even more often than men dislike short hair on women, so why make myself less attractive just to spite my girlfriend? That'd be dumb of me.

Honey ignore that troll. There's an ignore option. He's gonna blow this thread up and you'll have to weed through his nonsense to read the worthwhile posts.

[somedude81]

Wow, that shows a complete lack of respect for what you want.

 

What would she think if you said, "Honey, I want to get a big tattoo on my face" and you show her a picture of what you want and she thinks it's horrible. Then you do it anyways.

[EnigmaticClarity]

How about not trying to figure out why you like what you like, but try figuring out why your girlfriend blatantly did something she knew you didn't like. That's the problem here. Not the fact you don't like short hair. Maybe she WANTS you to break up with her.

 

I know why she did it, and I already said why she did it. Those problems are defined and resolved. I'm sorry you're not interested in exploring why men prefer long hair and why some prefer short hair.

[LittleTiger]

There is a biological reason why men generally find long hair more attractive. Men are attracted to healthy women.

 

There are many indicators of optimum health in women eg youth, a slim figure, low hip to waist ratio (a sign of higher fertility) AND shiny, lustrous hair.

 

Long, shiny, lustrous hair that has been growing for several years is an indicator of long term physical health - that's why you are more attracted to women with beautiful long hair.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it - it's just the way it is and I doubt you can just decide to be attracted to short hair.

 

What I would do is find out why your gf cut her hair despite you telling her you would find it less attractive. My man loves my long hair, and I love him loving it, so I would never cut it short.

[EnigmaticClarity]

This conversation has nothing to do with your girlfriend or her hair.

 

Once you come to realize that all of the angst you are expressing is internally-generated, and perhaps determine where it is coming from, the length of your gf's hair, or anyone's hair, won't seem important any longer.

 

I have no angst. Can you take whatever discussion you think I'm attempting to have to a new thread? I'd appreciate it, thanks!

[ShannonMI]

There is a biological reason why men generally find long hair more attractive. Men are attracted to healthy women.

 

There are many indicators of optimum health in women eg youth, a slim figure, low hip to waist ratio (a sign of higher fertility) AND shiny, lustrous hair.

 

Long, shiny, lustrous hair that has been growing for several years is an indicator of long term physical health - that's why you are more attracted to women with beautiful long hair.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it - it's just the way it is and I doubt you can just decide to be attracted to short hair.

 

What I would do is find out why your gf cut her hair despite you telling her you would find it less attractive. My man loves my long hair, and I love him loving it, so I would never cut it short.

There you go OP. Problem solved. And ditto...I would never cut my long hair because men love long locks and I love my hair.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I've tried that--Google the name "Ryanne". Similar hair, almost EXACTLY the same body as my girlfriend except Ryanne is 5' 4" and my girlfriend is 6' 1", it's eerie how similar they are. My girlfriend still turns me on immensely, but the hair is an ongoing issue for me--not a constant one but an occasional one. I'm trying to get past that issue by expanding my ideas about women and short hair.

 

Ok... that lady is rather attractive. Did it help? Do you think more would help?

 

My friend was dating a dark skinned lady and used porn to make him more attracted to her. He claims it worked Ok.

 

I think it is definitely possible to change what you are attracted to... I would begin to tackle that by association. Take short hair and mentally associate it with something you ARE attracted to.

 

How about not trying to figure out why you like what you like, but try figuring out why your girlfriend blatantly did something she knew you didn't like. That's the problem here. Not the fact you don't like short hair. Maybe she WANTS you to break up with her.

 

Personally, that would be my worry too, but I think he feels the need to fix himself instead.

 

Why are you trying to understand what you like? YOU LIKE WHAT YOU LIKE!!! It's not some deep seeded thing in your brain. You just like long hair. Nothing wrong with that. You are thinking WAAAAAAAY too much into this. Stop already or you will drive yourself mad.

 

I think you can change what you are attracted to... sometimes it is worth doing.

[EnigmaticClarity]

There is a biological reason why men generally find long hair more attractive. Men are attracted to healthy women.

 

There are many indicators of optimum health in women eg youth, a slim figure, low hip to waist ratio (a sign of higher fertility) AND shiny, lustrous hair.

 

Long, shiny, lustrous hair that has been growing for several years is an indicator of long term physical health - that's why you are more attracted to women with beautiful long hair.

 

I generally agree with this idea, but why, then, do women prefer short hair on men? Going by your hypothesis, women might also prefer long hair on men for the exact same reason.

[somedude81]

No, sorry, ahole, you don't determine who gets to post.

 

No wonder your gf cut her hair to spite you.

You're trolling.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I generally agree with this idea, but why, then, do women prefer short hair on men? Going by your hypothesis, women might also prefer long hair on men for the exact same reason.

 

I don't think women do prefer short hair... think Fabio.

 

I believe men started wearing short hair for war. Romans and Greeks probably started the trend when they realized it was easy to grab a guys long hair or long beard and then gut them like a fish.

[Ruby Slippers]

From wikipedia:

 

Anthropologists speculate that the functional significance of long head hair may be adornment, a by-product of secondary natural selection once other androgenic/somatic hair (body hair) had largely been lost. Another possibility is that long head hair is a result of Fisherian runaway sexual selection, where long lustrous hair is a visible marker for a healthy individual. For some groups or individuals, however, short hair is the selected trait.

 

People change their personal style for all kinds of reasons. The last guy I was seeing was very stylish and changed his hair and facial hair styles about once a month. He was very handsome and had excellent taste, so everything he did looked great on him, even if it's not what I thought would be sexy.

 

Boyfriends of mine in the past have done things to change their appearance that diminished my attraction. I like slightly longer hair on men -- enough that there's some messy bedhead, kind of that 70s look (without the feathering ). I think most men look worse with very short, closely cropped hair. Again, only very handsome men look good with a buzz cut, IMO.

 

One of my exes cut his hair very short, and I wanted to cry when I saw him. It reduced my physical attraction to him significantly. But I knew it would grow back. I politely told him what I thought of the short hair, and eventually, he let it grow back and kept it a little longer because I liked it that way.

 

If you are cool about expressing your thoughts on the matter, and continue to love her in spite of the temporary hair change, hopefully she will eventually settle in to something that is desirable for both of you.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Ok... that lady is rather attractive. Did it help? Do you think more would help?

 

My friend was dating a dark skinned lady and used porn to make him more attracted to her. He claims it worked Ok.

 

I think it is definitely possible to change what you are attracted to... I would begin to tackle that by association. Take short hair and mentally associate it with something you ARE attracted to.

 

It did help, yes, I had forgotten about her for months until you mentioned it, I actually first saw Ryanne before my girlfriend cut her hair but after she told me she was planning on doing it (she cut it 2 months ago, told me she was thinking about it 5 months ago). I suspect more would help, but Ryanne has been particularly helpful because she's so similar-looking to my girlfriend, at least in the body and hair, they don't look as identical in the face as the body. Uma Thurman's body is the absolute closest similarity I've seen to my girlfriend since she's also about the same height...I looked for pictures of Uma with short hair but couldn't find many or any. I'd love to find more images of tall, thin, shapely women with short, dark hair like my girlfriend, but it's a really difficult body type to find--which is why I find her so sexy, her body is just so unique and spectacular. I don't have problems with sexual attraction to her...it's just when I'm looking at her, talking to her, my eyes go to her hair and it makes me feel sad (if you'd like to take the discussion of how you can be Zen and still feel emotions and make value judgments to a different thread, Quantum, I'm all for it! ) .

 

Yesterday and today I was looking through pics of my girlfriend with long hair...that's actually what got me thinking about it again, they made me sad about my reduced attraction to her. I suspect taking pictures of her with short hair and looking at those longer would be helpful. I don't currently have any of those...I stopped taking pictures after she cut her hair.

[LittleTiger]

I generally agree with this idea, but why, then, do women prefer short hair on men? Going by your hypothesis, women might also prefer long hair on men for the exact same reason.

 

Well, there's no doubt many will disagree with me here but, purely from an evolutionary biology perspective, women value other attributes in men above looks. For men, looks come first.

 

Men are looking for healthy women to carry their offspring so good looks ie health and high fertility are paramount. Women are looking for healthy men to give them children and provide for them - biologically speaking (obviously culture and society has changed this to a degree in the modern world).

 

A tall and physically fit man is, of course, desirable because that indicates health and an ability to take care of a woman physically (from the days when this was necessary) but non-physical attributes such as kindness, financial stability and a high social status are usually more important to women than looks.

 

Consequently, length of hair is less important to women than it is to men. Studies show that there is no strong bias either way provided a man's hair is well groomed ie he takes care of himself.

 

Add to this the social conditioning that you mention about long hair being feminine and short hair being masculine and you end up with men and women having different preferences for hair length.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I don't think women do prefer short hair... think Fabio.

 

I believe men started wearing short hair for war. Romans and Greeks probably started the trend when they realized it was easy to grab a guys long hair or long beard and then gut them like a fish.

 

The disadvantage of long hair when fighting, working, or just doing physical activities in general--which historically has been the male role--is interesting, I hadn't thought of that, great insight.

 

I'm convinced that women, in general, DO prefer shorter hair. Fabio has a lot more going for him than the hair--take it all away besides the hair and women just wouldn't find him attractive. I generally agree women may not like super-short hair a lot, i.e. crewcut length, but they prefer it well above the shoulder. There are two extremely common traits I used to see in the "turn offs" sections of women about men in Match.com women's profiles when I've used it in the past--smoking and long hair. Women have short hair a LOT more often than men, men are quite simply more used to looking at short hair on women than women are looking at it on men.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Boyfriends of mine in the past have done things to change their appearance that diminished my attraction. I like slightly longer hair on men -- enough that there's some messy bedhead, kind of that 70s look (without the feathering ). I think most men look worse with very short, closely cropped hair. Again, only very handsome men look good with a buzz cut, IMO.

 

One of my exes cut his hair very short, and I wanted to cry when I saw him. It reduced my physical attraction to him significantly. But I knew it would grow back. I politely told him what I thought of the short hair, and eventually, he let it grow back and kept it a little longer because I liked it that way.

 

If you are cool about expressing your thoughts on the matter, and continue to love her in spite of the temporary hair change, hopefully she will eventually settle in to something that is desirable for both of you.

 

Yea, handsome people--men OR women--look good with just about any hairstyle. I suspect you're right about your last thought, that she'll settle in and go back to long hair.

[smackie9]

People shouldn't make assumptions before asking questions--and that's more than just my two cents, that's a fact that will hinder you the rest of your life as long as you do it. It's ****ing stupid to do it, but of course I see people doing it all day, every day. It's NECESSARY to make assumptions until you gather all the facts--but it should be internal, not out loud. Ask questions before making assumptions, otherwise, you frequently end up looking like a real jackass.

 

 

It's just human nature and there is no changing that so giving the important details saves a lot of bs and time don't you think? I've been on the forums for over a decade and it is very frustrating when people (some purposely) leave out those little details that does change the course of the advice given. It's a no brainer.

[EnigmaticClarity]

If any woman was ever so dismissive of my feelings I'd say 'Bye-Bye'.

 

It's not about the hair. It's complete disrespect.

 

Yea, it's a warning flag--but not enough of one to say bye-bye. It's not a warning flag that she chose to do it--she SHOULD be free to change her appearance if she likes--but it's a problem because she chose to do it despite my preference, as if my preference didn't matter, although I know it did, as I said she was hurt when I told her I find short hair to be masculine, which itself indicates she cares what I think.

[EnigmaticClarity]

It's just human nature and there is no changing that so giving the important details saves a lot of bs and time don't you think? I've been on the forums for over a decade and it is very frustrating when people (some purposely) leave out those little details that does change the course of the advice given. It's a no brainer.

 

Yes, but my opening post was ALREADY a book, didn't want to make it even longer, particularly when the answers to those questions would lead the thread away from my topic of why men prefer long hair and how they can change that preference. I figured the details would come out when people asked, which they did--my venom was a defensive reaction to the venom already being spit at me.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The disadvantage of long hair when fighting, working, or just doing physical activities in general--which historically has been the male role--is interesting, I hadn't thought of that, great insight.

I'm convinced that women, in general, DO prefer shorter hair. Fabio has a lot more going for him than the hair--take it all away besides the hair and women just wouldn't find him attractive. I generally agree women may not like super-short hair a lot, i.e. crewcut length, but they prefer it well above the shoulder. There are two extremely common traits I used to see in the "turn offs" sections of women about men in Match.com women's profiles when I've used it in the past--smoking and long hair. Women have short hair a LOT more often than men, men are quite simply more used to looking at short hair on women than women are looking at it on men.

 

Yeah... I read a military article on hair once. When combat armor was relatively light and didn't protect against grappling techniques beards and long hair were a HUGE disadvantage. Then it became incorporated into Christian tradition... and whatever you may think of Christians in general... they have thus far been histories most bad-ass soldiers. Even Viking berserkers were afraid of them. The combination of no fear for death, following commands, and good old fashion European innovation for killing were unstoppable. The Chinese had gunpowder for nearly 1000 years, and they made fireworks. The moment a European got his hands on it.... he figured out how to kill people with it.

 

Anyway... yeah your right. Women on average like short hair... but that is the norm. Women also like guys that are rebels and break the norm too... a guy with a bit of an edge so to speak.