JC14 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Hey everybody, My (ex-)girlfirend broke up with me 5 months ago. NC for two months now. Although I never thought I would, I have been feeling a lot better than I did two months ago. But right now I don't feel that well to be honest. Last night I went out to a cafe with friends. I was determined to at least talk to some girls, just to get some confidence. I had been drinking a lot and at the end of the night I took a girl home with me. We ended up having sex. Before today I was finally starting to have interest in other girls. But, right now I feel really down. I don't know what it is. I actually legit feel like I regret having sex with the girl. I really miss my ex-girfriend. Since a pretty long time I am crying over her again. I hate my life right now. What is happening to me?! I loved having sex with my ex, and what happened last night did not compare to this. Not physically and emotionally. I hate that I lost my relationship with her. I hate what I did last night. I hate that I feel the way I feel, not only today, but for the last 5 months. I want that feeling back that I had with her. I felt so special, like it can never be matched ever again. ****! Just a vent I guess. Well, maybe you guys have some input anyways! Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Oh mate, THIS IS SUCH A STANDARD THING! Basically what you've done is to engage in a quick sexual encounter whilst you're still in the grieving stage. You're clearly not over your ex! And until you are, until you've been accustomed to single life and become accustomed to being single, you won't be and every encounter will feel like this! You made a mistake and I am laughing because I've done that so many times so I know exactly what you're going through! We all do it, but rebound sex is such a no no. I understand the want of sex and the need to feel attractive and wanted again. This may have slowed your recovery progress a wee bit, but it hasn't hindered it. Keep with the NC, continue with your hobbies, hanging with your friends, whatever. No more rebound sex though! One day, I promise you, you will find someone who you can connect with like that again! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Yeah, you simply still have feelings for the ex - which is perfectly normal - and this intimate encounter made you realise what you've lost as she was/still is the person you want to be intimate with. These feelings will fade with time, you can't force them out. I'm not saying you shouldn't go out there and meet people and date again, but just accept that when you do things that remind you of your ex, then you'll feel bad for a while... but that will pass eventually. Stick with NC and don't beat yourself up over what just happened - two people got together and had some fun. At the time it's what you wanted, but of course now it's just triggered some memories and you feel a bit down. Accept it, deal with it and let the emotions out. You'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDumbFoot Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Sounds rough dude. And here I am thinking that getting out and getting laid would help with my feelings.. I'm sure that doing so would satiate a bit of curiosity for me (I've only ever had sex with my ex), but ultimately I think that I would end up in the same position that you're in. You're also probably hungover, which is making you feel extra ****ty about life right now. Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Stick it up man. I know exactly what this is like. It's true. Sex with the ex is the best which is one of the reason why you connected so much. Gotta let it go though. It can't be done overnight (you just proved it) and it takes time. Give yourself that much. This will set you back but before you know it you'll be on the right track. I remember having sex during the grieving stage, it kinda sucked and I compared it so much to my ex. But after a while you forget about it and start to look at sex as just an urge that you need to release from yourself. It's until you meet the next person that sex will be more passionate then just... sex. Not everything has to be special and romantic, bro. You will realize this in time that you can have different moment with different people. But in time you will meet that girl who you will share everything you had plus more. And it'll be a bunch of weight off your shoulders when you become patient like you once were before you met your ex. Sounds rough dude. And here I am thinking that getting out and getting laid would help with my feelings.. I'm sure that doing so would satiate a bit of curiosity for me (I've only ever had sex with my ex), but ultimately I think that I would end up in the same position that you're in. You're also probably hungover, which is making you feel extra ****ty about life right now. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 You have a hang-over to some degree. That's going to bring you down somewhat. You're indulging sadness if not depression about your encounter not measuring up to what you used to have. You probably need to be slapped and mocked to pull yourself together and man up (like Vito Corleone slapping Johnny Fontaine) in "The Godfather". You can't do this going forward. The book on what you had is closed and you need to open a new one. Why should you expect a first-time encounter with someone under the influence of alcohol to equate in any way with making love to someone you already have deep feelings for? Take what happened last night for what it's worth--an ego boost that someone would want to bed you that soon and put it in perspective. Apparently you're appealing enough to get that when man many people aren't, so start building up your confidence and work on opening the next chapter in your love life. My advice is also to try to avoid alcohol--it should never be the reason you involve yourself with another person. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 So sorry you're feeling the way you are (or were!) Ugh... I highly suspect this is how I would feel if I allowed myself to sleep with others right now. Someone has already tried and it made me sick and it didn't even happen. Gosh, emotions can be immensely troublesome and just................................... ugh. Someone (cerri) suggested I stay away from the alcohol for some time... it was just making me feel ****tier... it's probably a good idea if you do too... it will likely help avoid future set backs of this nature. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Im someone who always needed emotional connection to have sex with somebody. So by default im not one to sleep around. 2 exes ago, I dated this girl for about 2 years off and on. We had a good relationship, not amazing, but good. We always had great sex though. My last ex who im hung up on, we had an amazing relationship, and the best... sex.... ever! The last ex dumped me, and about 5 months later I had my first go at sex since our breakup, with the ex ex. IT WAS A DISASTER, ON EVERY LEVEL. All it did was remind me about everything that I love about my ex. I was in bad shape alreadu, this was like pushing myself over a cliff. Now 9 months post breakup I still typically avoid sex from anyone/everyone, as it just kills me that im not with the one I love. Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 was this girl ugly compared to ur ex? serious question. i wanna know if we can regret having sex with someone really gorgeous aswel. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Im around numerous gorgeous women in my coed leagues, and my ex ex a very attractive girl. Nothing is making a dent on getting ove my ex, even being around plenty o gorgeous women. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Mine was a super fit footballer, So no it doesnt matter if they hotter, better in bed etc. Im in the same boat, ill be going back to not getting it................. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JC14 Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Wow! Thank you guys for all the comments. It made me feel a lot better actually to hear it is not uncommon. Also, I think I am making a too big a deal out of this. Like you said Feelin Frisky: I have to put things in perspective. Your comment calmed me down. Thanks for that. I definitely won't do something like this again. On top of that, I will leave the alcohol for what it is. Alcohol does make me forget my ex and makes me a bit more outgoing. Though, the next morning I feel weak and more emotional about my ex. And I end up regeretting things like this from happening. So, it is not worth it. I definitely learned my lesson. I was doing pretty well, but I think I got a bit carried away... Damn, I hate the I am in this 'situation'. I don't want be hurt anymore. I want the pain to go away and make room for happieness. @ davesterr: my ex was definitely more attractive:o. Though, I think I would still have felt this way even if she had been hot. This was just sex, no feelings at all... Those emotions made the sex with my ex special and therefore x times better. Right now I am still emotional attached to my ex. That is why I feel the way I feel about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Though, I think I would still have felt this way even if she had been hot. This was just sex, no feelings at all... Those emotions made the sex with my ex special and therefore x times better. Right now I am still emotional attached to my ex. That is why I feel the way I feel about what happened. It ain't the same man. Sex is sex. We are guys, and we need it. But as a human being, we need that emotional attachment or the passionate sex. You can't get that with just anyone. No matter how hot the girl is, the way you feel is how u feel. Good luck on your search, we're all here going through the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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