So Here It Is...

[wilsonx]

This thread is out of control, I understand people putting their opinions in the air but when you say someone is flat out wrong, you are the wrong one.

 

There are no laws against what I did in this thread. There are no written rules saying I cant chase a girl or an ex girlfriend. There are no written rules that say I have to move on. As an individual what I choose to do is right for me. If you dont agree or like what I did, go sit and spin on a barstool or something. You are losers arguing on a Friday night with multiquote 10 paragraph responses to see who has the biggest penis. Are you serious?

 

Your opinions are appreciated but they are irrelevant with my life. This is my thread, go back and argue the semantics of how you want to live your own lives in your own thread.

 

The only right person in this thread is me because this thread is about my life. Now move on

[betterdeal]

Yes, but finding new and unusual ways to argue the same things over and over is a time honoured tradition going back to Aristotle and beyond.

 

I like monkeys.

[EgoJoe]

Yes, but finding new and unusual ways to argue the same things over and over is a time honoured tradition going back to Aristotle and beyond.

 

I like monkeys.

 

 

I totally agree with this.

 

Yet, I was trying to come to as much of a consensus as possible and diffuse the argument and as a result sometimes clarification is necessary.

[CaliGuy]

The only right person in this thread is me because this thread is about my life. Now move on

 

That's funny. You walked into my thread and told me I was completely wrong even after I highlighted (reminded you) the facts between my ex and I, you simply ignored them. Not to mention you had not looked up any of the information regarding our relationship and the terrible things she did (no man should ever have to deal with what I dealt with). I have a d*mn good reason to be skeptical of anything she says or what her mom is trying to do. I forgave her, that does not mean I have to forget.

 

Now when someone posts about the silly "psycho-babble psychology" (GIGS) you post about and how great your life is, everyone else is wrong and shouldn't bother posting in YOUR thread. You even go so far as to block them.

 

OMG, your narcissism (Google it if you don't understand what it means) is so far over the top even you can't see it clearly. You're a psychologist's dream...

 

Pot

Kettle

Black

[EgoJoe]

This thread is out of control, I understand people putting their opinions in the air but when you say someone is flat out wrong, you are the wrong one.

 

There are no laws against what I did in this thread. There are no written rules saying I cant chase a girl or an ex girlfriend. There are no written rules that say I have to move on. As an individual what I choose to do is right for me. If you dont agree or like what I did, go sit and spin on a barstool or something. You are losers arguing on a Friday night with multiquote 10 paragraph responses to see who has the biggest penis. Are you serious?

 

Your opinions are appreciated but they are irrelevant with my life. This is my thread, go back and argue the semantics of how you want to live your own lives in your own thread.

 

The only right person in this thread is me because this thread is about my life. Now move on

 

Wilson, it is still the evening out west and this has nothing to do with arguing to prove a bigger cock. The note of this (for me) has been friendly debate and that is the tone I get from both Caliguy and Gibson even if Gibson was exasperated in his last post it was still friendly and a little sarcastic but that appears to be of humorous intent.

 

I'm going to the gym for the second time today in a moment and I don't really base my reality on someone else's opinion. I never said you were wrong I simply did not agree.

 

Atleast Caliguy, Gibson and I agree on these things. Moving on, giving up hope and respecting ourselves through NC.

Edited December 31, 2011 by EgoJoe

[CaliGuy]

She also isn't validating herself (that I can tell) because I did respond to her crumbs initially (4.5 months ago) to see what was up and upon validation she did the old "got a dose" vanishing act.

 

She only needs enough dose of self-validation to keep her going for a few weeks or months. When the well dries up, she'll contact you again (more breadcrumbs) then disappear again. This is classic behavior from women (and men) dumpers.

 

The only times I think it "might" be ok to chase would be where the love is strong but there has been hurt from a direct mistake or neglect and that is a whole different topic.

 

Agree to a point. The dumpee already loves him/her. It's the dumper that has to show they mean business. They are the ones who tossed that relationship away, it should be THEM who earns it back.

 

The problem was, I wanted to be selfish, single, focus solely on me, date around, party, sleep around, get comfortable in my own skin, see what was out there. I couldn't do that in a committed relationship with her (because I never stopped LOVING or RESPECTING her).

 

Funny, I had that phase when I was young too but it wasn't "GIGS", it was simply that I was too immature to have a healthy relationship. I wanted to get all the immaturity out of my system first and unfortunately, I left a lot of women in my wake. I never was IN LOVE with any of them. EVER. Now that I am older, I wish I could apologize to every single one of them. Not because I want to get back with them, but simply because it is the right, mature thing to do.

 

Me personally, I have 7 Exes come back (4 that had * the term that is now forbidden *) within a 2 - 3 period.

 

Two-three weeks or months, maybe. After 6 months you have to wish for a hail mary pass (and a touchdown) for there to be any hope. As you and I have touched upon, it's like betting your life savings on the lottery. The odds are just not good.

 

Now you can argue with me, accuse me of lying, ignore my posts, have these posts removed... but the simple fact is, this happens each and every day and we all know and hear these stories like I am sharing here now. You can't hide from it, you can't run from them... because they are everywhere.

 

Me thinks you should research LS and see if you can find stories of people actually getting back together and staying together (or even getting married for example). What you'll find -- and what I already know -- is the percentage is extremely low.

 

This is why I tell people time and time again to stick to NC, go through the grieving process, heal up, dust off and get back into life. The sooner you heal up the better chance you have of meeting the one you were supposed to be with all along.

 

Nothing is more damaging to a dumpee that giving them false hopes of reconciling with someone that already has a 500 mile head start in a 501 mile race.

 

Cheers.

[wilsonx]

Nice .... keep validating yourselves to a "crazy person"

 

I am not stupid enough to go visit my ex's family 6 years later, mine was 6 months and I had the balls to talk to my ex face to face, keep your head in the sand

 

You were a coward and gave her the cold shoulder. Look in the mirror before you call other people names or bash them on their thread

Edited December 31, 2011 by wilsonx

[gibson]

Did they come back in Two-three weeks or months, maybe. After 6 months you have to wish for a hail mary pass (and a touchdown) for there to be any hope. As you and I have touched upon, it's like betting your life savings on the lottery. The odds are just not good.

 

Hell no... 2 to 3 YEARS!

 

You know anything less than that, probably isn't authentic and real.

 

Me thinks you should research LS and see if you can find stories of people actually getting back together and staying together (or even getting married for example). What you'll find -- and what I already know -- is the percentage is extremely low.

 

I agree.

 

However it is also fair to say that you aren't going to find a lot of dumpees 2 - 3 years out who have healed, moved on, found someone else and forgotten all about LS to come back or even care to post their Ex is back wanting a second chance.

[CaliGuy]

Nice .... keep validating yourselves to a "crazy person"

 

I am not stupid enough to go visit my ex's family 6 years later, mine was 6 months and I had the balls to talk to my ex face to face, keep your head in the sand

 

You were a coward and gave her the cold shoulder. Look in the mirror before you call other people names or bash them on their thread

 

You neglect the fact that her mom and I were close, mainly because I was dating the ex when my mom died. She sort of stepped in and tried to fill in the place of my mom (and did a great job). I respect her mom. She's very private between the ex and I. Her invite was solely based on the fact I would be in SOCAL alone for Christmas.

 

Again, I did not give her the cold shoulder (please don't scan post, do some time and actually read them before you go off half cocked). What I did do was be friendly and talk when the time was appropriate. It was a Christmas party. She's recovering from a breakup (with the guy she left me for) and I live 2800 miles away from her.

 

This wasn't a staged "reunion" by her mom and you're not thinking clearly, with all the facts, to make your own conclusion. What we did do is talk like civil human beings where neither of us are interested in getting back together.

 

If that was her (or her mom's) intention, neither of them have said anything about it. And as badly as I was treated by her, I kept my chin up straight and didn't dig into her personal life or ask questions that were totally inappropriate.

 

This is called maturity. You'll learn it soon enough.

[wilsonx]

maturity is not coming to the forum and bragging about how you healed and gave your ex the cold shoulder... Thats the definition of immature.

[CaliGuy]

Hell no... 2 to 3 YEARS!

 

You know anything less than that, probably isn't authentic and real.

 

I agree.

 

However it is also fair to say that you aren't going to find a lot of dumpees 2 - 3 years out who have healed, moved on, found someone else and forgotten all about LS to come back or even care to post their Ex is back wanting a second chance.

 

There have been a few (maybe two or three). They will come back and post to let others know "Hey! Second chances work!" They want to give hope to those whom all they have is hope. A good majority come here after the breakup and a lot during the attempt to reconcile only to prove to all the LS world that if a dumpee is initiating the re-union (or tablescraps are offered), it's going to be a really messy scene.....

[CaliGuy]

maturity is not coming to the forum and bragging about how you healed and gave your ex the cold shoulder... Thats the definition of immature.

 

Again, you have a hard time with reading comprehension. Nobody was "bragging" about anything. What I said was that I was truly over her and I was able to sit in the same room with her and not be angry or vindictive.

 

If you want to see immature, read your own narcissistic posts....

[gibson]

There have been a few (maybe two or three). They will come back and post to let others know "Hey! Second chances work!" They want to give hope to those whom all they have is hope. A good majority come here after the breakup and a lot during the attempt to reconcile only to prove to all the LS world that if a dumpee is initiating the re-union (or tablescraps are offered), it's going to be a really messy scene.....

 

Correct again.

 

Just calling it like I see it... Like you and I did, most dumpees are going to have to learn this on their own in a very real and painful way.

[wilsonx]

I have read my posts, nothing wrong with them. People can read this thread and decide whose character is in question

[CaliGuy]

I have read my posts, nothing wrong with them. People can read this thread and decide whose character is in question

 

My PM is blowing up with messages about your (lack of) character. I can post them if you'd like....

[CaliGuy]

Correct again.

 

Just calling it like I see it... Like you and I did, most dumpees are going to have to learn this on their own in a very real and painful way.

 

And that is why I still post here, years after a bad breakup. I learned a lot here, did research on my own, went to Counseling sessions to figure out what I had done wrong (which was mostly lose my boundaries). I'm not here to put anyone down nor to brag about anything.

 

My main goal is to give something BACK to LS which has, as everyone knows, has given a lot to me over the years. All you have to do is search my name through the archives and you'll see there are some really good people on LS.

 

(And the occasional jerk or two, but you get past them eventually when they step back and realize they're being jerks. Takes some time )

[wilsonx]

My PM is blowing up with messages about your (lack of) character. I can post them if you'd like....

 

If you need them for validation do it

[2sunny]

When you have the experience of another 20 or 30 years under your belt - you may find yourself posting here differently than you do/would now.

 

Time, experience and perspective tends to change a persons attitude and opinion.

 

For me, as a woman, when I decide I am done with a man - I never go back. Has nothing to do with GIG - I still meet with ones once in a while - I'm pleasant and I enjoy their company and some I even love. But it ended for a reason - those are the reasons why I never go backwards. Always moving forward is key.

 

Do they tell me they love me? Yes. Does it change anything? Nope.

 

When I'm done being intimate with someone - it's just over.

 

Every relationship runs its course - knowing when it's done and over is critical to a healthy boundary.

[Forever Learning]

I am enjoying this thread and have learned alot from it.

 

Expressing views without becoming disgruntled with those with opposing views is often a very difficult thing to do.

 

The Ego within each of us is easily offended and wants to strike back at what it perceives as a 'slight' from others.

 

Allowing the Ego to run the show in your brain, can sometimes inhibit learning.

 

Overcoming the Ego and keeping an open mind is essential to learning.

 

It's tough though! The Ego is a real bear.

 

*************************************************

 

To chase, or not to chase?

 

We have a limited amount of time in life here on Earth. Our lives on Earth are not infinite. Our souls may be, but our physical bodies grow old and we eventually die.

 

So at some point, if someone leaves or dumps us. we must figure out eventually, how much time we want to spend waitiing for that person, and/or chasing that person, and trying to win them back.

 

This is a personal decision that we must each make on our own.

 

Sometimes, time itself makes the decision for us, as we grow exhausted, uninspired, and just no longer care to participate in the chase of the unrequited love anymore.

 

At that point, we wish we could wind back the clock a bit (or alot), and have made different decisions, such as to pursue someone else entirely, rather than the person who turned out to be a lost cause.

 

I know this because I spent 16 years with someone who was a lost cause loser.

 

Hindsight is always 20/20. That's just life. You live and learn. And learning takes time. And, you can't regret your past or you'll be miserable. You can just move on and try to use what you learned to make better choices that will bring happiness in the future, rather than pain and suffering.

 

This has been my learning experience so far. Peace and cheers!

Edited January 3, 2012 by Forever Learning

[CaliGuy]

If you need them for validation do it

 

I have never needed validation from anyone but if you continue being insecure and sarcastic, as you have, then you'll not really be giving me an option.

 

Cheers.

[wilsonx]

I have never needed validation from anyone but if you continue being insecure and sarcastic, as you have, then you'll not really be giving me an option.

 

Cheers.

 

 

 

You brought it up and flexed your muscles, I just said do what you got to do.

 

I'm going to teach you something, when you give advice on a thread, you are self talking, you are giving your opinions and views on a topic to yourself . Instead of listening and just saying ok I understand you have to keep gping and going and going. Now read your responses and replace you with I . This shows you have no good listening skills. It's your way or the highway. I use to be like that.

 

That's self talk.

If a woman reads your threads she will understand what I'm saying. When you point and say things at other people you are talking about yourself

 

Honestly I dont care what your opinion is, yet you continue to keep going showing you can't let go. I will I am more narcistic then most people here, I am an alpha male. But everybody has narcism in them including you. I just admit mine and I don't need validation of others to prove who I am or my identity.

[EgoJoe]

You brought it up and flexed your muscles, I just said do what you got to do.

 

I'm going to teach you something, when you give advice on a thread, you are self talking, you are giving your opinions and views on a topic to yourself . Instead of listening and just saying ok I understand you have to keep gping and going and going. Now read your responses and replace you with I . This shows you have no good listening skills. It's your way or the highway. I use to be like that.

 

That's self talk.

If a woman reads your threads she will understand what I'm saying. When you point and say things at other people you are talking about yourself

 

Honestly I dont care what your opinion is, yet you continue to keep going showing you can't let go. I will I am more narcistic then most people here, I am an alpha male. But everybody has narcism in them including you. I just admit mine and I don't need validation of others to prove who I am or my identity.

 

This is some projected pandering. Oh and when you tell someone reality is a certain way, that is master talk. I don't think you are "an Alpha male", Wilson. From what I have learned "an Apha male" doesn't call up his Ex the way you did and use the text book gamut of defense mechanisms to justify the fact that he can't do one thing: face the god damn pain like a man and move the **** on with dignity and personal accountability. I also don't think that "an Alpha male" cares about how Women communicate he cares about how a Man communicates TO a Woman.

Edited January 3, 2012 by EgoJoe

[wilsonx]

This is some projected pandering. Oh and when you tell someone reality is a certain way, that is master talk. I don't think you are "an Alpha male", Wilson. From what I have learned "an Apha male" doesn't call up his Ex the way you did and use the text book gamut of defense mechanisms to justify the fact that he can't do one thing: face the god damn pain like a man and move the **** on with dignity and personal accountability. I also don't think that "an Alpha male" cares about how Women communicate he cares about how a Man communicates TO a Woman.

 

Thanks foryour opinion

[2sunny]

Just for clarity -

 

When I give suggestions here - it is because of my experience and perspective with certain situations.

 

Suggestions - that's all it is. Experience carries value - in my opinion.

 

No one is expected to take all the suggestions - its just that IF things aren't working out the way you are approaching it now - change is usually a good option to make things different to see IF they may get better.

 

No need to take anything here personally - they are merely suggestions.

[EgoJoe]

That was a little bit more than just my opinion, Wilson. Objective assessments are my forte. I worded it that way for a reason..I guess I'm firing over head rockets.

 

I am going to state another observation that at this point it looks like you think everything said by someone else is "opinion" while everything said by you is some sort of "grand truth".

 

This is 100% opinion though: I think that you're entering into your own egocentric mindset and also think that you're off of the deep end.