2sunny Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 You know what you are gonna get from her...yet you agree to subject yourself to more rejection from her. What is positive about that? I want to know! When someone states so blatantly that they don't want to be your friend - why spend ANY time or energy on that person? She doesn't want to be your friend! What don't you understand about that? It screams "stay away!" yet you want to meet her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) Ego driven mind does not understand... Rejection does not hurt me. What part of this do you not understand. You are so enclosed in your perception, your own mind, you can't step outside of the box. You can't see anything but what your mind wants you to see. Someone cheated on me, **** time to leave f that. My ego will not allow this to happen to me. Your ex left you for someone else, dont go back you are going to get hurt, how do you know. You are trapped in one perception, its a flight perception. It shows in this thread that you can't accept something else, accept a risk, accept that I am ok with my decision. You know what, I probably will be rejected, what do I have to lose from trying? Absolutely nothing. I am walking into this as nothing, if I walk out with nothing then it is what it is. You probably will say your diginity, your pride. I can't get a job with dignity and pride, I get a job with risk of trying to get a job and the confidence of my ability to get it. Ive walked into employers before that said they werent hiring, filled out an application, did an interview put my best foot forward and guess what I got the job Smokey bear has her own agenda to this but the strongest relationships on this planet are 2 people that accept that they aren't with people who they make them out to be. They set clear boundaries and communicate. Learn to forgive, learn to accept someone as who they are the mistakes they made. This is my path in life. This shows my character. I am shining. You are on my thread cautioning me based on what your ego is telling you. This is my gut telling me what I wanted to do. Your opinion has been noted but it isn't going to stop my decision and the path I chose. I encourage you to try meditation or yoga, learn to stop the mind from thinking and worrying. Edited December 5, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Me? Ahahaha, that's funny! I only point out evidence... HER chosen words she typed. Read them... And since you are intent on meeting with her - understand HER intent going in. Always look at evidence. She doesn't intend to be "your friend" or "make time for you" you MUST bend to her busy schedule... That speaks volumes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Your a lost hurt ego driven soul, its ok, I was there one time Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Ego driven mind does not understand... HA! I didn't read any of the thread because you had me at this ^. Good for you for following your own truth. Best! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 You couldn't be further from my truth in your assessment of me. I'm ok with that... If you go into this meeting with your truth... You will tell her how much you feel for her... And be honest about why you are meeting her. Are you planning to speak your truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Your a lost hurt ego driven soul, its ok, I was there one time You cant pass judgement or you claim to understand someones mindset soley baised on your experences. We are all different. I am also hurt. I also am ego driven. But I am not lost. I have never been more aware of who I am and I will never stop shapeing myself to who I want to become. The mind is an incredably powerfull tool. Do not be afraid to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 No plans, I'm going to wing it. I'm walking in with a clear mind and being myself .she knows the truth. She read it already Whatever happens, happens. If I know you women, she will already have a plan. I'll rattle it a little bit for fun Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 You cant pass judgement or you claim to understand someones mindset soley baised on your experences. We are all different. I am also hurt. I also am ego driven. But I am not lost. I have never been more aware of who I am and I will never stop shapeing myself to who I want to become. The mind is an incredably powerfull tool. Do not be afraid to use it. You're absolutely right, its a tool you shouldn't let it control you you should control it Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Women, women, theres only 1 of me to go around. If your going to fight, it has to be in your underwear armed with pillows.... The winner gets a shot at me Bare Butt Boxing??????? lol Actions speak louder than words, her actions want to meet him, her words dont. Wilson i cant believe your getting so much stick for your actions, its like all the parents saying noooooo dont do it, they know better. These people are getting so upset because your not doing what THEY want. Im the wee monkey in the background waving the flag egging you on. GO WILSON! GO WILSON! GO WILSON! Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 No plans, I'm going to wing it. I'm walking in with a clear mind and being myself .she knows the truth. She read it already Whatever happens, happens. If I know you women, she will already have a plan. I'll rattle it a little bit for fun I agree, she will have something in mind, something that benefits her, figure out what it is when you meet her and you'll get an insight into her feelings for you. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Wilson, how often is your ex breaking nc in the last 2 months and what sort of stuff is she talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) You know what you are gonna get from her...yet you agree to subject yourself to more rejection from her. What is positive about that? I want to know! When someone states so blatantly that they don't want to be your friend - why spend ANY time or energy on that person? She doesn't want to be your friend! What don't you understand about that? It screams "stay away!" yet you want to meet her... Maybe it screams she wants to be more than friends. Maybe it screams she wants to clear the air. Maybe it screams she doesn't want to be the kind of friends they were before, but is open to something else. Maybe it screams she is apprehensive and said that as a spur of the moment, defensive thing. It can mean many things. It can even mean nothing at all. A devious mind could even think it might be a Freudian slip and friendship is exactly what she's looking for. Edited December 5, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Bare Butt Boxing??????? lol Actions speak louder than words, her actions want to meet him, her words dont. Wilson i cant believe your getting so much stick for your actions, its like all the parents saying noooooo dont do it, they know better. These people are getting so upset because your not doing what THEY want. Im the wee monkey in the background waving the flag egging you on. GO WILSON! GO WILSON! GO WILSON! Please stop making assumptions! I'm not a bit "upset". Was merely pointing out the obvious evidence = her words SHE typed to convey a clear message to him. The words she chose are very specific - but he may not be hearing her message she sent... Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Your a lost hurt ego driven soul, its ok, I was there one time Yeah, 4 posts ago . Women, women, theres only 1 of me to go around. If your going to fight, it has to be in your underwear armed with pillows.... The winner gets a shot at me If we wanna get picky, the very creation of this thread is ego driven. Details aside, in the end, life's all about doing what you feel is right. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Wilson, goodluck to you tomorrow. Hope it all goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 Yup you're right pp and thanks It has spiraled out and the original post was ego driven and my first reply back to her was ego driven. Saw that when i went running and refocused myself . Betterdeal called me out on it to, my bad bro, I did something instinctually and my ego kept kicking in. ****ing mind. Link to post Share on other sites
JudgeJuryExecutioner Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Perhaps the breakup has its own built-in logic where it ceases to be about the actual person and more about the sum total emotional experience, i.e. it becomes a saga. We then cling to this emotive experience because it appears compelling-i.e. it monopolizes our thinking, reveals the complexity of the human condition (head/heart dichotomy), and therefore masquerades as something profound, something almost like life as a living testament to art (a story constantly unfolding, but a story worth telling). What I'm driving at is twofold: (1) this experience exists independent of the EX, and (2) there is contingency involved, if it did not bare witness to pain, the relationship would be considered a valueless - a boring, nondescript narrative. Wilson, I don't know you. But, what I know of you is: the NC, stoic, unmovable love-oneself-at-all-cost individual, is merely part of your story, whereas, you eventually put that aside and contradict yourself to complete the saga in heroic fashion, so the logic runs. Moreover, this affirms what it is to be human. That is, our understanding is temporal, and each discrete moment offers no Gods-eye-view. We therefore cannot grasp our EX as a totality (in love, out of love, years later, etc). Each experience is all we can salvage. Like Kierkegaard said: "life is understood backwards, but it must be lived forward". For I cannot apportion my EX into the wider overall purpose of my relationship history. But suffice it to say, our 4 yrs is probably the raw material for me to be w/ someone else, by the very virtue of that relationship, I will, hypothetically, thereby KNOW what it is like to be loved by another person. Meaning: my EX was simply foil, but indispensably so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 wow what an interesting post and very intuitive. Thanks I have a different outtake on that perspective of thinking. Lets see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 I still think you cab do better Wilson. Especially after all that crazy: making different identities. I dont think an dumpee has done that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 Its actually flattering... I am not going to lie, at first it hurt, but if you think about it, look how much trouble she went through to talk to me =) You know how hard it was for me not to do crazy **** like that after the breakup, oh wait i did. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 The best stories have no ending. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 (edited) This thread is actually a great thread people are looking at it the wrong way. We are all right in our opinions here and we all wrong at the same time. I had a gut instinct to break NC and email my ex, when I did it there was no reason behind it, I just did it. I said **** it, I am going to email my ex and say I still love and care about you and think about you everyday. When I created this thread, I rationalized my gut instinct in my head and thats where everything fell apart and why this thread is so amazing. Look at the responses. People that attacked me, I rationalized defended and shut down towards and did not want to listen to their point of view and put myself in their shoes. It was my way or the highway so to speak. My ex's response so to speak. Everyone's view on her response is correct. The 2 sides are both correct. Do you want to know what I see when I read her response without any ego judgement. From an empathic stand point of me understanding her feelings, she wants to talk to me and has for a long time, she has made herself available to talk to me giving me 3 options, she's holding a lot of resentment towards me hence the coldness of her wall and her expectations but there is something still there. My job is to open up that wall tonight when she shows her resentment towards me. My ex was absolutely right in her breakup with me and it sucks and hurts a little because I was walled off and cold for a long time and ego driven. People need to understand, its not about forgiveness, its about acceptance. Acceptance is accepting the person for who they are, not their actions. This is what strong true relationships are made of. Accepting a person for who they are and not their actions. My mom is the nicest friendly person on the planet, even my ex loves her. My mom cheated on my dad a few times and I thought my dad was less of a man for not ending it. But he taught me something by staying with her unconditionally, he accepted her as a person through her faults and that's why they are still married today and both are happy. My ex told me during our breaking " you were a good boyfriend you weren't great". Everyone I talked to had no idea what that meant. **** I did not even understand it until recently. I was a good boyfriend and was there and did things with her and for her. The difference between good and great is one word, "Empathy" I lost the human intimacy connection between me and her. I quit understanding her feelings and took them as attacks on me instead of taking them as compliments. This is what happens when you are run by the ego driven mind. You can't understand feelings because you fight or flight from them. You cant show someone true empathy. This thread is proof of this concept. There's one person that understood me and my choice and showed me true empathy, cerridwen. Every other response in this thread was ego driven. We are all quick to judge my ex and her actions but look at how her actions have impacted me as a person what have I learned from her once I started listening to what she told me 3-6 months after the breakup. She has taught me more then any other person has in my life Edited December 6, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 (edited) Are you sure? I usually respond from the evidence provided... Don't usually consider ego. Why is so much focus on ego? Empathy can at times - get out of balance too- too much or too little. Good things to be aware of in any relationship - good balance. I am an empathetic person - but can be too much so at times - I've had to learn to leave room for others to do their part in things... When they show effort, that's when I have my evidence that they intend to change. IF I do too much for them, they never change. Good balance is key. Some things I just need to leave to others... Edited December 6, 2011 by 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Keep breaking those eggs .. that omelette is coming along nicely ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 Empathy is different between a man and a women. When we communicate we communicate on 2 different wavelengths. Thats why communication in most relationships suck. You said it yourself "I am an empathetic person - but can be too much so at times - I've had to learn to leave room for others to do their part in things... When they show effort, that's when I have my evidence that they intend to change. IF I do too much for them, they never change. Good balance is key. Some things I just need to leave to others..." Most guys on the planet dont understand empathy. When I say ego driven mind for a guy. They either fight or flight. I was so guilty of this, I would either attack her feelings or become defensive. This is where relationships crumble Here are some examples Sarah"I had been saying that I wanted sushi for the last week, but again last night at the steakhouse. I know sushi isnt your favorite food but at least every once in a while we could go where I want" Bob "I am sorry we should get sushi more often" (This is appeasing, this is wrong) Sarah "I dont want you to go along with everything I say" Example 2 Sarah "You know what I dont give a **** about sushi. I feel like you take me for granted, I have been trying to do all of these things to make you happy and you never even tell me you like them" Bob "What are you talking about I give you compliments all the time! I just told you how great you looked in that dress before we left for dinner " (This is debating, this is wrong) Sarah Angry Silence Bob "What did I do now" Example 3 Sarah " You dont care about what I want at all you only care about yourself" Bob "Me? What about you? Everything I do I do to make our life together better and all you are worried about is what you want all the time " (Attacking) Sarah "Can you listen to me for once without telling me how awful I am" --------------- These sound familiar anybody. Any woman can show empathy for a guy but a guy that lives in his own mind can not step outside the box and put himself in his significant others shoes and say something like "It sounds like you feel taken for granted and maybe you are a bit frustrated with me" Women want us guys to understand that we understand the feeling you are feeling, If we dont you withdraw like you said. When you withdraw we withdraw. Make sense? My ex showed empathy towards me, but I did not know how to show empathy towards her and understand her feelings because I had built up resentment when she communicated her feelings towards me because I took them as attacks instead of compliments Link to post Share on other sites
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