scobro Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I think the worst feeling I have had so far in healing is the last week I have had three dreams where my ex and I are back together, in one she just showed up sitting on a chair with nothing at all to do with the dream. I ran and hugged her then woke up...ugghh total panic attack anxiety and cant get back to sleep....how insane is that??The sad thing is in all the dreams we are all over each other and it seems so real until I wake up and im alone in the dark,cold sweats and its three twenty in the morning and cant stop thinking about her. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 When my ex and I split I had dreams about marrying him, buying a house, kids, EVERYTHING. It was heartbreaking. But, I knew that it wasn't him that I was really missing, it was the loss of the relationship and the life that I wanted. Often times when we grieve over the loss of stability in our life. The "good" stuff. But, we don't grieve the bad parts of the relationship; in fact, we tend to block that out. Try your best to remember that it wasn't working and that there is someone else out there that you can be happy with again. She is not in a place to be a good partner to you if she cannot get past her trust issues. You cannot do anything about this. She should seek therapy to get help. And I experience anxiety and stomach pains as well. I am a very emotional person I've bolded some lines from your 11/27 post: My girlfriend of three years broke things of with me in Sept.I know we had a unhealthy relationship due to her trust issues and insecurity causing many problems and many mini breakups over the last three years.The problem is for some reason we kept getting back and I kept thinking things would change but never did.Now this last time we got back together it ended due to her trust issues, she said she cannot trust me and never will, keep in mind I never cheated and was completely loyal she just has issues with trust and assumed things that were not happening and even asked if I was cheating on her during an intimate moment making love, it was insane:eek:....Well it turns out she had met someone else during a mini breakup back Aug and now im completely devistated but know it was the wrong woman and unhealthy relationship.My question is I have had a pain in the top of my stomach constantly and I cannot stop thinking about her and this new guy.I logically know we would not have been good long term but for some reason I still have that relationship withdrawal anxiety and cold sweats at night, cant eat or sleep or concentrate just need to get out of this haze....any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scobro Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 you are totally right and appreciate the advice...i just cant get the stomach pains to go away.My mind has come to accept things but the body has yet to. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 you are totally right and appreciate the advice...i just cant get the stomach pains to go away.My mind has come to accept things but the body has yet to. If you drink alcohol, stop. At least for a while. Drink plenty of water and try to eat healthy foods. Stay as active as you can, walking/running/weight lifting, anything.. just keep moving around. And if you have free time, find a hobby. Make new friends. Try to end each day feeling as though you've gotten a lot accomplished. It doesn't have to be major things either. If you're a slob, start cleaning. If you have undone home repairs/decorating, do it. Take one day and get so much done that your head spins. Let me know how you feel going to bed that night. Link to post Share on other sites
The edge Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 You're still attached to her. Your dreams reveal your deep desires. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scobro Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 You're still attached to her. Your dreams reveal your deep desires. Absolutely I agree..... its trying to unattach myself is where I have the problem....its like relationship withdrawal Link to post Share on other sites
Author scobro Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 If you drink alcohol, stop. At least for a while. Drink plenty of water and try to eat healthy foods. Stay as active as you can, walking/running/weight lifting, anything.. just keep moving around. And if you have free time, find a hobby. Make new friends. Try to end each day feeling as though you've gotten a lot accomplished. It doesn't have to be major things either. If you're a slob, start cleaning. If you have undone home repairs/decorating, do it. Take one day and get so much done that your head spins. Let me know how you feel going to bed that night. yes I have been numbing the pain with alcohol for sure then feel twice as bad when the hangover hits.I am a personal trainer so the exercise thing is there but training clients with the ex constantly on my mind is hell.I am moving to the city Toronto in the spring so I have a goal and something to look forward to but your advice is correct and greatly appreciated....thx Link to post Share on other sites
The edge Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Absolutely I agree..... its trying to unattach myself is where I have the problem....its like relationship withdrawal Well, you need a lot of time and action on your part. Don't jump into dating till you have completely healed. Healing comes with accepting what happened to you, and moving forward with your life by focusing your attention on something else. Like setting yourself a goal in life. NC is a very good thing: it helps to analyse, accept reality, heal and move on to a more enjoyable life Been there, done that Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I dream about my ex every night...it's mostly me searching for him, trying to get answers out of him and sometimes it's him coming back full of regret. I guess it is sort of what deep down I want...but I've already accepted I may never get the closure that I want and it's no use waiting around for someone because he may never come back. STILL, the dreams are annoying as hell..I wake up with so much anxiety and I just hate dreaming about him..I feel like I never get a good night sleep Link to post Share on other sites
The edge Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 It will lessen with time, Sunflower. Right now, he is all what you want, but you can't have! so, this need manifests in your dreams as you searching for him and wantin answers/closure. If he hasn't given you closure, then reach it on your own: realise that he wasn't the one for you, that you are a lovely woman who deserves love and caring like anyone else. It's not an easy thing, not knowing why you were dumped! It's hell, I know. But, realise that he isn't the one, that he is a coward for running away without giving you the closure you need! The moment your mind and heart are on the same wave-length, you will feel internal peace, and the nightmares will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 It will lessen with time, Sunflower. Right now, he is all what you want, but you can't have! so, this need manifests in your dreams as you searching for him and wantin answers/closure. If he hasn't given you closure, then reach it on your own: realise that he wasn't the one for you, that you are a lovely woman who deserves love and caring like anyone else. It's not an easy thing, not knowing why you were dumped! It's hell, I know. But, realise that he isn't the one, that he is a coward for running away without giving you the closure you need! The moment your mind and heart are on the same wave-length, you will feel internal peace, and the nightmares will stop. Thanks The edge, this brought a smile to my face and yes..I had a dream about him again coming back to me saying he was sorry and we made dinner together. Kind of silly. Link to post Share on other sites
The edge Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 You're welcome Take care, and enjoy life Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) I don't think I could add anything here that hasn't already been said! It's unavoidable, sadly. But there will come a point- very slowly- where these dreams become less and less vivid. You know how they say if you want to remember your dreams, write about them in a dream diary within 10 minutes of waking because you forget something like 99% of the detail after? At the moment, the emotion is so raw that you're going to remember them regardless. Then, you will dream about them but forget detail as the day goes on. Eventually, you'll reach a point where you'll second guess yourself regarding whether you dreamt about them last night. "Did I dream about him? I remember thinking about him when I fell asleep but did I ACTUALLY dream about him?" Eventually you'll go days without any interruption. And the best part is, you won't even realise it! You might stumble on a thread like this in a few weeks/months time and think "oh god, I haven't dreamt about xxxx for ages!" I see myself at step 2 at the moment. I dream about her but I can't remember whether they're sex dreams or emotional dreams. I'm hoping it's a good sign! Edited December 5, 2011 by SelfCentered Link to post Share on other sites
MizuNo Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 The dreams are the worst... Dreaming of her how she was. And how she never was but I imagined her. Dreaming of holding hands in walmart while the kids pushed the cart down the row. Dreaming of her in nothing but her shorts washing the dishes. Dreaming of her....always dreaming of her...the realization that "Oh thank you God the rest of that was just a dream" and then you wake up. and in the next 10 seconds you get to relive everything all over again The laughter and then 20 seconds after your done laughing at her joke she says hes leaving you. 18 years of happy living and marriage. poof gone. and the 40 years of your life left you had all planned on how to grow old together. the vacations you would take. the grand kids you would rock to sleep...poof gone with it. And sex dreams...after being with one woman for 18 years who else would be in them...and they hurt just as bad. Becuase you wake up smelling her. feeling her...hearing her and its like she was just there and is in the bathroom brushing her teeth and she will be out at any moment. but she wont. Not ever again. and the weight of that is enough to break a strong man and you are far from strong now..so you cry..but you have to pull it together becuase you have to go to work. and it would not due to walk in to work looking like 3 miles of bad road. Yeah...dreams are the worst...becuase they fool you. They make you think it never happened. And that is the worst kind of thing you could give some one like me..a sense of hope. Then to snatch it away is just...cruel. I hate dreaming. Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I didn't dream of her. If I did, I don't remember it. I also woke up today feeling better than I have for weeks. Still not good per se, but better. It'll improve! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts