Girlfriend cut her hair--how do I get over my attraction to long hair?

[EnigmaticClarity]

Anyway... yeah your right. Women on average like short hair... but that is the norm. Women also like guys that are rebels and break the norm too... a guy with a bit of an edge so to speak.

 

I think you hit there why the women who do prefer long hair on men like it, because it breaks the norm. Aesthetically, I suspect even many of those women go back to preferring short hair once they grow out of their rebellious phase.

 

Similarly, I think many women cut their hair super-short for the same reason, to break the norm of social expectations for women that they'd rather not be restricted by, and I respect this immensely despite the fact that I simultaneously find it less physically attractive. Susan Powter used to be exactly this way and stood as a role model to millions of women for this attitude...yet it's interesting to see her today, she's grown her hair out totally, I presume because she ended up deciding that while short hair made her feel free and empowered, it didn't make her feel as feminine and pretty.

[OnyxSnowfall]

You would make a lovely test subject

 

A lot of attraction is heavily based within association and familiarization, etc.

 

--- In any case, her hair will INDEED grow back. I think what you should do is NOT focus on trying to make the way it is more attractive to you --- but to focus on something else ALTOGETHER different... or at least, focus on what you *are* attracted to in her. Anytime you begin to shift toward her short hair and feel a negative fixation coming on... shut it DOWN and smother it with what qualities and attributes that you do like.

 

If you've already communicated your concerns, and she doesn't care if she's now devalued in your eyes, then it is what it is. She sounds pretty smexy and confident to me --- while I'm of the mind frame that I want to be desirable to my partner and would put in effort to please 'em in many areas... there's something yummy about the "I am just fine regardless, take it or leave it baby".

 

At least, within reason

Edited December 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Untouchable_Fire]

I think you hit there why the women who do prefer long hair on men like it, because it breaks the norm. Aesthetically, I suspect even many of those women go back to preferring short hair once they grow out of their rebellious phase.

Similarly, I think many women cut their hair super-short for the same reason, to break the norm of social expectations for women that they'd rather not be restricted by, and I respect this immensely despite the fact that I simultaneously find it less physically attractive. Susan Powter used to be exactly this way and stood as a role model to millions of women for this attitude...yet it's interesting to see her today, she's grown her hair out totally, I presume because she ended up deciding that while short hair made her feel free and empowered, it didn't make her feel as feminine and pretty.

 

I don't mind going along with societal norms because I feel powerful and in control of my life already. Even those things that tend to be a bit of a hassle I'm willing to put up with because I see the benefit of shirking my teenage rebellion thinking. It shows my dedication to responsibility and adulthood.

 

There is just a huge percentage of women who refuse to step up to the plate, and so they use things like their hair cut to make them feel in control.

 

Where your GF fits on this scale I don't know. Chances are she knows that longer hair is more attractive to men... including you. Perhaps she is saying that being attractive isn't a priority anymore because she has you on lockdown?

[Ross MwcFan]

Couldn't you ask her to wear a wig?

[EnigmaticClarity]

A lot of attraction is heavily based within association and familiarization, etc.

 

--- In any case, her hair will INDEED grow back. I think what you should do is NOT focus on trying to make the way it is more attractive to you --- but to focus on something else ALTOGETHER different... or at least, focus on what you *are* attracted to in her. Anytime you begin to shift toward her short hair and feel a negative fixation coming on... shut it DOWN and smother it with what qualities and attributes that you do like.

 

If you've already communicated your concerns, and she doesn't care if she's now devalued in your eyes, then it is what it is. She sounds pretty smexy and confident to me --- while I'm of the mind frame that I want to be desirable to my partner and would put in effort to please 'em in many areas... there's something yummy about the "I am just fine regardless, take it or leave it baby".

 

I agree that attraction is largely association--I think I like tall, thin, long-haired brunette women because it's a mix of what I liked about my mom (long-haired and brunette), early crushes (long-haired brunettes), my past girlfriends (tall, long-haired, and brunette), and myself (tall and brunette).

 

Your suggestion about shutting down and smothering the unattraction and replacing it with what I do like is exactly how I've dealt with it for the last two months, and it's how I dealt with it for four years with my ex. It's fairly easy with my current girlfriend given her rare and unique sexiness--6' 1" at 150 pounds with big boobs isn't something that's exactly easy to replace, it's a 1-in-1000 body type I'm not likely to experience with another woman. I'm tired of just ignoring her hair, though...I'd like to see if I can change the preference and expand my mind, hence my reason for posting.

 

She's definitely confident and smexy, which are both some of the many reasons I wouldn't just say "bye-bye" as some have suggested.

[EnigmaticClarity]

Couldn't you ask her to wear a wig?

 

Or even expand her options by also suggesting a paper bag? I'm thinking she'll be insulted.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I don't mind going along with societal norms because I feel powerful and in control of my life already. Even those things that tend to be a bit of a hassle I'm willing to put up with because I see the benefit of shirking my teenage rebellion thinking. It shows my dedication to responsibility and adulthood.

 

There is just a huge percentage of women who refuse to step up to the plate, and so they use things like their hair cut to make them feel in control.

 

Where your GF fits on this scale I don't know. Chances are she knows that longer hair is more attractive to men... including you. Perhaps she is saying that being attractive isn't a priority anymore because she has you on lockdown?

 

She doesn't feel powerful and in control of her life--she struggles with self-esteem issues, so I think the haircut was absolutely a way to help her feel in control of her life. That's a big reason that as I was telling her my attraction for her would lessen, that I was also saying I thought she SHOULD cut her hair if she likes it and that it would make her feel better about herself, while also saying that even though she's going to cut it now that I hope in the future she'll take my attraction into more consideration. That's really the only other problem with her as a girlfriend from my perspective, she's periodically moody due to a lack of confidence, and that's a big reason I tried to support her about the haircut--although obviously I lessened that with my honesty about my preference and caused her to be highly conflicted about it.

 

We fought for about four days after her haircut...it was quite a drama. Conventional wisdom told me to just shut up about the hair, but since I already knew from my ex cutting it short that I wasn't likely to get used to it and since I know it's a common preference amongst men, I knew I had to tell the truth yet still try to convince her I simultaneously supported her. Rough thing to do, but she knows I love her still, so we got past it fairly fast--although obviously it's an ongoing issue for me. It's not a dealbreaker though, not really even close to one--the moodiness is far more of an issue.

[EnigmaticClarity]

She's definitely confident and smexy, which are both some of the many reasons I wouldn't just say "bye-bye" as some have suggested.

 

Since I just posted that she struggles with self-esteem issues yet said here she's confident, I feel I should clarify--she's more independent than confident. She's usually confident, but from time to time, every week or so, she struggles with that confident and bottoms out. I suspect it's chemical, neither of us can exactly tell. She reminds me a LOT of Uma Thurman, not just because of her appearance but because of her wavering self-confidence--Uma has said she's struggled throughout her life with body issues and self-esteem issues very similar to my girlfriend.

[OnyxSnowfall]

I'd like to see if I can change the preference and expand my mind, hence my reason for posting.

 

Say you do manage to change it --- what happens if she grows it long again?

 

And perhaps just when you've come to *prefer* it short

 

I suppose you could indeed attempt to learn to enjoy both long and short hair --- but I think trying to lust after others in order to achieve the switch is a bit much

 

I suppose what you could also try (if you haven't) is similar to brainwashing. Tell yourself she looks really hot with short hair... tell yourself it means good things (i.e, she's confident and or whatever else you can find that it may plausibly represent that turns you on, not off).

 

Make a daily habit out of thinking those things and eventually saying them (probably just to yourself...... get a picture of her with her new hair and look at it when you "practice" lying to yourself, lol).

 

Perhaps the "fake it until you make it" can apply with attractions.

Edited December 2, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[OnyxSnowfall]

Since I just posted that she struggles with self-esteem issues yet said here she's confident, I feel I should clarify--she's more independent than confident. She's usually confident, but from time to time, every week or so, she struggles with that confident and bottoms out. I suspect it's chemical, neither of us can exactly tell. She reminds me a LOT of Uma Thurman, not just because of her appearance but because of her wavering self-confidence--Uma has said she's struggled throughout her life with body issues and self-esteem issues very similar to my girlfriend.

 

Eh, most people do struggle with such issues. Maybe the chopping partially signifies her desire to be rid of such issues... some kind of attack on them, lol. Whatever the reason(s), good luck in coming to better terms with it... and I hope she can too.

[Wolf18]

Oh Wolfie, is this really true? You never cease to crack me up.

 

 

Yes , it is true.

 

 

 

On the note of women's hair preferences, I've been rejected before partially for not having long hair . If anything, women may prefer long hair, but sorry, I don't give a sh*t, long pretty barbie hair is not for me. Anybody over 15 that has long hair, is immature and ignorant of what a hinderance long hair is in combat. I always joke with a good friend of mine that is 28 and still has long hair about bending him over and playing with his silky flowing blonde hair.

 

Only in an dead end, irrational society like this one do women have short hair and men have long hair.

[ShannonMI]

Yes , it is true.

 

 

 

On the note of women's hair preferences, I've been rejected before partially for not having long hair . If anything, women may prefer long hair, but sorry, I don't give a sh*t, long pretty barbie hair is not for me. Anybody over 15 that has long hair, is immature and ignorant of what a hinderance long hair is in combat. I always joke with a good friend of mine that is 28 and still has long hair about bending him over and playing with his silky flowing blonde hair.

 

Only in an dead end, irrational society like this one do women have short hair and men have long hair.

I hate long hair on a dude. We aren't living in the 80's anymore where Jon Bon Jovi was hot with his permed, Aqua Netted mane. Unless you are hanging out with hippie chicks or a girl who is stuck in 1985, most girls don't like long hair on a man.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Yes , it is true.

 

 

 

On the note of women's hair preferences, I've been rejected before partially for not having long hair . If anything, women may prefer long hair, but sorry, I don't give a sh*t, long pretty barbie hair is not for me. Anybody over 15 that has long hair, is immature and ignorant of what a hinderance long hair is in combat. I always joke with a good friend of mine that is 28 and still has long hair about bending him over and playing with his silky flowing blonde hair.

 

Only in an dead end, irrational society like this one do women have short hair and men have long hair.

 

Are you so oblivious?

 

Isn't it obvious that human evolution is progressing towards the following:

 

Men are becoming women and women are becoming men.

 

Eventually, all people will be androgynous.

 

[Wolf18]

I hate long hair on a dude. We aren't living in the 80's anymore where Jon Bon Jovi was hot with his permed, Aqua Netted mane. Unless you are hanging out with hippie chicks or a girl who is stuck in 1985, most girls don't like long hair on a man.

 

Yes, I think my perspective can be skewed because the girls I know are all metaloids. "Metalhead" males in particular are obnoxious, nothing funnier than a guy with a Skullet (balding mullet) with that little patch of hair in the back tied into a pony tail.

 

Bon jovi rules, he is the exception. I try to keep it on the down low, because Bon Jovi is for all intents and purposes... butt-rock

[Wolf18]

Are you so oblivious?

 

Isn't it obvious that human evolution is progressing towards the following:

 

Men are becoming women and women are becoming men.

 

Eventually, all people will be androgynous.

 

 

 

I know for a fact that you don't want to live in an androgynous society. Would you **** the Marilyn Manson stage persona or Justin Bieber (if they weren't famous)? Probably not.

 

I don't know about women, but I like being male and revel in my masculinity. If we lived in a normal world, masculinity and femininity would be considered divine. The only thing that happens when men and women try to act like one another all it does is ensure that these traits, many of which are noble and beautiful, simply disappear into a sea of crass materialism/consumerism.

 

Do you really want to just be a gray walking stomach with no identity?

[OnyxSnowfall]

I know for a fact that you don't want to live in an androgynous society. Would you **** the Marilyn Manson stage persona or Justin Bieber (if they weren't famous)? Probably not.

 

I don't know about women, but I like being male and revel in my masculinity. If we lived in a normal world, masculinity and femininity would be considered divine. The only thing that happens when men and women try to act like one another all it does is ensure that these traits, many of which are noble and beautiful, simply disappear. Biology is destiny.

 

I wouldn't **** either of them anyway, ugh.

 

And no, I wouldn't prefer to live in an androgynous society. The little heart was sarcastic.

 

However.

 

I don't prefer to live in this one either... and that hasn't changed it

 

Not yet, anyway

[OnyxSnowfall]

Do you really want to just be a gray walking stomach with no identity?

 

Nom nom nommmm....

 

I do think that "crass materialism" is vile.

[dasein]

Sounds like it's most likely that she just doesn't look good with hair that short, doesn't match her face, she's too tall for it, etc. I prefer shorter hair on a woman but not 2", and not on a 6 footer unless she has a very feminine body.

 

Some of them have a string with a ring on it in the back that can lengthen and shorten the hair, maybe look for that.

[ShannonMI]

Yes, I think my perspective can be skewed because the girls I know are all metaloids. "Metalhead" males in particular are obnoxious, nothing funnier than a guy with a Skullet (balding mullet) with that little patch of hair in the back tied into a pony tail.

 

Bon jovi rules, he is the exception. I try to keep it on the down low, because Bon Jovi is for all intents and purposes... butt-rock

Yeah trying SOOOOOOO hard to rock what little hair he has left, but still ends up looking like Micheal Bolton. Ahhhhhh not hot and you look like you're really trying too hard.

 

Bon Jovi does rule. He was hot back in the 80's and he's hot now. I don't like current music though. It's a little too country bumpkin for me. I miss the glam rock days of Livin' On A Prayer and You Give Love A Bad Name.

[ShannonMI]

I know for a fact that you don't want to live in an androgynous society. Would you **** the Marilyn Manson stage persona or Justin Bieber (if they weren't famous)? Probably not.

 

I don't know about women, but I like being male and revel in my masculinity. If we lived in a normal world, masculinity and femininity would be considered divine. The only thing that happens when men and women try to act like one another all it does is ensure that these traits, many of which are noble and beautiful, simply disappear into a sea of crass materialism/consumerism.

 

Do you really want to just be a gray walking stomach with no identity?

Marilyn Manson is disgusting:sick: He is so repulsive on so many levels. The only reason he gets ass is because he's famous. He is pretty intelligent too which I'm sure helps, but God is he creepy. I'm sorry but I could never be into a man who wears plastic boobs and who blows his guitar player on stage. Even if he was rich and super famous.

 

And Justin Beiber looks like a lesbian. Ever seen Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry? She could be his twin.

[ShannonMI]

Are you so oblivious?

 

Isn't it obvious that human evolution is progressing towards the following:

 

Men are becoming women and women are becoming men.

 

Eventually, all people will be androgynous.

 

How many guys have you seen recently with long hair? I haven't seen one in the past week or in the past month for that matter. Long hair on dudes is not popular right now. In the 80's and 90's it was, but it isn't now. Clean cut is in.

[Wolf18]

I wouldn't **** either of them anyway, ugh.

 

And no, I wouldn't prefer to live in an androgynous society. The little heart was sarcastic.

 

However.

 

I don't prefer to live in this one either... and that hasn't changed it

 

Not yet, anyway

 

Oh that is good then, you're a rare breed.

 

And truthfully, it isn't about changing society. It's about duty. It's about the Roman Legionary in Pompei who stood by his post , even as the volcanic ash covered the city and people were evacuating, simply because he was never relieved.

 

I have a Weltanschauung, and I will try to will it even if it means an arduous life or an early death.

 

 

Yeah trying SOOOOOOO hard to rock what little hair he has left, but still ends up looking like Micheal Bolton. Ahhhhhh not hot and you look like you're really trying too hard.

 

Bon Jovi does rule. He was hot back in the 80's and he's hot now. I don't like current music though. It's a little too country bumpkin for me. I miss the glam rock days of Livin' On A Prayer and You Give Love A Bad Name. [/Quote]

 

I like .... BAD MEDICINE! Wanted Dead Or Alive is great too

 

I don't agree that mainstream music is "country bumpkin" what so ever. You shouldn't knock country music by the way, while most of it is indeed plastic garbage, you can't say the music of John Denver isn't very moving and poetic.

 

Most current music is rap or RB audio feces that uses those obnoxious robot vocals. All they sing about is the same stuff that makes this country so ugly: bitches, money, jewels...that's about it. It's not even close to the real gangsta rap about doing drive-bys, social issues, and pimping hoes

[Wolf18]

Marilyn Manson is disgusting:sick: He is so repulsive on so many levels. The only reason he gets ass is because he's famous. He is pretty intelligent too which I'm sure helps, but God is he creepy. I'm sorry but I could never be into a man who wears plastic boobs and who blows his guitar player on stage. Even if he was rich and super famous.

 

And Justin Beiber looks like a lesbian. Ever seen Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry? She could be his twin. QUOTE]

 

 

There was always a rumor going around about how Manson got ribs extracted in order to perform auto-fellatio. I don't know if he can actually fellate himself, but if it is then I don't understand why he even leaves the house

 

I don't envy attractive, rich or "player" men like some guys here do, what I lament is not being born a "Hedgehog"

[ShannonMI]

Oh that is good then, you're a rare breed.

 

And truthfully, it isn't about changing society. It's about duty. It's about the Roman Legionary in Pompei who stood by his post , even as the volcanic ash covered the city and people were evacuating, simply because he was never relieved.

 

I have a Weltanschauung, and I will try to will it even if it means an arduous life or an early death.

 

 

 

 

I like .... BAD MEDICINE! Wanted Dead Or Alive is great too

 

I don't agree that mainstream music is "country bumpkin" what so ever. You shouldn't knock country music by the way, while most of it is indeed plastic garbage, you can't say the music of John Denver isn't very moving and poetic.

 

Most current music is rap or RB audio feces that uses those obnoxious robot vocals. All they sing about is the same stuff that makes this country so ugly: bitches, money, jewels...that's about it. It's not even close to the real gangsta rap about doing drive-bys, social issues, and pimping hoes

Hahahahaha yes good Bon Jovi songs for sure. I didn't say main stream music was country bumpkin. I said Bon Jovi's new sh*t is very country bumpkin. I detest country music. I don't listen to John Denver. I'm sure he is good. As is Johnny Cash. That's REAL country music. Not Kenny Chesney or Taylor Swift. That is the new country and it sucks balls.

[ShannonMI]

Marilyn Manson is disgusting:sick: He is so repulsive on so many levels. The only reason he gets ass is because he's famous. He is pretty intelligent too which I'm sure helps, but God is he creepy. I'm sorry but I could never be into a man who wears plastic boobs and who blows his guitar player on stage. Even if he was rich and super famous.

 

And Justin Beiber looks like a lesbian. Ever seen Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry? She could be his twin. QUOTE]

 

 

There was always a rumor going around about how Manson got ribs extracted in order to perform auto-fellatio. I don't know if he can actually fellate himself, but if it is then I don't understand why he even leaves the house

 

I don't envy attractive, rich or "player" men like some guys here do, what I lament is not being born a "Hedgehog"

Yes I heard that rumor as well. He likes blowing Twiggy Ramirez too from what I heard. On stage in front of his fans.