So Here It Is...

[cerridwen]

Im going to let it be, I am flying to San Francisco Thursday and I am just focusing on me and having fun with my friends out there for the weekend.

 

I went no contact for a reason and it was to protect myself and to allow myself to process things clearer. I agree with homebrew, shes not ready, she has so much guilt built up, she is still walled off. That's her problem to solve. When she breaks down that wall, I am sure she will come find me.

 

There's nothing I can do but keep focusing on me, but my gut tells me this story isn't over

 

Bring a jacket.

We're having a cold snap.

[leoc1973]

Thanks wilson. Ok Question for you... We both went pretty much through the same thing at the same time. I went nc but every 30 to 45 days mine comes around usually when ever I am dating someone else. She flirts leads me on cries tells me I am the love of her life her soulmate, the universe has a plan for us. bla bla bla. Soon as I show her anything at all she disappears again. I haven't had the balls to tell her to leave me alone till now. I told her I don't want anything to do with her and FINALLY deleted her from facebook. Something in my gut and SHE tells me it isn't over. How would you handle it? I have ignored her first attempt to contact me since I told her to leave me alone she sent me an are you mad at me I ignored.

 

Not trying to hijack your thread but instead of starting my whole own when it seems like our exes are so similar and we are at the same point chronologically.. I know we aren't mentally. Do I continue to ignore? I am not going to pretend I don't want her back. I am dating a new girl but its just not doing it for me.

[smokey bear]

Thanks wilson. Ok Question for you... We both went pretty much through the same thing at the same time. I went nc but every 30 to 45 days mine comes around usually when ever I am dating someone else. She flirts leads me on cries tells me I am the love of her life her soulmate, the universe has a plan for us. bla bla bla. Soon as I show her anything at all she disappears again. I haven't had the balls to tell her to leave me alone till now. I told her I don't want anything to do with her and FINALLY deleted her from facebook. Something in my gut and SHE tells me it isn't over. How would you handle it? I have ignored her first attempt to contact me since I told her to leave me alone she sent me an are you mad at me I ignored.

 

Not trying to hijack your thread but instead of starting my whole own when it seems like our exes are so similar and we are at the same point chronologically.. I know we aren't mentally. Do I continue to ignore? I am not going to pretend I don't want her back. I am dating a new girl but its just not doing it for me.

 

 

 

Would it be possible to start your own thread, both stories could lead different paths and would be good if they werent jumbled together.

 

Firstly i would say your not being fair on the new girl, look at how many people on here are so heart broken resulting from a rebound, please dont cause someone else that sort of pain.

 

Id like to hear your story, start a thread please xx

[ginastar]

smokey, is there a thread to the details of your story? I would love to read it.

[smokey bear]

smokey, is there a thread to the details of your story? I would love to read it.

 

 

There is a thread to my gigs experience but not my current situation with my ex being the one gone this time, do a search for gigs it should bring it up, or click on my name.

 

 

 

Wilson, These next few days could be hard on you, dont go silent on us please. Stick around xxx

[wilsonx]

 

Wilson, These next few days could be hard on you, dont go silent on us please. Stick around xxx

 

Yeah forgot about this part... Backslid at work a lot... Its ok

 

It was worth it in my opinion. I never really looked at the phases in depth until I got home from hanging out. I am a believer. I also learned that my instincts are always correct. So win situation for me.

 

 

 

@leoc1973... You do not know what your gut says because you have no space from her. Make her grow up. How do you do that? NC bro Lock it down. I did the 2 breakup jump with my ex. Its hard but you have to do it or she will never grow up, neither will you.

 

 

Side Story

----------------

We have a new manager where I work and her and I talked tonight, she told me straight up, she left a great guy to be with someone she was interested in (crime of passion). Turned out he was crazy (holy ****... sounds like the guy my ex left me for) 3 months later, she called him up for advice because they were having problems. He was angry and pretty much said No comment and hung up on her so she kept dating around and going back to the crazy guy that lied to her and played her. She did this crap off and on for 3 years and finally just gave up because she found out he was having a whole new relationship on the side. She's been single for a year now and she told me today that she has talked to that great guy ex that she left and said, if you ever want to get back together again, let me know. He married an older woman with kids and is staying there because hes safe and comfortable. So I am a firm believer in GIGS. I do not think every relationship ending is GIGS related though. Thats up to you to figure out. There is a pattern that I see in most GIGS breakups.

 

If people have questions about my situation, my coping methods, etc feel free to ask questions via pm or this thread. There are a lot of good people on the forum now that are helping out and after this fun, this is the only thread I am going to focus on for a while.

 

No Contact Bitches... Lock it Down, trust me its worth it. I wouldn't be where I am today without it. Its hard and it hurts and it takes effort but so do the most rewarding things in life.

[stunned8165]

WOW.... holy ****....

 

I was hurting all day from waiting for this, chest pain and all.

 

It was weird. I am glad I did this. She has grown up a lot. She's phase 4 right now. Graduating college, new job, starting to volunteer in January at the SPCA.

 

Body language, very nervous, a lot of guilt in her eyes and her body language. She quit her job 2 months ago and got a new one (Right around the time I got those crazy emails). I am pretty sure it had to do with that guy she cheated on me and left me for. I did not ask. I said nothing about the past. She did not have an agenda for conversation for obvious reasons so I flowed it through her. I kept eye contact and she would look in my eyes lighten up and turn away because of guilt. It took her a bit to warm up but she had maybe 10 minutes of comfort here and there from about 40-50 minutes of hanging out. I gave her a hug from the side as I was next to my car, she did not reciprocate but laid her head against mine for a second or two. I had parked next to her and she sat on her on the other side of her car facing away from me and smoked her 3rd cigarette.

 

She looked and felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable. That was the vibe I got from her.

 

Alright smokey

 

 

 

Wilson, did this happen to you recently?

[fucpcg]

Wilson u know a bit about my history, my woman. She totally messed up the beginning, I broke up with her, she changed and came back the best girlfriend I ever had. A year later I went thru some personal issues I took out on her, and she dumped me and called me all kindsa scary terms like abusive. I know somewhere in her is an amazing woman, I've seen it, but unfortunately my bad patch with her reminded her of her terrible marriage and husband before me, and she ran off screaming bloody murder. Since she refused to speak with me, I wrote her an apology letter about 6 weeks post breakup. After another personal issue came up about 10 weeks post breakup, I wrote her again. No response to either. I ignored her for rest of summer, including her 40th bday, thanksgiving, and now this week makes 8 months since breakup and NC from her, and 6 months NC on my end. Your post has kind of inspired me to contact her, and now your last post inspires me to stay NC. Now, I'm lost, but what's new yea right?

 

Do I skip christmas contact as well? Any thoughts you could share?

[wilsonx]

My story is different then yours I got screwed big time. I got taken out back and waterboarded. Did I make mistakes, yes, but they were minute in the grand scheme of things. I chose NC for me

 

You on the other hand did something that caused her to go scream bloody murder, you broke NC twice and she did nothing, time to move on IMO

[GaelicSoul]

Hi Wilson,

 

 

Its been months since i have been on these forums, as i have been living my life travelling SE Asia, and now i have moved to Australia. I'm glad you have stuck to your principles and have maintained NC. I'm a huge NC advocate, if anybody has ready my old posts they will find out. People confuse NC with getting their EX back, it may happen, but its not the reason you do it. Im a year out of my last relationship. During the last 12 months, i have took control back of my life, worked on issues i had e.g being more assertive, decisive and basically not taking crap from anyone. Since i went travelling i have read some excellent books e.g The Way of the Superior man, and what women want in a man. Cheesy title, but excellent material. I have never been happier, and i feel 100% back to my old self. NC works, its gets you back. Looking back at the roller coaster of a year i had, i wouldn't change anything. Today's pain, is tomorrows strength.

 

I'm nearly at a year NC now, and i found out recently that my EX has a new BF since July/August. Broken up since Jan after 2 1/2 year relationship. She is just 26, Big time GIGS. New guy works with her, has 2 kids and is ugly, overweight and much much older than her. rebound.com. She isn't going anywhere with her life, and certainly wont be travelling. But i don't hold any resentment against her, maybe a little pity. I have had the time of my life, and while i was travelling i often said to myself, if only she could see me now. We haven't spoke since Jan, she never reached out to me, besides in July when i received a lot of unknown numbers and blank voice mails. But then i moved away. If she wants to contact me, she will. Im not holding my breath. Life goes on.

 

Wilson you don't have to do anything, but continue living your life to the best of your abilities. Live every day to the max, don't go to bed without saying "i did something today that i love doing!" Im sure you will hear a lot more from her, but that's not your concern. Its funny how things come full circle.

 

Good to see you still helping people,

 

All the best

 

GS

[wilsonx]

Thanks Gaelic, glad you are doing well

 

I am going to quote something from that book that you read and you will agree with me and thats how I have been living for the past 6 months. Ok with pain, accepting and embracing. I took a risk to meet up with my ex to bury the hatchet in person at great pain to myself. Today was terrible but it is who I am and I accept it. Everyone here has given me advice to not do this, not do that, you are going to hurt yourself. This is what I did in contacting my ex. I hold no ill feelings towards her as life is too short to live with a closed heart. Most men do not understand this. Especially on these forums.

 

Live With an Open Heart

Even If It Hurts

 

Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man's true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act with spontaneous skill and love even from that place.

 

Thanks for posting Gaelic and good luck on your journey

[smokey bear]

Wilson, dont know if it will help but when i had my meeting that you've just done, for 3days i was heavy depression, couldnt get out bed depression, After those 3 days i moved on dramatically.

 

I had hut a brick wall in healing, my meet boosted be forward, but i went back first.

 

I hope you get the same.

[wilsonx]

I'm already over it, sitting in chicago airport waiting on my transfer to san Francisco. 3.5 hour lay over

[worldgonewrong]

Because with gigs comes unconditional love, all through my gigs i never felt love for my ex, but it grew stronger and stronger.

 

This sounds like your experience is an anomaly, not the standard.

Maybe I'm wrong - thoughts?

[worldgonewrong]

 

If someone paints you black, its because they love you and they do it because they are scared. Remember this.

 

 

Wilsonx - first of all, great thread here. You're a righteous dude. I've read through this whole thing, and I like your attitude about life and about preservation of one's self-respect and about basic compassion even in the face of adversity. Outstanding.

 

However, I quoted you above (your bold emphasis, not mine).

I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around this.

I get the "scared" part but not the "because they love you" part. My STBX-wife has done this to me and, haha, I ain't seeing the love!

[Surfer Girl]

You took the chance you needed....and survived.... No regrets....is it back to to nc? You opened up the door.... Did your meeting her change your feelings at all?....

[wilsonx]

I'm back to nc, she's lying about her feelings which I suspected from her email. She wanted me to chase and pursue but I turned and walked. I don't have the guilty conscience , she does. She needs to grow up, until she does, I'm staying away. It's not worth it anymore

[betterdeal]

Has she changed? Is this desire to be chased any different from before?

[wilsonx]

God damnit betterdeal... i cant chase her right now... i set this up... she has to show interest

Edited December 9, 2011 by wilsonx

[betterdeal]

No, no, I'm interested in whether or not this is her usual behaviour. I'm not suggesting you do anything (or don't do anything).

 

It's pretty obvious this is not your usual behaviour.

[smokey bear]

God damnit betterdeal... i cant chase her right now... i set this up... she has to show interest

 

 

Yes very important...

 

Through my gigs, one of my inner voice moments was " if he hadnt chased me i would have came back sooner"

 

Im doing the same right now, not chasing.

 

I think gigs does have a time factor, but the actions you and i are doing right now is more a case of getting the ex back in 6 months rather than 8 months if you get what i mean.

 

Im actually wanting to test this theory reflecting on my own case of gigs.

 

i have 3 bench mark times, gauged on my experience of when i think he will pop back up. Id like to see if any of them came true.

 

one is in a week or so time, one is the week between xmas and new year and the last is in april.

 

 

Wilson I felt completely over my ex about a month or two before i went back. It is very strange how it all works, The feelings just started to emerge after that when i thought it was completely done and dusted.

[smokey bear]

oh and you've dealt with the meeting fine, breaking nc again can benefit you, especially if your fine with the back lash of feelings, surely when your wondering what stage she's at you can think of some very interesting conversation to strike up with her to gauge, probe and prod at those feelings.

 

Wilson you know whats going on and understand what she's going through more than she does. Come on work that brain, that intelligence and start moving this along yourself without chasing.

 

You know her, the real her, push those buttons, in the right way.

 

Find a way to find out what you need to know.

[wilsonx]

youre right smokey.

 

I know which button im pushing =)

Edited December 9, 2011 by wilsonx

[smokey bear]

youre right smokey.

 

I know which button im pushing =)

 

Well elaborate please... gives insight to others.

 

I went fishing for info today after an over excited hi yesterday. Care is starting to resurface.... not enough though lol xx

[smokey bear]

Well elaborate please... gives insight to others.

 

I went fishing for info today after an over excited hi yesterday. Care is starting to resurface.... not enough though lol xx

 

 

Also today he has quoted back 3 things ive said recently, so he is now actually hearing what i have to say and remembering it, he has a terrible memory too.