Hard time finding dates after long-term relationship

[2.50 a gallon]

Although my story is totally different from Willows, I can see some similarities.

 

After my separation from my Ex, I was lucky enough to get back into the dating scene. And within 3 months, I hit pay dirt, but didn't realize it at the time. She was a co-worker who had decided to separate and divorce her husband of five years.

 

To me it was too soon, and one of the effects of my separation was I was deteremined to never fall in love in again to be put in the position of being hurt again. She was the last of the possibles that I dated for seveal years.

 

Unlike Willow I lived in a highly populated area and did have easy access to getting around. I also lived in a large apartment complex with over half of the population occupied by the opposite sex. And unlike Willow I did have an active dating and sex life. But when it came to love, it was like a dead zone, in the decade that I lived there, I only met one who I brought home to meet my parents.

 

The problem was that the area that I lived in was one of those that was in the fore front of the technological revolution. Start up millionaires seemed to be a dime a dozen. Lots of people, especially young people were making tons of money.

 

The money effect on the opposite sex was to turn most of them into gold diggers. What was most important to them was the size of your wallet. That and cocaine was drug of choice and it was everywhere. And those that were no into money or coke were just plain wierd.

 

All of this heightened my determination to never fall in love again, and that there were no women that could be trusted.

 

It took me 5 years before I finally found some one that I could emotionaly invest in. And unfortunately she too turned out to be wierd.

 

Three months after I moved out of the area and back home I met my current GF.

[tojaz]

First off..... WELCOME BACK GUNNY! WE MISSED YOU.

 

Things I enjoy are watching dvds, chatting online, shopping, reading, swimming, walking on the beach, walking round markets, coffee shops, seeing friends and going out to bars/clubs with my friends for a dance on a saturday night.

 

 

 

Willow, Im going to make a suggestion that has been made before. If you think its your location thats holding you back, then change your location! Im not saying move, because you have already covered the difficulties there and they are completely understandable.

 

I live in farm country Willow, I like it because its quiet. I also paint cars for a living, I like it because it pays the bills. The problem with both of those situations is at times I would like more from the people around me. That is to say that living in a more rural town doesn't really give the kind of conversation I'd like at times. Talking cars and such at the bar after work with my coworkers can be a very good time, but there are also many things i can talk about that would be lost. So every once and awhile I make a point to get out of the area and see whats out there. Experience some of the things I cant here. (Last week it was Les Miserables in the city, next month its the Aurora Borealis)

 

It sounds to me that live in a rather stagnant area, what if you rented a room for a few days near your work? That way you could spend the 3 hours you would usually spend commuting at a new pub, or browsing some new shops, and most importantly of all exposing yourself to new people, people who may be more in line with the type your looking for. Best case, you widen your social circle a little, worst case, you have a change of scenery and a little fun to recharge your batteries a little bit.

 

TOJAZ

[debtman]

Gunny, I can see why you've been "missing" the last year or so. Congrats on the relationship and impending marriage!!

 

willow, LOTS of good advice on here and I've got to say that I agree with focusing on yourself, doing what makes you happy and don't TRY to meet someone new.

 

I'm a little over a year past d-day, have done some "mild" dating, played around on singles sites, and, I haven't "found" anyone that way whom I'm at all interested in having a LTR with.

 

However, I've gotten back into many hobbies that I was very active in before getting married (rock climbing, skydiving, kayaking, etc.) along with some new ones (kite surfing, SUPing, etc.) and, while I haven't "dated" anyone that I've met, I've made lots of friends, male and female, who I get along with great because of the shared interests, mindset, etc. and I'm guessing, if I do end up getting involved with someone again, it will be through some activity/interest we share, not someone I meet at a bar, online, etc.

 

The MOST important thing in this life (in my opinion) is to find what makes YOU happy and pursue it. Everything else will fall into place...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[Steadfast]

The first thing that you should do is quit looking! It really is just that simple. Build and design a life around you and yours (if you have children ~ and certaily you have family and friends.) Do what brings you true joy and happiness and life. **SNIP**

 

Don't ever pursue another ~ be you a man or a woman.

 

Easy to say, harder to put into action when you're looking for connection. Willow has been riding this merry-go-round for awhile, and I doubt even this excellent advice is going to help. It will not be acknowledged as relevant, useful or understanding. It is not what she wants. Or needs.

 

Willow, your entire existence is centered around yourself. To move onto something different, to break free and experience what you consider that the more 'fortunate' (which sadly, is not true and IMO, the root of the issue) enjoy, you must look outside your circle. Want compassion? Give it. Desire love and attention? Be loving and attentive. You've painted a bleak picture but I promise even your area has elderly; lonely and alone or homeless children hoping and praying for just a little attention.

 

I buried a friend tonight; a beautiful and intelligent 47-year old woman who 'had it all'. Don't waste your life on misery or wanting willow. But what do I know? I'm just a guy in his early 50s who lost everything. Thing is, what I gained is so much more valuable that I ever could have imagined.

 

Welcome back to LS Gunny. I value your perspective.