Why, Why, Why is this happening....

[smokey bear]

Any thoughts would be appreciated,

 

honestly i just dont get it.

 

 

Before i felt the pain ALL day long,

 

Now i can go the whole day absolutely back to normal and happy and getting on with life, but at night when the days buzz ends and my mind starts to wind down, the pain hits me like a ton of bricks.

 

I actually think i prefered the constant to pain as it was level but this is extreme when it hits each night.

 

Can anyone explain, is anyone getting the same, but most importantly can anyone tell me how long this stage lasts and what happens after it.

 

 

Thank you

[ScienceGal]

The other day I said something that I knew was ridiculous the moment it came out of my mouth. I realized that I was beginning to develop feelings for the guy I was dating and that scared me, so I said "at least when I was sad and depressed I knew how each day would go, it was predictable and without surprises". I shook my head and thought, did I really just say that? Nobody wants to stay unhappy, but we do get used to being in that rut.

 

Healing is not linear nor the same for everyone, so I don't have a specific time line for you, do you have one for me ? For me, nights are the absolute worst. I feel so sad and alone. Tonight is no different. I'm sitting here talking to strangers with my same pains. But, not every night is horrible. Can you remember how awful it was when you first started coping? Take those moments where you don't feel awful and be grateful for them, seriously.

 

All you can do is stay busy with the buzz of daily life. Find things to do at night that you enjoy too. Learn how to be happy being alone. Reading, watching tv, photography, whatever. Find joy in yourself (this is the hardest for me).

 

Know that the pain will pass. IT WILL.

[LostJustLost]

It happens to me too, OP. When I get home and am greeted by the silence, at first I welcome the calm but it doesn't take long for him to creep into my mind and the pain comes rushing back all over again.

 

I think it's because we don't have any distractions. We are left with only ourselves and the emptiness.

 

I have no idea how long this will go on, I wish I had an answer for that.

[Thieves]

Take those moments where you don't feel awful and be grateful for them, seriously.

 

All you can do is stay busy with the buzz of daily life. Find things to do at night that you enjoy too. Learn how to be happy being alone. Reading, watching tv, photography, whatever. Find joy in yourself (this is the hardest for me).

 

Definitely.

 

Nobody can give you a definite timeline when this particular stage will end, Smokey Bear -- if we could, we wouldn't be in as much pain as you are in at the moment. But what we do know is that it does end, and will end. The specifics, though, are anybody's guess. But like SciGal said, if the nights are the times when you get hit the hardest with emotions, then it may be good to try and find at least a few things to occupy yourself until you adjust to actually being content. That's part of the lesson after breaking up with somebody, is once again learning to be alone and to not be depressed by that. To cherish that, even.

 

I say 'cherish' because when you're in a relationship, you start to care and think so much about the other person that you kind of put yourself and the mistakes you may have made on the 'backburner'. They're not given as much attention. So when you end up parting, the focus shifts back entirely on you, and that can be nerve-racking. But once you learn to face that and welcome those times when you are by yourself, it doesn't turn out to be so bad.

[smokey bear]

Definitely.

 

Nobody can give you a definite timeline when this particular stage will end, Smokey Bear -- if we could, we wouldn't be in as much pain as you are in at the moment. But what we do know is that it does end, and will end. The specifics, though, are anybody's guess. But like SciGal said, if the nights are the times when you get hit the hardest with emotions, then it may be good to try and find at least a few things to occupy yourself until you adjust to actually being content. That's part of the lesson after breaking up with somebody, is once again learning to be alone and to not be depressed by that. To cherish that, even.

 

I say 'cherish' because when you're in a relationship, you start to care and think so much about the other person that you kind of put yourself and the mistakes you may have made on the 'backburner'. They're not given as much attention. So when you end up parting, the focus shifts back entirely on you, and that can be nerve-racking. But once you learn to face that and welcome those times when you are by yourself, it doesn't turn out to be so bad.

 

 

I spend 85%% of my day alone, I am happy alone and enjoy my own company, i have figured it out. Its just my body releasing the last bits of healing. The moments are growing shorter and shorter and eventually will die out completely, im happy that i spend 95% of my day content now and only that 5% with the grief, it actually pointed out that im healing and how much i have healed.

 

Its the last stages of letting go i think, lately as well i no longer think of him first thing in the morning or during the day at all. Its getting better thank god but it intense when i do feel it.

[fucpcg]

Smokey I just want to say u seem like a very sharp, together woman. After stumbling across one of your posts, I went and searched out all your posts, and your insight grealty helped me on a very rough day. I don't have a general answer to this thread, im struggling 9 months out from a year relationship, so im in the same boat. Just wanted to share I think you have something that a strong, mature man would find very appealing. Sooner or later, something good must be coming your way.

[smokey bear]

Thank you, this post means a lot to me, because a while back approx 2 months before the break up, i lost myself. Your post has helped me realised that im back, strong women arent appealing to everyone.

[fucpcg]

I have a never married 49 year old sister, who is an attorney, lifts weights, runs marathons, amazing athlete, beyond intelligent (even for an attorney). She is everything that a weaker man couldn't handle, as she is brighter, more successful career speaking, and better put together than most (men). The more you have to offer, the thinner the herd will be for you to choose from, as few men know how to check their ego at the door. Fine, a girl like you wouldn't want a lesser man anyway, right?

 

One more thing... being 41 and never married, I get a lot of questions regarding, to which the following default response has developed: being single sucks, however being with the wrong person sucks worse. I absolutely hate being where I am at the moment, relationship wise, but occasionally I remember to remind myself why I am at where I am at. Im holding out for something special. The rest of the world loves to settle, as a 50% divorce rate can attest to. Not for me, thank you. Ill hold out to my dying day if I have to. I have so much amazing surrounding me in my life, even though what I treasure most has seemed to elude me for whatever reason. If I never find it I have so much to be thankful for in spite. Hopefully that's all silly talk, but ill never know if I settle for Ms. So So, right?

[fucpcg]

Oh and one more thing I forgot to add, if I were to meet the version of my sister, that wasn't my sister, that woman would be snatched off the market so fast ud have to watch it in slow motion to see what happened. Fell me?