troubled Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 (small background me and my husband have been togeter about 10 years, with two small kids) we seperated last year for about 4 months because he was having a romantic relationship with some girl from work. dont know if it ever esclated to anythign i knwo they had a bunch of i love us hours of phone conversations and stuff like that. i know they worked together. during that time i had a guy friend i talked wit a lot my DH found out and tried so hard to get me back. he etreated me like gold . in jan he moved back in things were great for a while. i now hes not speaking with that girl on the phone etc. (b/c of phone bills stuff) i dont know if they conversate at work or not. but heres whats really bothering me. is that he just doesnt treat me half as good as when he was tryhing to get me back and he doesnt see it... like when i used to call him at work ( he works long days we see each other like 1 horu the days he works) well when i call him he gets angry if its at a time hes busy like i should have known he'll hang up on me with no i love you when i say it. or he says you called to tell me x,y,z thats not important enough.. I personally take it to heart. i miss the way he treated me when we were apart. he loved me i felt it, sometimes i cant even feel it anymore. he says i dont live in reality and real people dont do things like that all the time.b ut he did for like 2 1/2 months straight. i dont know if i should post more info or if this is significant enough but i'm just devestated by the way i feel. i love him so much but i feel like all i am to him is a pain in the ass... anmd i'm sick of it . my heart/head tells me to do lots of things: stop calling him at work etc. but he says he feels if i dont call i dont mis shim/think of him etc. i feel stuck in a rut where i cant win either way. any ideas or adive is greatly needed and appreciated and i will happily answer any more info you need thanks so much in advance Link to post Share on other sites
superchic Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 It sounds like he was just saying all the things you wanted to hear so he could get you back. And now that he is living with you again he feels like he doesn't have to try as hard because he has "won" what he was trying to get. You should talk to your him and tell him how you feel, Tell him you loved how he treated you when he was in pursuit of you, but now that he has got you let him know that you aren't there to act as a door mat. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Marriage is a lot of work, and in your marriage you hit a major roadblock. You and your husband actually seperated for a time. I think it would be foolish of your husband and yourself, to think that he would be able to move back in and everything would be great. Obviously, there were problems in the marriage that led both of you to start looking at other people. Now that your husband is back in the marriage, you both are realizing that those problems are still there. It is impossible to sustain that high romantic love over a long period of time. The other pressures of life begin to intrude on the romance. It sounds like your husband has a high pressure job, and this may be contributing to the downfall in his romantic feelings. Every couple needs to find that balance so that the marriage can still be nurtured, but other commitments (children, jobs, etc.) are still attended to. I think you two probably need to do some serious work on your marriage. Counseling, reading, looking at the marriage websites that people recommend on this forum, and taking the suggestions so that you can get reconnected. Link to post Share on other sites
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