What's a better reaction/response to cattiness/bullying?

[carhill]

The alternative is murdering them, so I choose the less violent of the responses at my fingertips. That's a response I moderated after dealing with bullies directly in such a fashion when younger. Jail or hospital, you decide.

 

Caring less and walking away is a strong coping skill; you just don't yet see it as such. Focus in on 'caring less' since you equated it with 'not caring'. Big difference, which I hope you'll find out.

Edited December 11, 2011 by carhill

[carhill]

It doesn't matter, which was precisely my point way upthread in providing advice to the OP. If she wanted to see the movie and enjoyed it, that. If it was primarily to engage with said strangers and she found them devoid of engagement desire, then proceed to the next potential without prejudice.

 

How do you define 'weak coping skills'?

 

Here's an excerpt from an article on the subject:

 

 

Some good coping skills include:

 

• Meditation and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing deep breathing techniques, the relaxation response, or progressive muscle relaxation are ways to help reduce stress and induce relaxation.
  
• Time to Yourself: It is important to set aside time everyday to allow yourself to relax and escape the stress of life. Give yourself a private, mini vacation from everything going on around you.
  
  
• Physical Activity: Moving around and getting the heart rate up causes the body to release endorphins (the body's feel good hormones). Exercising provides some stress relief.
  
• Reading: Escape from reality completely by reading. Reading can help you to de-stress by taking your mind off everyday life.
  
• Friendship: Having friends who are willing to listen and support one through good and bad times is essential.
  
• Humor: Adding humor to a stressful situation can help to lighten the mood.
  
• Hobbies: Having creative outlets such as listening to music, drawing or gardening are great ways to relax and relieve everyday stress.
  
• Spirituality Actively believing in a higher power or divine being can have many health benefits. In recent studies, it has been found that people who pray have better mental health than those who do not.
  
  
• Pets: Taking care of a pet helps distract the mind from stressful thoughts. Studies Show that pets are a calming influence in people's lives.
  
• SleepingThe human body needs a chance to rest and repair itself after a long and stressful day. Sleeping gives the body this chance so that it is ready to perform another day.
  
  
• Nutrition Eating foods that are good for you not only improve your physical health, but they play a major role in your mental health. When your body gets the proper nutrients, it is better able to function in every capacity.
  
  

There are also negative coping skills which can hinder progress in dealing more positively with stress. Actions that are harmful to both mental and physical health include:

 

• Drugs
  
• Excessive alcohol use
  
• Self-mutilation
  
• Ignoring or storing hurt feelings
  
• Sedatives
  
• Stimulants
  
• Excessive working
  
• Avoiding problems
  
• Denial
  

Edited December 11, 2011 by carhill

[PlumPrincess]

She evidently let this incident bother her so much. THAT is weak coping skills.

I think what I found worse was the lack of reaction from the others. They didn't get it or didn't care enough about what was going on.

 

Anyway, I'm going to learn not to let my anger show and then they will see how nice I can be...

[PlumPrincess]

They didn't have to care.

I knew one guy pretty well and with the other one I have also talked a couple of times. This was not a gathering of complete strangers. I'm sorry, I don't know in what kind of world you're living where people behave like that and it's considered normal.

[PlumPrincess]

Nobody owes anybody else anything, such is life.

There are two reactions to pain, one is to become more compassionate and understanding and the other is to say, because it happened to me, I don't have to care when it happens to other. You seem to be of the egocentric, second kind.

[PlumPrincess]

lmao... No. These people who offended/hurt you had no tie to you, so IMO it is wasted energy.

You might want to come across as strong, but you're not.

[PlumPrincess]

It's not a matter of strength, but usual/normal coping skills that society purports. It's not just my own opinion/conception.

I'm not saying that your message is completely wrong, but it's the way you conveyed it that betrays you. But if you insist - yes, your coping skills are great...

[Seneca]

"I think what I found worse was the lack of reaction from the others. They didn't get it or didn't care enough about what was going on."

 

OP I'm really sorry for what you went through. Really, I am. It must have been painful to feel ostracized by your peers. And I'm sure if I was in your situation I may not have been able to handle it as well as you did.

 

Betrays what? All I am saying is that it doesn't make sense to care what these strangers did or said.

 

DanStanton may be right and although his frank honesty can seem harsh, his heart is in the right place trying to help out.

 

And to be honest it's easy for anyone (including myself) to say that you should not care what people do or say about you. But the truth is MOST of us do care in some way or another. We are after all human beings.

[PlumPrincess]

It depends. I think this is frankly empty whining, since she is letting strangers control her emotions/mood.

It's because I'm a nice and friendly person. You, on the other hand, always assume the worst of people and never let your guard down.

 

But ok, tell me what you would have done in my place.

[PlumPrincess]

OP I'm really sorry for what you went through. Really, I am. It must have been painful to feel ostracized by your peers. And I'm sure if I was in your situation I may not have been able to handle it as well as you did.

If I didn't know it better, I would assume that you are being sarcastic. It's sh*itty and I got pissed off, but I can deal with it.

[PlumPrincess]

I accept people as is, we are a complex mix of different traits.

 

I would have just sat down, watched the movie, and after it finished left and not speak with them again. I would forget about the incident, since life is too short to worry about how others behave.

Oh well, I know that is true. Sometimes I really let other people spoil my day although I can't really say that I value or respect them in particular. I'll make a mental note for next time...

[Seneca]

If I didn't know it better, I would assume that you are being sarcastic. It's sh*itty and I got pissed off, but I can deal with it.

 

Actually I was being sincere. I read your post again and started thinking about times when I felt left out from groups. It's not a great feeling.