skakitty Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Hi, i'm Ska, i'm new to the forums. I wanted to post about my personal experience, my first 'long distance relationship'. I met the guy through a mutual friend in May 2011, we went on a date, connected really well, and from that point on we tried to see each other as much as possible (pretty much every weekend!) The downer is: before he met me, he'd committed to studying in the US for a year, leaving in Aug 2011 We had a healthy relationship- we'd have disagreements but sit down and reason them out as logically as emotions allow! we had many shared interests and great chemistry. I felt like i had known him for much longer than i had. We met each other's family and all got on well. It was going really well (and i'm pretty cynical about relationships, having being hurt in the past) So, the time came for him to leave and he said to me "I can't do Long Distance.. I've tried in the past, we ended up missing each other, and generally being unhappy and it sucked" so... i was upset! I knew he was going away, but it was for a finite amount of time, and i didn't want our relationship to stop because i was getting to know him and having a great time! We talked about it some more and his real issue was monogamy. He didn't think he could go a year without sex or physical intimacy. So.. I had no option but to split up with him. He gets to the US, and within days is messaging me 'I miss you, i love you so much" ... and i felt the same :/ so this is where i start to get really confused. Technically, I am single... he is single.. but when he tells me "i can't wait to see you, i miss you a lot, i love you" .. those are not words to mess around with! My situation at the moment is complicated (in my head) - I love him, i miss him, but i know he is single, sleeping with other people, and has no commitment to me (ohh... and i am doing the same so i'm not waiting around for him physically... but i am emotionally :/) His parents support me a lot, and i'm seeing him for 2 weeks over Christmas/new year, and then again next year. But... my head is still a bit of a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skakitty Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 We've had conversations about when he moves back home- he tells me he would love to move in with me, see me every day, share his life with me.. but he doesn't know if 'that will be enough' and he will want to be monogamous.. again this issue! Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 he tells me he would love to move in with me, see me every day, share his life with me.. but he doesn't know if 'that will be enough' and he will want to be monogamous.. He's telling you this and you still don't know what to do? Tell him to take some time to grow up and maybe give you a call in ten or twenty years. I doubt if this guy is ever going to be monogamous, but certainly not anytime soon. Why would you even consider making yourself available to him? Link to post Share on other sites
aaronstone Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 We've had conversations about when he moves back home- he tells me he would love to move in with me, see me every day, share his life with me.. but he doesn't know if 'that will be enough' and he will want to be monogamous.. again this issue! Red flag right here. Stay away from this one, you will only get your heart broken. Trust me this would be a long distance relationship nightmare :s Link to post Share on other sites
Author skakitty Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Thanks for your posts- you're right, he is just a selfish person with no intention to commit. *sigh* single again! Link to post Share on other sites
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