jk Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 After reading some articles on the net, I realized my soon-to-be ex is a commitment phobe. I was so blind to it in the beginning. He made me feel like I was the greatest thing that ever happened to him. He showered me with affection, talked of marriage and having kids, our future together. I even lost my virginity to him...and now he is doing everything in his power to make me leave him so he doesn't have to do it. I should have seen it coming all along. The signs were there- I guess he just made me feel like I was the one that was needy and that I was the one who was ruining everything. I loved this man and gave him my all. I tried to work things out with him, but it seems like he has built a wall around himself and shut me out. I understand now why he acted the way he did. Even what happened in his childhood- with his dad being abusive, and his parents not being around, contributed to his fear of commitment. I'd like to know if there is any hope at all for commitment phobics. Are their fears too emotionally rooted to try to do anything about? Can and will they ever learn to commit to any relationship? I am just trying to understand what happened. I'm going to end our relationship tonight because I can't take anymore of this. I know he's going to want me back sooner or later and I want to be prepared for it in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Hi Jk, I am truly sorry to hear that your boyfriend is a commitment phobe. It's hard to recognize the behavior at the beginning stages of a relationship. All the affection, talks of marriage, kids, and intimacy shared in all aspects (emotional, mental, and physical). Then out of no where it seems the future abandoner seems distant and cold and withdrawls from the loving relationship. I personally believe there's hope and help for a commitment phobe as long as they're aware they have a problem and will seek some sort of counseling. But to someone who isn't aware of their problem, they will skip from relationship to relationship in hopes of finding the "true one." Commitment phobe can stem from a child's upbringing. It has to do with their own fear of abandonment. Although it is usually an unconscious effort on their part. Perhaps you could communicate to your boyfriend how you feel about his behavior. Maybe he will look into this condition and see if it applies to his actions. If so, maybe he'll seek treatment and your relationship can be salvaged. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Ready2Run Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Hi JK, If you are still following this thread, go check out a thread started by Jake2.0 would like to have your comments. This link should take you there… R2R Link to post Share on other sites
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