Not Letting Go...At All

[Veryconfused12345]

Hi There,

Could really do with some support right now as tonight seems to be a pretty big low for me. I have literally been obsessing over my ex for weeks and weeks now and can't seem to break the cycle. I honestly believed he was perfect, even after he dumped me without any explanation. I have tried going out on other dates but I'm clearly not ready as all I can do is compare them to my ex.

 

It's been several months and I am still in shock that this could actually be over. He was so insistent that I was the love of his life and bought an engagement ring, etc. I feel lost and panicked a lot of the time, count down minutes until i can retreat to the safety of my house, and still cling to this pathetic hope that he'll eventually realize I was the right one. Basically, I'm not coping well. At all. I'm not moving forward. I still break down in tears on a daily basis and am struggling to see the point.

 

I'm so embarrassed that this is where I am. I thought I would have moved a little bit forward since the breakup. I just despretly want to feel ok and functional again... could someone please help? Thanks so much

[scobro]

Hi There,

Could really do with some support right now as tonight seems to be a pretty big low for me. I have literally been obsessing over my ex for weeks and weeks now and can't seem to break the cycle. I honestly believed he was perfect, even after he dumped me without any explanation. I have tried going out on other dates but I'm clearly not ready as all I can do is compare them to my ex.

 

It's been several months and I am still in shock that this could actually be over. He was so insistent that I was the love of his life and bought an engagement ring, etc. I feel lost and panicked a lot of the time, count down minutes until i can retreat to the safety of my house, and still cling to this pathetic hope that he'll eventually realize I was the right one. Basically, I'm not coping well. At all. I'm not moving forward. I still break down in tears on a daily basis and am struggling to see the point.

 

 

I'm so embarrassed that this is where I am. I thought I would have moved a little bit forward since the breakup. I just despretly want to feel ok and functional again... could someone please help? Thanks so much

 

I can relate to your pain my ex girlfriend of 3 years ended things, then a month later brought me back in only to dump me again,she had trust issues that were not my problem said she couldnt trust me with nothing to back it up. I found out there was another guy involved which makes her trust issues just more rediculous it was all messy and very wicked of her to do what she did.My point is that I knew it was not a good relationship and that her issues would never change but I still had the panic attacks the no sleeping and eating(lost 25 pounds) constant pain and non stop thinking and fantasy thingking about her and the new guy.I realised that if her personality ables her to do this to me why would I want her back at all.Think of your ex if he can hurt you like this there is obviously something in his personality that is not what you want in a partner anyway.What helped me is write down all the things you miss about your ex and i will guarantee you will see that all the things you miss about him can all be had with someone new in the future.Its the idea of your ex and not really him.Sure there will be little ideosycronies you miss but most likely what your missing is a relationship and everything that goes with it not just strictly your ex.......Now write down all the things you disliked about your ex and you will also see that he was not mr perfect and you are probably putting him on a pedastal and in a shining light.I did this with my ex and i know what your going through I am still in pain everyday but its getting better.I am moving to the city something my ex would never let me do and im starting a new life and I know I will one day look back at this breakup and think a)why did I ever put up with her crap b)I would never have had this life if not for the breakup.......this will happen to you it sucks now but its what you do with the experience of the breakup to better your life that will make you a better person and allow you to have a better relationship in the future.........it will get better the worst thing to do is wallow in the rejection and think its your issues and problems its not its his you had nothing to do with this remember that its his problem and let him deal with it while you move on to better things in your life.I also will give you advice from experience dont go back if he wants you back it never works and will hurt twice as bad.Nothing ends nice and happy or it wouldnt end someone always gets hurt but you need to move on and dont look back.

[Queen of Hearts 10]

Hey little sister, tears are a good sign that you are hurt and you are going to be ok from this.

 

This is only one man. You will have many more I promise and thy will even be way cooler than him !! I promise you.

 

All I can say is every day you will do what you have to do because this is a tearing of your life. A big hole inside of you, for now but it will close up and there will always be a scar but it will be something you can live with.

 

This guy is a big Jerk and he will get it back one day ! He uses women and tosses them to the side. So run the other way and be glad you got away !

 

You need a man with a heart that is able to love and give not take !

 

Smiles not tears will come your way

 

Queen of Hearts 10

[phone66]

Confused, it is amazing to me how supportive of me and my feelings and my situation on my thread over the last couple days when you just wrote this on the 4th. I greatly appreciate your words to me and I do even more now that I have read your story. Im sorry you are dealing with it too, no one deserves to feel this way ant LS is really comforting from the stand point that I /we can read the stories of others going through exactly the same emotions. How can someone I love so much make me feel so terrible, love can be the greatest feeling in the world, I think it can also be the worst too.

[sunflower11]

I am also having a bad night. After 2 weeks of feeling better/not crying/etc I broke down today and couldn't stop crying. It all came back to me like a ton of bricks and it hurts so much...I can only hope this is part of the healing process and not one step back You are not alone. I also cannot understand how he did this to me..he broke up with me in sept after we had talked about him getting me a ring in dec and spending christmas together...

[davesterr]

Every coping advice is pretty much the same so i will simply keep it short.

 

You still have hope he will be come back.

That means that you are waiting for him to pick you up and carry you to this happy place.

Aslong as you hope for him to do this and staying in the same spot that you are now ,

you will never feel any better.

Untill you start walking and moving forward yourself towards a better place without waiting for him to come pick you up , you will never heal.

 

So this leaves you 2 options.

1. Wait desperately like you do everyday crying and being a wreck untill he would come back.

If he doesn't you will be in for alot of hurt because everyday you dig a deeper hole and everyday it becomes harder to get out of.

2. You accept that he is gone and start living your life on your own.

This is one of the hardest things you will ever do but it is a neccessarity.

Also this is the only guarantee of a better life because you are in control of your own life.

 

However since i don't like to be negative , i'll throw in option number 3.

You can always just give up on this guy on ever returning , and live the best life you can.

And if he somehow someday does return , well then it's up to you whether you want him back.

But atleast now you are in a stage of your life where you are doing much better than you are doing right now.

So if you don't like the idea of him never coming back.

Then just switch your mindset to not waiting on him.

And if he does come back , then you'll deal with it when the time comes.

But really , there is no point in waiting on the unknown.

What happens happens , but why sit around doing nothing when you can do so much more in the mean time?

 

You really have to start moving forward on your own because like i said earlier:

If you stay where you are now , just desperately waiting and feeling broken.

Then no amount of time will change it.

In this life , you gotta change and help yourself because no one is gonna do it for you.