sunflower11 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 (edited) It's been over two months since BU and maybe I'm getting ahead of myself it just seems like there is no end in sight for all this pain, obsessing and crappy feeling overall. I dream about him EVERY single night and I hate it. Most days...I get by even though I have ups and downs..on days like today I wonder how long is it going to take to make me feel better? I feel like he was right and my happiness does depend on him cause I can't seem to be happy on my own. I know it's wrong, to make one person the center of your world..but can we help that when we are in love? I don't know at what moment did I give him all the power If you were to ask me what would make me happy right now? would be to have him back in my life. Wrong answer again..I KNOW it shouldn't be like this...I know I am a person with hopes and dreams and a lot of creative potential and that I was fine before I met him and I don't really "need" him to feel full again..and yet none of the things I love doing or know that I want to do at some point in my life hold any interest to me at all, none of that brings me any joy. (And I am incredibly jealous of all the couples who stayed together after college and are making things work..unlike him who just gave up arghhhh) Edited December 3, 2011 by sunflower11 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 I know the feeling of finding no joy in the things that you once did. But that is just how you are feeling because of the emptiness after the BU. You know in your mind that he is not all the joy in your life. Do those things that used to make you happy anyway. Push yourself. Fake it till you make it. You will find joy in them again... and you ahve to love yourself and your life alone before anyone will want to share theirs with you. It's hard, but make yourself do things, cause it will get better and easier and you will find joy and be happy. I just know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflower11 Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 Sighh I do push myself and force myself to do things, go out, hang out with friends, etc. It just seems like it doesn't...exactly bring me that much happiness because its..forced, you know? But I do think I am making progress..I was reading about the stages of the grieving process and I am pretty sure I am in the depression stage...after denial, anger and bargaining. I have no urge or desire to contact him anymore (which is REALLY good cause I kept breaking NC because I had this obsession with trying to get closure and talk to him). I do get sad and I cry because..I think about how we used to be and all the love we had for each other and now it's just gone. So yea..I'm just trying to let go at this point, deal with the sadness and the waves of pain and move on with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 So yea..I'm just trying to let go at this point, deal with the sadness and the waves of pain and move on with my life. First of all: no urge to contact him anymore = great. When I kept breaking NC at first, I could never see myself getting to that point where I wouldn't want to talk to him, but I did! And you did too, so that's awesome, Sunflower. And secondly... Waves of pain, do come in waves. They will suck you in deep in the emotions at times. They will take you back and forth, to and 'fro, and during all of this you feel that you don't much control over yourself at all. But even while you're fighting with these waves of pain, it doesn't mean you won't ever gain strength from all that fighting, enough strength to come up for breaths of air in between. That's what it's like, really. We're all wading in this ocean of pain after a break-up, struggling with being pulled in all directions by our own emotions (waves) and the stages of grief, trying our best to keep treading despite how strong the tide may be. There does come a time when it settles down, though. Days where you're in calmer seas, if only for a while. These are the good days, ones where you feel stronger, you can breathe easier, and you can see the progress you're making. And then come the other not so good days again... when it gets rough and your strength is tested again. And so we still try to keep going, going through the motions until we see that first sight of the shore. Like you read about, it's all in stages, and they're not all linear (one after the other). How much easier that would make it, huh?! If we could know which stages we're going to go through before they start. But that's part of heartbreak, the fact that it's unpredictable. I think you're doing great, though, Sunflower. You just have to keep trying and you'll start to see that progress, no doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflower11 Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 Oh Thieves I love the analogy of the ocean of pain! You really do have a way with words and it makes a lot of sense. yes, I think I am making progress...but baby steps. I can't say that I'm getting over him..not at all. It hurts a lot, I get angry sometimes and other times I am really sad. But at least I've given in (not given up). I think I realized I was fighting it and making excuses instead of seeing the truth. The urge is gone because I have nothing to say to him,and there is nothing I want to hear from him either...even an apology would not be sincere. I could spend days telling him how hurt I am, how much I hate him, ask how could he have done this to me, ask what was going trough his head....but none of it matters. I remember you told me to do this exercise and ask myself what I really wanted him to say, what would make things ok for me again...or what type of "closure" did I really need..and then be honest with myself and ask if he was really ever going to say anything like that..and the answer was No. Link to post Share on other sites
Lis007 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Awww sunflower your thread has also helped me today I know how you feel... it pretty awful at times isn't it. I also loved thieves post about the waves it was perfect because I know with myself in the depths of pain it feels like there is no end but from now on when I feel that way I will visualise the waves and weather and just know that it will pass. No more crying for us ok!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflower11 Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 I'm glad it helped you Lis007 The issue that I am most struggling with right now and that I am tired of..is getting him out of my head. Like I said, I dream about him every night and throughout during the day I try to stay busy and keep my mind busy..even when I am reading a book he is there and it's like I am reading but not really paying attention to what I am reading. I am so tired of him being there all the time I just want him out ..anyone have any suggestions? there's so many things that remind me of him... Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I'm glad it helped you Lis007 The issue that I am most struggling with right now and that I am tired of..is getting him out of my head. Like I said, I dream about him every night and throughout during the day I try to stay busy and keep my mind busy..even when I am reading a book he is there and it's like I am reading but not really paying attention to what I am reading. I am so tired of him being there all the time I just want him out ..anyone have any suggestions? there's so many things that remind me of him... The only way is to keep yourself busy. Watch movies, read self help books and go an exercise. That helped me thru my divorce from an 11 year marriage. The key is keeping your mind occupied. When you have time to think is when you start to think about your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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