Coping with the "new guy"

[Chs]

So i am sitting here, with a big exam tommorow and im for sure gonna fail it as i have spend the whole weekend crying my heart out and i have absolutely no motivation to do anything.

 

My ex and i broke up around a month and a half ago.

She was the best thing i have ever experienced, and im sure it was the same for her. We met new years eve and got into a relationship by february.

She was really a person just for me and as time went on i grew to love her and value her more than anything else in my life.

 

The very last time i was with her was absolutely perfect, we had an amazing time, but after she went home a reoccuring problem with another guy came up, and we agreed on the phone to meet and end it. She came to my place and we cried our hearts out for a few hours together. Ever since she left with her things 6 weeks ago i have cried and felt like complete **** every day.

 

We have been slightly in contact, often saying how we miss each other and sending hearts, all the things i miss so much. After a few weeks of no contact we got back into it, and i actually thought we would be getting back together.

 

But then it happened, a week ago she met someone new at the club, i found out this saturday from a friend who told me if i knew about them. Apparantly they had been texting each other permanently since they met, and this friday they made out for the first time. I texted my ex asking if it was true, and she said it was too much of me to ask.

 

I am devastated, and havent slept for 2 days or eaten. Late last night i couldn't stand it anymore, and texted her saying i knew she had no feelings for me anymore but it hurt me alot that she can't even tell me it's true.

She replied in the middle of the night saying that she understood i wanted to know, but it was wierd for her to talk about it. She said she still have feelings, and if it was me that had found another it would be just as hard for her.

 

I don't know what to do of myself, i can't stand being sad anymore and i want to go away and leave everything, all i can think of is forgetting her.

But i don't control my feelings and i still love her so much, i have a hard time believing i will meet someone as amazing as her for a very very long time and it destroys me to think she can already be this into someone.

 

I keep picturing them at the club, kissing and sharing intense looks and i can't accept that someone else than me is being intimate with my little angel.

It's also hard for me because it took over a month for us to kiss the first time and him only a week.

[Chi townD]

Wow, she sounds like an expert in dancing around the truth. Well, you got your answer in a roundabout way. Time to go complete NC on her. No texts, no phonecalls and no e-mails. By reading your post, I can tell the first time she tries to text you, you are going to be all over it. Here's the hard part. Ignore it. As much as you want to reply...DON'T!!! Post here instead.

 

You are not "friends". I'm sure you didn't get into a relationship with her to ultimately become only "really good friends" She made the choice to have you out of her life and that's exactly what you give her. She either had you 100% or nothing at all. No in between. Block her on Facebook. Trust me. It's only a matter of time before she starts posting pics of her and this other guy. You don't want to go down that road. Block her today. She feels guilt and she's probably trying to construct a viable story of why things didn't work out...i.e. making it all your fault. Don't read it, don't listen to it...IGNORE IT!!!

 

Go NC and start to heal and move on.

[Chs]

She finally opened up to me. She told me how hard it has been for her every time i text her, and how much it has set her back every time she has felt better.

 

She told me that 7 weeks is a long time, and that i need to accept she is seeing someone else and not interfere. She is right.

 

Basically now i feel a million times worse, i get how right she is and how wrong i have been. She is an amazing person, and her view on things is something i admire greatly. She just deserves better, and i know now she will never come back to me. But it gave me closure, and i think i can finally try to improve from here.

[Chi townD]

Basically now i feel a million times worse, i get how right she is and how wrong i have been.

 

Ummmmm....NO! You can be blamed for 50% of the problems that were in your relationship and she can be blamed for the other 50%. Don't let her pin everything that was wrong on you! That's totally not fair.

 

So, chalk it up to lessons learned. You realize what you did wrong in the past. Make those correction within yourself and apply them to your next relationship.

 

Time to heal and move on, dude.

[Chs]

Im not talking the relationship, but rather how it has been after. I have been contacting her alot, and had alot of self pitty but a hard time understanding she was hurt too seeing as all she did was reply to me and never ever contact me.

 

Our relationship had a rough end but it was amazing, i know both of us somewhere wish it would have lasted.

But yes, i think i am ready to move on now! Or just too exhausted to keep thinking about it, it was a lovely talk and something i have been needing ever since we broke up. Maybe the future will bring us back together, but if not i will be happy for her and without her

[davesterr]

Listen man , dont blame urself for feeling worthless.

For feeling desperate and for acting needy.

You do all of this because you love her.

It's not a bad thing.

Sure it may not make you look the most attractive or comfident.

But it's because you love her so much that you do this.

 

Truth is , she doesn't feel the same anymore.

I know what you're saying.

My ex is amazing , the best girl i could ever wish for.

But she is with someone else now too.

And it is hard to realise they are hurt too.

But i know that the pain we dumpees go through are much worse.

 

All i can say is: Don't blame yourself.

If she didn't break up , then you wouldn't be so weak.

And even when you did become weak , it's because you loved her.

You really didn't do anything wrong.

But in the end , she choose someone else.

As heart crushingly painful as it is.

It's the truth.

All you can do now is this long road of solitary healing.

It's the worst the first few weeks.

Then the first few months.

Then the first 2 years.

But after that , depending on how much you love her.

How good your current life is.

And how many great people , girls and things you will meet or do ,

It will get better.

 

I can't say you will meet someone better than your ex.

But i can say that you won't feel as aweful and hurt as you do now.

You will most likely always love her though , and it will always saddens your heart.

But you will learn how to live without her like you once did before you even knew her.

The best advice is to keep yourself busy.

Don't torment yourself with those sick thoughts.

They don't matter.

All that matters is that you are now on your own.

Keep yourself busy by studying and going out with friends.

Don't date untill you're ready.

And if you rebound , make sure she isn't ugly lol.

Focus on your homework and live the best life you can.

That's the best thing you can do man.

Don't give up.

Edited December 6, 2011 by davesterr