Candi Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=indigo][/color] I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. From the start of our relationship, I've had to deal with his ex-girlfriend. She comes around his house every week (supposedly visiting his mom). He talks to her on the phone and gets rides in her car. He has know her for 20 years and says she is just a friend. His ex tells a different story and says that they are still sleeping together. I have asked him to stop seeing her and talking to her, but he says their friendship has been going on so long, it's hard for him to just break it off. I am now pregnant with his child and desperate for a solution. Can someone please give me some advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
PlentyLV007 Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Okay....Your situation is a little like mine was. Here is the thing....You met him knowing he was good friends with his ex right? So HONESTLY>>>> she's never going to go away. No matter how much you ask him to he will not stop talking to her. Their is a reason why he is still talking to his ex.....think about it. I honestly believe there is no reason for somebody to be friends with their ex. They are called EX for a reason. Well I don't understand it, and I try to avoid the drama as much as I can so....your highlight is that you have asked him to stop being with her and he refused. So what do you want to do about it? Honestly since your pregnant what can you do? She's going to be in both of your lives forever.....The only thing you can do is make her your friend. I KNOW....I'm nuts but it's true what they say...KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND KEEPS YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER. Plus she can tell you the truth about their friendship. WHY? It doesn't matter how long th eve known each other. Do you trust your boyfriend? If you do then don't worry about it. If he messes up then it's his fault! Hope I've helped. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but the truth hurts.... Link to post Share on other sites
hhh Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Im in this relationship and my boyfriend told me hes been frends with his ex for 7 years.all my boyfriends exs have only stayed with him for a maximum of 2 and half months. My boyfriend only recently introduced me to his sis like two months ago. But it was strange, hed never introduce me tot her. His ex was always in and out of the house, turning up at places and calling my boyfriend babae infront of me. Comin into his house and putting on his clothes.she would always tell me and im she was going to meet her ex for sex. I didnt like him going to see her and sometimes hed lie. He said she was just a friend. Areally good friend. But I couldnt understand how after they were exs. The girl has disrespecte d me and still my boyfriend has stuck up for her. The girl is meant to have a realy bad reputataion for sleeping apind. Ive told him I dont appreciate the way they have a relationship in that whenever they planned to go out, my boyfirend would drop me home first without me knowing. What do you guys think is happening in my relationship. Do you think im being cheated on. Wat shud Ii do? Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 well, I wish I could say with an unrepentant heart, Beat the sh!! out of them both, wish them a happy recovery, and move on, but..... I CAN say, dump him...he's not worthy of you. Make a list of all his good points and all of his bad. You'll find the bad FAR outweighs the good. You're not married are ya? Find a fella who'll treat you right. In a few months with a guy who does care and doesn't lie and cheat, cause that's what it sounds like your BF is doing, you'll wonder why you didn't take action before you did. Good luck! Bless ya! Link to post Share on other sites
oceans23 Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I am in the process of getting out of a bad relationship that had some similar undertones.... he had what seemed to be an inappropriate relationship with the ex. I confronted her and she also told me they were indeed still sleeping together, blah blah. He and I argued constantly about it. I made myself sick over it... checking phone bills, email, and even doing drive bys to see what was really up. I was miserable. I would never interfere with someone being friends with someone, but there was something not quite right about this one. She never seemed to respect my relationship with him, which is total B.S. So a point that someone made in response to my own thread posted on here was that it was kind of crummy that he was honoring her pressures to continue being friends or whatever more than he was honoring mine. At the very least, he should tell her to tone it down. You should never feel uncomfortable in your relationship as you are. Especially since you are soon to be the mother of his child. He needs to honor you and respect you. If that other girl is truly his "friend" she will understand and respect your needs and his and back the hell off. Link to post Share on other sites
cvann Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 well.. It's like this.. I hate to say it.. but I do believe that something is going on w/ the 2 of them.. now.. it may not be sex.. but hell.. the intimacy of their relationship is cheating too.. isn't it? Can you deal w/him being close to his ex like that? The only plus in this situation is that you are pregnant w/his child.. she can NEVERRRRRRR touch that.. NEVERRR.. so regardless if he's still diggin' her.. you have something so precious and awesome..that the ball is NOW in your court. Don't use the baby to win his love for you.. but rest assured that you will always have his heart..no matter what.. b/c you gave birth to his child.. and if you and him don't make it down the road he will always have to give you that respect.. whether consciously.. or unconsciously.. so if I were you.. I would smile EVERY time I saw her face.. b/c in the end you are victorious. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 There is a pattern in this thread - Candi, hhh and oceans23 - all 3 of you say that your boyfriend's ex-s tell you that they still sleep together! Your bf denies it, continues to spend time with her and you are all wondering if they are really sleeping togethre or not... I think they are, but only they know for sure. I would rather be with a guy who's ex was not in the picture, especially if she was telling me that they have sex together! oohhh I wouldn't want to deal with that situation. cvann wrote:The only plus in this situation is that you are pregnant w/his child.. she can NEVERRRRRRR touch that.Cvann, from your other post you state that you have children from 2 different ex-s - I am wondering if it was to hold onto them? Curious if it makes the hurt more, or less, now that they are no longer in your life... Link to post Share on other sites
cvann Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 hotgirl.. no.. LOL.. I would never have a child to hold onto a man.. that's crazy. Like I told her...she will earn a different respect from this dude..whether he wants to admit it or not.. I know that I have both of my ex's respect b/c I am the mother of their children.. and I'm satisfied with that. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by cvann The ball is NOW in your court. Don't use the baby to win his love for you but rest assured that you will always have his heart no matter what b/c you gave birth to his child and if you and him don't make it down the road he will always have to give you that respect whether consciously or unconsciously so if I were you I would smile EVERY time I saw her face b/c in the end you are victorious. I agree with this. I have dated guys with children before. Around two or three of them. Their kids always came first and so did the kids mums. That is why after I broke it off with the last guy I dated in that situation I swore I could never date a guy with kids again. It was way too much to deal with for me. Especially since I didn't have any kids myself. Still I could understand why they would see the mother of their kids in that light and that they will always have a special place in the guys heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 It might not mean anything at all- I hope this helps you a little- I am friends with my ex, and I'm married. But my circumstances are alot different from your boyfriends. I dated my ex for a couple years and honelstly stayed with him because he was more like a friend than anything else. We broke up because we realized that all we were was friends trying to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Here's where my situation differs: When I was single and he was single, we hung out all the time and talked almost every day. Nothing else was going on whatsoever, and we would give eachother dating advice etc.. We both decided that when/if we got into relationships, that we would not hang out as much or talk as much out of respect for whomever might come into our lives. So when I got married, our contact slowed down significantly, and now he has a girlfriend who he lives with and we love and respect our significant others too much to keep daily contact with one another. We talk once in a while and catch up, him and his girlfriend were at my wedding, and my husband and him talk every once in a while too. My husband is alot more cool with our friendship than his girlfriend is. But like I said, we only talk once in a while now, and I believe that's how it should be. I guess what I'm trying to say here is: Just because your boyfriend is friends with his ex doesn't mean that there is anything going on. I can tell you that there was never anything going on between me and my ex, nor would there ever be agian- no matter what the circumstances. BUT- I think that your boyfriend and his ex should have enough respect for you to drastically slow down thier contact with eachother and eachothers family for the sake of your relationship with him. I would tend to think that if their relationship is truly innocent, there shouldnt be a problem with that. You don't want to be in a position where the ex becomes as important as you are. I hope this helped. Good Luck to ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 I feel the need to respond to a few of the other posts: In regards to always having a mans heart because you have his child.. I'm sorry but I have to disagree with that. Maybe some men feel that way, but most of the men I know absolutley don't feel that way at all. And respect?! Well, I guess that all depends on the woman, the man, and the situation they're in. I mean if all men gave their heart and respect to the women who beared their children, we wouldnt have kids out there who don't know their daddies. Link to post Share on other sites
cvann Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 I mean if all men gave their heart and respect to the women who beared their children, we wouldnt have kids out there who don't know their daddies I agree with most of what you said..it does depend on the situation.. for me.. I had to stop all the arguing and grow up..and things starting getting accomplished after that.. but..the reason that we have children who are fatherless is b/c the dude does not know how to stand up, will not, and is just an ass to the fact that he has responsibility.. and sooo many women are the head of their household..to them..they think..why bother.. well the one I deal with..that's what he thinks.. however.. I do know where I stand w/both of them..but.. for the most part I do agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by Jlmic1 Maybe some men feel that way, but most of the men I know absolutley don't feel that way at all. And respect?! Well, I guess that all depends on the woman, the man, and the situation they're in. I mean if all men gave their heart and respect to the women who beared their children, we wouldnt have kids out there who don't know their daddies. You have a point there. You hear different stories all the time. Guess it all depends on the kind of situations you get yourself into. Link to post Share on other sites
Jlmic1 Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 Aaaaaaw, thanks for the support gals Link to post Share on other sites
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