unlover Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 First time poster. I came across LS while googling affairs etc. I don't know what I need. Advice. A reality check. Something. This post might be a bit convoluted, bear with me, I don't know what to make of these feelings. For the past 2 months I've been having feelings for a married coworker. He's my age, 30, with young kids. I can't stop thinking about him. A couple of months ago, I think we were really flirty. I was flirting with him and I think he was with me. We would look at eachother and hold the gaze. We would find ways to be around eachother. Or I would. Casually touch eachother. Or I would. I don't know if this was in my head or not but after about a month, he just completely started ignoring me. He wouldn't even say hi to me. I was so hurt but I just guessed that maybe he realized he was interacting with me inappropriately and needed to stop. I was upset cause i liked him but I knew it was probably for the better. After a couple of weeks of not really even acknowleging eachother, we slowly transitioned to being totally professional and interacting like regular coworkers. we were completly cool. Now I think we're back to being all flirty. He was giving me that vibe so I upped how I began treating him. Yesterday, he was goofing around with a camera and tried to take a picture of me so I started playfully attacking him, had my arms around him trying to steal the camera away. Again, we look at eachother and hold the gaze. He randomly touched me a couple of times. Now i can't stop thinking about him. Someone just tell me that it's not worth giving into those feelings. Tell me to stop interacting with him. I like him so much but this can't be healthy. I mean first of all, we work together and I'd die if people thought something was going on. And also, he's bloody married. I honestly am in such denial about that part. I mean I know it's wrong on an intelectual level that hooking up with a married man with kids is wrong but I don't feel it on an emotional level. Honestly, if he is into me, and initiates it, I think I'd hook up with him Give me any advice, words of wisdom. anything. I don't want to feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Look, leave it as a crush. Don't go looking for trouble. Read more threads in this section, see what you're up against if you choose to take this to the next level. Read about the pain and rollercoaster ride you'll go on, let alone lose "you" in the process. Do you really want to help this guy cheat on his wife? Betray his family unit? Do you want to have a reputation at work? Be the topic of gossip at the watercooler? I'm sure people at work are talking now anyways seeing as how you two flirt alot..They probably figure you two are having an affair already, or close to having one. Read in the infidelity section so you can see the pain and heartache affairs cause innocent people. Betrayed spouses, kids.. The complete loss of trust and faith, having your world turned upside down by cheating. It isn't pretty. This guy is using you for an ego feed. YOu make him feel good. Yes, flirting is fun and all but keep it in perspective. You are letting yourself get TOO emotionally attached to him, and relying on him to make YOU feel good too. You're asking for trouble if you don't back off and stop this. It's selfish and if you choose to wander down the affair pathway, especially with someone you work with, well, it's just bad news in so many ways, I know you know that.. Imagine your dad cheating on your mom...Some girl in the office flirting with him like you are with this guy and your dad doing the same back... Imagine YOU married, with young kids.. Then you find out YOUR husband is doing this cat and mouse flirt game behind your back, possibly choosing to do something real stupid by having an affair. I'm sure you would HATE IT if he cheated on you..Feel hurt and betrayed. Right? SO, be the strong one here and back off, leave him alone. Tell him point blank that it's wrong and inappropriate, that he is married and if you were his wife, you certainly wouldn't like his behaviour! Just .. stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Soccermama Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It will potentially be the best sex you ever had and will potentially be the most hurt you will ever feel. Be careful, when things go bad you will be the one looking for a new job, you will be the one everyone looks down on, and you will be the one hurt with many sleepless nights. I had an affair with a co-worker 10 years ago and til this day it is still attached to my name. Link to post Share on other sites
Bugz Bunny Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 For the past 2 months I've been having feelings for a married coworker. He's my age, 30, with young kids. Married with kids = STOP Don't be the person who destroyed innocent kids family,don't be a Homewrecker...JUST STOP and find yourself a good and single man... Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 DITTO what WWIU said... Welcome to LS...if u want to post here for the next 5-6 years...go for it...just accept the fact that it won't turn out good at all ever...especially for MM's small children...OR u could spend the next 5-6 years finding someone available who can love u with all their heart...your choice...what's it going to b?... Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerine Lipgloss Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Walk away. It's easy to do. Just walk away and leave this man alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unlover Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Sigh. How pathetic am I to want scraps like that. From what I've read, I figure he's using me for an ego boost. I think he's feeding off the fact that i'm so attracted to him. And honestly, there's no doubt in my mind that "something" is going on. There's undeniable chemistry. A month ago someone flat out asked me if something was going on between us. I played it off cool saying, "what? no, he's married" but inside I was thinking why the hell would she ask me that. People must have no respect for me. How could someone flirt with a guy who is married with kids. who would do that? And we do flirt. I was doubting it in my original post but we are, we look at eachother, smile, try to be near eachother, brush up against eachother, any sort of a touch. Last month we were in the lounge together, and he started talking about how he's starting to have gray hairs. I started playing off of that and coyly saying no, he pointed to his head so I started running my hands through his hair. christ. it felt amazing but what the hell. who does that? If his wife or anyone else was in the lounge, that would never, ever happen. So how can that be right. And the fact that I would need that from a married man must stem from low self esteem, no morals, a weakness and a self sabotaging nature. I just have to keep telling myself that. Think about this on an intelectual level cause if I went go with my feelings, I'll end up in such a ****ing mess. I hope I have the strength to walk away.... Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Sigh. How pathetic am I to want scraps like that. From what I've read, I figure he's using me for an ego boost. I think he's feeding off the fact that i'm so attracted to him. And honestly, there's no doubt in my mind that "something" is going on. There's undeniable chemistry. A month ago someone flat out asked me if something was going on between us. I played it off cool saying, "what? no, he's married" but inside I was thinking why the hell would she ask me that. People must have no respect for me. How could someone flirt with a guy who is married with kids. who would do that? And we do flirt. I was doubting it in my original post but we are, we look at eachother, smile, try to be near eachother, brush up against eachother, any sort of a touch. Last month we were in the lounge together, and he started talking about how he's starting to have gray hairs. I started playing off of that and coyly saying no, he pointed to his head so I started running my hands through his hair. christ. it felt amazing but what the hell. who does that? If his wife or anyone else was in the lounge, that would never, ever happen. So how can that be right. And the fact that I would need that from a married man must stem from low self esteem, no morals, a weakness and a self sabotaging nature. I just have to keep telling myself that. Think about this on an intelectual level cause if I went go with my feelings, I'll end up in such a ****ing mess. I hope I have the strength to walk away.... Don't beat yourself up to much...everything you said is true...there's nothing wrong with how u "feel"...acting on those feelings when it's not right is wrong...at least you had enough "power" to seek out advice before it got out of hand...at least u are feeling that way and recognizing all the bad this causes bf u got emotionally invested in an unavailable man...that makes u waaaaay future ahead in the game than most of the rest of us here are...consider yourself lucky in that regard...you're not a bad person...he is the married one and he should have walked away...he hasn't...so u do that for him...I believe you're strong enough to do it...keep reading here and that should disgust u enough to walk away... AND... NEVER EVER NEVER EVER...fish from the company pier!!!... Link to post Share on other sites
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