Author wilsonx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 i have been thinking about this since wed night. Everything in my head has been saying dont do it you are going to get hurt again, protect yourself, you are backsliding. It has to do with living on the edge a little bit and challenging your fears. My window is open. Its clear as day, she wants to talk to me more then anything in the world. I talked to her at the expense of my hurt, and it definitely hurt. People are afraid to take risks challenges, they are afraid they are going to get hurt. How can you show someone love without taking risks and challenges. You can't. There's no edge. People get hurt, they close off and tell themselves theyre done **** it. Then they cycle through bad relationship after bad relationship after bad relationship. There are people that are proof of that on these forums. So what am I going to do, Im going to live on the edge of my fear. I am going to say oh well she might hurt me again in the near/distant future but I am going to accept it now and go after it. Homebrew said something right to me, he said I planted the seed in her and watered it. But I am going to keep watering that seed until it blooms. Not wait for it to rain and rain and rain on her suffering and tears. I shot off an email this morning it said "I have something I want to give you, may I stop by your place at 930pm for a few minutes" As for my plan. I am going to get my roommate to buy a dozen rozes on Monday. When I land, I am going to go home pick one up take it to her place, knock on her door, give her a hug, look her in the eyes, hand her the rose and tell her shes the smartest most beautiful person I know and that I have 11 more roses waiting for her for the next time we hang out. Whatever happens after that will happen. I will keep you updated... Link to post Share on other sites
ginastar Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Really? I think that might push her away more. didnt she ask for time and space, and you are not respecting her wishes. Why dont you wait for her to come to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 when did she ask for time and space? I asked permission to stop by her place and give her something. She can say no. I am not showing up unannounced. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 i have been thinking about this since wed night. Everything in my head has been saying dont do it you are going to get hurt again, protect yourself, you are backsliding. It has to do with living on the edge a little bit and challenging your fears. My window is open. Its clear as day, she wants to talk to me more then anything in the world. I talked to her at the expense of my hurt, and it definitely hurt. People are afraid to take risks challenges, they are afraid they are going to get hurt. How can you show someone love without taking risks and challenges. You can't. There's no edge. People get hurt, they close off and tell themselves theyre done **** it. Then they cycle through bad relationship after bad relationship after bad relationship. There are people that are proof of that on these forums. So what am I going to do, Im going to live on the edge of my fear. I am going to say oh well she might hurt me again in the near/distant future but I am going to accept it now and go after it. Homebrew said something right to me, he said I planted the seed in her and watered it. But I am going to keep watering that seed until it blooms. Not wait for it to rain and rain and rain on her suffering and tears. I shot off an email this morning it said "I have something I want to give you, may I stop by your place at 930pm for a few minutes" As for my plan. I am going to get my roommate to buy a dozen rozes on Monday. When I land, I am going to go home pick one up take it to her place, knock on her door, give her a hug, look her in the eyes, hand her the rose and tell her shes the smartest most beautiful person I know and that I have 11 more roses waiting for her for the next time we hang out. Whatever happens after that will happen. I will keep you updated... Holy sh*t! This just made me teary eyed. Nice plan. I look forward to seeing how it pans out... Hopefully you'll get everything you want and more (both of you). Link to post Share on other sites
ginastar Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 the fact that she broke up with you and is with someone else tells you that she needs time and space. my first ex did this to me when i dumped him and was with someone else. as much as i cared about him, i began to lose respect that he was chasing me when i was with another guy. thats why i think its a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) the fact that she broke up with you and is with someone else tells you that she needs time and space. my first ex did this to me when i dumped him and was with someone else. as much as i cared about him, i began to lose respect that he was chasing me when i was with another guy. thats why i think its a bad idea. No where in this thread am I chasing... Also you are thinking with your mind and closed off to risk based thinking. If you open your mind up a bit and see that theres more then one outcome, this is where risk value is greater then outcome value. Im 1 for 1 so far in taking risks, why not live on the edge a little more. My fear got me a face to face with her Listing the outcomes: She says no: nothing happens She says yes: I take a risk and do it Possible out comes from this 1) I push her away - I am where I am right now and can tell myself eh I did everything I could to do 2) I draw her in closer - Interesting? I never said shes with another guy, I wouldnt know, but the odds of that are working well and her meeting with her ex boyfriend at the same time are slim to none. Edited December 9, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
ginastar Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 well in my opinion when i dump you and u come to my place (announced or not) with flowers =u are chasing. just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) a flower a hug and my gift of love. she does not have to accept it. remember that I walk away with the same outcome. If you are that self centered that you wouldn't acknowledge my offer and immediately throw it away, then you are less of a person then me. I took a risk, I showed my character in the face of it and I can walk away, what will you think about 3 relationships later with that self centered attitude, man i messed up with that guy. This way of thinking that I portray is called rejecting the rejector. I have a window open a big one, you dont see it. I do though, smokey does too Edited December 9, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
ginastar Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 i dont think you will end up in the same place. I think if you give her the chance she may miss you and come back to you. Even smokey said she thinks she would have gone back to her ex sooner if he left her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 gina my story and hers are opposites... her ex chased up to 4,5,6 months and then stopped I went NC for 6+ months and got a face to face, now I can open that window even more. you know you might be right, the flower is probably chasing, but I can offer a hug and listen to her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
ginastar Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Smokey, I was wondering if you could read my most recent story and tell me what you think, being that you had gigs. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=306087&page=2 Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 gina my story and hers are opposites... her ex chased up to 4,5,6 months and then stopped I went NC for 6+ months and got a face to face, now I can open that window even more. you know you might be right, the flower is probably chasing, but I can offer a hug and listen to her feelings. Wilsons story is different he went nc first, so he does has to play it different, his plan would work on me, one of the reasons i went back was how much he loved me, how much he held on for so long, my ex chased me so much that i lost respect doesnt matter, it morphed into "oh my, he really loves me" with time. If Wilson or anyone wants a chance, they still got to be in the picture, they have still got to be a option. If he was nc for 6-8 months, never said a peep she would have guessed he had moved on. Thereis only one major issue i see with what you are doing....... If you buy twelve roses, the rest are going to die before you get them to her.... Just buy 1 lol (at a time) Good luck captain and god speed!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Wilson can i ask you something to help with my understanding of gigs... Your ex, is she the type of person who tends to stick to things, for example does she have any hobbies that have lasted a while, eg an instrument, a sport, a passion she has kept up for a while, if so how long? or does she jump from one thing to the other getting bored easily. Is she the type of person that gives up easily when faced with a problem for example a puzzle, if it was difficult would she just give up or would she try a couple times to resolve it first before giving up. Her main friends, the one's she hangs with at the weekend or goes shopping with, pics, over for coffee, are they long term friends she has known for years or is she the type of person who tends to change her social circle for example she starts a new activity or job and the people she meets become her new social circle, then months down the line 3-6 months she gives up that activity and start a new one, meeting new people again and then they become her social circle or are her social circle friends ones from years and years ago. This has nothing to do with the type of people who get gigs, its another aspect im looking at here that i will explain once ive heard your answer. Im looking for strict facts, not feelings or emotions. Just a factual answer to the questions ive asked, if you dont mind. No personal details or examples are needed and im referring to the old her, not the gigs her. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 or does she jump from one thing to the other getting bored easily. Is she the type of person that gives up easily when faced with a problem for example a puzzle, if it was difficult would she just give up or would she try a couple times to resolve it first before giving up. she the type of person who tends to change her social circle for example she starts a new activity or job and the people she meets become her new social circle, then months down the line 3-6 months she gives up that activity and start a new one, meeting new people again and then they become her social circle This... i have been the only constant in this for that past 3-4 years Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Argh!!!! Doesnt help me at all, can you look at each question individually and answer them without considering gigs. xx Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Right i do understand your answer, can i rephrase them or dig deeper Your ex, is she the type of person who tends to stick to things, for example does she have any hobbies that have lasted a while, eg an instrument, a sport, a passion she has kept up for a while, if so how long? or does she jump from one thing to the other getting bored easily. How long approx does she keep up these hobbies etc before ditching or hoping to a new one? Is she the type of person that gives up easily when faced with a problem for example a puzzle, if it was difficult would she just give up or would she try a couple times to resolve it first before giving up. Does she give up after the first fail? how many times does she attempt before she gives up? Her main friends, the one's she hangs with at the weekend or goes shopping with, pics, over for coffee, are they long term friends she has known for years or is she the type of person who tends to change her social circle for example she starts a new activity or job and the people she meets become her new social circle, then months down the line 3-6 months she gives up that activity and start a new one, meeting new people again and then they become her social circle or are her social circle friends ones from years and years ago. How long does she normally stick with these people before moving on to the next lot. Ill explain after these answers xx thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Also Homebrew, is he a jumper or a sticker/attempter. Im guessing that he's an attempter if my theory im chasing is correct Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Right i do understand your answer, can i rephrase them or dig deeper Your ex, is she the type of person who tends to stick to things, for example does she have any hobbies that have lasted a while, eg an instrument, a sport, a passion she has kept up for a while, if so how long? or does she jump from one thing to the other getting bored easily. How long approx does she keep up these hobbies etc before ditching or hoping to a new one? She jumps a lot after she gets bored. She doesnt really have any hobbies besides reading and music Is she the type of person that gives up easily when faced with a problem for example a puzzle, if it was difficult would she just give up or would she try a couple times to resolve it first before giving up. Does she give up after the first fail? how many times does she attempt before she gives up? Shes the type of person that gives up easily when faced with a problem. I am pretty sure she gave up on me the other night instead of saying something. Ususually a couple times and shes done Her main friends, the one's she hangs with at the weekend or goes shopping with, pics, over for coffee, are they long term friends she has known for years or is she the type of person who tends to change her social circle for example she starts a new activity or job and the people she meets become her new social circle, then months down the line 3-6 months she gives up that activity and start a new one, meeting new people again and then they become her social circle or are her social circle friends ones from years and years ago. How long does she normally stick with these people before moving on to the next lot. She jumps based on jobs. She has a few set of friends from when she was younger and me and that is all really. She picks up on new friends along the way Ill explain after these answers xx thanks in advance Answers in italics Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Ok im trying to research specifically the time frame of the duration of gigs. My ex seems to be going through it quick quick so i want to use some examples, homebrew's gigs was about 2-3 years so if you could get some info on the questions asked id like to see if he was different as his gigs lasted longer. if you could comment on homebrew it would help. She jumps a lot after she gets bored. She doesnt really have any hobbies besides reading and music Smokey: Im identical, my passion is music, its my life, i read a lot and my only other significant hobby is the internet, addicted to the net. My EX: no hobbies at all, doesnt stick at anything at all, tries it once moves on. Shes the type of person that gives up easily when faced with a problem. I am pretty sure she gave up on me the other night instead of saying something. Ususually a couple times and shes done Smokey: Again identical, i give up quick but i will give it a few atempts. My ex: Gives up after the first attempt, no second or third tries. She jumps based on jobs. She has a few set of friends from when she was younger and me and that is all really. She picks up on new friends along the way Smokey: Again identical. My ex: Changes social circles ever 3 months approx. The thing im tryng to judge is that my ex seems to going through it quicker than i did, but he gives up on things a lot easier. Your ex and my story seem to be running the same time frame, again we give up on things easily but do try once or twice before giving up. Homebrew lasted 2-3 years so i wondered if he was the type of person not to give up on things easily. Could be a load of cow poo but i wanted to explore it Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 do you have a hard time expressing your feelings smokey... do you bottle everything up? Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 do you have a hard time expressing your feelings smokey... do you bottle everything up? No i can express my feelings but i have a hard time of showing love. My ex can show love but has a hard time of expressing his feelings. Through my gigs i learnt to show love, open up and be honest about what i want and need, men arent mind readers, i learned that. It pisses me off because i guarded my heart for 7 years after being burned in the past and the moment i open up and fully 100% let him in, he f**ked off. Its one of the things i had to get back through this break up, its never a good idea to give someone all of your heart, i should have kept it guarded and just learned how to show my love different. I can be quite a cold person, not sexually though lol, just emotionally. I showed my love through sex and doing things for him, not through words and cuddles etc. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 What about you wilson, some self analis, surely you must have some gigs blood in you, egocentric tendancies or where you and your ex opposites Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Also you read my posts, you know my deal, you know im trying to find patterns in gigs and see if something is predictable about it through all these combined experiences, shoot me an explanation, a theory, a ray of hope if it may be, that these creatures truly will come back because im too in my mind tonight chasing the gigs train. Do you see it the way i do, do you see them coming back really? or is it all just a dream? xx Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Oh and wilson, im happy, im happy being alone, just me. I never did read through my first thread to remember what my goal was, did i achieve it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 No i can express my feelings but i have a hard time of showing love. My ex can show love but has a hard time of expressing his feelings. ZING ^^^^^^^^^ theres your pattern =) I see this in a lot of gigs breakups Im your ex, I can show love but had a hard time with expressing feelings like most guys here going through this... when you repress your feelings, you build resentment... --------------------- so game plan... just waiting for her response... Link to post Share on other sites
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