chados Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 do you see any problem with this? i mean im not going to tell her to stay away from him or anything like that, she's 18 and can do whatever she wants. but it feels like there's a huge difference every year when your that young, i remember myself feeling a lot older by only being 20 instead of 18. to me it would feel better if she was 20 and he 25. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It's a little weird but nothing I'd be super concerned about really. Personally, as soon as I turned 21 I couldn't even think about dating anyone that couldn't get into a bar. Our lifestyles would just have been too different at that point. But I'm a female so it's a bit different for me. I wouldn't be too concerned with it. 5 years isn't that huge of a difference. Maybe your sister is a mature 18. Wait and see how it plays out before you let it get to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 It's a little weird but nothing I'd be super concerned about really. Personally, as soon as I turned 21 I couldn't even think about dating anyone that couldn't get into a bar. Our lifestyles would just have been too different at that point. But I'm a female so it's a bit different for me. I wouldn't be too concerned with it. 5 years isn't that huge of a difference. Maybe your sister is a mature 18. Wait and see how it plays out before you let it get to you. i live in a country where you only have to be 18 to get into bars. i guess in most cases woman finds it harder to date younger guys. at least in that age. she is mature. but you know its my sister:) its just bugging me a little haha Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovewater Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Personally, 18 and 23 sound fine to me. I don't think it's that big of an age gap as long as he's not some creep who dates (preys on) only young teenagers. Also, sometimes, there's no difference in the mentality between an 18 yo and a 23 yo because a lot of people in their 20's are quite immature. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 (edited) It's a little weird but nothing I'd be super concerned about really. Personally, as soon as I turned 21 I couldn't even think about dating anyone that couldn't get into a bar. Our lifestyles would just have been too different at that point. But I'm a female so it's a bit different for me. I wouldn't be too concerned with it. 5 years isn't that huge of a difference. Maybe your sister is a mature 18. Wait and see how it plays out before you let it get to you. Id be concerned. A guy at 23 is leaps and bounds ahead of a girl at 18. Its better if she was 20/21 because then the life experience would match up more. From what ive seen, guys tend to date girls much younger when they only want to "get it in". Id say up to a 3 year difference is ok and without much issue until about 30 for most people. Because tbh, maturity, experience, where you are in life and what you want in life is so different in each age group. Late teens early 20s, mid 20s, late 20s....all different kinda stuff going on. Like I wouldnt mind dating women between 25 and 30 if it werent for the fact that these women are usually trying to settle down soon and find the right guy. You know, date a few years, get married, and have kids. I wont be even thinking about that until I am 27 or 28. Maybe even 30. So I usually like to stay between a 22 to 24 bracket, though if I click with a girl age wont matter much. As a 25 year old, I even try and stay away from girls who are 21 because they tend to be immature and still have that "woooo I can get into bars and clubs now legally" mindset. I personally like a girl whos at least 22 because she still like to go out and have fun party wise, but is more mature than girls younger than her. Theyve had a year to get that newness of clubbing and stuff out of their system. I remember when I was 22 and my gf was 19, how her emotional immaturity and lack of life experience really affected our relationship. It was like dating a 17 year old because she was behind on a lot of things dating wise. If anything OP, id tell her to be careful and to make sure he never tries to use his age as an advantage over her. A lot of times dudes date a bit younger because their tactics wont work so well with women "on their level". Oh they themselves arent too mature. I bet ya this wont be lasting long though, because at the end of the day people end up dating folks in their age group. Personally, 18 and 23 sound fine to me. I don't think it's that big of an age gap as long as he's not some creep who dates (preys on) only young teenagers. Also, sometimes, there's no difference in the mentality between an 18 yo and a 23 yo because a lot of people in their 20's are quite immature. ? Youre kidding right? Theres a huge difference between teens and 20 somethings. Sure both groups are immature, but an 18 year old is even more so and generally has NO idea about who they are or where they are going in life yet. Its usually around the mid 20s that people figure that stuff out. And even more so at 30. Just saying. My 23 yr old self could run circles around my 18 year old self and the girls I were around that age too. Edited December 4, 2011 by kaylan Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovewater Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 ? Youre kidding right? Theres a huge difference between teens and 20 somethings. Sure both groups are immature, but an 18 year old is even more so and generally has NO idea about who they are or where they are going in life yet. Its usually around the mid 20s that people figure that stuff out. And even more so at 30. Just saying. My 23 yr old self could run circles around my 18 year old self and the girls I were around that age too. Hence, I said "personally." It's my opinion. Sure, there are some 23 yos who are mature, but a lot of them are not. There are also some 18 yos who are mature. It really depends on the two people involved. It may not work for you, but it works for some people. If the sister is mature, and she knows what she's doing, I don't think OP should be too concerned. I would be more worried if the guy was like 25/26+ because that's when most people tend to get more serious about their future. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 do you see any problem with this? i mean im not going to tell her to stay away from him or anything like that, she's 18 and can do whatever she wants. but it feels like there's a huge difference every year when your that young, i remember myself feeling a lot older by only being 20 instead of 18. to me it would feel better if she was 20 and he 25. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Is it because she's still a teenager and he's not? She is legal at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Id be concerned. A guy at 23 is leaps and bounds ahead of a girl at 18. Its better if she was 20/21 because then the life experience would match up more. From what ive seen, guys tend to date girls much younger when they only want to "get it in". Id say up to a 3 year difference is ok and without much issue until about 30 for most people. Because tbh, maturity, experience, where you are in life and what you want in life is so different in each age group. Late teens early 20s, mid 20s, late 20s....all different kinda stuff going on. Like I wouldnt mind dating women between 25 and 30 if it werent for the fact that these women are usually trying to settle down soon and find the right guy. You know, date a few years, get married, and have kids. I wont be even thinking about that until I am 27 or 28. Maybe even 30. So I usually like to stay between a 22 to 24 bracket, though if I click with a girl age wont matter much. As a 25 year old, I even try and stay away from girls who are 21 because they tend to be immature and still have that "woooo I can get into bars and clubs now legally" mindset. I personally like a girl whos at least 22 because she still like to go out and have fun party wise, but is more mature than girls younger than her. Theyve had a year to get that newness of clubbing and stuff out of their system. I remember when I was 22 and my gf was 19, how her emotional immaturity and lack of life experience really affected our relationship. It was like dating a 17 year old because she was behind on a lot of things dating wise. If anything OP, id tell her to be careful and to make sure he never tries to use his age as an advantage over her. A lot of times dudes date a bit younger because their tactics wont work so well with women "on their level". Oh they themselves arent too mature. I bet ya this wont be lasting long though, because at the end of the day people end up dating folks in their age group. ? Youre kidding right? Theres a huge difference between teens and 20 somethings. Sure both groups are immature, but an 18 year old is even more so and generally has NO idea about who they are or where they are going in life yet. Its usually around the mid 20s that people figure that stuff out. And even more so at 30. Just saying. My 23 yr old self could run circles around my 18 year old self and the girls I were around that age too. this is also how i see it. like you said, there's a huge gap. although i agree with some other to, there might be some rare cases where the 18 year old are more mature then the 23 year old. me myself had a girlfriend who was 20 when i was 23. she was mature, but in the end we where focusing on different things in life. she was going to study 3 more years, and i was working. well that isn't the big problem, of course one person can study and the other one work. but when you have a distancerelationship and she has to study on saturday and sunday. this was the time where we could actually hang out. i think in the vast majority of relationships in younger age are working better if your on the same level in life. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 They're both roughly college-aged. You're right to find it a little disconcerting - it is a big age gap - but one that she's apparently comfortable with for the moment. Just make yourself available to her as a confidante and a resource as she goes through this relationship. He may wind up finding her too immature and she may wind up finding him too serious given their age differences, so it may not last long anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 That said, I was 20 when I met my 25-year-old boyfriend. The relationship is now in its death throes, but we never really noticed the age difference. Maturity was never an issue. Then again, I was never the partier type. I was always serious about my schooling and about getting a job, so that helps. But the age difference is probably worse for the older partner, as they're probably getting more serious and ready to settle down, while a teenager or a young 20-something is still curious to sample what's out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 That said, I was 20 when I met my 25-year-old boyfriend. The relationship is now in its death throes, but we never really noticed the age difference. Maturity was never an issue. Then again, I was never the partier type. I was always serious about my schooling and about getting a job, so that helps. But the age difference is probably worse for the older partner, as they're probably getting more serious and ready to settle down, while a teenager or a young 20-something is still curious to sample what's out there. girls often matures faster then guys, and i think its easier to be 20 and 25 instead of 18 and 23, i remember myself feeling much older every year between 18 and 25 im not that worried, but its just a little bit weird i guess Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It's fine. I dated a 17 year old when I was 22/23, and an 18 year old when I was 24. It wasn't a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 we just have to agree to disagree ? im sensing a 50-50 here. guess most people just look at this different Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 They're both roughly college-aged. You're right to find it a little disconcerting - it is a big age gap - but one that she's apparently comfortable with for the moment. 5 years is a big age gap? What?? Now if she was 5 years older than the guy, then yeah, it would be pretty weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 whats the same level. lol well when your 18, youve just become an adult, when your 23 youve been there for 5 years. its kinda easy to tell if they are 18 or 23, and thats my opinion Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Not a big deal... Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Myself I'd be more comfortable dating someone my own age. I mean, it's kind of a gap, but what can you do about it really? Just tell her to be careful if you haven't already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Myself I'd be more comfortable dating someone my own age. I mean, it's kind of a gap, but what can you do about it really? Just tell her to be careful if you haven't already. yeah, you cant do anything. people grow up and you cant make your own law:) Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 yeah, you cant do anything. people grow up and you cant make your own law:) Very true. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I dated a 28 year old when I was 18, but that was very brief and weird. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't even kiss him. I brought him to Christmas at my family's too I dated a 28 year old when I was 21 and we had a 3.5 year relationship. He ended up wanting more than I did in the end so we separated. I just wasn't in the same place in life that he was (marriage/kids). 18 and 23 sound ok to me, providing maturity levels are similar and that they're both roughly at the same point in life in terms of their wants and needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 I dated a 28 year old when I was 18, but that was very brief and weird. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't even kiss him. I brought him to Christmas at my family's too I dated a 28 year old when I was 21 and we had a 3.5 year relationship. He ended up wanting more than I did in the end so we separated. I just wasn't in the same place in life that he was (marriage/kids). 18 and 23 sound ok to me, providing maturity levels are similar and that they're both roughly at the same point in life in terms of their wants and needs. yeah its a big difference between 18 and 28, while 21 and 28 might work a little better:), myself would never date a girl who's 18 if im 28 , probably not a 21 year old either, but i would found that easier. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 yeah its a big difference between 18 and 28, while 21 and 28 might work a little better:), myself would never date a girl who's 18 if im 28 , probably not a 21 year old either, but i would found that easier. Yeah, the first guy was a total creep. He ended up marrying my best friend, cheating on her, and divorcing her. The second guy is, to this day, the sweetest man that I have ever met. But that has nothing to do with their ages at the time It's funny that I'm now searching for someone just like him... sometimes I feel like I am being punished for breaking up with him and I'll never find someone else to treat me well. Bottom line, people either click or they don't. Age can have an influence, but not always. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chados Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yeah, the first guy was a total creep. He ended up marrying my best friend, cheating on her, and divorcing her. The second guy is, to this day, the sweetest man that I have ever met. But that has nothing to do with their ages at the time It's funny that I'm now searching for someone just like him... sometimes I feel like I am being punished for breaking up with him and I'll never find someone else to treat me well. Bottom line, people either click or they don't. Age can have an influence, but not always. absolutely. and you cant control your feelings, the only thing you can control is the fact that you have a choice to go through with it or not. you'll find someone , dont worry about it:) i couldn't believe i could find anyone like my ex. but thats just not true Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It's fine. I dated a 17 year old when I was 22/23, and an 18 year old when I was 24. It wasn't a problem. Oh Andy....I know a year isn't a big deal, but here in the states 17 is considered illegal. In the UK it's probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 no it wouldnt. why the double standards FGM is all about the double standards and bashing women on this forum. I had to put him on ignore because it got so bad. There is just so much of that stuff you can read. Link to post Share on other sites
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