So Here It Is...

[smokey bear]

So now that you have more evidence that she has pulled away... Accept it and find new ways to stay busy and occupied so you think of her less often.

 

IF she intended to start seeing you again - she wouldn't be participating with reluctance and no shows. That's completely rude of her!

 

You deserve more than what she offers ( or hasn't offered).

 

Starting in a healthy place - be open to someone new... Hopefully a gal who won't cheat. Someone who will treat you with kindness and respect - its not her...she's given you evidence to prove she's not that gal.

 

Its all irrelivant, Its six months out now, do you not think we get to a point where we dont need to hear this. Wilson isnt asking for advice, he's telling his story for others to take what they wish from it, encourage dont discourage.

[2sunny]

Its all irrelivant, Its six months out now, do you not think we get to a point where we dont need to hear this. Wilson isnt asking for advice, he's telling his story for others to take what they wish from it, encourage dont discourage.

 

It's pertinent since he just spent time and energy on trying to reconnect with her - only to be dismissed.

 

Encouraging him to move forward is useful- to find someone who will love and appreciate him will be progress - she's not that gal.

 

When he accepts that - and moves forward - is when he'll be open to meeting someone new.

[smokey bear]

It's pertinent since he just spent time and energy on trying to reconnect with her - only to be dismissed.

 

Its called love........

 

I hope he gets his fairytale

[wilsonx]

I'm in the chase. I'm not giving up. Its not a fairy tale, its what i want.

[Sugarkane]

Wilson I still don't see whats so special about this woman.

[wilsonx]

i was kidding earlier sugar... i was bored at work... im not chasing anymore... no worries... i ended that pursuit after i met with her, i had a few stupid moments afterwards

[smokey bear]

i was kidding earlier sugar... i was bored at work... im not chasing anymore... no worries... i ended that pursuit after i met with her, i had a few stupid moments afterwards

 

Wilson your chopping and changing a lot, decide if you are going to wait it out, learn about it and from it or if your going to move on.

 

One minute your moving on one minute your waiting, your not doing yourself any good and i think its a result from anger from what she's up to.

 

Remember its no reflection on you, so what is your choice? wait for her or move on?

[smokey bear]

2 years is long enough of a relationship to get an ex back from gigs.

[wilsonx]

I love that girl like no other, I did this one right, we did not immediately spark an infatuation, I chased her for months... I got rejected probably 20 times asking her out even as friends...I clint eastwooded this and picked the one i wanted

 

Right now she has a lot of growing up to do

 

I even shot off that in our breakup when I shot off an email to her... I said "When you grow up come find me" She told me, I do not understand what you meant by this funny part at the time, I did not understand this either, it was a gutshot email. Funny how I understand this now

Edited December 19, 2011 by wilsonx

[smokey bear]

I love that girl like no other, I did this one right, we did not immediately spark an infatuation, I chased her for months... I got rejected probably 20 times asking her out even as friends...

 

Right now she has a lot of growing up to do

 

I even shot off that in our breakup when I shot off an email to her... I said "When you grow up come find me" She told me, I do not understand what you meant by this funny part at the time, I did not understand this either, it was a gutshot email. Funny how I understand this now

 

 

Your right you did do it right, just like me and my ex done it right and where friends first, walked slowly through the infatuation and last 6.7 years still in love as day one, but now you've got to get in the game.

 

You cant just sit with your head in the sand, you've got to get in the picture and watch the progression.

 

If you sit not knowing clueless, then how will you know if it is gigs, how will you know when its over and that rather than come back she moved onto another.

 

Not participating will result in you either moving on or staying single for longer than you should. If you going to wait then atleast have an idea of whats going on, not blind.

 

Youve chopped and changed this week, i think as a result of finding out something that wasnt what you wanted, i told you, if she comes back your going to hear about this stuff, would you not rather hear it now and deal with it now in silence rather than when it comes out if you get back together and causes pain in the new relationship.

 

Your hurting just now, take it onboard NOW, not when she's back, participate so you know if she is going to come back,

 

The study i posted was very accurate, i 100% believe it but it doesnt give enough info as to wether they come back or not, that part i dont trust, there isnt enough of an explanation in this gigs theory that stipulates what makes them come back, so watch and figure that one out yourself rather than letting time pass by blind to a point where she's far gone and you've wasted time....well waiting.

 

My gigs was hidden, i had no one to talk to about it when it finished, noone to talk to about the gigs guy etc, bottling that up while back with my ex wasnt good, why, because i had learned to be open and honest and stop the games, i struggled, i wished i could have shared it but i couldnt.

 

Get in the Game or move on, learn from this, your bottling things up and its messing your head.

[2sunny]

When one side remains open to the R and the other side isn't... The open person continues to have hope that the R will start again. This results in not being open to new people and new possibilities.

 

Best to move forward and understand that it ended for good reason.

 

Accepting that it's over is the way to begin letting others close enough to begin with new people.

[smokey bear]

When one side remains open to the R and the other side isn't... The open person continues to have hope that the R will start again. This results in not being open to new people and new possibilities.

 

Best to move forward and understand that it ended for good reason.

 

Accepting that it's over is the way to begin letting others close enough to begin with new people.

 

 

No it doesnt, im open to the relationship and have some form of hope, it doesnt stop me being open to new people and possibilities.

 

I respect your opinion but every person is individual.

[wilsonx]

I am chasing like a champ.... phase 1 underway

 

One thing a lot of people on this forum do not understand is the door is not closed with my ex.

 

I am going to man up and chase again. I am going to quit being a ****ing pussy and chase the **** out of her. This is the person I chose to chase and fall in love with

 

Smokey, thanks for calling me on my bull**** in pms, youre awesome

 

One of the things most men on this forum do not ****ing understand is how men and women communicate. I needed to grow up from my relationship. My ex told me a month and a half before the breakup "I Need Space" - We all have this wrong. I need space with this much time in between her taking action means WE(GUYS) NEED TO FIX A BIG PROBLEM.

 

I agree with the phases of GIGS but smokey said herself, she went back stage 4 and grew up from there. There's nothing in this world that says you can't grow together while being in a relationship.

 

I have grown up a lot, one of the key fundamentals in being a man is "Learning how to let go" You can interpret this in many ways but I failed in this with my ex because I always brought up past **** with her. This is something I learned from my mom and dad after my breakup. The ability to leave the past in the past. My mom cheated on my dad like a champ, but guess what they are still together, why? Because my dad knew it was a phase and loved her and accepted her for who she is. I chased my ex and I told myself, this is the girl I am going to marry, and that is my goal.

 

For those of you that can't read between the lines, the fact that she meets up with me, responds to my emails and flakes out on me, is telling me one thing, she's saying chase me.

 

Betterdeal, you spotted this early on, good job!

 

And you know what bitches years from now Im going to post wedding pictures on this thread...

Edited December 19, 2011 by wilsonx

[marqueemoon4]

you've completely 180'd yourself. that's great, you know what you want and you are going for it... and I hope you get it. i wish there was something I could do to get my exW back, but its not gonna happen.

[betterdeal]

There are no rules.

[wilsonx]

Haha,

 

I had this plan earlier to leave a note on her car, she wasn't there so I left and she happened to turn in and boom she saw me

 

Betterdeal, you are right there are no rules.

 

She's still physically attracted to me, I watched her play with her hair as we talked. I stared her in the eyes and she was twirling away as she couldn't keep eye contact with my confident glare.

 

She said straight up, I have a boyfriend and he doesn't think its fair that we talk or be friends and she said I agree (Im thinking to myself WTF? Didnt I say something like this to you? But you know what, I didn't control you, I let you do whatever you want). She said I thought you needed something or were in an emergency that's why we met and I thought it was a good idea (Where in my email did I say it was an emergency, she wanted to, she can't make up her own mind and admit it). She said there were so many bad things about the relationship that she did not want to be friends with me because of the past. (I laughed at this inside....the bad parts were her, I did stupid things but nothing on the level that she did). I smiled and kept eye contact the entire time. When we met the other night, she said nothing about the boyfriend. She even apologized about not showing up Monday because of work (I knew this was the reason, she did not have to tell me). As I walked away she said, did you see something that I didn't and I said absolutely I did and I still do.

 

She reiterated that she did not want to be friends with me, she laid down her boundaries clear as day. She said that if I ever needed anything in an emergency she would be there for me though (Whats absolutely funny about this was when our relationship ended, I said this to her... shes just mirroring the same bull**** i said to her)

 

She said Good Luck to me as I walked away and I turned around and told her, I dont need luck

 

So first off, I am going to get smokey's opinion on this and others. I already know whats going on but this thread is going to explode

 

There's a second part to this story that I havent shared... number 1 she stalked me twice on an online dating website, number 2 she's posting on an online dating site an ad. She posted the ad, the morning after her and I met. This is a huge addition to this drama

Edited December 19, 2011 by wilsonx

[smokey bear]

Haha,

 

I had this plan earlier to leave a note on her car, she wasn't there so I left and she happened to turn in and boom she saw me

 

Betterdeal, you are right there are no rules.

 

She's still physically attracted to me, I watched her play with her hair as we talked. I stared her in the eyes and she was twirling away as she couldn't keep eye contact with my confident glare.

 

She said straight up, I have a boyfriend and he doesn't think its fair that we talk or be friends and she said I agree (Im thinking to myself WTF? Didnt I say something like this to you? But you know what, I didn't control you, I let you do whatever you want). She said I thought you needed something or were in an emergency that's why we met and I thought it was a good idea (Where in my email did I say it was an emergency, she wanted to, she can't make up her own mind and admit it). She said there were so many bad things about the relationship that she did not want to be friends with me because of the past. (I laughed at this inside....the bad parts were her, I did stupid things but nothing on the level that she did). I smiled and kept eye contact the entire time. When we met the other night, she said nothing about the boyfriend. She even apologized about not showing up Monday because of work (I knew this was the reason, she did not have to tell me).

 

So first off, I am going to get smokey's opinion on this and others. I already know whats going on but this thread is going to explode

 

 

 

First thing is first, you started this thread to be the guinee pig, to share your story, so decide now please if your going to be the guinee pig or not.

 

If you are then we will make this thread a legend!!!!!!!!!!! but it means you've got to post all the details, the good and the bd, the feelings, the **** days, the good days, decide please.

 

Second, i nearly called you out on your bull**** pubicly on this thread hence why your quotes are in the pm, i copied and pasted it onto pm.

 

Thirdly, you went all weird on me this week, i nearly lost my temper with you a few times, this is how i knew you were struggling, and you were struggling!!!! Dont deny it, Healing is measured on how well you deal with setbacks and how quick you recover, not how strong you are in nc.

 

I keep in contact with my ex, i do the whole facebook stalking thing, everyone says it makes it worse, no chance it makes you stronger, it helps you move on.

 

When my ex first started dating his gigs girl, the first few nights i checked up on him, my father told me not to, it would hurt me more, i replied it doesnt, it helps me move on. Everyone deals with it different. If i walk out this knowing the full extent of the truth of what happened and dealt with it and someone walks out of it in full nc, who's going to be stronger, me! Because i faced and dealt with the most heartbreaking things a person could see. Im one of those people who wants to see and experience everything life has to throw at me and ill walk out the other end scarred in bruised, but stronger.

 

Fourthly, your not dealing correctly with the setbacks, this is all a leason, learn. Ill come back to this.

 

STOP WITHOLDING INFORMATION FROM ME AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS I ASK YOU, I DO IT FOR A REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Don't freekin chase her, when i called you out you missed the whole point.

 

Wilson, Do you hear me? this prt is important, What is happening now, what happened this week in detail, seperate posts for each event so they can be reflected on individually. Need to know if she's with the gigs guy or new guy, was there a period of singleness.

 

Last but not least, get a freekin grip of your emotions, you bounce from king all mighty going to save the princess to MR "I dont give a f*ck" can we meet MR "ok, im going to be rational and level headed".

 

By the way, your very amusing to follow, quite entertaining, oh and thanks for bailing on me in my time of freekin out the other day!!

 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[wilsonx]

Im not being a pig, Im being dumb but it was to share a story... I am being genuine

ok....

[wilsonx]

I won't chase anymore.... hunch says shes with GIGS guy, she has a gay Michigan sticker on the back of her car.... He marked his territory....

 

 

---------------------------

Conversation happened today is me chasing....

 

 

She's still physically attracted to me, I watched her play with her hair as we talked. I stared her in the eyes and she was twirling away as she couldn't keep eye contact with my confident glare.

 

She said straight up, I have a boyfriend and he doesn't think its fair that we talk or be friends and she said I agree (Im thinking to myself WTF? Didnt I say something like this to you? But you know what, I didn't control you, I let you do whatever you want). She said I thought you needed something or were in an emergency that's why we met and I thought it was a good idea (Where in my email did I say it was an emergency, she wanted to, she can't make up her own mind and admit it). She said there were so many bad things about the relationship that she did not want to be friends with me because of the past. (I laughed at this inside....the bad parts were her, I did stupid things but nothing on the level that she did). I smiled and kept eye contact the entire time. When we met the other night, she said nothing about the boyfriend. She even apologized about not showing up Monday because of work (I knew this was the reason, she did not have to tell me).

 

-----------------------------

 

The day after our meeting, she posted on an online dating site.... the day after, but she has a boyfriend, this is what im confused about. she does this about every 10 days to 2 weeks

Edited December 19, 2011 by wilsonx

[smokey bear]

Im not being a pig, Im being dumb but it was to share a story... I am being genuine

ok....

 

No a guinee pig, i wasnt insulting you, a phrase meaning you will be the person to test the theory and report the results, a lab rat, is that a better phrase?

[smokey bear]

I won't chase anymore.... hunch says shes with GIGS guy, she has a gay Michigan sticker on the back of her car.... He marked his territory....

 

 

---------------------------

Conversation happened today is me chasing....

 

 

She's still physically attracted to me, I watched her play with her hair as we talked. I stared her in the eyes and she was twirling away as she couldn't keep eye contact with my confident glare.

 

She said straight up, I have a boyfriend and he doesn't think its fair that we talk or be friends and she said I agree (Im thinking to myself WTF? Didnt I say something like this to you? But you know what, I didn't control you, I let you do whatever you want). She said I thought you needed something or were in an emergency that's why we met and I thought it was a good idea (Where in my email did I say it was an emergency, she wanted to, she can't make up her own mind and admit it). She said there were so many bad things about the relationship that she did not want to be friends with me because of the past. (I laughed at this inside....the bad parts were her, I did stupid things but nothing on the level that she did). I smiled and kept eye contact the entire time. When we met the other night, she said nothing about the boyfriend. She even apologized about not showing up Monday because of work (I knew this was the reason, she did not have to tell me).

 

-----------------------------

 

The day after our meeting, she posted on an online dating site.... the day after, but she has a boyfriend, this is what im confused about. she does this about every 10 days to 2 weeks

 

 

 

FINALLY!!!!!! an acurate response to where he is at, ive explained this to you already but i will again.

 

 

 

She's still physically attracted to me

 

(Cringe), i cant believe im saying this publicly but you've got to push on this, but not just yet, a few more weeks yet, (cringe again) try and get intimate (cringe) even to the extent of playing the simpathy card but i repeat, not just yet.

 

 

I stared her in the eyes and she was twirling away as she couldn't keep eye contact with my confident glare.

 

Yeah she's still got feelings, she just doesnt know it.

 

 

I have a boyfriend and he doesn't think its fair that we talk or be friends

 

I got this from the ex 3 weeks before they finished, its guilt, they know their thinking about you, they know their not being emotionally faithful, they've been thinking about you!

 

 

She said there were so many bad things about the relationship that she did not want to be friends with me because of the past.

 

This is that phase where they have to justify it to them selves, Again guilt!

 

extracted from phycology

 

To help themselves get over the guilt, they keep telling themselves and everyone else that they're sure they made the right decision. They need to convince themselves of this. If they started second-guessing themselves at this point it would only add to their guilt, and this is the last thing they want.

 

 

 

The day after our meeting, she posted on an online dating site.... the day after, but she has a boyfriend, this is what im confused about. she does this about every 10 days to 2 weeks

 

 

There's your answer right there!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Gigs guy is on his way out, its the stage we discovered in my emails when they leave the gigs guy and frantically search for another, it normally done while in the splitting up stage from gigs guy, once that dating profile goes dead, expect her to be single for approx 3 months.

 

Right now you need to go strict NC unless she reaches out at which point (cringe) you've got to try and get laid, when gigs guy ends she will reach out.

 

Those contacts a month or two ago would have been a little split with the gigs guy.

 

 

Im going to post the time line that i made up from mine and my ex's gigs, we will add to it your own story if you can.

 

 

When i say you need to get in the game, you've got to spy, youve got to get an idea of what is going on without her knowing, worst advice ever i know and please its not recommended for everyone just stupid people like me and Wilson who are jumping on this GIGS bandwagon.

[smokey bear]

The Timeline....

 

 

Me: Gigs guy lasted 4-5 months

 

Ex: Gigs girl lasted 3.5 months

 

 

Me: first missed ex at 3 months

 

Ex: First missed me at 2.5 months

 

 

Me: returned to old friends at 3 months

 

Ex : returned to old friends at 2.5 months

 

 

Me: broke up with gigs guy for 1 day (went back) ( month 4)

 

Ex: broke up with gigs girl for 1 week (went back) (month 2.5)

 

 

Me: Intimate (cringe) with ex during gigs guy first break up. 4 month mark (during day long breakup with gigs guy)

 

Ex: Intimate (cringe) with me during first gigs girl break up. 2.5 month mark.(during week long break up with gigs girl)

 

 

Me: Considered how much I was hurting ex after 5 months

 

Ex: considered how much he was hurting me after 5 months

 

 

Me: Frantic search for another victim during gigs guy break up (month 5)

 

Ex: Frantic search for another victim during gigs girl break up (month 4)

 

 

Me:Single for 3 months (month 5-8)

 

Ex: Single for 2 months so far ( Month 4-6)

 

 

Me: Reached out to gigs guy at 10 weeks post break up lasted approx 3-4weeks (month 7.5)

 

Ex: Reached out to gigs girl at 8 weeks post break up ( month 5.5)

 

 

 

Me: Considering my ex (month 8)

 

Ex:................

 

 

 

Me: Back with ex. (start of month 9)

 

Ex:..............

 

 

I feel like im going to regret this post, Wilson if your ex has experienced any of these things can you mark a time to them. Remember your ex is 23ish, younger than me and my ex, i do expect her gigs to last longer if the theory on mental maturity is correct, she doesnt seem too far behind though 4 months max.

[wilsonx]

Smokey, you are spot on with your responses but I am going Light Contact. I am going to chase very subtly. I am just going to mail her a hand written letter once a week. Nothing romantic, just chit chat. I am going to give her something to look forward to.

 

I have talked to 2 women the past 2 days 1 her age and one older and they said something that makes perfect sense to me.

 

She wants me to chase a bit, she wants to feel chased again and feel special. What happens in most relationships after the relationship is reached? There's no more chasing, especially from the guys, the goal has been accomplished and boom its done. Look at what happened when you went through your period, your ex quit chasing you, you got bored. He would just sit around and drink all the time so you found someone that paid attention to you. I watch this in a lot of breakups. I also see GIGS as a phase that can be worked through though, my dad worked through it with my mom. Your ex worked through it with you, he just wasnt prepared for what you dished at him. My ex dished me stuff the past 2 meetings and you know what, I took it and smiled. I took rejection in the face and walked away with a smile, I am going to continue to do so.

 

I understand what is she saying and what she said throughout the entire relationship now. I grew up. I did not know how to communicate with her and how to put myself in her shoes and understand where she is coming from when she addresses problems with me

[wilsonx]

you've completely 180'd yourself. that's great, you know what you want and you are going for it... and I hope you get it. i wish there was something I could do to get my exW back, but its not gonna happen.

 

With this attitude you're not going to.... i remember when you posted about your ex hiding her ring from you in your thread.... guess what, thats a sign clear as day to me.... just because a woman says something doesn't make it true....

 

Ive got 2 books for you to read marqueemoon4

"The Way of The Superior Man" Dont treat this as the holy bible because its not especially when it talks about walking away from everything (Pick and choose what you find relevant to you in this book, its really a good book if you can think outside the box)

 

"For Men Only" This deals with how to effectively communicate with all women and understand what they are feeling and how to process this and communicate with them as a man. Its a very good book. This book actually inspired me to chase and see the big picture of what my ex tells me one thing, and wants another.

[smokey bear]

 

 

Gigs guy is on his way out, its the stage we discovered in my emails when they leave the gigs guy and frantically search for another, it normally done while in the splitting up stage from gigs guy, once that dating profile goes dead, expect her to be single for approx 3 months.

 

Right now you need to go strict NC unless she reaches out at which point (cringe) you've got to try and get laid, when gigs guy ends she will reach out.

 

 

 

Do you not listen!!!!!

 

Now is not the time to chase, yes chase her, do all the wooing etc but not right now, you've got 2-3months when she's single to chase her, not now.

 

Right now she's got gigs guy and she's looking for others, its not only gigs guy to compete with just now, cant you see that, she isnt looking back yet at you, she's looking to jump again, do you want to be the rebound to the gigs guy, come on Wilson all the stuff you read, the advice you give, listen to it.

 

You will only become the rebound to the gigs guy, Stage 4 once she's normal, she still has to go and date others now, now that she's feeling normal. You have all the advice, you've read it again and again, you've dished it out.

 

She will go single for months, chase then. Not now.

 

Right now she has to dump gigs guy and look for others, after which she will be single. I can guarentee you one thing, if you chase now you will be ignored, this is when i ignored my ex, the only time!

 

Carry on as you wish, you've been warned lol