mr. butterworth Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 (edited) that I broke up with a year ago. she initiated contact with me, almost always did on a daily basis for two solid months. great flow. friendly, witty banter. making her laugh as much as possible. surprised to find feelings resurfacing. slowly over time she revealed that she had someone else in her life. hurt me more than I realized it would. but, I figured I'd give it the old college try anyway. she was certainly giving me an awful lot of her attention and time and she sent me a steady stream of signals that I was making headway. anyway, after about two months of daily texting and general emotional tagging back and forth, I decide to surprise her before work. open, public space... neutral ground... nothing too creepy. first time we laid eyes on one another in a year. it was the proverbial magic moment. dropped her bags, ran up, embraced me, tried to kiss me. I, being the gentleman that I am, wouldn't allow it. we held close and gazed into one another's soul for fifteen minutes straight. I nuzzled her and ran my fingers through her hair. yeah, it was heady stuff. it was intense, it was love, nobody can convince me different. I walked away floating. we text about it later, she calling the moment "wonderful," "very natural", and "very, very nice." I took that as affirmation. the next day she invites me to meet her the following morning. I am on cloud nine. stupidly, I brought flowers. subtle, small flowers, but flowers nonetheless. they were not received well. my heart hit the ground. we proceeded to spend the majority of the day together but things never really recovered from that point. I realize I went too fast, and am kicking myself over the error. I eventually went home with my tail between my legs. about an hour later, she calls me. we end up having a long conversation. friendly, plenty of laughs. she hands me the "I love you, but am not in love with you" line. I said "yeah, I knew the second you received the flowers. ship, sunk." anyway, we ended up talking for about an hour and a half, during the course of which we discussed the problems in our relationship and made some amends. I finally had the chance to explain to her my real reasons for breaking up with her. all valid, all irrefutable. she accepted blame. which was amazing and something she would have never done in the past. anyway, by the end of the conversation she was all but begging for the opportunity to have my friendship, that she wanted it to be like it was before we started dating and when we were such wonderful friends. which, not coincidentally, was when we were falling in love. I'm not sure if this is lost on her or not. I'm also not sure what to do. I brought a tremendous spark to her life for two straight months. she solicited it, she was very much liking it. two days previous, she tried to kiss me. (I confronted her on that, btw... she blamed old emotions and claimed it would have been "a mistake".) the problem is, I'm still in love with her, I told her so, and I don't want to give away everything that's great about me without getting what I need/want in return. at the same time, I know how she operates. she requires a courtship, she requires a period of friendship in advance. before we dated the first time, we knew one another for almost two years before it blossomed into romance. it's just that now, it's much more of an emotional risk for me. and I have a hard time bringing my A game when I know in advance that I'm going in weak. as of now, we're in a period of no contact. trying to regain my footing and self-determination. I'm not sure what to do. anyone care to offer advice? Edited December 3, 2011 by mr. butterworth Link to post Share on other sites
EnchantedOne Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Honestly, you still have to many feelings involved with this girl. Sometimes you CANT be friends with an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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