solobeary Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I have trouble forming friendships with people. I've always been drawn to really loud people, to compensate for how withdrawn I am. I do have friends, and we have a great time together, but it often feels superficial and I don't know how to cultivate more closeness/ understanding. Then I met my ex. He was really quiet and shy, more so than me. He didn't have many friends, either. Somehow, we connected and instantly felt really intimate with each other, and everything just flowed. (Though I'll admit that in the end when he was having his crisis that lead to the break-up he was less open with me and I did get lonely). I just feel so incredibly lonely. I feel all those "love song" cliches, about how the one person that "understood me" is gone.... How do you deal with this feeling? Please tell me it gets better... I'm trying to "put myself out there". I'm taking a drawing class and a meditation class in hope of becoming happier in myself and maybe meeting some people with similar interests. But I just feel so incredibly lonely sometimes. I was reasonably happy before I met my ex, I was quite happy being quite solitary.... I've never experienced this kind of loneliness before. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Solobeary, I must say i am of the same breed, although a male. I am definately an introvert and thus, like you, somehow become gravitated towards extroverts. It is nice, but rare, to come across another introverted person and click because we are typically reserved in the way we carry ourselves socially. I too was content being single before my relationship began. But now, because i invested so heavily emotionally into it, and had it crumble, I am in a totally different place mentally than if i were to just turn back the clock and be where i was before it all took place. Taking any sort of class is a great social outlet for you. I did it and found myself opening up to people ive just met. We must move on, memories and all. Link to post Share on other sites
SelfCentered Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I have trouble forming friendships with people. I've always been drawn to really loud people, to compensate for how withdrawn I am. I do have friends, and we have a great time together, but it often feels superficial and I don't know how to cultivate more closeness/ understanding. Then I met my ex. He was really quiet and shy, more so than me. He didn't have many friends, either. Somehow, we connected and instantly felt really intimate with each other, and everything just flowed. (Though I'll admit that in the end when he was having his crisis that lead to the break-up he was less open with me and I did get lonely). I just feel so incredibly lonely. I feel all those "love song" cliches, about how the one person that "understood me" is gone.... How do you deal with this feeling? Please tell me it gets better... I'm trying to "put myself out there". I'm taking a drawing class and a meditation class in hope of becoming happier in myself and maybe meeting some people with similar interests. But I just feel so incredibly lonely sometimes. I was reasonably happy before I met my ex, I was quite happy being quite solitary.... I've never experienced this kind of loneliness before. Kudos to you for taking the classes. I'm trying to do the same thing but finding it hard to take the first step, so you're doing well! And dealing with the loneliness is a heck of a thing. I guess it depends on your situation. My last breakup was at university and during my final, busy year. Most evenings I spent inside a tiny dorm alone, only talking to people on FB and trying to work on a dissertation. I felt incredibly lonely. This time around, I'm in my hometown and have my family at my side. Sometime this means I'm sat with my mum or dad watching a boring documentary at 8pm at night, just so I'm not sat alone left with my miserable thoughts! You sound like you have the right attitude. Be around people as much as you can. Do anything that will force you to think about anything else, no matter how mundane. Friends and family are the obvious candidates. Going to the gym is also helpful. You also might want to consider charity work. This time of the year so many people with so little in their lives need someone to talk to. Volunteer at a soup kitchen maybe? You'll feel so good giving something back to the world! No better feeling! It's a cliché maybe but....well, clichés are clichés for a reason! They'll always be people on here who can help too. Chin up. We're all in the same boat and we'll all get through it, one day at at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) I have trouble forming friendships with people. I've always been drawn to really loud people, to compensate for how withdrawn I am. I do have friends, and we have a great time together, but it often feels superficial and I don't know how to cultivate more closeness/ understanding. I'm trying to "put myself out there". I'm taking a drawing class and a meditation class in hope of becoming happier in myself and maybe meeting some people with similar interests. But I just feel so incredibly lonely sometimes. I was reasonably happy before I met my ex, I was quite happy being quite solitary.... I've never experienced this kind of loneliness before. i am an introvert as well. only the last two guys who dumped me were very extroverted - - i feel as though they have moved on without so much as a glance in my direction - - which made the loneliness cut even deeper. it's not easy finding men who are introverted like i am. and like you - - it's extremely frustrating that i was fine before i met either of these men yet i seem to be struggling now. i hate to think that i relied on them for a social life. but maybe i did. still - - like you -- i have been taking steps to put myself out there. i joined a dating website and have gone out on a few dates (it's been a year since the break up - - 8 months of strict NC). ironically this was how i met the second guy who dumped me. needless to say - - it shook my confidence. that was a few weeks ago. i went on a date with someone else yesterday - - i won't mince words - - it was dreadful. but oddly enough it made me feel better about being dumped. maybe because i instead of moping in bed as i would have done year ago - - i simply tried again. that being said - - i've decided to take a break from dating for now. but i make it a point to stay busy. it creates a welcome distraction; makes me feel as though i'm doing something for me; and when i do have downtime, i appreciate it the way i used to - - instead of seeing it as an empty void my ex used to fill. Edited December 5, 2011 by radiodarcy Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Introvert through and through here too, usually people seem to immerse themselves in friends or social activies ot get a ex lover off one's mind, but for me that aint a luxury so have to findother ways to keep active. ( besides all my other sort of friends kind of use each other as emotional tampons for their relationships atm, which aint helping in the slightest ). took on a private tutor for japanese lesson but he hasnt contacted me back in nearly over a month so yet so yea might need a new one, might try aikido next week as its cheap, but I do think I need to find something class based rather than self taught therefore I have a scenario that doesnt leave me open to browsing the net on my ex's pages for a while and things along those lines. I might try flooding myself with activties tbh ( I wanted to draw also could try drawing class if they have it in my area) so that I wont get bored with one activity + won't have time to grief inbetween, but coursework comes first so need to make sure thats always above the water too. so yea that might be a idea to deal with loneliness just a massive onslaught of activities. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Is this a meeting? Also an introvert and my ex and I had broke up many times over the last two years of our 5 years together. I found myself lonely as well and keeping within myself. This time around though I started off the same and then decided I am going to get out there and make some changes. I looked back before I met her and a few months before I met her I broke myself out of my depressive introverted state. I took opportunities to make a fool of myself and had a blast doing it. Then I met her and she was very introverted and I went back to my introverted state and became insecure and started to get depressed again. Just do whatever you feel will be best to make you happy. Finding others with similar interests is a good start. I hope things work out great for you and you find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
swann Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm also part of the introverted group. I guess it's harder for us to get over someone, because we tend to keep a lot of emotions inside without letting them go, delaying the healing process...And of course loneliness is a big issue. I'm afraid that many lonely nights are waiting for me in 2012 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm also part of the introverted group. I guess it's harder for us to get over someone, because we tend to keep a lot of emotions inside without letting them go, delaying the healing process...And of course loneliness is a big issue. I'm afraid that many lonely nights are waiting for me in 2012 I agree there, too much holding it in. Instead this time I went and opened up to the few close people I had in my life and I've had a wave of support. It's just letting enough of a trickle come out that you eventually can get a full flood and really open up to people. I'm honestly much happier having done so. Link to post Share on other sites
swann Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 That's right Philosoraptor, I did the same and it feels good. I'm realising that I'm learning so much from my breakup, it's just a pity that I had to learn it the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 That's right Philosoraptor, I did the same and it feels good. I'm realising that I'm learning so much from my breakup, it's just a pity that I had to learn it the hard way. You can look at it that way, but is it truly a pity or a blessing? You got to grow through the relationship and become a more well rounded person due to it. I know my relationship was doomed to fail in the end, no matter what I did. Though I was a bit of an introvert I did allow myself to open with her more than anyone at the time, but a relationship is made of two people and this one issue doesn't make or break things. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts