So Here It Is...

[wilsonx]

It can go one of 2 ways... lol

 

Either it flies or it crashes and burns...

 

You do not get anywhere in life without taking risks...

 

I'm tired of being safe and taking the safe way out of things, time to take some risks

 

For me, the reward for taking the risk in the first place is greater then the reward of the outcome.

 

At the same time... I'll make sure to wear a flame retardant suit and proceed with patience and caution

Edited December 5, 2011 by wilsonx

[Lis007]

Good Luck for Tuesday night. I will be watching how it goes for you....

 

It was interesting yesterday I thought thats it I was moving on! Made a list of things to do and vowed no more crying! What will be will be its out of my control...

 

Last night I got an email saying lets meet and talk, dont get your hopes up, sounds like you have a plan... Thats all it said but it wasn't a no, it wasn't ignored, and it is a chance...

 

How did you decide where to meet?

[smokey bear]

Ahh **** it, it doesnt matter, its confirmed and I understand everything.

 

I understand what numbing the feeling means. I understand how women are settling and comfortable doing it. I understand what smokey bear is saying when she says be sexy. I understand that. I understand why the attraction was lost. Honestly it doesnt matter, I like playing with fire, why not. Eventually you will get a purple flame if you keep lighting enough fires.

Im going to prove it in this thread to smokey bear. Smokey, you got tired of the monotonous sex of your ex. You cheated on him either emotionally and/or physically. There were things that annoyed you about your ex. Your ex was the typical captain Save a Hoe. You lied to yourself and said it was ok and continuously lied to yourself. One day you stopped lying to yourself and stopped the numbing and allowed the feelings to re emerge. This is where the numbing comes in. You numbed all feeling probably with some substance alcohol drugs or another person.

 

I read all these threads and even posts by homebrew and everyone has it wrong. Women want a manly man, they dont want a man that shows them love and tenderness. They want a man that is a man. That can take care of his own. They want a man that does his own thing. They want a man that they can't control. They want a man that will dominate them in the bedroom. They want a man that they can respect that does not bend to boundaries. They want someone to tell them what the **** to do instead of asking if this is ok.

 

I told my ex 930pm Tuesday night be there. She responded saying ok. Its on like Donkey Kong Bitches

 

 

 

oh wow wow wow, be careful where you go with this, for me it wasnt how you imagined.

 

I didnt cheat, my ex pushed and broke my most major boundary, after that i lost all respect and left. My break up and new guy over lapped but never the relationships.

 

You are correct on numbing the feeling, for me it was by infatuation for another, for my ex it was that and drink.

 

I bloody well hope your going to prove it to me, main reasons i went back.

 

Because he truly deeply always loved me.

 

Was the sexiest man i ever met

 

The numbness went away

 

We shared so much history.

 

 

My ex was not captain save a hoe, nor sexually dominant, nor took care of me or told me what to do etc. The complete opposite actually.

 

Wilson, if you want to prove something then go out there and be yourself, the true real you. The man she loved for all those years and please get rid of this cocky attitude, its not a nice shade on you.

 

Breaking nc after 6 months because you've hit a brick wall in healing is the best thing you can do, it will either re-ignite something in her, or damper out something in you.

 

Ego joe i know why your saying he shouldnt but it will move him forward one way or the other after a few steps backwards.

 

 

Wilson, where has this came from? why are you angry?

[wilsonx]

bad post lol... I am drunk ... its not anger

 

now off to bed, ignore anything i say tonight

Edited December 5, 2011 by wilsonx

[smokey bear]

bad post lol... I am drunk ... its not anger

 

now off to bed, ignore anything i say tonight

 

 

ok, take care and try and get in a decent mind set for tuesday xxx

[immitable]

wilsonx,

just my 2 cents man

 

be a good listener, listen what she has to say as it is going to give you a good perspective of yourself

 

avoid making ultimatums

 

Keep the conversation short.

[EgoJoe]

Well, I wish you luck. Whatever your goal maybe be.

[wilsonx]

One of the things I want to caution people on that are interested in my thread is every situation is different. Is there a pattern amongst my story and others, yes. The outcome of what I do doesn't mean it will be the out come of what you do. Every situation is different.

 

I will be honest, I've only shared my original email with homebrew and there was some personal stuff about my faults.

 

A lot of people ask about my story and its tough because I honestly did not know my own story until a few nights ago when I decided I was going to take a risk. I was unsure who I was. I lost myself in the relationship because I was scared. Her and I did stupid things because we both scared, we both made mistakes because we were scared. We both lied because we were scared. It doesn't mean we are bad people, we just did not accept that we were scared.

 

My fault on this board is I painted her black out of anger and resentment and she's not black. I watch this in a lot of other people's posts here. I even did this a month ago in my thread titled "So the games continue in the coping forum." Everyone is quick to judge if my ex is crazy and I have a hard time accepting it. My brother said something to me a few weeks ago that made perfect sense the other night. He said "love makes people do crazy things" I did stuff I never thought I would do, my ex did stuff and continues to do stuff that one would never do. Like stalking me online. We all have crazy thoughts of stuff we want to do for revenge, for justice, reconciliation. That's how you know you were in love and still are. She's been reaching out to me, she knows where I visit and I showed homebrew. He made a joke about seconds but then typed in dont sweat it man, bro code. I see this as she's reaching out. So **** it, why not. The fat lady in my heart hasn't song yet.

 

Is she egocentric right now even from her response most likely, but who's to say Im not either, have you read my replies to people on this board. I think they are a little egocentric Who's to say I'm not suffering GIGS ?

 

Be careful painting someone black with emotions because its not true and its not fair. That was my biggest mistake on this board and I did it out of anger and resentment.

 

If someone paints you black, its because they love you and they do it because they are scared. Remember this.

 

And this is how you grow as a person

 

Tomorrow night - I am going to start over and listen to her as the friend I was with her when we first met and hung out. I am going to be that friend. If she bashes me, its ok, I have learned over the course of 6 months how to let things go and step forward. I am not in any hurry. I have the rest of my life to get this correct. And if the fat lady sings, the fat lady sings and I will go on to the next one.

Edited December 5, 2011 by wilsonx

[ScienceGal]

I always try to hate the actions and not the person. I've known good people that have done crazy things, myself included.

 

Your point is noted though. As friends and LS posters trying to help, attacking someone's ex isn't helpful. I think its easy to rush to the side of the poster and say whatever one thinks will be helpful, which is often ex bashing. Commenting on the specific behavior is much more helpful though.

 

p.s. is OP 'original post' or 'online poster' referring to the person? I never use it because I never figured it out

[wilsonx]

original poster

[ScienceGal]

original poster

 

Doh! A mish mash of my thoughts, classic!

 

Good luck tomorrow. You sound ready.

[2sunny]

Be careful... Your expectations are what would get you tripped up emotionally.

 

She already stated firmly she's not interested. Now you show you will waffle - cuz first you said no to meeting her and now you say yes. Either way, she's not thinking she wants to be emotionally available and connected to you - so just know that. So...knowing THAT - what's the point of meeting with her?

 

I'd cancel - nothing good will come from placing yourself in a position where she's gonna shoot you down. You are likely to be disappointed.

 

IF you were neutral about this meeting and your feelings for her I wouldn't be concerned. But you seem to be waffling and have some expectations whether you see it or not. She is standing firm on e cold and unfeeling/unattached. Why are you even interested in a cold and unfeeling woman?

 

That is the question. Now she has you adjusting to her schedule to make this work - she has you chasing again...

[wilsonx]

I understand what you are saying and its ok. Do I have emotions in this yes I do but I am honest with myself, but one of the things Ive learned is its ok to walk away with emotions and be hurt. I've done a lot of stupid things over the past 6 months and they all added to the hurt but you learn to accept that you are hurt and then move forward. I am not afraid of being hurt if that makes sense.

 

 

I know the consequences of the risk I am taking. And guess what, its part of being a guy to start the chase. Its confidence and handling rejection.

 

What if she rejects me? Oh well she already did it once. Its ok

 

Me and my friends have this thing, we go out to a bookstore, bar, club and give each other 200 dollars cash in 20s. Everytime we get rejected by a girl, we get 20 dollars of our own money back. So the goal is to get rejected and accept it. We do have been doing this for the past 3 months now. This is where taking a risk rewards are greater then the outcome itself. If the outcome works out the way you want it, that's an added bonus.

 

Its a different paradigm of thinking and its working for me. Look at the most successful people, they did not get to where they are without having the courage to take risks. I've done stuff recently that I thought I would never do in my entire life. Why because I was too scared to take the risk.

[2sunny]

I'm asking what's the point in meeting since she already gave her answer.

 

IF a gal IS interested she doesn't tell you she's THAT busy - she would make time everyday IF she had intentions to love you - but she didn't. She roadblocked you - then gave you one small window... Which you declined... Then renigged. So now she holds the power again because you are bending to her very little effort.

 

She hasn't offered you anything except to confirm she's not interested - so why are you even planning to see her? To face further rejection? To allow her to inflict more pain? To open wounds that were healing?

 

Why not move forward? Move forward knowing this R ran its course and is now finished... But you haven't accepted that yet... You are hoping she changes her mind. She's not interested enough to consider your feelings - that's why things are still out of balance, because you are still chasing with hope - a woman that simply doesn't are enough for you.

 

I don't see any good reason to meet!

 

You have work to do... Acceptance is key.

[smokey bear]

Be careful... Your expectations are what would get you tripped up emotionally.

 

She already stated firmly she's not interested. Now you show you will waffle - cuz first you said no to meeting her and now you say yes. Either way, she's not thinking she wants to be emotionally available and connected to you - so just know that. So...knowing THAT - what's the point of meeting with her?

 

I'd cancel - nothing good will come from placing yourself in a position where she's gonna shoot you down. You are likely to be disappointed.

 

IF you were neutral about this meeting and your feelings for her I wouldn't be concerned. But you seem to be waffling and have some expectations whether you see it or not. She is standing firm on e cold and unfeeling/unattached. Why are you even interested in a cold and unfeeling woman?

 

That is the question. Now she has you adjusting to her schedule to make this work - she has you chasing again...

 

 

I firmly disagree with this, SHE is interested or SHE wouldnt be wanting to meet at all.

 

Gigs is difficult to understand, even for me who has been through it.

 

Gigs has nothing to do with the dumpee if the dumpee was a good partner. Its all about their ego and them but one day they do return to their normal self.

 

Wilson knows what he's doing, knows the consequences and is willing to take the pain because deep down he knows this is not over by HER actions.

 

His case is going to be difficult though but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger........

[smokey bear]

I'm asking what's the point in meeting since she already gave her answer.

 

IF a gal IS interested she doesn't tell you she's THAT busy - she would make time everyday IF she had intentions to love you - but she didn't. She roadblocked you - then gave you one small window... Which you declined... Then renigged. So now she holds the power again because you are bending to her very little effort.

 

She hasn't offered you anything except to confirm she's not interested - so why are you even planning to see her? To face further rejection? To allow her to inflict more pain? To open wounds that were healing?

 

Why not move forward? Move forward knowing this R ran its course and is now finished... But you haven't accepted that yet... You are hoping she changes her mind. She's not interested enough to consider your feelings - that's why things are still out of balance, because you are still chasing with hope - a woman that simply doesn't are enough for you.

 

I don't see any good reason to meet!

 

You have work to do... Acceptance is key.

 

 

 

Let me ask YOU something then, If she has already gave him her answer, then why does SHE still want to meet HIM.

 

Words and talk are cheap, What she says does not mirror her actions, "I dont want to be friends, but ill meet up with you and chat?

 

I would disagree to say that she has all the power, Wilson has power as well as she is not able to ignore him, she responds when spoken to and is agreeing to meet up, he has power so please don't dampen his spirit.

 

She doesnt care enough for him....right now she doesnt care about anyone but herself, gigs.....

 

Wilson, a side note. When i went back after my gigs, i didt ask my ex to change anything, my gigs learning experience was accepting him as he was and adjusting my actions to accomodate the things in him that he could never fix.

 

Don't tell her you've changed.

 

Like someone else said earlier, use your al turtle advice, listen and provoke sharing.

 

 

Wilson will only get acceptance when SHE stops trying...breadcrumbs.

 

Im in the same boat. Its ****, it hurts, its hard, but we do these things to be true to ourselves

[2sunny]

Gigs indicates someone always gets hurt because the other person is always on the lookout for someone/something better that a new person may offer.

 

This type of person will never be satisfied. For Wilson to think that he can fill that role is handing her tons of power... Only to disappoint again.

 

Accept her way is her way. No need to try to convince her she should like you... You shouldn't need to convince.

 

I caution you - drinking ahead of time IF you meet her is likely to make you do/say things you may regret.

[smokey bear]

Gigs indicates someone always gets hurt because the other person is always on the lookout for someone/something better that a new person may offer.

 

This type of person will never be satisfied. For Wilson to think that he can fill that role is handing her tons of power... Only to disappoint again.

 

Accept her way is her way. No need to try to convince her she should like you... You shouldn't need to convince.

 

I caution you - drinking ahead of time IF you meet her is likely to make you do/say things you may regret.

 

 

Gigs tends to open happen once in your life, and yes someone gets hurt.... but guess what in the long run the one that suffers is the person with the GIGS, Homebrew a fine example.

 

Ive had GIGS, I won't experience it again, i was satisfied after my GIGS.

 

Read Wilsons posts, He has been in nc for 6 months and SHE CONTINUES TO REACH OUT TO HIM.

 

She is confused, doesnt know what she wants, he is not convincing her of anything. He is going to meet his ex to clear the air, not bully her into getting back together. Every time i have met my ex it has moved me one step closer to acceptance, not everyone works the same. Some people are wired different.

 

Rather than all "oh dont do this, you'll regret it, its crazy, she doesnt want you" Actually listen to Wilson and take some of his advice. Get to know him, he's far from stupid and knows exactly what he's doing, He has looked at his break up from every angle. HE knows what he's doing so encourage the guy rather than hitting him with all the healing crap we feed the neewbies. He knows all this stuff, done it tried it lived it.

 

 

Now he's taking the next step, he's trying for a recon, it will take months, he knows this.

 

It might not work, he knows this.

 

6 Months nc, this guy knows his stuff, so rather than spouting the classic get over it lines, watch, learn, listen and ask questions. You could learn a lot.

 

 

Im sorry for pipping in so much, I know this is Wilson's post, but its not just his battle......

[wilsonx]

Im not drinking tonight or tomorrow, its ok.

 

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and yes i changed my stance because I was confused, I am human, but I will be ok. Im a big boy.

 

I appreciate everyone's concern for me and the reasoning behind it. And I understand it. What people do not understand is I have power in this too.

 

This is one of my favorite videos

 

Rocky's Speech is My Favorite Part

Followed by Coach Carters - Enlightment speech

 

I am going to go out tomorrow night and shine no matter the outcome

[2sunny]

You misjudge my situation smokey.

 

Stop making assumptions about me.

 

I don't have issues I'm working through. I'm past it.

 

You are speaking for Wilson - that is odd.

 

I only suggested sticking to his original gut instinct - which was not to see her since she only offered crumbs (barely) and she doesn't show evidence of REALLY wanting to be with him.

 

If he meets with her knowing full well she's not all in... Then he KNOWS she isn't likely to be a gal this will work out well with.

 

Better to get busy being open minded to someone new and fun that offers new experiences without the negative baggage they both are trying to let go of.

 

If it allows him to let go and move forward without any reservations - then that is good!

[smokey bear]

You misjudge my situation smokey.

 

Stop making assumptions about me.

 

I don't have issues I'm working through. I'm past it.

 

You are speaking for Wilson - that is odd.

 

I only suggested sticking to his original gut instinct - which was not to see her since she only offered crumbs (barely) and she doesn't show evidence of REALLY wanting to be with him.

 

If he meets with her knowing full well she's not all in... Then he KNOWS she isn't likely to be a gal this will work out well with.

 

Better to get busy being open minded to someone new and fun that offers new experiences without the negative baggage they both are trying to let go of.

 

If it allows him to let go and move forward without any reservations - then that is good!

 

 

I didnt make any assumptions against you, or mention your issues.

 

Im not speaking for wilson, im speaking for myself going through the exact same thing just on wilsons thread.

 

Wilson knows she not ALL IN yet, he's putting himself in a position to move on or re spark that flame.

 

Ex's dont meet for nothing, if they are done you dont hear from them again, so obviously there is still something there and he's going to see what it is because there is still something there inside him too.

 

The only assumption i will make is that you dont understand GIGS.

[smokey bear]

Im not making any judgement or assuming anything about you, Im not talking for wilson either im talking for myself going through the exact same thing on wilsons thread.

 

Wilson is kind enough to share his story, encourage him, dont try to tell him whats best for him cause only he knows that.

[2sunny]

She was clear about two things you can expect.

 

She doesn't want to be friends and don't expect a thing from her.

 

There isn't one good reason to step back in when a gal shows evidence of being that emotionally detached from you.

 

She intends to blow you off while it feeds her ego.

 

Go then... But just know what you're gonna get from her... A cold and unfeeling gal that's wasting your time and energy.

[2sunny]

Smokey - you told me to take his advice. You don't understand squat about me if you say that.

 

And you speak for Wilson. Speak in "I" terms. I can only speak for myself. I hope you will transition over to them same...

[wilsonx]

Women, women, theres only 1 of me to go around.

 

If your going to fight, it has to be in your underwear armed with pillows.... The winner gets a shot at me